Thetelekineticfrog - Definitely Contains Sarcasm, I Checked

You seem trustworthy...

Sure.

does anyone want to hire me to be their evil advisor

well since we're all going to be criminals right quick who wants to arson a police office?

I wish it wasn't illegal for people to flirt with me

"Rare steak" is a lie.

If it was really rare steak, you would need to:

-scale a great mountain and enter the cave at its peak

barter and haggle for passage with the gnomes for six days

-cross the great magma river Buorgenoasl in a canoe

-go through the chamber I can't remember the name of with all the stalactite constructs

-Eat a really weird herb that smells like the middle F note of a guitar but doesn't taste like anything

-Translate the ancient texts to discover your long sought after recipe

-find out this is instructions for teaching shrimp to fry rice

-repeat from step one in a different mountain

Swifties need to embrace the true light

The light of the lamb, conduit to great power and promised liberator of the one who waits below.

Y'ALL 😭😭😭

The Onion

Cult Leader Not Even Charismatic

NEW YORK—Baffled by the woman’s sway over her millions of acolytes, sources confirmed Monday that local cult leader Taylor Swift, 34, was no

Gotta do the cooking by the book

Reblog this to ease the back pain of the person you reblogged it from

ok.

Reblog to scare Disney

Seriously, though, what I love most about Pokémon is that the official explanation for why it’s okay that a bunch of children are running animal cage fights for money is because:

a. All living creatures in the Pokémon universe have a natural inclination to set up tournament brackets and engage in a series of staged one-on-one duels where nobody actually gets seriously hurt; and

b. Humans symbiotically contribute to this phenomenon by furnishing the infrastructure for Pokémon to organise themselves into stables and more effectively pursue martial glory.

Like, we are describing a universe where not only is a knowledge of and propensity toward the principles of professional wrestling genetically encoded in all beings, but humanity’s natural ecological niche is “wrestling promoter”.

It’s a beautiful thing.

talking about gender can be a love language actually