Latest Posts by tokenbritishmale - Page 4

“My Lolth senses are tingling, & my butthole is puckering! Do NOT go near that alter!”

- Drow Ranger to the Paladin.

It’s worth the reblog

Listen, I would protect him with my life

I’m sorry, but I couldn’t not

It's really not that hard to tell actors from their characters

Like, this is Loki

And this is Tom. They have different colored hair.

This is Castiel

And this is Misha. They wear different clothes.

This is Tony Stark

And this is Robert Downey Jr. They have different names.

Simple

Hi, I’ll take twelve

Me at any time. At this point, I’m pretty sure I survive on stress

Me this week

This squirrel is the next step of evolution

Taking place in England the owners of the yard slowly kept adding sections to the contraption so when the squirrel learned one section and got the nuts, they’d add another section. It took over 2 weeks to get to the final product you see in the video.

tony has probably told peter parker he can call him tony and peter is just always like okey dokey mr stark

i dont get offended at white people jokes even though im white because: 

i can recognize white people as a whole have systemically oppressed POC in america, which is where i live 

most people when they make white people jokes only mean the shitty white people and i am not a shitty white person 

im not a pissbaby

PSA

It is the gayest day of the year

May 18th, 2018

Gay gayteenth, twentygayteen

That is all have a lovely gay day

This is what it would be like if I tried to voice act

*smoke emiting from clenched fist*

woman: OOOOoOOH NoO!!!! It’s meelltIINNGG!!

*ring melts off woman’s hand*

woman: MY PRECIOUS POWERRrRR RING! GONE FOORRVVERrrr..

woman: *screams like a pterodactyl* 

ok but what if like. werewolves transform under the full moon but theres just this one and by day hes a big tough guy and then when he transforms hes a tiny dog. just fucking. just fucking turns into the tiniest, fluffiest dog

imagine that howling at the moon

I need to keep this... for a friend

Hi im new here

One of the most entertaining historical figures I’ve heard of

Ok but why are we not talking about Julie D’Aubigny

So this lady was born in France in 1670 to a guy who worked for the Comte D’Armangac training pages. And so her father was like, “what the heck. Give the kid a sword.” So Julie grew up cross dressing and training with pages. But she was a mere woman in the late 1600s so when she was like 14 the Comte took he as his mistress because that’s how human rights work, and then married her off to one of his men because that’s also how human rights work. So Julie’s husband gets an administrative position in southern France and has her stay in Paris. Julie is not about this arranged-marriage thing, but she does meet a fencing instructor named Serranes. They have an affair, Julie is divorced, she and Serranes run away together and put on shows (she was also an opera singer. For anyone interested, she was an alto.) They broke up and parted ways.

Now this next bit all happened before she was 18. That’s important to note. She ran away with a couple more people, my personal favorite incident being the time she fell in love with this girl (that’s right, friends. Probably the greatest lady in history was bi). Girlfriend’s parents weren’t happy that she had a girlfriend, so they sent her to a convent (filled with other women?). Julie is not happy about this.

So she sneaks into the convent.

Steals a dead nun’s corpse.

Puts it in her girlfriend’s bed.

And escapes with her girlfriend, setting the convent on fire behind her.

They wander for a bit, eventually break up. Girlfriend goes home. Julie keeps wandering. This guy insults her, she stabs him in the shoulder in a duel, it’s a mess for like a day. And Julie asks around, figures out this guy is the son of a local duke, goes to his house (in my completely historically accurate opinion probably to gloat). They start dating for a while.

Stuff gets fuzzy after Julie turns 19 or so. She reportedly duelled three men in one night who got mad at her for kissing girls. She won all three. And I haven’t been able to find a good source on this, but it’s possible that she sang insulting songs at people while she duelled them. Some records suggest she ran off to Spain with another girlfriend before dying in her early thirties.

So yeah that’s Julie D’Aubigny, the woman I swear was born to be tumblr famous. Thank you for reading my rant.

An accurate representation of my flirting ability

baby ur the prettiest girl in this whole mcdonalds

Congress has set out a bill to stop the FCC taking away our internet. PLEASE SPREAD THIS AS MUCH AS YOU CAN.

https://www.congress.gov/bill/115th-congress/house-bill/4585

It’s important to remember

You Are Going To Have So Much Success In 2018 (pass it on)

No. Nobody said that. Ever

I’ve made an important discovery today

Peach iced tea

I’ve made an important discovery today

Peach iced tea

This is the summery of every essay I have ever written or will ever write for college

Today a student emailed over a draft of his essay on 1984 and had clearly used a thesaurus on every single word, and how I know this is because the the party slogan ‘Big Brother is watching you’ had become ‘Enormous Sibling is viewing you’ and I lauged so hard I cried

After a long day of work, it’s good to relax

I have to unsubscribe immediately!

This isn’t even a debate y'all, this is a FACT

Have I ever told you that I love seals?

WATCH: The Oregon Zoo in Portland was closed to the public today due to heavy snow – but the zoo’s residents had a blast.

Time to get festive ;))

I didn’t know this existed until now and I feel like I’ve been missing out.

The most beautiful thing I have  heard all day and you have the opportunity to hear it too.

I don’t know what about this is so funny, but it is

He is shooketh