Happy Slytherin Pride Day To My Fellow Snakes!

Other people: Which werewolf do you choose, Jacob from Twilight or Scott from Teen Wolf?

Me an intellectual: Remus Lupin

We are not heartless we just know what we want and will do what ever it takes to get it.

Dear whoever is reading this: I wish you a life full of warmth and happiness and love. I hope you’re okay. And if you aren’t now, you will be.

McGonagall: Don’t worry. She likes your butt and fancy hair. I know. I read her diary 

Snape: She thinks it’s fancy?

The Ultimate OTP

(( OOC: WHAT IS THIS MADNESS??! ))

severitus fic

snape: i have turned over a new leaf and see harry as an individual

snape: we share an experience of unsatisfactory home lives

snape: i am present and willing to deal with the consequences of my past

snape: for him, harry, my one and only son

dumbledore: i am so proud of you, my boy

snape: literally fuck off

sirius and ron: i don’t recognize your capacity for love

snape: like fuck all the way off, all of you

mcgonagall: i doubt your maturity based on past experience

hermione: nothing in your public behavior inspires total confidence

snape: valid point

snape: but also go to hell

harry: okay stop all of this

harry: i believe in forgiveness bc i need to move on for my own sake

snape: mhm mhm

snape: no yes i agree and support that decision

snape: even if i don’t actually feel i deserve this level of trust

snape: you mystical creature you

snape: now brb while i torture your entire family on your behalf

snape: so that you might overcome your childhood

snape: but with cleaner air to breathe and like maybe a new house

harry: okay, so how about no

harry: torture is still wrong, even if you do it for me

snape:

snape:

snape: ????

harry: i mean, i’m pretty sure everyone knows this

snape: ????????

snape: how did i ever confuse you for your father

lupin: exactly

Listen up. There is literally an app that can help you avoid self harm and I don’t know why we aren’t talking about it.

Calm Harm can be tailored to your needs and will provide strategies to help you get past those crucial moments of wanting to harm.

It’s also totally FREE.

once again, it’s called CALM HARM

AU concept

Everything is the same, except Snape is much more open with how absolutely DONE he is.

Minerva: “Severus, Potter and Weasley have found the entrance to the Chamber of Secrets and went down without proper supervision, slayed the creature, and saved Ginny Weasley.”

Snape: *ridiculously long sigh and an extended moment of silence* “ God Damn it. Of course they would, what else would they do? God damn it.”

Draco: *gets into a fight with Ron*

Snape: “Malfoy, I swear to….just one fucking day is all I ask… for you to not make someone want to punch you… Just One Day.

Neville: *blows up a cauldron*

Snape: *head in one hand, not even angry at this point* “I just…..god damn it”

Daze of Pollen Masterlist

(Work in Progress)

Pairing: (cis)fem!Reader x Bucky Barnes x Steve Rogers x Sam Wilson

Warnings: Smut. 18+ only. Sex pollen (but consent is explicit), foursome, threesome, unprotected sex, m/m smut, sex marathon. (Will be specified further in each chapter)

Summary: Bucky, Steve, Sam and you are in the safe house post mission when a retrieved Hydra device activates, releasing a kind of pollen you don’t know of, but the effects of which are soon discovered.

A/N: This is my submission for @buckyssoul​​ ‘s Rae Hit 1k Marvel Writing Challenge. I’m sorry for the delay, but I hope you like it. I’ll try to keep the chapters coming every week.

A/N 2: This series is gonna be pure smut, (all of the events supposedly happening on the same day) with each chapter focusing on a particular pairing or kink.

I’m taking requests if you want a particular kink to be featured. Send me an ask or text me for the same or to be tagged.

Words so far: 8.7k

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

~~~

Daze of Pollen Taglist

This is so true

ENOUGH AREADY! WE GET IT - YOU THINK YOU *KNOW* SLYTHERIN...

We get that you think Slytherin girls are ‘winged eyeliner sharp enough to kill a man’. We get that you think our aesthetic is blood-red lipstick, the clack of stilettos on marble floors, and nails filed to a sharp point.

We get it.

We get that you think Slytherin boys are ‘jaw lines sharp enough to kill a man’ (perhaps we have that in common with the girls, you think?). We get that you think our mood is bitter black coffee, Shakespearean insults, and the burn of vodka as it cascades down your throat.

We get it. So enough already.

You think you know Slytherin? You think our girls are ‘bad-ass bitches’ and our boys are ‘refined gentlemen with wicked sharp tongues’?

Well, let us tell you what it really means to embody power, pride, fraternity, cunning, and ambition.

We’d be lying if we said Slytherin wasn’t that warm feeling of sinking deeper into your seat on the bus after you watch someone miss their stop. But, for all that, Slytherin is also when you were a child sitting on your dad’s shoulders - that feeling of being literally on top of the world, made all the more proud for knowing not only that the people who love you will raise you up but will be there to catch you if you fall.

That’s Slytherin - it’s what you wanted to be when you grew up, it’s your imaginary friend, and it’s getting an A on a test you studied damn fucking hard for.

And, sure, Slytherin is also silently thanking yourself that you looked your best on the days you ran into an ex partner. But Slytherin is the courage to end a going-nowhere relationship in the first place. Slytherin means willing to do what no one else can or will, to put aside desire, fear, and comfort and to just shed what doesn’t serve them; that means being cruel to be kind and knowing, in fact, that cruelty and kindness are not black and white concepts.

That’s Slytherin - it’s your little black dress, it’s self-help books, and it’s drunken chats with strangers in nightclub bathrooms.

We are so much more complex than men in suits or women in doc martens. If all you can think of is conceit when you think of cunning and if all you can think of is dominance when you think of power…then you do not know us. And we will not ask you to try harder next time because we would rather speak for ourselves.

So, enough already; we want ‘us’ done right, so we will do it ourselves.

That’s Slytherin.

Ya know, I’m sorry, but even as a kid, Petunia was obnoxious, and she never got any less obnoxious, but all y'all gremlins crawling out of the woodwork to paint her as some innocent victim of a horrible vicious attack because Snape did accidental magic in response to her insulting him (much like Harry did to his Aunt Marge decades later for exactly the same reasons).

But in this moment she’s oowoo pure innocent poor victim of mean nasty Snape (and where are y'all defending Aunt Marge huh). 

Y'all fuckers are about as honest as a professional counterfeiter