You Can Do Whatever You Want Forever If You Believe In It

Every time somebody asks Billy why he doesn’t do a thing half the time he answers with “House number [insert number here]” and the JL eventually don’t question him further and just apologise before shuffling away awkwardly.

Billy Batson answering (as Captain Marvel) the question of why he doesn't join in for a drink with the group after being pressured for the 800th time, this time by Guy, who already pisses Billy off in general tho he tries to hide it.

"House number 5. I don't drink."

"what the hell does that mean?"

"foster home number 5. Got beat black and blue by the foster parents bc one of the other kids stole their liquor and they blamed it on me. Nasty alcoholics, the both of them. So I told myself, when I grow up, I won't touch the stuff."

Guy tries back pedaling, but one of the others has already slapped him upside the head for pushing the captain.

"I'm sorry you went thru that cap, I guess we shouldn't have been bothering you to drink so much"

Idk something along the lines of whether true or not, Billy decides to tell them something that'll make them regret pushing. Still kinda percolating in my brain

Two words guys…. Uncle Dudley

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Senior Citizen Smackdown Nominations

Force an elderly person into a cage fight by submitting their name below

This is the nominations form for the DC comics Senior Citizen Smackdown tournament.

Okay, random thought, but I can definitely see Cassandra Cain hanging upside down like a bat purely to freak people out and to keep her status as a cryptid

thinking of the differences in cass and bruce regarding their no-kill rules, and how cass’ rule is better in regards to the batman persona and what it stands for. death and bruce have an awful relationship, to say the least. he has gained nothing from death and murder, in fact it affects him so much that all he can do with death is just sit in its presence forever, without ever working through it (he literally refers to death as ‘a curse constantly hanging over him’ i mean that is not the most accepting mindset). with cass though? she can actively process death and even accept that it has happened. she isn’t like bruce, because she uses others dying to make her intense love and empathy stronger, while bruce just uses it to fuel anger and an onslaught of repressed negative emotions (which we all know can only last you so long before your whole body just gives out). i mean, the second bruces parents died, he separated the concept of murder from his life, (even though that is literally impossible, minhkhoa, ra’s, talia, selina, and basically anyone who has been in a meaningful relationship with bruce has pointed this out. i mean even a ghost martha wayne has told bruce there’s no avoiding death, only going through it). however, with cass? she literally was a murderer. one of the many reasons cass vows to never kill is because she actively sees herself in murderers, and thinks they all have the capacity to be redeemed, while bruce barely has an idea how to even process murder, let alone accept it or the people who do it (thinking of how he straight up denied that cass killed anyone, or was even capable of doing it, even with video evidence shown right in front of him, and im not even gonna get into the whole jason todd thing). cassandra could be a better batman simply because she can look death (specifically murders and murderers) dead in the eye and accept it, something that bruce cant even do. basically what im getting at is that, ironically, cass’ backstory of her being a murderer allows her to use the batman persona to its full unfiltered potential, something that even bruce is aware of. anyways here’s my cass should take up the batman mantle propaganda!!

I'm chewing on this like it's a five course meal thank you so much for this analysis there's so much to go through.

You're so right about their different mentalities like Bruce was ultimately a victim and his drive comes from both never wanting anyone else to suffer like that but also never wanting to be a victim again himself. And if does mean that his various complexes around death and crime can sometimes be very harmful to people he should be trying to save! Batman is a symbol and an ideal and no one, not even Bruce can truly live up to it.

Meanwhile Cass views herself as the perpetrator, the responsible party instead of a fellow victim tricked into killing a man. And her projection while again not in anyway perfect is definitely better for those around her than Bruce's because it's full of empathy and a belief for change. The heartbreaking part is that she's no less fucked up over the concept of death imo, she just directs it all inwards. Every life lost is a tragedy that Bruce and Cass both carry on their shoulders. The difference is Bruce views anyone who takes a life as having sacrificed a part of themselves they can ever get back, of ruining their life regardless of circumstances. And we really do get to see frequently in comics how that standard ends up harming innocents even as he tries to do good. Meanwhile Cass... Does actually hold quite similar views but she also stubbornly refuses to believe it's true for anyone else just because she cannot escape it being her own personal truth. They killed but they can change. They killed but they can turn their life around. They felt bad for a second there, I saw them. I'm going to help them because of that.

Part of it definitely comes down to the thematic cohesiveness of Cass's Batgirl run compared to Bruce's... Everything. But ultimately yeah Cass best Batman for multiple reasons and you can fight me on this.

IS THAT HYPERPIGMENTATION???

Holy freaking moly‼️

5 for beef

1 or 3 for toast

Don’t like coffee

this is going around twitter and i thought it'd be a fun little thing to bond over

in the tags as usual

Excuses (lies) Billy Batson could use to explain why he’s a kid.

He just takes the form of a child like Klarion the Witch Boy

It’s his power save mode

He was born with the knowledge of the gods and has the mind of an adult

He uses the form because people are more likely to talk to a homeless little orphan kid rather than a 7ft Demi-god superhero.

His body just ages more slowly than his mind.

He was made of magic not very long ago so his non-magic form is how old he’d be if he was normal.

He died at this age and his magic makes him look how old he should be.

He just looks that way

“Fuck off, it’s magic” (persuasion)

“What? Are you seeing straight? Obviously I’m an adult” (straight up lying)

Plot armor but it’s Bruce Wayne’s wealth.

Bruce is one of the richest men in the world. Bruce does not want to be one of the richest men in world.

He starts by implementing high starting salaries and full health care coverages for all levels at Wayne Enterprises. This in vastly improves retention and worker productivity, and WE profits soar. He increases PTO, grants generous parental and family leave, funds diversity initiatives, boosts salaries again. WE is ranked “#1 worker-friendly corporation”, and productively and profits soar again.

Ok, so clearly investing his workers isn’t the profit-destroying doomed strategy his peers claim it is. Bruce is going to keep doing it obviously (his next initiative is to ensure all part-time and contractors get the same benefits and pay as full time employees), but he is going to have to find a different way to dump his money.

But you know what else is supposed to be prohibitively expensive? Green and ethical initiatives. Yes, Bruce can do that. He creates and fund a 10 year plan to covert all Wayne facilities to renewable energy. He overhauls all factories to employ the best environmentally friendly practices and technologies. He cuts contracts with all suppliers that engage in unethical employment practices and pays for other to upgrade their equipment and facilities to meet WE’s new environmental and safety requirements. He spares no expense.

Yeah, Wayne Enterprises is so successful that they spin off an entire new business arm focused on helping other companies convert to environmentally friendly and safe practices like they did in an efficient, cost effective, successful way.

Admittedly, investing in his own company was probably never going to be the best way to get rid of his wealth. He slashes his own salary to a pittance (god knows he has more money than he could possibly know what to do with already) and keeps investing the profits back into the workers, and WE keeps responding with nearly terrifying success.

So WE is a no-go, and Bruce now has numerous angry billionaires on his back because they’ve been claiming all these measures he’s implementing are too expensive to justify for decades and they’re finding it a little hard to keep the wool over everyone’s eyes when Idiot Softheart Bruice Wayne has money spilling out his ears. BUT Bruce can invest in Gotham. That’ll go well, right?

Gotham’s infrastructure is the OSHA anti-Christ and even what little is up to code is constantly getting destroyed by Rogue attacks. Surely THAT will be a money sink.

Except the only non-corrupt employer in Gotham city is….Wayne Enterprises. Or contractors or companies or businesses that somehow, in some way or other, feed back to WE. Paying wholesale for improvement to Gotham’s infrastructure somehow increases WE’s profits.

Bruce funds a full system overhaul of Gotham hospital (it’s not his fault the best administrative system software is WE—he looked), he sets up foundations and trusts for shelters, free clinics, schools, meal plans, day care, literally anything he can think of.

Gotham continues to be a shithole. Bruce Wayne continues to be richer than god against his Batman-ingrained will.

Oh, and Bruice Wayne is no longer viewed as solely a spoiled idiot nepo baby. The public responds by investing in WE and anything else he owns, and stop doing this, please.

Bruce sets up a foundation to pay the college tuition of every Gotham citizen who applies. It’s so successful that within 10 years, donations from previous recipients more than cover incoming need, and Bruce can’t even donate to his own charity.

But by this time, Bruce has children. If he can’t get rid of his wealth, he can at least distribute it, right?

Except Dick Grayson absolutely refuses to receive any of his money, won’t touch his trust fund, and in fact has never been so successful and creative with his hacking skills as he is in dumping the money BACK on Bruce. Jason died and won’t legally resurrect to take his trust fund. Tim has his own inherited wealth, refuses to inherit more, and in fact happily joins forces with Dick to hack accounts and return whatever money he tries to give them. Cass has no concept of monetary wealth and gives him panicked, overwhelmed eyes whenever he so much as implies offering more than $100 at once. Damian is showing worrying signs of following in his precious Richard’s footsteps, and Babs barely allows him to fund tech for the Clocktower. At least Steph lets him pay for her tuition and uses his credit card to buy unholy amounts of Batburger. But that is hardly a drop in the ocean of Bruce’s wealth. And she won’t even accept a trust fund of only one million.

Jason wins for best-worst child though because he currently runs a very lucrative crime empire. And although he pours the vast, vast majority of his profits back into Crime Alley, whenever he gets a little too rich for his tastes, he dumps the money on Bruce. At this point, Bruce almost wishes he was being used for money laundering because then he’s at least not have the money.

So children—generous, kindhearted, stubborn till the day they die the little shits, children—are also out.

Bruce was funding the Justice League. But then finances were leaked, and the public had an outcry over one man holding so much sway over the world’s superheroes (nevermind Bruce is one of those superheroes—but the public can’t know that). So Bruce had to do some fancy PR trickery, concede to a policy of not receiving a majority of funds from one individual, and significantly decrease his contributions because no one could match his donations.

At his wits end, Bruce hires a team of accounts to search through every crinkle and crevice of tax law to find what loopholes or shortcuts can be avoided in order to pay his damn taxes to the MAX.

The results are horrifying. According to the strictest definition of the law, the government owes him money.

Bruce burns the report, buries any evidence as deeply as he can, and organizes a foundation to lobby for FAR higher taxation of the upper class.

All this, and Wayne Enterprises is happily chugging along, churning profit, expanding into new markets, growing in the stock market, and trying to force the credit and proportionate compensation on their increasingly horrified CEO.

Bruce Wayne is one of the richest men in the world. Bruce Wayne will never not be one of the richest men in the world.

But by GOD is he trying.