In A Fairer World Guinevere Would Have Done The Job And We Would Have The Rescue Romance We Deserve

Starting a how-Lysander-was-able-to-kill-Grimwald theory list:

He was able to kill Lord Grimwald because curse had a time limit and expired. The Grimwalds aren’t aware of this, so they keep killing each other because they don’t know that they don’t have to. (See “The Annals of the North” on Ao3)

He was able to kill Lord Grimwald because the curse is conditional. The father and son are capable of dying in other ways, but if they aren’t dead yet, it will come to pass.

He was able to kill Lord Grimwald because he’s so powerful, the laws of nature couldn’t stop him.

He wasn’t. Lord Grimwald was trapped in the Sea Globe. (See “The Curse of the Endless” on Ao3)

I am a truther for a lot of things, but my biggest truth is that Dagbert is agender. Why? If Lord Grimwald had no first son, then Lysander could kill him all day every day no problem. He/They Dagbert who doesn't identify as a man or son or boy but actually just doesn't care

Arthurian hot takes from before I joined the fandom

Funny story: the way I got into this fandom was a seventh-grade assignment to write an alliterative paragraph using the letter G. Something clicked (or snapped, however you want to look at it) and though I’d never given much thought to the Round Table before, I wrote a paragraph about Gawain, which spiraled into a chapter, which spiraled into an attempt at a novel, which spiraled into a neverending research wormhole and long term fixation. Older and at least a little wiser, I give you ten of my original takes on the characters and how they seem in retrospect.

Guinevere doesn’t really do anything. In my defense, my knowledge of her mostly came from watching the first half of an amateur production of Camelot, which is bound to give anyone the wrong idea.

Mordred is a socially awkward evil wizard. In my book, he made a number of cartoonish villain speeches, mostly to his long-suffering familiar, since no one else would listen. No, I have no idea why I thought he had magic… Is it awful that I kind of like him that way?

Arthur is perfect. Uh…

Gawain is perfect. Uh….

Lancelot is an absolute monster. My version of him was a mix of a guy who bullied me and the god Ares as depicted in D’Aulaires’ Book of Greek Myths. Needless to say, he did not have an affair with Guinevere, because she would never cheat on Arthur, because only morally pure characters are good, and she is secretly awesome, even though most people think she doesn’t do anything… Uh… Yeah. I was wrong.

Agravaine is mildly aggravating. Gareth and Gaheris are just sort of there and uninteresting. This opinion was derived entirely from their names.

Morgause is an evil witch but has great style. That sounds more like Morgan.

Morgan is a terrible name. I debated renaming her Marianne or Meredith. Yes, I have seen the error of my ways.

Galahad is a rustic himbo. That was the vibe I got from the name “Gallahad”.

The Lady of the Lake is awesome. I stand by this one and always will.

From Le Roman des Franceis (AKA Li Romanz des Franceis or Arflet) by André de Coutance, in which the poet is very concerned about the widespread(?) slanderous accusations that King Arthur was killed and replaced as king by a giant cat.

Wait a minute...

Edward the Third was an Arthuriana nerd who named his son after Sir Lionel, and...

...made up a title for him, which....

...had previously existed in Arthuriana and didn't refer to a place. Coincidence?

Probably.

Well, darn. That would've been very interesting. Then again, maybe the knowledge that Edward III was such a nerd he named his son after Sir Lionel is enough to ask.

Morvran/Sanddef (Sanvran)

I am not only the only person who has tagged a work for Morvran/Sanddef (Arthurian). I’m the only person who has ever tagged for either of those characters on Ao3. They’re both minor knights who are known for surviving Camlann due to their appearances: Sanddef is so handsome that people mistake him for an angel and won’t fight him and Morvran is so hideous/odd-looking (covered in hair like a stag) that people mistake him for a demon and won’t fight him. (Morvran’s anppearance also plays a role in Taliesin’s origin story, inspiring Cerridwen’s actions, though Taliesin gets the awen instead of Morvran and Morvran then disappears from the narrative.) Admittedly, they’re rather obscure and the details about them are sparse, but I feel like they have potential, platonically or romantically. I’d like to think that they fight side by side at Camlann and have no idea why no one is fighting back.

Reblog and put your rare pair in the tags/comments! I want to see the depths people will go to create, for the most random two characters in the most obscure media.

Six years ago

Me: Knights? Sounds boring. Greek mythology all the way.

Six weeks ago

One of my friends: Something-something-Dwayne Johnson-something…

Me: DID SOMEBODY SAY GAWAIN?!?!?

An Early Documentation of the Safety Dance

Andromeda by Juan Antonio de Frías y Escalante

Ghosts can take the form of large fuzzy animals. One lived at Merlin’s for a while.

Galahad has mugged a senior citizen.

King Alastrann of India might technically have usurped the post from a dog whose parents were previously human and his brothers.

Ector de Maris has hooked up with everyone in Morgan le Fay’s friend group (separately) at least once.

Once, Tristan killed a dragon, stuck its tongue down his pants, and was severely burned.

A war involving Arthur’s warriors destroyed a third of Ireland.

Gawain became the Emperor of China.

Arthur is in fact king of the entire world.

Lancelot got married four times, once while still married (he ended up going back to his third wife and they died old and happy).

When Lancelot first met Gawain, he mistook Gawain for God.

A few things which are “canon” somewhere for people who are worried they’re stretching it too far

Arthur was killed by a giant cat. 

Arthur killed the cat.

Arthur didn’t fight the cat. Kay did.

Kay and Bedivere use salmon as taxis. 

Lucan is half giant, half lion. (This Lucan, Lucano in the original Italian, is evil and not related to Bedivere). 

King Arthur raided the land of the dead.

The human knight Caradoc Briefbras has three half siblings: a dog, a horse, and a pig.

A large portion of Arthur’s troops was killed a while before Camlann by his nephew’s attack ravens in self-defense. Arthur and said nephew were playing chess at the time and neither did much to stop it.

Merlin retired peacefully and went to live in the countryside with Taliesin.

Wherever Arthur walks, plants die. They don’t grow back for years.

Arthur had a spunky (half?) brother who died in battle after making a mysterious oath.

Dagonet is more or less able to run the kingdom when Arthur is gone. His biggest error is overspending on mercenaries.

Guinevere has an evil almost identical twin half-sister.

Hector beat up all the best knights except for Galahad while possessed by a demon.

Gawain plays tennis.

Gawain has used a chessboard as a weapon.

Near the start of his reign, Arthur left Lot in charge of the kingdom and went on a quest with a sassy parrot.

Gawain or Galahad succeeded Arthur as king. 

It's a rare day that I'll go to bat for Uther, but...

--"The Death-Song of Uther Pendragon"

...there is compelling evidence that he knows what a rock is.

Really, it would probably be better for everyone if he became a geologist. Better yet, since he says he's a skilled poet and harper, he should have been a bard.

Arthurian characters ranked by how good a geologist I think they'd be:

Uther. There is no evidence he knows what a rock is. 0/10

Gawain. Could probably swing a rock hammer pretty hard, but has a history of not disclosing outside funding. 2/10

Bedivere. Likely has some experience in studying geography when making battle plans. 3/10

Arthur. He touched a rock once. He also has a decent amount of patience and strategy skill from being a king. 4.5/10

Lancelot. Good at getting lost in the woods, but I think he would forget to label his samples. 4.5/10

Tristan. He jumped off a cliff and survived once, which is a very geologist thing to do. 5/10

Merlin. Apparently very good at putting swords in stones, which means he knows what rocks are. Points off for getting trapped in a cave. 6/10

Morgan le Fay. Has experience in employing the scientific method through her attempts to murder Arthur, and is generally a very learned woman. 9/10

Palomides. Knows that the Earth is round, and is good at finding things in the wilderness. He cried by a well once, thereby demonstrating his knowledge of groundwater systems. 10/10