The Crazy Thing About The Ranch Monologue™️ Is That Dan Is Using Them To Explain How Perfect Ranch

dnp's younow - december 19, 2018 (x)

coat-gate

i’m just tryna have a nice time despite knowing facts and information

sometimes i’m trying to fall asleep and my brain is like “and this is when, through the magic of the internet, i met phil. and obviously we were more than friends. this is someone that genuinely liked me. i trusted them. and for the first time since i was a tiny child, i actually felt safe. and the relationship we formed at that point was something that i needed in my life. we are real best friends, companions through life, like actual soulmates, not that souls are a real thing that exist. it’s so lucky to just find someone you can be that compatible with and especially to anyone that has experienced the kind of self-hatred that i have dealt with, one person accepting you can make all the difference.”

this is a long shot BUT

I have a Silver VIP Pre-Show ticket for the Fort Lauderdale show for sale at FACEVALUE. I was able to snag a Gold and want to get this ticket to someone who really wants it. I am asking for exactly what I paid for it. I will facetime or video call on discord to confirm and transfer! Please, please, please send me a message or share this to your friends! I want this ticket to go to a real phannie and not some reseller 🥲

i can't help but laugh any time dan calls the two of them friends because it always seems to stand out more in his sentance like he's bringing attention to it but not like he used to before they came out where he was really trying to sell that they were just friends but now it's like he's commiting to the bit as strongly as he can and is having too much fun with it

see you back on the internet dan and phil

eating pastries is so humiliating cause you'll be having the time of your life having it and then when you're finished you look down and you're covered in flakes and sugardust like fuuuck now everyone is going to know i'm a messy pastry whore

yknow we didn’t get pinof this year but we did get phil dressed up as a cat while dan flirts with him and that’s pretty much the same thing