Im Sorry If My Writings Are Not Full Of Feelings. Ill Stop. Okay

19:34

My lips fail to be in sync with my heart’s desire, so I relied on my hands.

But with every paper filled with smudges from my fingertips, I have realized,

I can never write everything down the same way I used to…

when I was a chaos but my heart wasn’t.

(eusie.)

the thing is, we’re screw-ups. i don’t even know why we still stick with each other. maybe because we know that no one else will, for the very reason that we’re monsters.

juicy (eusie.)

i can taste the tears from the way you write and i can hear your heart cracking each time you speak

an excerpt from a poem i wrote and deleted, pt. 1 (eusie.)

This will be one hell of a fucking ride

a.k.a. This was supposed to be hidden / under my bed / along with stories / I refuse to read before I sleep

Standing in front of a mirror / I see myself eyeing every inch of me / the black lace covering / almost nothing / and the music on my back / is glorious

Then there’s a knock / below my feet / as the wind settles behind the curtains of my bedroom window

It takes a second then a minute / blood flowing in a rush / heartbeat flooding my eardrums / as I parade down the stairs

He stands there like a kitten / his shadow touching the back of the door

He’s breathing fire as he enters inside / then our breaths waltz / in the same air-y music / then we feel the same desperate burn on our veins / the same shyness flush on our cheeks

A beat / a whisper / then pants begin travelling in the hope of more / of more bare skin / of more blazing touches / of more sight of swollen lips

I lead him to my room / catching his fingers once inside / placing them on my shoulder blades / I lead him / to have himself kiss me wet

(eusie.)

“You look at him like the story of Icarus is a lesson you’re never gonna learn. Oh, but maybe some things were just meant to burn.”

— like he’s the ocean and it’s a goddamn shame that you never learnt to swim | via p.d

But I think you write great?

Oh. Hi. Thanks. IDK if this is how you meant to write this compliment(?). But with that question mark at the end, I think you’re even questioning yourself if I really write great. Lol. But if you really mean it, then thanks, like seriously. Good evening

HALYANG

Dear (z        a),

Sometimes you remind me of eating sweet chocolates under a night full of stars near a breathtaking view of the sea with the wind flushing our cheeks red

Because I hope you’re like a movie where you’re a happy ending and a lovely soundtrack that’s like a lullaby

But you are cigarette ashes left unwanted near the window panes and an unheard song that will always be buried deep inside my head

Because you’re like an old piano playing sadly alone in a dark room a dangerous whirl of the wind as the light of day walks away

No, no, no this shouldn’t be like a love letter

Because that would mean kisses planted on pieces of paper hoping you’ll feel them under your fingertips or each letter and phrase etched like teardrops that won’t taste salty but bittersweet romance

No, no, no this shouldn’t be a love letter

Because you deserve more than that you deserve green lights on a busy day or full breakfast served on your bed and homemade cupcakes sweet as love you deserve sunrises and sunsets beautiful as you

Caught up like a fly on a spider web I now don’t know where this river of words lead to when all I want is to witness your glory and be a torch of hope to your seemingly never-ending dark roads

My friend,

When the night eats away your life I’ll breathe into you my soul when the day abandons you during your weakness even if I can’t, even if you don’t want me to I’ll shine on you

Yours sincerely,

(eusie.)

Look and you'll see

a.k.a. I’ll try to write about you one more time ft. Love is…

Your eyes speak of daydreams turned into wishful thoughts that keep me awake at night; like perfectly made snowflakes that’ll tickle my nose as they fall, only they slip away from my skin. The way you breathe is like a memory I cannot remember to forget. And sometimes, I can’t believe myself, that I feel every move of the air surrounding you like how I feel your every existence — your presence within my radius. But know this: I’ll never get to see if your heart rages out of your ribcage as our eyes meet, or get to know if you deny the urge to create chaos inside your lungs once you realize I’m standing near you. Because I don’t know if I’m the only one who doesn’t try to ignore the cry of our souls, or maybe it’s really just me who feels like crying. You look like a falling star, only I’m the one who’s falling and I’m full of wishes about you. And know this: sometimes love is never having what you want like how I can’t have you. In the end, time is the only one I trust to blow me away from the havoc inside my head created by you.

(eusie.)

POCKET DIARY 2012

An entry

It can only take a second      for lingering feelings      to slip into      your heart again

Just like how a flower      can bloom again      in a garden      you left to wither

— "14", y.g.

(eusie.)

Here’s to someone, pt. 3

Dear (h    n),

You should know by now that this is about you

But if you’re not in love with me too then I doubt that you do

There were no fireworks or violins playing beautifully the heaven didn’t open its gates and set out its angels to sing love songs

No when my eyes first landed on yours I got stranded on the crooked smile on your lips and on the calm sea surrounding you

I think that’s when I realize that I might end up sinking that I might end up drowning

And I didn’t know if I should be afraid

But this feeling this magical feeling each time I saw the sparkle in your eyes when I glanced at you

But this feeling

I knew it won’t run away from me but stay and hide in each of my veins and my heart will explode with this feeling of you with this feeling of wanting you

I knew I knew I would fall for you

The second time my eyes landed on you the crooked smile was back but the calm sea was now a storm

And I was already sinking

And and and then

You said my name

I think that’s when I realize that I might end up drowning next

And I still didn’t know if I should be afraid

But this feeling this magical feeling was still there each time I saw the sparkle in your eyes when I glanced at you and as if you stitched my soul my heart craved and craved for your attention and for you to say my name again

But this feeling

I knew it won’t run away from me and my heart will explode from every word escaping your lips each time you speak to me with every hair on my skin you lit up each time you smile at me my heart will definitely explode with this feeling of you with this feeling of wanting you more

I knew I knew I was falling for you

The third time my eyes landed on you

I, I, I

I think I was already crazy but there were fireworks there were violins playing on the background and the heaven opened its gates to let the angels sing their love songs

And with the clouds smiling at me and the wind whispering a happy melody

I got stranded I sank

And I definitely was drowning and already falling

And I wasn’t afraid

Because this feeling this magical feeling did not run away from me and my heart will continue to explode with this feeling of you with this feeling of wanting you endlessly

I love you I love you I’m in love with you

And you should know by now that this is about you

But if you’re not in love with me too then I doubt that you do

Yours sincerely,

(eusie.)