The Duality Of Man

I hate this feeling. I hate what others might say about it. This forsaken curse that makes me incompatible with the flesh suit I was born with.

I hate dysphoria. I hate it when people around the world say "it can't be that bad"

And in some cases they're right. In some cases it isn't that bad. But it's when they're wrong that dysphoria gets dangerous.

That urge that can turn to violence or sadness or both.

The urge to crush and fracture the skeleton that makes your body shaped the way it is.

The urge to skin yourself so you don't have to look wrong.

The urge to remove yourself from the equation all together so that you can try to free yourself from this feeling that you aren't in the right body.

Waking up feeling like you're possessing a stranger's skin.

Being misgendered.

Simply existing and having a thought occur that makes you wish that you could simply give up or make everything fix.

If I were in a different state I wouldn't have had to wait another year. But here I am in one of only two US States that don't view people as adults until they are 19.

One more year after this one.

One more long fucking year.

I hate this vessel I am trapped within.

I hate waking up and feeling disconnected from the very skin that portrays my being.

I want to cut all the skin off. I want to shatter every bone and destroy every last atom of the genes that forced me to develop this way.

Sometimes it's not this hard. But today it's harder than I could imagine. The only thing keeping me from desecrating this flesh suit is the knowledge that deep down, it won't change a thing and it won't make anything better.

So now all I can do is wait.

Wait until I'm old enough to actually make an impact to alter my being.

Wait until I can actually look at myself in the mirror and see me.

Wait until I can actually feel happy and like I'm inhabiting my own skin, for more than simply a week at most

it really hurts me to see so many gazans asking us for help, though that's through no fault of their own. they've been forced to use a social media site that they're probably not familiar with (because tumblr has kind of faded out of popular consciousness), to interact with us in a second language, to distinguish themselves from the scammers who are taking advantage of genocide, and to ask strangers for help. i don't think there are any cultures where it's easy to ask for help like this, but i'm intimately familiar with how humiliating it can be in arab culture. please be kind, gracious and helpful to the gazans in your inbox. this is a desperate time for them, and in addition to the physical danger inflicted by "israel", the prices of basic resources in gaza are extremely high due to scarcity, and those that manage to escape to egypt are financially exploited by landlords there and have an extremely difficult time finding work due to their unofficial status as refugees. these families will continue to need our help and i hope we can all continue to provide it to the best of our ability.

Day 4!

Happy Thoughts!

EDIT: I SHOULD SAY THAT I'M OKAY PPFPFFFT

Repeat after me:

Homosexuality is not an illness.

No letter of the whole LGBTQIA+ is an illness.

There is no treatment, prescription, therapy or cure BECAUSE IT IS NOT AN ILLNESS.

Thank you for your attention.

I absolutely LOVE the song "No Such Thing As A Hollywood Ending" from the 2018 movie "Anna And The Apocalypse"

It is an amazing beginning song as it fits with how the main characters, Anna and her best friend, are feeling. It fits with emotions and it gives little bits of insight as to the lives of random background characters. Any song can do this, but what makes this song special?

Warning, spoilers for this amazing Christmas musical under the cut. I recommend you watch the movie before reading all of this

First, it is called "No Such Thing As A Hollywood Ending" which hints to the fact that the film isn't going to play out how you would generally guess it to. This is then reinstated with the line "this is not the story you're dreaming of, the one where you get all you want, so stop your pretending, no such thing as a Hollywood ending" which then calls to the fact that many of the things you may want don't happen. The father isn't saved, the couple don't make it out alive, the grandma dies, the best friend is zombified.

Then there's John(the best friend)'s lines. He says that "the nice guys don't always get the girl" and he doesn't. He never gets to have that more solid relationship with Anna because he sacrifices himself for her, letting her live. He, the nice guy, doesn't survive and instead the bully does.

Then there's the lines of the couple. Christian and Lisa want a "love never ending" and Christian directly states "I'll never disappear" and these things ring true. They are both zombified in the end and are set to eternally linger in that room, occasionally bumping into one another. They are forever together in their undead state.

And then this all ties back to the very message of the song: "No Such Thing As A Hollywood Ending". No one gets what they want, it doesn't end how everyone expects. It's a comedy musical set during Christmas and so it would generally come to mind that there will be a happy ending where the main cast survives, but that doesn't happen. Only two of the original cast survive in the end, with Anna being the only one of the initial cast to survive. The bully and the butch are introduced later on, with the bully receiving even less of an introduction than the butch.

As the film progresses you want Christian to arrive to the musical number Lisa sings, you want Anna to get back to her father and survive, you want Anna and John to eventually get closer or maybe even get together.

But none of this happens.

"So stop your pretending, there's no such thing as a Hollywood ending"

Real and implied birds.

LISTEN UP AGAIN KIDS STOP REBLOGGING THIS FUCKING GARBAGE POST. IT IS 100% FUCKING BULLSHIT AND CAN AND MOST DEFINITELY WILL LITERALLY KILL. DO YOU NOT SEE WARNING LABELS THAT SAY “DO NOT INDUCE VOMITING”? THEY AREN’T FUCKING AROUND. YOU CAN FUCKING BURN THEIR ESOPHAGUS BY CAUSING VOMITING, CAUSE CHOKING, DROWNING, OR MAKE IT WORSE! AGAIN DO NOT FORCE ANYTHING DOWN ANYONE’S THROAT. THEY. CAN. DROWN. IF SOMEONE IS LOSING CONCIOUSNESS ALL THE CHIT CHAT IN THE WORLD WILL NOT PREVENT IT AT THAT POINT THEY ARE IN SERIOUS DANGER. “Buuut i don’t wanna take them to the hospital!!!” WELL SUNSHINE GLAD YOU’D RATHER HAVE A DEAD FRIEND THAN A LIVING ONE BUT YOU’RE IN LUCK CALL FUCKING POISON CONTROL. THEY ARE NOT THE COPS. THEY WILL HELP YOU. AND IF THEY SAY GO TO THE FUCKING HOSPITAL YOU GO TO THE FUCKING HOSPITAL. NO EXCUSES. 0. NONE. I have seen this shit cross my dash SO MANY TIMES so PLEASE fucking reblog this and prevent some well meaning idiot from accidentally killing someone they love!

Reblog if you love trans ❤