The Actual Reason Theyre Not Gonna Play The Ultimate Date Night Game Is Frankly None Of The Questions

a month 📅 without 😶 uploading 📤 he 👦 comes back 🔙 with a tag 🔖 (whoo) that no ⛔ one 1️⃣ even 🌆 tagged 🙋‍♂️ him in he’s 🏃‍♂️ not 🙅‍♀️ a challenge 🤔 to drag 🐲 (ouch🏥) so prepare 🙈 for an attack ⚠️ and by 👋 that i mean 👖 cringe 😬 (cringe) cause this 👈 motherfucker’s 🤱🦆🥵 ‘bout to get dragged 🗡🐉 by his fringe 🦱 first 🥇 things first, you’re freakishly 🦉 tall 🧍‍♂️ it’s weird 🆒️ you loo 👁 like a noodle 🍜 (true✔) you’ve got hair💇‍♂️ that was 🗑 cool 😎 in 2007 2️⃣0️⃣0️⃣7️⃣ and wet 💦 you just look 👀 like a poodle 🐩 (hobbit) throw 🚮 in a really annoying 😒 posh 🧐 voice 🗣🔇 and, yup 👍, that’s dan (posh) you’re what 😯 would happen if winnie 🍯 the pooh 🧸 fucked 👉👌 slenderman 👻 you procrastinate ⏳ making 🎨 videos 🎥, cause being judged 👨‍⚖️ is scary 😨? (ooh) you’re so close 🔐🚪 to being forgotten 😓, the hate’s 🖕 imaginary 💭 (whoa) the only reason 📖you get 💆‍♀️ views 🎑📈 is you’re another 😪 white ⬜ guy 🚶‍♂️ that people 👥 ship 🚢with his friend 👦🏻👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨 cause they think 🤔 it’s kawaii 😊🌈 oh reasons 📚 why dan’s a fail ❌ (yay!) i’ll give you some 🔲 you never 📵 tweet 🐦, you overeat 🐿🍴, all 🏷 you do is cry 😭 and sleep 💤😴 your jokes 😜 are shitposts 🃏 and memes 🤡 with no originality 🧭 (uh huh) your family’s 👨‍👩‍👦‍👦 sad 😔 you flopped 💾 your law 🔨 degree 🎓 at university 🏫👩‍🏫 and anything 🎖 embarrassing 😳 that’s from your past 🍝 you just delete ➖ you were vegan 🥕🥗 for like three 3️⃣ weeks, then what, you missed ☹ the meat 🥩? (milk 🐄🥛) wow 😮, i’m so impressed by your clear ⚪🚱 moral 👑 integrity 🧩! you try 👍✔ so hard 👷‍♀️ to be peaceful ☮🕊 and diplomatic ✌🏳 but can’t 🍈 make toast 🍞 without tumblr 🥃 saying you’re problematic 📛 (boo, oh) i could go 🎠 on there’s more 📳 if i check ✅ there’s more things 📝 on this list 📜 than chins 🤔 on your neck 🧣 on your birthday 🎂🎉 you joked 🤣 you were a quarter 🌛 way to death ⚰ a 100 💯? yeah, when getting 🍂 out 📤 of bed 🛌 makes you out of breath 🌬? (real) so your celebrity 🥳 crush 🥰 was j-law ⚖ but 🍑 now ❓ it’s evan p.? (mhmm) what 🆘️ the fuck even 🌃 is your sexuality 🏳️‍🌈? it’s hard ⛑ to put you in a box 📦 when you keep 🔑 it so blurry 🥶 (what is it) i think ✖ it’s just to hide 🙈 that you’re secretly 🤭 a furry 🦖 i’m-i’m joking 🃏🤴 obviously 🙆‍♂️ okay 🆗️ that went deep 🙇‍♀️… repress 😞 it? yup 🙃! before 🅱️ i start ⭐ crying 😢 let’s wrap 🌯 this shit 💩 up ⬆️ i’m gonna 🚘 go and masturbate 💦🥵🍆, then cry 😿 into 🥴 a slice 🍉 of pizza 🍕 (feelings 🤒) shout 📣 out 🔳 to the other youtubers ▶️🔥 especially 👓 ryan higa 👨‍🦳 (jerk 🤬) a cringe 👃 compilation 🖇 mixed 🔁 with cultural 🧫 appropriation met 🤘 with no 🚫 depreciation it’s the youtube 🔥 nation 🇺🇳 click ⏰ subscribe 🚇 , if you 👇 wanna 🍍 watch ⌚ 4 4️⃣ videos 📼 a year 🎆! (or 3) to see 👀 my last ⏮ one (from 10 🕥 years 😂 ago 🔙), just click ☝️ over 🔞 here 🦸‍♂️ (fail ❌) so leave 🍁 a comment ☄🎭 with your reaction 🚜, you can 🥫 call 📞 me a liar 🤥 cause you 👆 just ♎ witnessed 😵 the roast 🍗 of danisnotonfire 👦🚫🔥 [sobbing 😭]

[submitted by @jercy, god knows why]

the decline of malls is like deforestation for emo kids

For #titsnacks I've got blue jellybeans (for the aesthetic), ranch pringles (for the metaphor), and twinkies (for the twinks)

true love is sacrificing your birthday cake being chocolate for your partners health and then immediately making him drink the most disgusting concoction of soup and licorice water for a gaming video

see you back on the internet dan and phil

Previously on Dan and Phil: 2016 ↳ [ Dan / Phil / DAPG / DAPShop ]

the fact that phil thought dan doing a lil twerky dance because he was excited to see what phil was showing him was normal really says something about him and their relationship