toobytoobs

Latest Posts by toobytoobs

batman would hate me because I’d insist on pockets with my costume and he’d argue a utility belt is technically multiple pockets and I wouldn’t take that

Captain Marvel gets kidnapped and put under a magical truth spell except it’s the Marvel & Billy Are Separate People AU so the kidnappers don’t get any info on his (Billy’s) secret identity

Kidnapper: “Alright Marvel! What’s your real name?”

Captain Marvel: “Captain Marvel”

Kidnapper: “what??? No! I mean your real name!”

Cap: “my real name is Captain Marvel”

Kidnapper: “what?! Ugh nevermind. How old are you?”

Cap: “I’m supposed to keep count of that?”

Kidnapper, getting more frustrated by the second: “just- just give me a rough estimate”

Cap: “at least a few million years, though I was asleep for a few thousand”

Kidnapper: “…”

Kidnapper, moving on: “well, where do you live?”

Cap: *shrugs*

Kidnapper: “you can’t just shrug! Where do you live?!?!”

Cap: “the rock, I guess”

Kidnapper: “the rock- WHAT IS THE ROCK?”

Cap: “basically a big cave”

Kidnapper: “YOU LIVE IN A CAVE???”

Concept: an episode of the Justice League cartoon where the MCs get sucked into a 90s teen movie… powers get reset to when they were that age.

"a girl is damned if she does, damned if she doesn't" - my professor

if this isn't stephanie brown......................

why would you ever outsource fun to chatgpt? are you stupid? you can make mediocre shit by yourself too.

WFA Duke edits with things I think he should have said!!! BIG thank you to @stephexmachina for helping edit these 💖💖💖💖.

Old Cass Comic

Through gaps in my bounds, for what's forbidden tastes so divine an itch creeps on my fingers. Scratching through the prickliness, the crimson liquid seeping through the wounds, I continue to feed into the itchiness, dried flakes of my skin spreading through the air like dust. Here is by my divine punishment for eating my forbidden fruits.

Loved one got top surgery yesterday so I made this for him but I think y’all would appreciate it too

wlw DC championship - SUDDEN DEATH!!

My headcanon/ideal version for the future has always been Cass as Batman with her civvie id being trust find baby (and philanthropist ofc) Cassie Wayne and for Steph becoming Batwoman and her civvie job being either a doctor or a nurse (influenced by her looking up to Leslie/Crystal) and I JUST NOW realized that’s literally Thomas and Martha

Oracle: It kills me so much to see her like this. I just... I wish I knew how to help Cass overcome her death wish. Shiva: Did you try turning her off and turning her back on again?

nasa employee: oh hey u guys are back early  astronaut: moon's stuck in a time loop.  nasa employee: what?  astronaut: *loading a pistol and getting back on the rocket-ship* moon’s stuck in a time loop.

nasa employee: oh hey u guys are back early  astronaut: moon's stuck in a time loop.  nasa employee: what?  astronaut: *loading a pistol* moon’s stuck in a time loop. do you have extra ammo? this won’t be enough. nasa employee: enough for…what? astronaut: *finding extra clip of ammo, pocketing it, and getting back on the rocket-ship* don’t worry about it!

nasa employee: oh hey u guys are back early  astronaut: moon's stuck in a time loop. nasa employee: what?  astronaut: *emerging from supply closet with a space harpoon, getting back on the rocket-ship* moon’s stuck in a time loop.

nasa employee: oh hey u guys are back early  astronaut:   oh hey u guys are back early astronaut: moon's stuck in a time loop.  nasa employee: what?  astronaut: what?  nasa employee: how did you know what i was going to say?  astronaut: *punching in key pad code for base evacuation signal, getting back on the rocket-ship* i told you…moon’s stuck in a time loop. *red warning lights begin flashing*

nasa employee: oh hey u guys are back early  astronaut: moon's stuck in a time loop.  nasa employee: what?  astronaut: *rifling thru bookshelf of operating instructions, selecting one that says “AIRLOCK MANUAL OVERRIDE INSTRUCTIONS,” getting back on the rocket-ship* moon’s stuck in a time loop.

nasa employee: oh hey u guys are back early  astronaut: moon's stuck in a time loop.  nasa employee: what?  astronaut: moon’s stuck in a time loop. hey, do you have anything to eat? i’m starving. *opens random drawer, finds nothing, closes it* nasa employee: a time loo- uh, we don’t have food in here…we can’t…eat in the control room, only the break-room. astronaut: *sighs* nasa employee:…my lunch is in like 10 minutes, though, and if my lunch is actually STILL THERE and not STOLEN, AGAIN, i can share it with yo- astronaut: nah, that’s ok…no time. *loading a pistol and getting back on the rocket-ship* or…too much time. but thanks, anyway. OK, bye! *alarm begins blaring* nasa employee: you’re…welcome? wait, a TIME LOOP?!

nasa employee: oh hey u guys are back early  astronaut: yup. nasa employee: …?  astronaut: *sitting down next to nasa employee* so…do you ever like…wonder what the meaning of life is? the secrets of the universe? nasa employee: aren’t you supposed to be ON the MOON?! *alarm begins blaring* nasa employee: hey, what the hell is that? astronaut: that’s the code red override klaxon. moon’s stuck in a time loop. oh, and there’s an explosion imminent. But don’t worry, we can deal with that tomorrow. So, you have any siblings? *pulls beer out of space suit, cracks tab* want a drink?

nasa employee: oh hey u guys are back early  astronaut: do you know frank in IT? nasa employee: what?  astronaut: do you know frank, who works in IT?  nasa employee: yeah, but why are you guys back so early?  astronaut: moon’s stuck in a time loop. call frank, tell him there’s a virus in the security patch and the system’s compromised. then get the hell out of the base.  nasa employee: wait what? what? where are you guys going?  astronaut: *loading a pistol and getting back on the rocket-ship* back to the moon. it’s stuck in a time loop. call frank!  nasa employee: *picks up phone* ugh, straight to voicemail. i wonder wha- *alarm begins blaring*

nasa employee: oh hey u guys are back early  astronaut: *grim silence* nasa employee: i said, you guys are back early…hey, what are you…?  astronaut: *randomly opening drawers until they find a pair of scissors and some duct tape, getting back on the rocket-ship* moon’s stuck in a time loop.

nasa employee: oh hey u guys are back early  astronaut: moon's stuck in a time loop.  nasa employee: what?  astronaut: *loading a pistol and getting back on the rocket-ship* moon’s stuck in a time loop. *sticks head back out the door of the rocket-ship* by the way, if you go to the break-room in exactly 2 minutes and 45 seconds, you’ll catch the person who’s been stealing your lunches for the past two weeks. nasa employee: what?! WHO IS IT?! *alarm begins blaring* nasa employee: *running for the break-room* FUCK!!!!

nasa employee: oh hey u guys are back early  astronaut: moon's stuck in a time loop.  nasa employee: what?  astronaut: *sits down, sighs, pulls a beer out from their spacesuit* moon’s stuck in a time loop. nasa employee: …ok, and? hang on, how did you get a beer? you can’t have that in here. astronaut: what do you know about project floyd? nasa employee: I mean, the usual amount? i’m not really on the project anymore, why?  *alarm begins blaring*  astronaut: COME WITH ME TO THE ROCKET-SHIP, we don’t have ti-

nasa employee: oh hey u guys are back early  astronaut: yeah. moon's stuck in a time loop.  nasa employee: what?  astronaut: *loading a pistol and getting back on the rocket-ship* moon’s stuck in a time loop. see you tomorrow. maybe. nasa employee: WHAT?!

nasa employee: oh hey u guys are back early  astronaut: moon's stuck in a time loop.  nasa employee: what?  astronaut: *sighs, rubs hands over face, and loads pistol, before getting back on the rocket-ship* moon’s stuck in a time loop. and, uh…you should call your mother like you’ve been meaning to. and tell her you’re not actually mad and that you will come to dinner tonight. you’re gonna be hungry. nasa employee: wait, what? WHAT?? how do you know my mom?! why am i gonna be - *alarm begins blaring* 

nasa employee: oh hey u guys are back early  astronaut: moon's stuck in a time loop.  nasa employee: what? astronaut: *grabbing two pistols, an extra box of ammo, a pair of scissors, some duct tape, a space harpoon, and a booklet of operating instructions that says “AIRLOCK MANUAL OVERRIDE INSTRUCTIONS,” starting to get back on the rocket-ship, but dropping everything with a horrendous clatter* FUCK! goddamn moon’s stuck in a time loop. *alarm begins blaring*

nasa employee: oh hey u guys are back early  astronaut: moon's stuck in a time loop.  nasa employee: what? also, hey, where’d you get that duffel bag? astronaut: *grabbing two pistols, an extra box of ammo, a pair of scissors, some duct tape, a space harpoon, and a booklet of operating instructions that says “AIRLOCK MANUAL OVERRIDE INSTRUCTIONS,” shoving them into the bag, and getting back on the rocket-ship* moon’s stuck in a time loop.

nasa employee: oh hey u guys are back earl-  astronaut: *grabs nasa employee and kisses them passionately*  nasa employee: what? WHAT?! astronaut: *loading a single pistol and getting back on the rocket-ship* moon’s stuck in a time loop, sweetheart.  nasa employee: what?!? astronaut: a time loop!!! i love you!!! get out of the base!!! stay alive!!! nasa employee: *presses fingers to lips, confused but intrigued, as alarm begins blaring* 

nasa employee:…. nasa employee:… nasa employee: ho hum what a regular day at the office *alarm begins blaring* nasa employee: what the hell is that?!

nasa employee: oh hey u guys are back earl-  astronaut: *grabs nasa employee and kisses them passionately*  nasa employee: what? what?! WHAT!?!? also, hey, where’d you get that duffel bag? astronaut: *grabbing two pistols, an extra box of ammo, a pair of scissors, some duct tape, a space harpoon, and a booklet of operating instructions that says “AIRLOCK MANUAL OVERRIDE INSTRUCTIONS,” shoving them into the bag, then cupping nasa employee’s cheek with free hand* moon’s stuck in a time loop. nasa employee: the moon’s stuck in a what?! astronaut: a time loop, sweetheart, but we don’t have much time ourselves, so you have to listen to me RIGHT now nasa employee: *faintly* …“sweetheart”?! astronaut: in 2 minutes and a few seconds, you need to go into the break-room and find frank. nasa employee: wait, frank from IT? astronaut: yes. nasa employee: how do you know he’s gonna be in the break-room? i can’t just call him at his desk right now? astronaut: how do i know this?! because, one, time loop, ok? and…also…because…heismaybetheguywhohasbeenstealingyourlunchfortwoweeks nasa employee: that BASTARD i KNEW it astronaut: BUT THAT’S NOT WHAT’S IMPORTANT RIGHT NOW. hey! listen to me! go in there, catch him red-handed with your burrito, and tell him lunch is on you FOREVER if he goes RIGHT NOW and checks the last security patch - because there’s a virus and the whole system’s compromised. then you need to get the hell out of this base, ok? nasa employee: …ok. ok. and…and what about you? astronaut: *cocking pistol and getting back into rocket-ship with duffel bag* me? i’m gonna shoot for the moon.

EPILOGUE:

nasa employee: so, how many loops in total? astronaut: i mean, it was hard to keep track. somewhere around six months, if i had to guess. nasa employee: damn. astronaut: yeah. nasa employee: and in those six MONTHS, the best zinger you came up with was “shoot for the moon”? astronaut: hey, you know what, i had some other stuff on my mind! nasa employee: i mean, i guess. it sounded like you found time to flirt with me each time. astronaut: yeah, like i said. other stuff on my mind. *they look at each other, blush, and look away* astronaut: sooooooo. you’re sure your mom is cool with me coming over for dinner? nasa employee: can’t make the day any weirder. plus, i owe you for ratting out frank, right? astronaut: he did help us save the world; we can’t be too mad at him. nasa employee: you’ve had a little while to get over it, i might need some more time. and it wasn’t even your food! astronaut: ok, that’s fair. what if i buy you lunch to make up for it? nasa employee: hmm, when? astronaut: tomorrow? nasa employee: well, i’ll have left overs from my mom, and you might too if you play your cards right. day after tomorrow? astronaut: honestly, anytime is good for me.

*FADE TO BLACK*

DC twitter is generally not as fun as dc tumblr however that one account pretending to be Batgirl is just. Fantastic. Like this is literally Cass's account

You know how it recently came out that there isn’t 8 billion people on earth and it’s actually a few billion more than that because scientists miscounted? I bet Cap would have known with the wisdom of Solomon

Batman: “and because there are 8 billion people on-“

Solomon (in Cap’s head): “that’s wrong.”

Captain Marvel, interrupting Batman: “that’s wrong, Mr Batman”

Batman: “what? I’m not wrong. Multiple sources say it’s 8 billion”

Captain Marvel: “and those sources are wrong”

Batman: “Captain, you do not have the time nor the proof to prove your theory. I know I am right.”

Solomon (in Cap’s head): “go get your friend Bartholomew to count. He is the fastest.”

Captain Marvel: “hold on, I’ll go get Flash to count everyone!”

Batman: “everyone on earth? Captain we are in the middle of an all out alien invasion. You cannot-“

Captain Marvel, running off to get Flash: “I’ll be right back Mr Batman! :D”

My headcanon for Cass's voice is that when she's having a normal conversation with you she keeps her sentences short and her voice even, there's a hint of a New Jersey accent and a hint of something else that no one can get right because it's the accent that comes from having body language as your mother tongue.

But if you get her angry. If you make her hiss or scream or really use her vocal chords that spent most of her life never being used... It sounds like the gates of hell have opened and fear itself is coming right out of her throat. The raspy, growling anger, the way her voice breaks and cracks as she screams... Getting Cass angry is one of the most harrowing experiences of your life not just because she can kick your ass but because her rage vocalises like the sound of the harshest of violins played by the devil himself screeching in fury.

I like to think that regardless of whether Batman knows Cap is a kid or not, he notices he has a really hard time sitting still during meetings and is fully prepared to deal with that

Steph: You ever think about how Cass could be in this very room watching us at any moment and we would never know? Tim: Well I'm thinking about it now. Thanks. Damian: I would know. Cass: No you wouldn't.

my phone isn’t charging even though i plugged her innnnn dramatic ass bitch. YOUR PUSSY IS FILLED! WHAT MORE COULD YOU WANT

If Tumblr goes down, just draw a summoning circle on the ground, I’ll figure it out from there.

reblog if you're gay, not gay, slightly gay, or if you just want to launch donald trump into a dying star

Love the idea that the rest of the batfam never knows what to expect with Cass and Dick. Monday they're a united eldest sibling front against Bruce's nonsense. Tuesday Cass walks into the cave and decks Dick in the face for reasons unknown to everyone else. Wednesday she's crying and he's comforting her. Thursday he's grumbling to Tim, Duke and Damian about how he can't be the only good older sibling example and it's not fucking fair that she gets away with all the bullshit she does. Friday they're back to being a united front against Bruce, who they've decided is the root of all their issues. Saturday they're sparring but it's so intense half the family wonder if they're fighting for real again. Sunday they work like a well oiled machine and solve 23 cases in one night. Monday the cycle repeats.

See, while I agree that Steph would understand Jason... Maybe even agree with a choice here and there... I can't help but feel like she'd resent him. Resent his attitude, he's Bruce's son and it's obvious. Nobody has suffered like he, and nobody can understand him. He's so hard done by and he has to be the way he is. It's all the talk of Bruce, with a half baked plan to fix the city's current issues and create brand new ones.

And Bruce bends BACKWARDS for this motherfucker. Looking the other way and giving a million chances. Stephanie knows that if she did just one thing like Jason does on the daily, she'd be Bruce's top target. If she had came back from Africa and tried to kill him, to kill OTHER sidekicks, Bruce would have wasted nothing trying to take her down.

Jason wasn't the one failed by Bruce, Jason wasn't the one that had to fake his death to get away. Jason wasn't the one hurt by Bruce.

Stephanie faked her death. Stephanie died. Stephanie saw her best friend failed time and time again by the boys.

Jason gets no sympathy from Stephanie. He's just another boy who can't control his emotions. He's another man with a gun who thinks he's had the hardest go of it, not knowing just how much worse others, how much worse women, have it.

All Jason is to Stephanie is proof of Bruce's hatred of her, proof of his bias. A boy spoiled by privilege. She would not see the boy from Crime Alley, she'd see the boy from Wayne Manor.

Cassandra’s weekly training regimen, according to David Cain.

Mallet Mash Monday.

Tomahawk Toss Tuesday.

Waterboard Wednesday.

Throat Punch Thursday.

Firearm Friday.

Stab the baby Saturday.

Slice the baby Sunday, dual swords for everyone but the baby.

Yeah, when she was little, David would lace Cass's baby bottles with various small doses of poison to build up an early immunity. On an unrelated note, normal milk tastes weird for her.

hoffman's car