“it’s Easier To Love Than To Hate”

Appetite: Rambling #17

19th April 2022, 14:52

My mum said that I’m getting my appetite back because I ate chocolate after dinner. It was Easter chocolate. Easter chocolate that she had bought for me. What do you want me to do? Just leave it until the due by date has gone by? Chocolate lasts for ages. Plus, what’s wrong with me wanting a little chocolate? I’m definitely more of a savoury person, but it’s nice to have chocolate every now and then. Especially during the Easter season. Also, the thing people forget is that I never lost my appetite. I was always hungry. I just never ate. Food is amazing, but it’s also the bane of my existence. I feel as though my entire life is based around my food. Counting calories. Starving myself. Throwing up. Eating too much. Checking my weight. Reading mean-spo. I just want to be able to eat food without feeling like it is going to ruin my appearance.

~ 化け猫 (Bakeneko)

DEAD DOVE RP FINDER

Hello, as you can probably tell by the title, I am depraved and need my writing to reflect this.

CCXCC MXM ONLY

DISCORD ONLY

I would like to do something where our characters are extremely toxic for one another, but cannot stand to be away from each other. I’m talking real dead dove tropes here; think grape, kidnapping, stalking, non-con, dub-con, sewerslide attempts, self-knife (or mutual self-knife), age gaps, underage, illegal, drugs, drink, ABO, forced Mpreg, 1nc3st, everything bad you can possibly think of. If we do go down the underage/ABO route, I would prefer to be the underage/O character, however I would still prefer that both of our characters are switches as I believe this makes the plot more dynamic and interesting.

I’m currently interested in writing dead dove for these fandoms. The character I would like to write will be in bold:

Genshin Impact:

Kazuha x Scaramouche

Razor x Bennett (or anyone to be honest)

Xingqiu x Chongyun

Gorou x Heizou (or anyone)

Tighnari x Cyno

Yuri on Ice:

Yuri P x Otabek

Overwatch:

Hanzo x Cassidy

Hanzo x Genji

Like this post or send me a message and we can get to plotting something together!

Love: Rambling #9

18th April 2022, 00:35

There is this girl that I love. She knows that I love her. I met her last summer, and I have loved her since the day we met. She is kind, funny, and she genuinely cares about me. The problem is, this girl lives in Ukraine. She lives in Kharkiv and is directly impacted by the war. I am so terrified something is going to happen to her. For your information, I live in Scotland. However, there are a lot of controversial thoughts I have about this girl. I’ll list them:

1. She’s 17. I don’t really care. 16 is the legal age in the UK. I am 20. The problem is, I like people who are older than me (preferably 25+). I can tell that she is still immature. I can see my 17 year old self in her mannerisms. It’s weird, though, because I’m jealous of her age. I feel like I’m mentally stuck at 17 and I haven’t grown up since. I think this is because I was isolated since I was 14, so I never got the opportunity to socialise and grow up. I know I will forever be 17. I suppose a good thing is that she is taller than me. I like that in a partner, too.

2. She’s very talented. She is brilliant at music and can draw wonderfully, too. Of course, I’m impressed by this and I like to see her work, but at the same time, I am jealous and it makes me feel insecure. I started guitar when I was 4. I was called a prodigy by my guitar instructor, but I never progressed. I was forced to work at the level of my peers. Now, I am only average at guitar. This girl, she attended a musicians school. It’s the same for her art. I bet her parents paid for her to be tutored. Either that, or she had so little worries that she had time to practice properly by herself. I had to work for a living, I didn’t get time to work on the things that I loved. Plus, I’ve never had a damn art lesson in my life. I have so many things that I want to draw, but I can’t draw for the life of me. I know it is just practice, but I don’t have the energy or the time to practice. I keep saying I’ll practice in summer, but we all know how that ends up.

3. She’s not serious. I want to flirt with her. Whenever I do, it’s always brushed off with a joke. It’s frustrating. I want her to smirk at my words. I want her to feel flustered. I want her to make me feel the same. I want to feel that ache in my chest when she says something hot. Not even sexual, just romantic or flirtatious. Though, I really do like making out. I want to make out with her, but that’s something I cannot suggest because it will scare her away.

4. She is asexual. Don’t get me wrong, I support people who are asexual, but fucking hell. What am I supposed to do? I’m not asexual. I want to touch her. I want to trace her body. I want to kiss the back of her neck. I want to make her stare at me while I walk. I want her to feel me. I want her to love every aspect of me. And, again, not even sexually. I want to skim her body like ripples on the ocean. I want to count the freckles on her skin. I want to see her nude to appreciate the beauty of her body. I can’t ever ask for something like this because she in asexual, and I cannot stand rejection. I still have hope that she will change, or that I can turn her sexual, or that she just hasn’t tried being sexual with a ‘female’ before. When I was 17, I thought I was asexual, too. I hope this is just a phase. I want her to love me. Love me hard.

~ 化け猫 (Bakeneko)

Bonnie and Clyde: Rambling #14

19th April 2022, 00:31

Dear God, my last rambling made me start thinking about this. A lover. A crazed lover. Somebody who is obsessed and head over heels for me. Somebody who spends every minute thinking about me, plotting scenarios about me, dreaming about me, who would do absolutely anything for me. Just as I would for them. In love. Wholly in love. Wildly in love. Our love would be messy. Bloody. I want us to elope and become Bonnie and Clyde. I want them to look at me, sparks behind their eyes, with a knife in their hand, blood spattered across their face, and a corpse by their feet. I want to walk forward, clutch their jaw, and press my lips firmly to their own. I want to make love in the blood of our victim. But, are they really a victim? We’re only ridding them from this horrible, horrible world. I think I would try and kill the bad, worst people of this world first. The animal abusers. The pedophiles. The parents who beat their children. Rich people who don’t donate to charities. Oh, and that one girl who lied about me hurting her when I was about six years old. You fucking bitch. I didn’t touch you. But, now I will. I’ll hurt you in the way you said I did, and then my partner will slit your throat and your blood will coat my naked body. I’ll glisten black under the moonlight. My lover, their eyes dilated in admiration, would drop their knife and come to me, tender hands leaving trails through the blood across my chest. Oh, how I would fall for you even further. I would kill for you. I would do anything for you. I would grow you roses fed with the blood of my enemies. They would be the brightest, most healthiest, deep red roses you have ever seen. All you have to do is let go and trust me. Just let go. Let your inner demons take control of the steering wheel. Join me in my instantly. Together we can dominate this disgusting, pathetic world. After all, it’s not fun to be insane when you’re alone.

~ 化け猫 (Bakeneko)

Fever: Rambling #12

18th April 2022, 02:18

Do you know what else is incredibly annoying? The illness that is still in my body. To give you context, I got sick around mid January. Not covid, although it mimicked covid. It is almost May and I still have the damn sickness. Granted, my snotty nose and coughing is much less, but I still have a damn fever. It’s awful because I’m always freezing cold. I want to be known as the freezing cold person. It scratches a part of my eating disordered brain, “ooga booga, if you’re cold and pale, people will notice you and ask if you’re okay, ooga booga”. I don’t know, I guess I just want shot of this bug. I even got blood tests done last week (damn, I need to post a rambling about my health problems at some point), and the virus showed up in my blood. It was actually pretty scary because they phoned me and I thought they were going to tell me I had cancer or something. I shouldn’t have to worry about shit like this, I’m only 20.

~ 化け猫 (Bakeneko)

“The sun watches what I do. But the moon knows all my secrets.”

— Unknown

Roleplay: Rambling #20

21st April 2022, 21:46

I think I know why I like roleplaying so much. It’s like I can escape into a different reality and become somebody entirely else. I can make friends and lovers. I can be in a fantasy world with powers and dragons. I can be the centre of attention. When I roleplay, I can switch of this prison of a world and forget all the horrible things that are happening to me. When I roleplay, I don’t feel so alone. I love the people I roleplay with, the ones that are genuinely good at writing, because they create these wonderful worlds and situations for me to be in. They give me an escape, and I’m forever grateful. I have roleplayed for many years and it has never gotten boring to me. I enjoy being loved. I enjoy being beautiful. I simply enjoy being.

~ 化け猫 (Bakeneko)