Neil: Hoards Bananas, Oranges, Apples, Blueberries — Basically Every Fruit Imaginable

hii i literally love your headcannons... can you please write Laila and Alvarez hcs? they're so underrated!!

ok yes as it is now pride and these two are my fav lesbians i MUST

so they met their freshman year at USC, when laila tripped over her foot after seeing a hot girl (alvarez) and spilled a coffee all over said hot girl's new white shirt

alvarez proceeded to hate her. even if she was nice to look out. she definitely did not notice that

and because laila does not like to be bested, she decided that alvarez's pretty face would not distract from her annoying personality

their rivalry was the only major point of contention within the trojans — they would constantly bicker in and out of practice

(jeremy, bless his heart, could never figure out when laila and alvarez were flirting or fighting though)

but despite this, they worked wonders on the court

laila was a powerhouse in the goal and alvarez was a relentless backliner

everyone was extremely confused about the nature of their relationship

this on-and-off behavior continued well into their second year

that is, until they got their spring semester classes and laila and alvarez were in the same calculus class

now they actually had to deal with each other, even off the court

they managed to stay out of each other's hair mostly, but one day, alvarez was absolutely stuck on a concept and jeremy was shit at math and office hours were closed and this really wasn't good—

she did the first thing she could and texted laila for help

so laila came over and after some initial awkwardness, they actually started working

and it turns out, laila is really good at explaining math

it turns into a bit of a norm. every wednesday afternoon, they would meet in a café and study together

(and maybe, just maybe, if each week, they began sitting closer and closer to one another, that's really no one's business)

this just slowly happens over the next few months, and one day, it hits the two of them that hey, maybe i actually like her more than a friend?

naturally, laila and alvarez both freak the fuck out at this

so they go to jeremy separately, who is now dealing with two flustered, emotionally-constipated lesbians

laila: jeremy i think i like alvarez. "like" as in i want to date her

jeremy: hmm. maybe you should just tell her?

laila: fucking shit knox are you dumb—

alvarez: jeremy HELP i think i have a crush on laila

jeremy: well, maybe she feels the same way! just tell her that :)

alvarez: you're so goddamn stupid why would i do that—

needless to say, jeremy is extremely overwhelmed.

eventually, he wrangles the two of them together on new year's day at a party

it's minutes to midnight and nearly everyone has a partner, romantic or platonic

laila and alvarez end up pushed up next to each other, surrounded by a bunch of loud, sweaty college kids

but none of that mattered. because with three seconds on the clock, laila and alvarez both felt a surge of courage from jeremy's words

they rushed towards each other just as midnight struck and promptly smashed their noses together

neither of them really expected their first date to be at the ER with swollen, bleeding noses

but hey! there's nothing more romantic than matching ice packs and nose splits, right?

representing Percy Jackson’s neurodivergence

ok! so now that we have the official green light for PJO casting, i really hope that the show will integrate ADHD and dyslexia into the characters’ everyday lives and that the directors/people involved in the show will help neurotypical actors to properly portray what it’s like to have ADHD and dyslexia (or you know. just have neurodivergent actors)

I want Percy fidgeting with Riptide and accidentally taking the pen cap off and randomly ending with a sword in his hand. i want Annabeth zoning out in the middle of conversations. i want Luke giving a huge villainous speech and forgetting what he’s saying in the middle of it. I want these characters to have headaches from reading for too long, have trouble understanding maps, taking a few seconds to understand words when people speak to them

PJO has always been so advanced in including representation especially to a younger audience (even if sometimes the execution is... questionable), but I really hope that these small snippets of reality with ADHD and dyslexia in such mainstream media can help normalize neurodiversity in the common world

as a former soccer goalie, here are some very specific things andrew minyard does while playing exy

he has crazy good aim. that cone drill kevin and neil keep doing? andrew's an icon at that

he's gotta hit the balls directly at the strikers (or whoever else needs the ball) from a static position so his aim is probably better and stronger than most people on the team

andrew's literally shit at cardio. man literally doesn't run aside from normal conditioning (and chasing after neil) plus he smokes so his lungs do be constantly dying

also, i feel like people really underestimate how boring being in goal can be

like if the ball's not near you, there is nothing. to. do.

honestly, he probably just puts his racquet down or straight up sits on the floor when the action is on the other end of the court

(this is coming from someone who literally left the field for a few minutes because she had nothing to do)

another thing: the man can jump.

like, put him on a trampoline (not that he'd ever do that lol) and he'll fly above everyone else, no matter his fear of heights

especially because he's so short compared to the goal, he's gotta stretch in every direction to be able to reach the ball

he's mad flexible, is what i'm getting at

penalty shots are his worst enemy

idc how good of a goalie he usually is, most of the catches/blocks he makes are pure luck

and like. his height doesn't help with this at all

most of the sweating he does comes from his extra armor rather than the game itself

again. goalies literally don't move most of the time. for the longest time, nicky just thinks that andrew has some kind of magic deodorant he isn't sharing with the rest of them

(there have been more than a few raids into andrew's toiletries looking for it)

i literally used to get those misty fan water bottle things bc everyone else had one and it looked cool, not because i was ever tired after games lol

he likes interlocking his fingers to see how obtrusive the goalie gloves are

idk it's a thing that all goalies i know do, for absolutely no reason. it do be fun though

goalies have to do a lot of agility and reflexive drills. one of these is kinda like quickly running in place and jumping/rolling to the side to catch a ball someone throws at you

i'm just imagining andrew doing this bc it looks so. funny.

like the person doing the drill looks like some spider on drugs with how fast their feet are moving

(also it makes lots of goalies pretty good at dancing/stuff that requires lots of feet coordination. i'm not saying... but i'm kinda saying, if you get what i mean)

this isn't during exy, but sometimes catching things is so reflexive

once i caught a glass full of water before it shattered on a restaurant floor, and i imagine andrew does shit like that too

but the difference is that he gets so annoyed whenever it happens

being unintentionally helpful is andrew's least favorite thing (but neil finds it so goddamn funny)

sometimes neil randomly drops things near andrew just to watch him get annoyed at his reflexes

(also, i'm just imagining the foxes randomly throwing things at andrew. he's stuck between two situations: catch things and have the foxes laugh at him or let things hit him in the face and have the foxes laugh at him)

this is. yes. fuck. 100%. (also can i just say, those tags were brilliant, sad college student content is exactly what this fandom is lacking ty for blessing us with some friend)

i just really want to know how all the students at psu reacted to finding out about neil's past. like i'm just imagining some poor college freshman working on a project with neil and not pulling their weight and then they find out that their groupmate is actually the son of the mob boss.

and they just... slowly start doing their part so they don't get a murderer sicced on them

05 kissing

I drew this drawing for https://the-chicken-or-the-banana.tumblr.com/post/650598082547990528/andreil-and-goodbye-kisses

You have to read these sweet stories

i feel like whenever neil gets a new hoodie, andrew's shoulders always stretch it out so much. like, neil loves seeing andrew in his clothes at first until he has to keep buying more and more shirts and hoodies because they don't fit him anymore.

they end up having so. many. hoodies just scattered around their house, and it's a constant silent battle over who can stake their claim on the hoodie first

Neil: I have a new hoodie.

Andrew: Ahem. WE have a new hoodie.

look this has no right being so accurate but i— the cucumber thing, i just had to expand on that

it comes to light in an interview with two other teammates

it’s supposed to be one of those chill “get to know about this celebrity” ones, so it’s more personal and less exy-oriented

so these athletes are reading tweets with questions that fans wanted to ask them

and one of them is “andrew, what are your three biggest fears?”

andrew: i fear nothing. you should fear me

his teammate: ok drama queen just answer the damn question

andrew pauses for a moment (for the dramatics of course)

“heights. bugs. cucumbers.”

“cucumbers??”

anyways, andrew doesn’t explain this answer any further and when the video drops, everyone is very confused

fans are tweeting and asking for answers

every comment section on instagram is full of questions

post-game interviews are buzzing with inquires about this very strange fear

and then one day, the internet finally solves the mystery

the video circulates around social media for days, with everyone cooing over it

there's a little kid, maybe 5 or 6 years old, with a Minyard jersey on who meets andrew in the streets and asks for a picture

(andrew, being an absolute kid-lover, complies)

so the kid puts her arms out demanding to be picked up, and while she's in andrew's arms, politely asks "mr. minyard, why are you afraid of cucumbers?"

andrew, very seriously, replies "too many shades of green. they're dark. medium. light. it's very disturbing"

the video ends with andrew ruffling the kid's hair and her running off camera

after the initial cuteness, people realize how absolutely hilarious it is that scary, buff andrew minyard is scared of cucumbers because of how colorful they are

and so it starts

at meet and greets, fans present him with cucumbers

people tweet cucumber pictures and facts to him

edits are made with andrew and cucumbers

his pr box is full of custom shirts with cucumbers on them to "brighten up his wardrobe"

numerous compilations are made about andrew's reactions to these cucumber gifts

one person even writes a multi-chapter andrew x cucumber enemies to lovers slow-burn

(one of the foxes (aka nicky) prints this whole thing out and gifts it to him for his birthday)

finally, finally, a 32 second video entitled "andrew minyard EATS A CUCUMBER ." gets uploaded on youtube on the account "jorts"

it's super grainy, vertical, and the camera is constantly shaking as the person filming laughs

but it appears to show andrew at his kitchen dunking a cucumber into a flute of champagne at 3 am

the video gets millions of views

nobody knows who's behind the account, but every few months it posts an absolutely feral video of andrew that just crashes the internet

(spoiler alert: it's all thanks to neil)

Andrew is like a cat

You can’t back him into a corner

You can’t touch without permission

Must feed him to earn his love/respect

Will fight you at any moment without warning

Stabby bits sticking out from his hands

Will get scared if you surprise him with a cucumber

Can nap anywhere at anytime

Will judge literally everything you do, but say nothing

Small

Would jump out a window to escape a situation

Thinks you’re stupid

Would probably give you a dead animal… for various reasons

Prefers cats over people

i had an idea i would love to see from your perspective (you're so good at andreil oh my god) if you wanted to write some stuff about it? i always wondered how andrew reacted when he first found neil missing after the binghampton game (starts pg 235 in the king's men). thoughts? (-- the ttyl blog <3)

omg i literally finished re-reading that scene before seeing your ask skjflsj ~ i hope you like this ! (i'm just realizing that i barely followed ur request and just rambled a lot but that's FINE 😬)

read it on ao3 here :)

«««———»»»

Andrew walked in line to the bus with the rest of the Foxes, mind going a million miles an hour behind his impassive expression. 

"Thank you," Neil had said, eyes truer than Andrew had ever seen them. "You were amazing."

Andrew wasn't such a fool for Neil Josten that he couldn't figure out there was something more happening under the surface, something bigger than just an Exy shutout, that he wasn't telling anyone. Something forcing truth out of him.

Neil looked scared.

Apparently, no one else received the memo, because behind him, Matt Boyd kept kicking at Andrew's heels and Andrew could nearly see the nosy smile on Reynold's face. Boyd's voice was drowned out by the cacophony of both jeers and shouts of approval coming from all around them, but he had no doubts that Boyd was fishing for information surrounding his and Neil's "not this" to settle a bet of some sort.

Andrew didn't really care. He was more focused on leaving Binghamton, getting some answers out of Neil, and then kissing him senseless.

Of course, Andrew had no plans to tell Neil of that last item on the list, but he was sure he (and everyone else, apparently) knew anyway.

Maybe not Nicky, though. For all his cousin boasted about having an "incredible gaydar," he tended to be a bit clueless about Andrew.

Andrew's eyes were unfocused, gazing at the bounce of Neil's red curls while his thoughts wandered around nothing at all.

Nothing? his mind mused unhelpfully. Or Neil? Or is that one in the same now?

Shut up, he huffed internally. I hate him.

Lost in his head, it was only until he heard a pained curse from Aaron that he jerked straight and saw the world burning around him.

«««———»»»

Andrew's vision went red. 

He nearly would have broken out of line and straight into the tidal wave of rioters had he not noticed the police trying to push back the crowd. He had never trusted the pigs, but Andrew supposed he could let them handle the mess until he'd gotten a chance to check on Aaron at the bus.

He had nearly fooled himself with that thought when an ice cooler sailed through the air and missed Danielle's face by an inch. An enraged shout came from Andrew's right, and he could feel the familiar heat of adrenaline in his stomach that always came when he and Renee sparred.

There was going to be a fight.

No sooner than he had that thought, the crowd around him exploded into madness, nearly running the Foxes over. Andrew may have been ready to throw some punches, but he was not at all prepared for the onslaught of unfamiliar bodies piling on him. Moving around him. Touching him. 

Andrew couldn't breathe.

He lost sight of Neil's head in the mess, hoping one of the security guards would bring Neil to safety while Andrew tried to ground himself. What had Bee taught him? 

What is your name? Andrew Minyard.

How old are you? 20 years old.

What is upsetting you? Hands. Everywhere.

Can you do something about it? Yes. I can move now.

He felt the glancing blow of someone's elbow on his face, nearly hitting his eye. It was sure to bruise later, but for now, the sharp pain mixed with Bee's words were enough to shake Andrew out of his stupor.

He ducked to the left, neatly missing a thrown shoe and was grateful to his limited stature for once. He kept an eye out for a flash of red, the glint of blue eyes, but seeing that Neil was nearly as short as Andrew himself, the effort was futile.

He'll be fine, Andrew thought. Find Nicky, Aaron, and Kevin, and get to the bus.

To his surprise (or maybe not), Andrew found Reynolds trading fierce blows with someone twice her size, Renee at her back. He caught Renee's glance and she gave him a firm nod of reassurance.

He nodded back, already swiveling to find the rest of his group. 

After a few minutes, he spotted Nicky and Kevin huddled together, slowly moving to the edge of the crowd. He caught up and grabbed Nicky's wrist, who jerked away and reared his hand back for a punch before realizing it was Andrew.

Despite it all, Andrew felt a thrum of satisfaction. A few years ago, Nicky had let people beat him down over and over again. At least now he was learning to fight back.

"Oh thank god," Nicky cried, catching Kevin's attention, before his eyes widened. He reached out, remembering himself at the last second. "Andrew... your face, what happened?"

Andrew shrugged. He'd been through worse. 

Nicky looked like he wanted to say something, but Kevin cursed loudly and began pushing out of the sea of bodies with renowned vigor.

"It's getting more violent and more people are joining," Kevin said, voice strained. "We need to get out and regroup at the bus."

"Aaron?" Andrew asked. Nicky glanced around a few moments before pointing to his right.

"There!" he exclaimed, and motioned to Kevin to go in that direction. Kevin nodded and they made their way over to Aaron, who was ducking under beer bottles and was nearly smacked in the face by a PSU banner.

"Aaron!" Kevin called, and Aaron's shoulders dropped with relief as he swerved a growing fight and made his way over to them.

Andrew scanned his brother quickly and, after seeing no visible injuries, motioned to start back towards the parking lot. They made their way over to the bus and found Boyd and Danielle standing, the former looking like he'd just lost a fight with a mountain lion.

Danielle was gripping his arm as Abby tended to his wounds, but Andrew heard her say he might need to go to the hospital for the more serious injuries. Boyd looked pained at the thought, but when he glanced up and caught Andrew's eye, he smiled and waved them over.

"Andrew, here," Abby said, noticing his injury. He took an ice pack from her and glanced around.

"Where's Neil?" he asked, choosing to ignore the suggestive look between Boyd and Danielle. Abby shrugged and opened her mouth before her eyes caught on something behind Andrew and she waved.

Andrew turned around to find Renee and Reynolds walking proudly towards them. Reynolds had a mosaic of bruises all over her, and Renee was holding her wrist precariously.

Abby sighed and began treating them as Wymack rounded the front of the bus and finally found his team.

Not the whole team, a ringing voice said in Andrew's head. Neil isn't here yet.

Which was odd, no? He had a security guard in front of him, surely he would have made it here first? Perhaps Wymack had seen him and taken him somewhere. Maybe he was already safe in the bus and Abby hadn’t noticed him.

Andrew pushed past Danielle and boarded the bus, walking the length of it but not finding a loudmouthed striker in its shadows. His stomach became knotted with a curious feeling he slowly identified as dread.

Andrew was at the door of the bus again. He looked at Wymack.

"Where. Is. Neil." he demanded. He saw Wymack's confused expression and before he even said anything, Andrew felt his heart stop.

"I don't know. I thought he was with you."

Reynold's knowing smirk gave way to uncertainty as the rest of the Foxes quieted. There was silence for a moment. Two.

Then Andrew threw his ice pack on the floor and raced back into the heart of the riot.

«««———»»»

He ignored the shouts coming from behind him, his mind an endless loop of Neil, Neil, Neil, is he safe, has he been hurt, he was supposed to be nothing, NEIL

After a few minutes of searching and more than a few near punches, the police finally regained some control over the situation and Andrew was able to scour the grounds for any hint of where Neil might be.

He saw the racquet first. The duffle bag was a few meters away from it.

Numbly, Andrew picked up both items, grabbing Neil's phone as it fell from the netted side pocket.

0, it said. 

Andrew felt a piercing emptiness when he saw Neil's things without their rightful owner beside them.

He slowly walked back to the Foxes' bus, head pounding but unable to really register the dwindling fight behind him. And when the Foxes finally came in view, he saw the confusion on their faces when they saw no Neil walking with him.

Andrew mentally ran through everything that he knew. Neil was scared. He was running from someone, someone Kevin knew about? A zero on his phone from an unnamed number — a countdown, perhaps. He would never leave his things unattended, so maybe he wanted to tell Andrew he had been taken unwillingly, knowing that Andrew would never leave without him.

There was something he was missing, some vital piece of information that Neil hadn't told him that was causing this mess.

The guilty look on Kevin's face told Andrew everything he needed to know. He knew something.

He dumped Neil's things on the ground by Wymack's feet, mentally assessing himself. His cheek throbbed, each breath he took was sticky with sweat, his heart was pounding.

Neil was gone.

Andrew felt such a blind hot rage at that, the likes of which he hadn't felt in so long, the type where he felt like laughing at how cruel the world could be.

And before he could tell his body to stop, Andrew's hands were around Kevin's throat.

«««———»»»

"Shit Andrew! You're hurting— " "Andrew, stop— " "Get off of— "

«««———»»»

Andrew couldn't remember what happened after that, not immediately at least. It was a bit disorienting, going from a perfect recollection to being so overrun by anger that his mind went blank. Was this how everyone else felt all the time? He felt like someone just took out a Jenga piece from his mind, like it was close to collapsing.

Distantly, he recalled being yanked off of Kevin as he gasped some explanation about a mob boss, Kengo's right hand man, Nathaniel Wesninski. But none of it mattered. Andrew had broken his promise. He had hurt the person he had vowed to protect, just like so many had done to him.

And he still didn't have Neil.

«««———»»»

Neil used to make the emptiness a bit fuller, a bit easier to manage, Andrew thought. It felt so impossible to navigate himself now without Neil by Andrew's side.

«««———»»»

There was a hospital. A hotel. There were FBI agents. The news turned on. Off. On. There was another hotel. Handcuffs. Taken away.

«««———»»»

There was Nathaniel Neil. Standing in front of him. Blue eyes, wild hair, bandages unable to hide how irresistible he was, unable to stop the jolt in Andrew's heart.

There was Neil. And everything felt right again.

OK UPDATE (for the mental state of me and @soulsupply): apparently there are 38! states in the US with no safeways, and south carolina has exactly 1. ONE SAFEWAY. which is permanently closed with a 1 star review and disowned by safeway. so. we are going to pretend that it doesn't exist for the sake of this hc

an incomplete list of northern-californian andrew minyard shenanigans

he gets pissed if anyone asks him if he can surf

the beaches are cold and rocky and gross, no one wants to learn surfing up here

he's totally used to weird weather (a 90° day can have a 50° night) but he absolutely cannot stand extreme temperatures

anything above 100° is reason to riot, and anything below a 40-50° is a good excuse to stay under blankets the whole day

hot days are more common in the bay area than hail, and there's never any snow, so moving to south carolina was a slap in the face

"nicky, do i need more warm clothes or more summer clothes?"

"both, andrew. both."

"why do you not have normal weather systems? just pick one"

andrew literally always carries a jacket with him out of habit

in the south, weather can fluctuate every few days, whereas in california, the weather literally changes every hour and there's almost always a breeze in the bay area

it takes him a long time to realize that hot days in the south just... stay hot. no need for a jacket.

(he still usually has one on hand though. never hurts to be prepared)

san francisco is so. goddamn. boring.

he might not have been there very often as a foster kid, but living like 20 minutes away from it in oakland makes the city really lose its novelty

(also the sfo and oakland rivalry can get very passionate at times. he was just always destined to dislike san francisco)

unironically uses the word "hella." he didn't realize it was a californian thing until it accidentally slipped out in front of the foxes and he got some very confused (and gleeful) stares

andrew calls the two main parts of california "norcal" and "socal" (for northern california and southern california). he cannot for the life of him understand why everyone else is so confused

he has a sort of inherent dislike for socal. he may have literally never been there but... the vibes. he just can't stand them

(andrew refers to socal as "fake california" in his head, as many norcal people do)

honestly, he's a pretty environmental person (aside from the smoking). you really can't live in the bay area without being overly conscious about recycling and sustainability

(he'll constantly bully kevin into separating trash, recyclables, and compostables. kevin never had to do that in the nest but andrew? he's very particular about this.

"kevin. how can you say you're healthy when you're making the planet unhealthy?"

"it's really not that big of a deal—" "it is. shut up and recycle.")

andrew absolutely detests the "sunny, warm, beach" stereotype of california, seeing how inaccurate it is for most of the state

neil likes to joke that jeremy and andrew represent the two extremes of california — sunny and bright vs cold and cloudy

andrew does not find this funny

(okay, maybe a little)

the biggest shock he ever faced was that safeway (a grocery store) wasn't a nationwide chain

apparently it's just a california thing

"aaron, if tilda's not going to buy groceries, we will just go to safeway ourselves"

"andrew. there are no safeways here."

"... what"

"i was shocked too"

(it ends up being the first thing the twins bond over when they officially meet)

okay uhh i'm probs gonna post the last part of the "andreil and goodbye kisses" series today or tomorrow (most likely tmrw) BUT if y'all have any specific prompts/things you want me to write, send me an ask and i shall try to get back to you soon :)