WEBSITES FOR WRITERS {masterpost}

Manipulation tactics in apologies

So, this is half writing advice, half life advice.

We all need to be able to recognize when an apology is manipulative, on both a large and small scale. I think we're all aware of the most recent large apology. Quite a few of these apply to that.

But also, feel free to use this as writing advice, too.

Not all of these are necessarily manipulative on their own. If you have apologized to someone for a mistake and done any of these, it doesn't mean you were trying to manipulate them. A lot of these can be completely unintentional. But, put more of them together and take them to more of an extreme, and then you begin to have a problem.

Third person. Especially in reference to the past, using third person to refer to yourself in an apology is a form of detachment. It's dodging the mistake and shifting the blame onto a false 'past self' to avoid taking responsibility.

Hyperbolic self hate. In a casual apology, a little self pity isn't out of place. If you're usually self deprecating, it's normal. It becomes dangerous when it's less like "sorry, I suck at remembering times", and more like "I'm a horrible person, I'm so stupid and terrible and cruel-".

Hyperbolic consequences. On the same note, it's also manipulative to say "I should die/be hurt/be abandoned". It's forcing the listener to feel guilty and feel as if they have caused feelings of depression.

Blaming, not explaining. Often, when apologizing, we want to explain why we may have done something wrong. That's normal! But a good apology should make the other person understand why you made the mistake, not tell them that you didn't make the mistake because you couldn't control it. This is also a form of guilt tripping.

Selective addressing. This one applies to if the apology is for more than one issue. A manipulator may fully address one point, but disregard or gloss over another, then use this to pretend that they fully addressed both, or that they don't need to apologize more than once.

Forced relatability. To make someone feel bad for them, a manipulator may place blame on things the listener can relate to going through, or has sympathy for. This makes them feel as if they cannot criticize them without acting as a hypocrite, or insensitive.

Gaslighting. I'm sure you all know how this one works, but it isn't always "that didn't happen"- it can be "that wasn't as bad as you say", or "you didn't get that it was a joke?". It twists reality to downplay events.

Strawman/subject changing. These are together because they function the same way. A strawman is a falsified or exaggerated arguement that can be easily disproved, and usually has nothing to do with the topic at hand. This can make it seem like the situation has been addressed, and demonizes the victim.

Triangulation. This is when another person is involved in an arguement, usually by the manipulator. This can be to make the victim jealous, focus their attention on the other person, or force them to side with their abuser in disliking them. There is little to no communication between the victim and the added person, and can be used in apologies to shift blame or distract from the issue.

Love-bombing. Less of an apology, and more of a substitute for one. Instead of owning up to their actions, a manipulator may shower the victim with affection and praise, attempting to create a sense of loyalty or a feeling that they can't be as bad as perceived.

That's all I'll get into, but there are far more than I've listed. If you think you're being manipulated, I urge you to research further.

Words to use instead of said

I'm pissed:

Growled

snarled

snapped

barked

bellowed

yelled

screamed

shouted

seethed

fumed

ranted

rasped(not always angry)

grumbled

complained

leered

sneered

hissed

raged

told off

scolded

scoffed

Positive:

Laughed

grinned

chuckled

joked

quipped

teased

chortled(breathy, gleeful laugh)

giggled

beamed

exclaimed

cried out(Not always in a positive sense, but can be used that way)

cheered

burst

Confident/certain:

declared

asserted

insisted

bragged

boasted

remarked

stated

preached

I'm an asshole:

sneered(yes, twice.)

drawled

taunted

mocked

cackled

mimicked

joked

leered

provoked

exposed

I have a question:

begged

questioned

queried

probed

asked

inquired

stressed

pleaded

entreated

wondered

Yeah..I dunno about that/unsure:

faltered

stammered

trembled

quavered

hesitated

doubted

fretted

stuttered

supposed

shrugged

Quietly:

mumbled

whispered

murmured

breathed

uttered

It’s almost October, which means it’s almost Halloween! How about some ghastly prompts to get your creative juices pumping? These Hauntober prompts are perfect to get you in the spookiest state of mind. Whether you’re drawing, writing imagines or snippets, or dressing up with some closet costuming like the aesthetic goblin you are, these Hauntober challenges just may stimulate your ghoulish creativity. 

You have two weeks to plan and prepare, but if you prefer to 🦇 ~wing it~ 🦇, no worries. We’ll be dropping the weekly themes each Monday here on @fandom starting on September 28th. And the best part, you freaks? We’re going to share some of the best frightfully amazing work from you clowns throughout the entire month. Don’t forget to use the #Hauntober tag on your creepy creations. Happy haunting, Tumblr!

2021 reading list tag

thank you for the tag @willkillforgoodmemories! 

Currently Reading

the queen’s gambit - walter tevis

emma - jane austen

the shadow lines - amitav ghosh

wuthering heights - emily bronte

no longer human - osamu dazai

lamb: the gospel according to biff, christ’s childhood pal - christopher moore

they both die at the end - adam silvera

little fires everywhere - celeste ng

To Be Read

the dinner - herman koch

the secret history - donna tart

tulip fever - deborah moggach

all the light we cannot see - anthony doerr

aristotle and dante discover the secrets of the universe - benjamin alire sáenz

starless sea - erin morgenstern

allegedly - tiffany jackson

a very large expanse of sea - tahereh mafi

miracles of the namiya general store - keigo higashino

the song of achilles - madeline miller

long way down - jason reynolds

the great gatsby - f scott fitzgerald

kafka on the shore - haruki murakami

meesha - hareesh s

I nominate (if they already haven’t done it) @wisteriaetc @darkbicademia@vintage-lattes @papenathys

Reblog if youd be totally fine with someone you dont know tagging you in a tag game

I had a sweet Nonny the other day asking how to get started, and honestly posts like this are a great way. I know games go kinda fallow during school and events like NaNo, but we can get this one circulating and building up a list of folks to tag when were ready to get back to it :)

all the tips I found for drawing a fantasy map are like :) “here’s a strategy to draw the land masses! here’s how to plot islands!” :) and that’s wonderful and I love them all but ??? how? do y'all decide where to put cities/mountains/forests/towns I have my map and my land but I’m throwing darts to decide where the Main Citadel where the Action Takes Place is

Masterpost: How to write a story?

Compilation of writing advice for some aspects of the writing process.

How to motivate myself to write more

How to get rid of writer’s block

Basic Overview: How to write a story

How to create a character

How to make a character unique

How to write conversation

Introducing a group of characters

Large cast of characters interacting in one scene

Redemption arc

Plot twists

How to write a summary

How to write romance

How to write emotional scenes

How to write yelling

Fatal Character Flaws

How to use songs in a fanfiction

Good traits gone bad

More specific scenarios

Slow burn

How to create quick chemistry

How to write a bilingual character

How to write a polyamorous realtionship

How to create and write a cult

Criminal past comes to light

Reasons for breaking up while still loving each other

Forbidden love

Date gone wrong

Causes for the apocalypse

How to create a coffee shop atmosphere

How to write enemies to lovers

How to write lovers to enemies to lovers

Arranged matrimony for royalty

Paramilitary Forces/ Militia

Honeymoon

Academic Rivals to Lovers

How to write amnesia

AU ideas

Favourite tropes

Inconvenient things a ghost could do

Milestones in a relationship

If you like my blog and want to support me, you can buy me a coffee! 

Fluff would be nice

Since I'm almost to my next milestone; what would y'all want? More prompt lists? And if so, what kind? Smut? Fluff? More Yandere? Let me know!

hey do you have a tumblr

no sorry