Latest Posts by unstableflames - Page 6

“You won’t have to cry anymore…”

WHAT IS POLYFRAGMENTATION

a common misconception i see in the community is that polyfragmentation refers to having a high alter count, and id like to talk about what it actually means polyfragmentation is characterized by a complex system structure, complex splitting patterns, a large number of fragments, a lack of non-dissociative coping mechanisms, and often trauma that began at an early age and impacted all areas of life COMPLEX SYSTEM STRUCTURE - often involving layers, subsystems, or other divisions within the system that keep alters separate in groups COMPLEX SPLITTING PATTERNS - this involves splitting in groups, splitting multiple alters to hold different parts of the same trauma, etc LARGE FRAGMENT COUNT - polyfragmented systems will have a high fragment count, fragments are alters who lack a full sense of identity LACK OF NON-DISSOCIATIVE COPING MECHANISMS - where splitting would typically be a last resort for most systems, polyfragmented systems can be pushed to the point of splitting much easier, even from daily life stressors EARLY LIFE TRAUMA - according to richard p kluft, polyfragmented DID is often caused by longstanding severe abuse beginning early in life - grey

Mahmoud Darwish, With the Fog so Dense on the Bridge in Almond Blossoms and Beyond (tr. Mohammad Shaheen)

Good morning, you have to be the thing that saves you

I feel like neither a child nor an adult. I am a botched, failed creature, combining the worst qualities of each. All the helplessness and dependency of a child, with the cynicism and despair of an adult. My mind is stunted, malformed. My body outgrew me and now I wield it clumsily, hitting others with my overgrown arms as I stumble over my own feet. "I am sorry," I say, "But I was treated as something less than human and that is what I've become."

You are always responsible for how you act. No matter how you feel. Remember that.

Julian K. Jarboe, “As Tender Feet of Cretan Girls Danced Once Around an Altar of Love.” Everyone on the Moon is Essential Personnel

Sylvia Plath, from The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath

Mary Oliver, from “Marengo.” [ID in alt text]

i don't know if anyone needs to hear this, but in case someone does... if you were abusive as a child, and adults in your life knew about it but did nothing to stop you, encouraged you, or maybe even forced you into it... that's neglect, and abuse in the latter case. they failed you. they failed you horribly, and they should have taught you better.

and if your abusiveness was impacted by experiencing abuse, trauma, or mental health concerns... the adults in your life should have been there for you. they should have genuinely supported you by helping you find ways to healthily manage what you were going through. they shouldn't have just let you hurt others, and likely destroy some of your relationships in the process.

yes. you are responsible for your actions, abuse included. but the adults in your life... they were still responsible for taking care of and teaching you. but they failed you, and i'm sorry they did. you (and those at the receiving end of your abuse) deserved much, much better. i hope by now, you've grown into a healthier person, and are able to have safe, fulfilling relationships.

but if not... let this be your sign to change. let this be your chance to grow. i promise you, whatever sense of control and power abuse gives you isn't at all worth the damage, pain, and suffering it leaves in its wake. if you don't believe me... you'll understand either once you change, or the consequences finally bite you in the ass.

shoutout to recovering abusers, especially those who are abuse/trauma survivors themselves. you and i both know that, unfortunately, once we do something, we can't take it back. i know it hurts to know that, but recognizing it for what it is... that's what allows you to do the only thing left to do - be better. it's not easy, nor pleasant, and likely, a very isolating experience.

so i want you to know, there's at least one person out there who's rooting for you, who's proud of the person you're becoming. you are not doomed to do horrible things forever. you are not beyond leading a happier, healthier life. growth is an option. healthy relationships are an option. they have to be, for all our sakes.

if you want to stop hurting others, and stop hurting yourself, your choice is right here. i believe in you. you can do it. you have to. break the chain.

familiar is only an ache.

— Scott-Patrick Mitchell, from "inner pity poems," Clean: Faith, Abuse and George Pell

When a person tells you you hurt them, you don’t get to decide you didn’t.

“look what i can do!”

Thank you for letting me experience your love. Thank you for letting me share my love with you all those years ago. If there had to be anyone in this lifetime to hold that title of being my first love, I’m glad my soul chose you. The greatest gift you’ve ever given me, long ago, was showing me what love is supposed to feel like.

There will come a day where I won’t be able to recall your face. As the years pass by, my memory got foggy. Your voice has gone, followed by your laugh and then…your touch. You lingered until you eventually went away. A distant memory that I used to know. What can never fade is knowing that what I felt, what we shared, was real…and that I loved you. Even with age, I’m relieved to know that my body will remember what my mind will forget.

A decade later and yet, I am still protective over you and our story. I always will. You’ll always have a piece of my heart. Thank you for everything. I’ll go now. It’s time for me to let you go.

—A farewell to my first love

Some old wounds never truly heal, and bleed again at the slightest word.

— George R. R. Martin

You can love someone and still choose to say goodbye to them. You can miss someone every day and still be glad they are no longer in your life.

i love you so bad but maybe it wasn't meant to be?

Caitlyn Siehl / in a dream you saw a way to survive by Clementine von Radics / @/inanotherunivrse on tumblr / pinterest / pinterest / unknown / holy ground by taylor swift / "MY NAME" (2021) / Letters of Sylvia Plath / foolish one by taylor swift

will i always be this angry?

For old times sake is actually such a heartbreaking and beautiful sentiment. Like, let’s do it for the love that used to be here. It is reason enough.

i only ever thought

there was two types of loves

the kind you’d kill for

and the kind you’d die for.

but you, my darling,

you were the kind of love

i would live for.

I thought you were the answer to everything.

You are at fault for your own follies, yet find a way to make it another’s sin to repent.