I Was So Small And New When I Was Ruined, I Never Stood A Chance

~ Girls when they can never be as pretty as the others, no matter how hard they try ~

When you reach the point where your planning your suicide but still no one even noticed you were struggling in the first place <<

BPD culture is distractions. this is a distraction. tumblr is a distraction. music is a distraction. tv is a distraction. friends are a distraction. you're a distraction. everything is a distraction from my thoughts and the constant pain. but there's triggers in so many of the distractions anyway, and the pain never goes away.

– 👁

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being suicidal at a funeral is the weirdest thing ever.

thoughts be like:

damn this is sad. they say all those nice things… would they do that for me too? who would come to my funeral anyways? what flowers would they bring? what would the speaker say i did in my life if i never really did anything. i dont want to see my grandma cry but damn i want to be dead so bad but what a bad person am i? its so selfish to want that!

It finally clicked in my brain, that the reason you don't treat me like you treat others in your life, is because you love the others in your life. You love having them in your life. I've simply become the obligation you can't untangle yourself from.

People really think I'm joking when I say my emotions get so intense that I believe the only way out is to kill myself.

the feeling when you just wanna be alone and push everyone away so you could quietly kill yourself vrs the feeling of never wanting to be alone and just wanting to be held and told itll be okay even when it wont.