Happy PRIDE I’m Here I’m Queer And I Believe The Land Should Be Given Back To The Proper Indigenous

Today’s Adventure is that I, after an unintentional 13-hour power nap,

Got woken up at 6AM by a phone call from a friend stranded in Montana because of the heat wave and almost no cell service because of their crap provider.

OhSoThat'sHowIt'sGonnaBe.jpg

Ok.

I somehow summon a week’s worth of spoons and in less than 30 minutes and 5 phone calls, get them

A hotel

An appointment with a mechanic from 2 states away

A perscription refilled from 2 states away

and A Pizza

Go me.

But then it’s 8AM and there are unscheduled live humans at the door and while EVERGENCY MODE is still on, I have already blown through a ton of spoons, and also probably shouldn’t meet whoever it is wearing just a pair of bootyshorts that say “CRYPTID” in Gothic Font on my ass.

So I greet them in those shorts and a T-shirt that I manage to put on both inside out and backwards

#nailedit

It is, Fortunately, not the mormons.

it is, Unfortunately, two UPS guys trying to deliver my other in-house friend’s new phone except the new guy doesn’t know how to operate the “sign for package” device, and the old guy that’s supposed to be mentoring him is like, 92, deaf as a post, and doesn’t actually know how to operate the device either.

by the way

it is already

over 100 out

it takes almost 30 minutes to sign for the phone

when i get back inside, i discover that apparently the Corgi has learned how to open his kennel from the inside because he is now out of the kennel and waiting for me to come in.

he also has cat litter all over his face because while he was waiting for me he also learned how to open the baby gate to the cat’s room and help himself to a cat shit breakfast.

He’ll be fine

He’s a cattle dog, they’re legally required to have at least 1 really disgusting snack they love.

but

more to the point

i have no idea at what point he learned to open his kennel from the inside

has he been staying there out of politeness this whole time??

And

I got other shit to do today.

namely.

I’m seeing a realator

The Devils most pathetic yet effective demons

I get a reminder text that I have an appointment with her

at least

I think that’s what it is because what she sends me is: “🏡⏰12:00 ❔”

With the time typed in the middle like that.

She is, according to her profile, at least 80.

so I reply “😎👍”

and then she sends me a string of GODDAMN POST-MODERN EMOJI HEIROGLYPHICS THAT TAKE UP MY ENTIRE SCREEN.

She’s on an iPhone so half of them don’t even translate across platforms

It takes me half an hour and three different software programs and goddamn wingdings to translate, but she has sent me the address and rules about masking and not wearing shoes inside.

in emoji

instead of like

literally any other format

I am

FASCINATED

and simply must meet the woman so if I don’t come back to update I got stolen by the fairies but I’m taking the Corgi with me as protection so I’ll see y'all later.

tumblr discourse after 13 years on this fucking website

you, reading this. you're a creature now. reblog to creature your followers

Random writing prompt

You are stuck in the future and can't return home. If you try you will ruin the timeline. The biggest problem with this is you can't understand a word anyone is saying.

Hi tumblr, a few things on spirits after my possession by an eldritch witch that caused me to write a song.

The witch and song aren’t important they just helped me realize ideal spirit environments.

Spirits are attracted to ideas or experiences they can relate to or latch on to. They also prefer neurodivergent people because neurotypical people tend to block them out. Hopes this helps you and your spirit!

no because when everything everywhere all at once said “‘alone I’m useless’ ‘everyone’s useless alone. good thing we’re not alone.’” and “in another life, i would have loved to have just done laundry and taxes with you” and “you think i am naive. i’ve been alive just as many years as you. this [love] is how i fight” and “of all the places i could be, I just want to be here with you” and-

Turns out the horsemen of the Apocalypse now prefer to go by Shareholder Profit, Private Equity, Corporate Personhood, and Workforce Optimization.

Mxtx: Have you seen this place? It’s a freakin’ mess. The cultivators and demons are having what looks like a turf war, Heaven’s Officials have been hanging out with the ghosts, that simply can’t be a good influence on them.

Readers: Heaven’s Officials or the ghosts?

Mxtx, sobbing: EITHER!!

Reminder that you are loved