DAN AND PHIL MASSIVE PIZZA MUKBANG 2

sometimes i’m trying to fall asleep and my brain is like “and this is when, through the magic of the internet, i met phil. and obviously we were more than friends. this is someone that genuinely liked me. i trusted them. and for the first time since i was a tiny child, i actually felt safe. and the relationship we formed at that point was something that i needed in my life. we are real best friends, companions through life, like actual soulmates, not that souls are a real thing that exist. it’s so lucky to just find someone you can be that compatible with and especially to anyone that has experienced the kind of self-hatred that i have dealt with, one person accepting you can make all the difference.”

“why sister daniel and blond phil? this is just phil! this is phil all the time! this is not dan before the clock strikes 12, this is just phil now!” no no i can accept that phil is blond now like i will concede that this:

is phil. but this:

is NOT phil. this is a butch lesbian with a motorcycle who is dating sister daniel. nothing you say will convince me of anything else ok. that’s not phil that’s the head of DOB leading the march before going to pick up her girlfriend from the convent for hot lesbian sex. they have nothing to do with dan and phil. separate entities. stop lesbian erasure 😤

leading up to the phard phaunch I am going to post increasingly ridiculous theories of how it’ll happen. first up:

phil posts his q&a vid, almost the whole video is normal until the very last question. it’s an anon that says “will you marry me” phil reads it out rolls his eyes and calls out “dan i know you sent this.” dan comes on camera, phil says “u can’t ask me this” dan says “why not” (petulantly) phil says “we’re already married you can’t ask me again” dan flips him off and there is a ring on his left ring finger. End Scene.

In Dan and Phil we say:

i love doing apologism for fictional characters. yes he killed people and ruined everything but thats ok bc i like him and hes my little baby. so who cares

time to bring back this terrifying moment of my life

dan was so down bad for phil in the emo librarian outfit that he didn't even react to him going "my name is [Dan]" i fear we've lost him