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So Yeah - Blog Posts
why can I tolerate being chronically ill and feeling sick every day of my life and then I get the flu and suddenly I feel like a sickly victorian child with the plague
The Struggle of being Imaginative and very hyperactive:
Everytime i think about them meeting again i get the butterflies in my stomach. What will they talk about, what will they show each other, how long will their conversation be? I would love nothing more than to watch them simply speak.
Do you guys think Kuma ever told sabo about Nika when he was young? It makes me so emotional imagining sabo realizing his younger brother is the warrior of liberation he's heard about this whole time. Ugh.
UGH.
anyway, speedpaint:
Song name: Moonsetter- Toby Fox
tw-caps
Bro has been working on the same fic for more than half a year and she hasn't posted anything more than 7 chapters and is just about to put it on hiatus because she's brainrotting over another fic.
Sounds like a stupid dude we have.
THAT'S ME!
I've completely run out of ideas for Dare Lovers and what happens between Christmas and what actual action is so I might as well write another fic while I sort the Dare Lovers crap out? Possibly.
OH AND NOW GUESS WHO IS GOING TO START WRITING ON THE FIRST CHAPTER OF HER NEW FIC BECAUSE SHE'S BRAINROTTING OVER IT JUST THE WAY SHE BRAINROTTED on Dare Lovers and then decided to leave it on hiatus because "Hmm what else is happening? I need some fill-in!"
Correct, that's me.
First chapter of the fic is going to pose itself on AO3 until the end of the week! (if I sort myself out to stop procrastinating)
Aaand a little bit of process
Hot Take : The Heroes of Olympus might be Rick Riordan's worst written series, with the most interesting characters.
Compare this series with PJo. Though it was written in the first person, both the story and characters were three dimensional. I usually have a visual representation running in my head when I read books, and this series became my favorite because I was able to feel the emotions and plot like it was personal.
On the other hand, HoO was much more two dimensional when it came to the plot. Half of the time, most of my re-reads were just skipping to parts I liked.
The characters were the most interesting part in the story for me, and they too could have been much better.
I understand why Leo is a big favorite. The way Leo was written was top tier, and he would have been my favorite if I didn't get distracted by Piper Mclean, and Jason Grace.
Both characters have so much potential, and its that reason that drew me to them.
Piper Mclean was so much more to me, because she was strong and smart, and reliable, and someone the rest went to for comfort or strength. But she was also beautiful, the daughter of a goddess who usually sat in the sidelines watching the drama (that she usually started) unfold around her.
Piper Mclean wanted to take a stand.
Jason Grace was the golden child, the one who was handed the baton, and was told to be the child he should be, and he took it with no questions asked. He was hardworking, resilient, loyal, and he loved his friends so much that he died for them.
He was a hero, and it wasn't because of his father.
All the characters are so beautifully intricate and human, but the writing doesn't allow us to see it.
as an autistic shifter it’s always been so hard for me to hear certain shifting advice. i’m a person who very much relies on explanations and instructions for most things in my life. to constantly be told that i don’t have to do anything to shift, to “just do it”… it doesn’t make sense to me i fear :(
and i totally understand why people say that!! bc that is how shifting works!! that’s how people have shifted!! but it’s still hard to hear bc i can’t comprehend how to “just shift”
idk just a little rant i’ve had in my head this week lol if anyone has any advice that would help me get out of this mindset it would be very much appreciated ty 🫶🫶
ranting about permashifting🩷🩷🩷
i genuinely feel so guilty for leaving this reality, no matter how much i manifest here or how much of my dream life im living- it isn’t the same as actually shifting.
im the eldest daughter and so with that responsibility i carry, shifting became an escape for me. I started on shiftok like everyone else. Found shifting while looking for smut on tumblr and never went back since. Now I know it’s real, I know I can do it like everyone else.
And that guilt eats at me. Once I permashift, I won’t ever come back here. Maybe i need to make a better cr and call it a day. All i know is, no matter how guilty, im permashifting.
Sometimes you just gotta kiss your boyfriend. ♥
i’ve seen a lot of people genuinely confused about shachi and penguin’s relationship in canon. i happen to be hyperfixated on them both, so i thought i’d write a post briefly explaining the origin of their bond!!
i think the confusion stems from the fact most one piece fans haven’t read law’s novel, and learned more about penguin and shachi exclusively through the wiki, which (despite the editors’ much appreciated work) sometimes lacks info. when the wiki says “their parents were killed in a tsunami” it doesn’t mean they share the same parents, as someone seems to think. this is clarified in law’s novel (thank you @/odaslaughtale for your translation!), in the paragraph where penguin opens up about their past.
plus, if they were related, i don’t think there would have been a point in specifying the people that took them in after the death of their parents were exclusively shachi’s relatives and not penguin’s.
we don’t know exactly when shachi and penguin met, but since their parents knew each other and it was normal for the two families to hang out together, it’s not a stretch to think they have known each other since birth due to their parents being friends or something like that. it warms my heart just thinking about it sorry
i obviously don’t have anything against people that see penguin and shachi as siblings; everyone is allowed to interpret the relationship between characters as they’d like (when no type of bond is explicitly stated in canon!!!), and exchanging ideas and headcanons is without doubt one of the best parts of fandom culture. however, i don’t want people to unknowingly spread misinformation, especially since law’s novel isn’t available in all languages and some may not have access to it. so i thought a post like this might be useful!!
Starscream: "Got in trouble for apparently being disrespectful to my elders and teachers.
They kept on blabbering about my attitude and how I was wrong and should apologise.
Like yes I am disrespecting cause I have no respect for that guy. Fuck you want me to do lie. From what I know that's bad.
So am I the asshole? Yes but I'm right so I ain't"
Hey guys, wow, I’m not dead!
I know it’s been months, but it’s just that I’ve been at school, and that I couldn’t really think of anything to draw at the time, but now I’m back (sort of), and I’m gonna try to post art more often!
But anyway, have this nice lil’ ghost.
Hey guys, I’m back. I actually have been back for a while, but only to settle back in. So yeah. Also, I decided to change my appearance a bit, because I felt like it needed a change. So here it is!!
I tried...
Hey guys,so about Inktober.....
I’m done.I’m not doing it anymore since I had days where I was either not feeling it,too lazy,or had too much work to do.So I’m sorry,I tried and fail.
So sorry,but yeah.
Stain-chan
The first drawing is now available as both a print and a heart-shaped sticker!!!!
I'm never painting again.
First and last time.
Ever.
YO! I know I said I didn't have any ideas but then I saw @huffle-puff-ego 's post about Mic wearing THIS and I- I had to draw it. Of course. I went overboard and added more and more- until I ended up with this. Zoom in for details! Theres a lot of studs UAHSDOU
What's this noir au you speak of?
I sent a screenshot of this to my friend and he said "oh they fucked up"
I have another post explaining some of the more graphic parts of my AU, but here's another post in attempt to write it better!!
This AU is a continuation of literally every comic minus the noir fanservice ones (2020) because those aren't him that's ITSV noir and I stand by that. So this takes place after Spider-Geddon, ight? So a fair amount of time has passed and he's seen even more horrors. And boy oh boy have the horrors plagued him. He's gone textbook definition psychotic. Before you get any ideas, this is in no way glorifying psychosis. I know firsthand how disturbing the experience can be, and a lot of this is me transcribing my own experiences if I'm being honest.
So, he's psychotic. And can you blame the guy? You can only take so much of the people around you getting killed (and eaten) before it takes a toll. But don't you guys worry, my biggest pet peeve is when characters aren't written realistically or out of character. He's always had incredibly strong morals, and I don't intend on changing them; just amping them up by 1000.
So he gets back from literally fucking dying in Spider Geddon (okay I am taking some things from the 2020 comics because I'm not THAT creative) and just wants a hug from Aunt May, only to be rejected. And not just "no, you're supposed to be dead" rejection, oh no. I'm talking disgust. She shuts the door on him, she can barely look him in the eyes without feeling even more hatred for the kid she thought she once knew. And this crushes Peter, as it would anyone. So he goes to the next person he can think of: Mary Jane. Oops, she died overseas. So he goes to the Robertsons who let him in with warmth. Yeah that's right, I'm not a total fucking asshat. But Robbie still is lobotomized so all poor Petey can do is cry on his lap. Idc what anyone says, he does this at least once a week since it happened because I said so.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT! IT'S OKAY BECAUSE HE HAS A CAT! So he's still sane at this point. He continues on with his miserable life the best he can… which is not great. He can barely afford rent, none of his cases are working out, and he slowly begins to isolate himself out of disappointment. The only time he goes out is as Spider-Man because despite how Aunt May feels, it's the only time where he can be himself. It's the only time where he can just… run. From everything. From his personal life, from his work life, from his miserable state. The only thing that's really keeping him together is those moments of freedom and his cat. Until she dies. That's right, the cat dies.
Everything holding him together, everything that kept him from just abandoning everything, is gone. NOW cue the psychosis. I meant it when I said the cat was all that was holding him together. Because now nothing makes sense. It's just not fair. Now everything is a nightmare. He can't find a single speck of joy in his life. Scratch that, he can't even feel anything. He's nothing but numb.
Till one classic, cliché night (you won't believe this), a robbery occurs (Bro thought he could avoid a robbery that drastically changes his entire way of life 💀💀💀). Unfortunately for the robber, fortunately for Peter, beating the mook up made him feel something.
So he kept doing it. Going out of his way to punch the bad guys. But like any high, it comes down. The adrenaline runs off and the thrill leaves you empty once more. And eventually punching bad guys doesn't cut it anymore. He digs up some cases where he knows the son of a gun got away with it, and decided to put justice into his own hands. So when he finally took an asshats life, he felt alive for the first time in god knows how long.
But once more, it wears off. Just shooting someone isn't enough. Yeah, taking a life is intense, but they deserve more. These are the scum of the earth he's looking for, and getting shot is mercy. Mercy he doesn't have. Not anymore.
NO YES I GET YOU BECAUSE I ALSO LOVE HIM AND I DONT KNOW WHY
someone remind me why the hell i imprinted on jean dewolfe the way i did, like?? my man has like two comic panels and zero context. 99% of what i write about him and include about his past and actions and thoughts and person is made up. by me. and just plain not supported by canon at best. 99% of the people i surround him with are also made up. this stupid little man i still living in my brain anyway
There are people at my job who won't talk to me because I'm a janitor. And yes, I go with "janitor"--derived from Janus, the Roman God of gates and doorways. There's no shame in the title and I wear it proudly enough.
Maids, cleaners, janitors, and sanitation workers are all the most important people of civilization by far. Even 12 hours without them is VERY noticable and they simply need to be highly compensated for it
I’m sorry if this is offensive and maybe I’m just really pea-brained, but I can’t grasp how someone can capture the raw appeal of men with such pinpoint precision while having zero attraction to them. Is it that you exclusively date women, hold a small amount of attraction to men, but just choose not to date them? Sorry if this is invalidating to you as a lesbian in any way. I know my share of being invalidated, given that I’m a bi woman, but I just had to know.
I’m not even remotely attracted to men and I never have been, I’m just a very good writer
The Holy Knights have the same regeneration ability as the Gorosei, so if we don't find a way to deal with it in this arc, we're screwed
I just don't interact but I will never get the posts shipping Doey and the player because the whole point of the entire game is that the toys mentally do not have the capacity or resources to properly age. They were not giving proper education or nutrients or even places to rest. All of the toys are mentally stunted. People will bash poppy for actions but realistically she's like a 12-year-old girl. Yeah she's my opp too however she's literally a child. She doesn't make smart decisions because she's a child and that is the inherent horror of the game. The fact that these are children. Children who are stuck like this for years. It is explicitly stated that the technology is not perfected. It's as close to perfected as they were able to get it but the children are almost permanently stuck in this state of anger and regression.
"Oh but Mommy long legs"
Nothing about it man. It's explicitly stated that she is aggressive to staff but helpful to the children. You would be the exact same way if you were a child who had got in your autonomy taken away from you.
"huggy wuggy"
I really don't see how you can argue this? Huggy doesn't display any sort of mental compacity
"cat nap"
I'm going to like actually punch you in the mouth face. Oliver is just straight up child. He's manipulated easy because he's a child and that's the psychological aspect of it. Being forced to watch as a literal child is perpetually tortured and manipulated by the God that they've come to worship.
Also the FNAF argument doesn't work. The reason why liking the animatronics is more accepted is because one they were not always possessed. And two. You don't see people f****** self-shipping with FNAF 1 Freddy very often for a reason because people are more attracted to the aesthetics of the animatronic than the actual personality. Meanwhile with the bigger bodies initiative. The whole point is that they are imbued with the personalities and souls of actual children from creation. Freddy fazbear did not always have a child stuffed in them. But catnap always had a child stuck in them.
Hi! Please do elaborate on butch transfem Ryuzaki!
alright, doomed t4t yuri time
as a disclaimer, there is nothing really substantial to support trans reading of ryuzaki, it's completely accidental and relies entirely on accepting trans reading of yashiro first, which is already asking a lot. i'm working with scraps here, so don't take this as a serious analysis of the text, this is just me reading into it a narrative that i find compelling and purposefully looking at certain things from the perspective that doesn't necessarily align with the authorial intent
i say "butch" specifically because in terms of gender expression, ryuzaki doesn't experience any discomfort with masculinity per se nor does he want to present more feminine. which is why talking about trans reading of the character is a bit trickier than it is with yashiro, isn't it? for many people there's this... expectation, or demand rather, of femininity that comes with the words "trans woman", so a trans butch's womanhood is easily denied on the basis of her "not being enough of a woman" or "basically just being a man". similar logic can be extended to a transgender reading of a character who isn't feminine "enough" or at all, because, well, if they don't want to wear a dress, then what's the point? and i guess part of the appeal of this interpretation for me is that it goes against those notions about gender and transfemininity. obviously you don't have to accept it, but if you don't see why this reading can be compelling, then it's worth asking "why, thought?"
there is just one thing about ryuzaki's gender presentation that stuck with me since the moment he was introduced (and i'll have to thank the movie for that) and it's how particular he is about his accessories, or at least the earring. it's not really the type that i'd normally expect a (cishet) man to wear, and it stays unlike the ring he was wearing in the first two volumes, so there's significance to it. now, i'm not saying that a man wearing accessories means that he must be a woman, and ryuzaki's ring(s), bracelet and necklace in the flashbacks and the cover for ch 26 are what you'd see men in the yakuza wear, but the earring? i think about it a lot, about its implication of homosexuality, and how you can take it a step further, make it about gender, too, and performing masculinity not the same way men do
so, sexuality. in the context of cis reading ryuzaki is very compelling as a gay man, and i've talked about it before, but, as the word "butch" implies, here i want to take it in a different direction and say that he genuinely prefers women. it recontextualizes his feelings for yashiro, because rather than a man falling in love with another man, it's a woman falling in love with a woman like her, because she is like her, trapped and dying just the same. which leads me to ch 14 and the question that sent me down this rabbit hole in the first place
"do you want to become a woman?" do you, ryuzaki? because now this isn't about internalized homophobia and desire for a "yes" just so it would make his feelings for yashiro "normal", as in straight, but then again, even if you were to try to read that intention into it - he's not asking if yashiro is a woman, the question is about wanting to become one. allusion to transitioning aside, there is a connection between becoming a woman or becoming a yakuza, the latter in a less literal sense being about submitting to a violent patriarchal system where the only role you can play if you want to survive is that of a man. ryuzaki is only two years older than yashiro, so he's what, 21? in that flashback, and yet for him everything has already been decided. he's asking as someone who no longer has a choice and has been condemned to rotting in a cage that is manhood, but yashiro still could take a different path, from ryuzaki's perspective at least
there could've been something there, maybe a conversation that would've made things easier for both of them, but yashiro replies with his usual simplification. yes, it would be nice to be a woman, but the only difference is that it would make having sex with men easier, that's all there is to it. and what does it leave ryuzaki with if he's not even attracted to men to begin with? nothing. there is nothing to being a woman for you, so don't think about. and he doesn't, neither of them do, and yashiro ultimately walks into the same cage as ryuzaki. you've got to wonder how much it hurt to see the only person who is inexplicably like you end up the same way
i'll leave reading into other scenes for another time since i have too much to say on the topic, but hopefully this gives a general idea to go off of if you want to look at the character from this perspective as well. one last thing i do want to mention here is that ryuzaki's first name is atsushi, 篤士. the first kanji can be read as "kind, cordial, faithful, warm", and if you look at the second kanji, you'll see that it has some connotations with manhood, which is why i'm bringing it up. in the context of transgender reading, there is some irony to "man" being implied in your name. we still don't know yashiro's, so it's like there is still some hope, but knowing ryuzaki's means that there might be none left for him. the way he is now, in prison, with his hair forcibly cut short, the earring likely taken away, maybe there isn't, maybe it is too late. and that's fine. there are certain expectations when it comes to trans narratives, that of a moment of realization, transitioning and a happy ending, and those narratives are important, of course, but i personally want to talk more about those of us who were doomed to rot. not because i enjoy the suffering, but because i find some comfort in being able to look at a character who is not intended to be seen that way and say "i still see you, despite it all"
Hi! My ask is related to your latest answer about Yashiro’s interest in leaving yakuza. You mentioned that not showing Yashiro and Miaumi sex was a smart decision and it caught my attention. So I wanted to ask how do you interpret that specific choice? I’m very curious about your take on that cause that’s something I’ve been wondering about but I couldn’t come up with any real answers, I had only some vague feelings about it.
hi hi, thank you for the question! i did spend a lot of time thinking about that choice, but i wouldn't say that i hold any real answers either, especially since we're talking about absence of a scene rather than analyzing something that exists in the text. so ultimately this is just me trying to put my own somewhat vague feelings into words
in my opinion not showing misumi and yashiro having sex renders the sexual violence invisible (in a literal sense, you know it happened, but don't have the mental image to recall every time the man shows his face) and therefore forgettable. it has a lot to do with how misumi is written in general - he is violent and cruel, but the cruelty doesn't come out that often, doesn't seep through his every word like it does with inami for example, where it's difficult to see a person through the anger and disgust that he evokes (it's still important to try to, though). misumi as we know him now is arguably charismatic, usually relatively calm, even funny at times, and his conversations with yashiro come off as friendly and lack the edge. so you're inclined to forget how violent misumi can be. that is, until he says or does something that reminds you of how much control and power he actually has over yashiro (which is also why his cruelty is so... effective? for the lack of a better word). that outburst in vol 7 and the seeming ease with which yashiro deescalated the situation only make me wonder how many times it had happened before and how much it reflects what their dynamic was like when they were sleeping together
i think there's also something in how you learn about misumi being sexually involved with yashiro in ch 1, without it being shown, and later in the same chapter learn about yashiro's stepfather abusing him, once again without being shown anything. you're not forced to look at it. and then in vol 2 you get both the flashback to yashiro being raped and to the physical violence he experienced at the hands of misumi, as well as the lead up to them having sex for the first time (consider the importance of misumi calling yashiro his "son" in this context), but only that - the sex itself isn't shown. you know it happened, you know it will be happening for a while, and you know that it's about control, but you're spared the visuals. here's the thing though, at that point you've already seen yashiro having sex with so many men that adding one more scene shouldn't matter, right?
which leads me to the question of dignity. i don't remember if the word is ever used in the text, but it's always at the back of my mind when i (re)read saezuru. there's a lot to be said about who has the privilege of their sex life being respected and private, who can walk away from a sexual encounter without being branded a whore or a faggot (not yashiro, but seemingly every man who had sex with him. i've got to mention, especially since it's you who sent the ask, that transmisogyny read on that is absurdly easy to make), how different characters' sexual trauma is treated (e.g. aoi's is described by doumeki without her knowledge or consent and simultaneously made into his trauma in a way, and you're shown it, too; doumeki's is only described, not fully, and he talks about it himself), etc. it's a very broad topic, but back to misumi - not showing him having sex is about his dignity. you as a reader are not privy to seeing him exposed the same way as yashiro. you never see misumi having sex with women either, but he boasts about how many lovers he has, because it's a status symbol. so the power and status are established and maintained without his vulnerability being exposed. misumi gets to have dignity, yashiro doesn't, and by not showing them have sex misumi is not put down to yashiro's level, which simultaneously puts him above men like ryuzaki (look at the group sex during the flashback in vol 2 and ch 5 from this perspective, how misumi gets to watch and interrupt both times, whereas his sex with yashiro most likely always happened in private. control, entitlement, possessiveness. privilege of privacy. you know)
to be clear, i don't think that that's how yoneda kou herself looks at things. she wouldn't have been able to put so much love and care towards those undesired otherwise. and as far as i'm concerned, there is more dignity in aoi's shaky voice or yashiro licking his own cum off the floor than in anything misumi has ever done with his life. but that's not how the society both in the context of the story and in real life looks at it. and if we're going with the idea that the author wants to have a conversation with her reader and poke at some biases they might have, then it's worth considering why she chooses to show some things but not others
Let people ship what they want. Seriously.
Although if you're a multishipper, you'll get more fic options out of that...
All I have to say here about people's shipping preferences.
My vibe about ships since forever tbh
GAKUPO BIRTHDAY
TODAY THE MOST GOOD LOKING, HANDSOME, EYEFUL, GODDES, STUNNER, SPLENDOROUS, RADIENCE, MAGNIFICENCE, BEUTIFUL MAN and many more Gakupo birthday so everyone is obligated to congrat him
Here is the drawing that I promised, at first I was going to do it with a gakukai but it didn't convince me at all so have something about the girlfriends