My Takes

people lots lots lots say " can not control situation but can control reaction " … so want shout out for people who can not , actually .

people who have meltdown because " small " thing go wrong - always bigger than people believe .

people who get angry and defensive when someone try bully and hurt - can not " just " ignore like everyone say .

people who feel actually violent when something upset - who need time and place to go hit things , so that not hurt people .

people who can not understand how stay calm and walk away - who instead get frustrate and say shut up go away .

and anyone else who relate to this - that can not control how react , not so easy like that .

is not bad person to not be able control reactions how people expect .

there is benefits in have skill , but , not deserve to beat self up for not have skill . people should support if or when try learn , but also , should support even before learn , give outlets and patience .

some people will forever have less skill , because brain physically can not adapt and learn right . some people have episodes and crises where control impossible . still do not make bad person . still deserve support .

more character should have speech impediments &/or stutters. for me. for my specific benefit

Needs to be said, probably controversial, but "bad" people deserve support for their mental health issues as well. "Bad" people should not be dehumanized and berated for their mental health issues. I dont care what they've done

poke hornet nest

my stance on ABA

(my stance on ABA)

as someone with (some) lived experience

most of it is shit.

for long time in past and even now, ABA only service available for a lot autistic people & family.

most of it (< ABA*) still is shit. (*this disclaimer applies to rest of repetition)

heard of more than enough cases of. insurance/school system/etc give pathetic number of hours/sessions for speech, OT, etc for autism but many more hours of ABA. or only cover ABA.

most of it still shit.

some speech & OT & other so called “alternatives to ABA” use behavioral & ABA tactics.

most of it still shit.

for many family, especially those with autistic person diagnosed as “severe” or level 3 and or have extreme behavioral issues etc. their option isn’t “ABA or no ABA.” often, option is “ABA or be labeled as abusive neglectful by government” or “ABA or have child taken away” “you ‘willingly’ enroll in ABA or we take and put them in ABA anyway” or “ABA or lose job.”

most of it still shit.

“ABA or lose job” because school not able or not willing help (because autistic person’s needs “that much”), you keep getting called to pick them up from school, from day care. other people not know how “deal with” your autistic family member, you know how help them a little more but also you sure as hell don’t and are just as lost. so you keep miss work to go pick them up from places that kick them out and you exhausted and you not get sleep because autistic family member needs pretty constant supervision and you not have respite and you not know how help and eventually your job fires you because you keep miss work. and oh did ever mention caring for disabled person extremely expensive? but oh btw there ABA agency you can send autistic family member to for up to 40 hour/week so maybe you can keep job and thus keep roof over head and can still put food on table for family for your autistic family member. oh they also say they may able help with autistic family member behavior so maybe they don’t get kicked out of every necessary service.

most of it still shit.

ABA agencies frequently kick out people deemed too severe or “cannot be helped” or too violent or too many behavioral issues or cause too much harm.

most of it still shit.

in world where may & very often do kill you for seeing you as different thus “threat,” ability mask life saving survival tactic. am talking about POC. am specifically especially talking about Black people. is teaching how mask greater evil than dead killed hatecrimed? sure, no one should have to choose between these two options, but world not care about your morals n your “should”s n your envisioned better future you may or may not be actively help build right now, these people need survive in real world here and now.

most of it still shit.

there (some. a few.) ABA survivors who went thru ABA in past and now who think ABA helped. helped them gain skill. help them prevent harm. some of them don’t see self as abused in ABA or traumatized by ABA. some see it as both abused and helped and grateful for help and hate abuse. some see as both abused and helped and don’t see amount of helped as ever worth abuse.

most of it still shit. (so many were & are abused. n abuse is abuse)

many newer ABA agencies realize ABA heavily criticized n labeled abusive & say they change methods & no longer practice old school ABA & now no longer abusive.

most of it still shit. (many of these agencies still do coercive abusive stuff even if call themselves changed)

some of them maybe truly changed. getting rid of abusive practices, focusing on skill building & adaptive functioning, child-led, instead of drills and forced masking.

most of it still shit.

talk a lot with people who so adamant about “all ABA abuse” “all parents who put child into ABA abused deserve get child taken away” who never was in personal proximity of ABA who. when ask to describe what ABA is in own words, not able to. or give generic response like “abuse & force mask”, but when ask to describe specific methods they do that, not able to. when ask them what discrete trial training and prompting is and what goals may look like and how they write behavioral analysis, never heard of any of them. say listen to ABA survivors, but not able name any individual names. just “oh listen to them online, if you actually listen like me you would know & i wouldn’t need say more so it really your ignorance.” but more often, just get reactionary shut down whole conversation be seen as ableist threat if even be asked first question. how you help advocate for ABA survivors if don’t even know what ABA is? or who ABA survivors? if cannot even talk about ABA? how even fight against your enemy if don’t even know what enemy look like, not able pick out enemy from crowd unless spoon fed?

most of it still shit.

found that. when am talking about ABA. from add nuance to encourage thought provoking questions to even rhetorically ask people to describe ABA. have to repeat emphasize that am not saying ABA all not abusive. even if it first thing i lead with. even if it super clear that am indeed criticizing ABA, just with more grey area and nuances than people used to. lot people will block me from this post just within some paragraphs. lot will block me over saying “most of it still shit” instead of denounce all ABA, when it clear that use of word “most” is deliberate choice n reason of said choice is in every corner of this post. others will finish reading (if even that) and all get out of is repeating “most of it still shit.” made similar posts year(s) ago. and still, find people vague post or explicitly post about me or my post, paint me as evil ABA apologist. whenever come across people who talk about “post where talk about ABA good,” stop and wonder, are they talking about me?

don’t want to talk about ABA because of this. tired, not worth it, often is bad starting point is turn off for people who never seen my posts when have other posts much easier entry point, n start off at bad start may cause them to not listen to me and maybe even other higher support needs and or nonverbal nonspeaking autistics in foreseeable future or ever.

you know, this post started off as “… so you all know i don’t think kindly of ABA right”

throughout write this post, don’t know which part am emphasizing more. the “most of it still shit” part or parts in between.

still. most of it still shit.

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"Brain damage" only sounds like a harsh and offensive way to describe brain injuries because people constantly use it as an insult. It's a totally neutral descriptor of what it is. I have brain damage. My brain is damaged. It's not ableist to call it that, it's ableist to call people you don't like brain damaged because you think it's an inherently bad thing to be.

My take on people reclaiming the r slur, as someone with cognitive and developmental disabilities. Warning, I will be referring to a racial slur in this post. It will be censored.

The r slur means slow. It is made specifically to mock "slow" people like me, people with a specific group of disabilities that impair us in a very specific way. Unless you are someone who is slow, that word does not apply to you and your cannot reclaim it. Honestly, even I hesitate to say it because while I have one of those specific disabilities, I am not intellectually disabled and so my ability to use that slur, to me, is not promised and I do not want to offend.

"Who are you to tell me I can't reclaim a slur used on me?"

Okay, so here's the thing. I'm Irish. Back in the day, racists used to call the Irish white n-words. That slur has been used against the Irish just as the r slur has been used against you. For the Irish, people hurled the meanest thing they could think of at us, and to them, comparing us to Black people was the worst thing they could possibly do. Similarly, ableists have referred to you as the r slur because they think that comparing you to people with intellectual disability is the worst possible insult they can hurl in your direction. Are you following?

Do the Irish have the right to reclaim the n-word just because it was used against us to "insult" us by comparing us to Black people? No, of course not. Because even though that word was used against us, it's a slur against Black people. Irish people who aren't Black don't get to reclaim that slur. Only Black people can reclaim it.

Similarly, if a straight man who was just a bit too queer-looking is bullied and called the f slur, because comparing him to gay people is the worst insult his bullies can think of, does he have the right to reclaim the f slur? No. The slur doesn't apply to him. It's been hurled in his direction but at the end of the day, he isn't gay. Just like the Irish aren't Black, and you are not intellectually disabled.

The r slur was made specifically to target people with intellectual disability. Outside of people with intellectual disability, there are very few groups to whom that word applies.

You can't reclaim a slur that doesn't apply to you. Even if it was used against you, there's a difference between being insulted by being compared to someone like me and actually having that word hurled at you because you are like me. I'm sorry people were ableist to you, but that's not your slur to reclaim. There are ones that apply to you. Ableists were very thorough. Please reclaim one that applies to you.

sincerely if you see a nurse/healthcare professional making tiktoks (and/or otherwise revealing personal details) about a patient please do not hesitate to report a HIPAA violation or whatever the respective health-information privacy policy is in your region. people who do this do not take their job or oath seriously and do not belong in healthcare

Me Giving a Pressed Conference: our advocacy for the disabled must include the addict, the imperfect victim, those we despise; the right to autonomy and life cannot devolve into a popularity contest

Reporter I Hate (Not Sexual Tension): Does that include all the attendees of the Bored Ape NFT event who went blind

Me: *Blood streaming from my nostrils and eyes* david, it includes everyone

Because she was lonely.

So, today, a woman came into our shop. It was a woman I’ve only heard my parents refer to as ‘the Deaf Lady’. My mum had told her about me, explained that I was doing Sign Language, and come to find me on a day she knew I was working.

But today, she didn’t need her lawnmower repaired. In fact, she hadn’t touched it since it had been, and as far as she knew everything was fine.

She’d come in to sign to me.

She waved hello, and instantly explained that my mum had told her I would be in today. I asked her how she was, and the smile that she had on her face was the biggest I’ve ever seen.

And we spent about an hour in my family’s little shop, talking about everything. She told me about her life, about how she’d lived in the same house for 60 years.

She’d been born deaf, and been a Brownie, but never a Guide, because of the War… she’s now 86.

She had some amazing stories to tell, and twice she cried. One of those times was remembering her youth, and the other was when she was explaining to me that her husband had died around 20 years ago, and how he’d been the last person she’d known that could communicate with her.

She’s been alone for 20 years, living in a silent world, unable to communicate with anyone for the most part. The most interaction she has is when she writes things down for people, but she’s struggled to make any recent friends, and her family is long gone.

Now someone explain to me what’s wrong with every school teaching a certain amount of Sign Language, and for colleges to offer it more freely and frequently. People should be encouraged to learn BSL, because otherwise we’re cutting ourselves off from talking to around 8 million people or so (in the UK alone).

That’s millions of people who are no less important than you are, who have their own stories to tell, and the same need for communication as anyone else on this tiny little planet.

J. cried today because it was the first time for a long time that anyone has asked her for her name, or listened to her stories.

She’s also coming back into work tomorrow, to sign with me, and help me practice. But also - because we’re only human - for the company.