One Of The Biggest Lies The Fandom With Tell You Is That Alfred Pennyworth Is A Good Man.

Kariom and Roui shenanigans

☆ Things released from our Patreon!

AU where Bruce isn’t Batman and the ‘Brucie’ persona is mostly real, but he’s also not an idiot and well aware that his kids are vigilantes

Bruce, “I just wish Dickie chose a better costume than that. I mean, look at him! He’s like a traffic light.”

Alfred, “I believe it’s a similar outfit to one his mother designed for him when he was younger.”

Bruce, “….nevermind, I take it back. He’s my beautiful baby boy and his outfit choices are definitely not atrocious.”

—

Bruce, “Jay…mind explaining the bruises on your wrists?”

Jason, “Oh…yunno how it is.”

Bruce, stares

Bruce, “If your partner is hurting you-”

Jason, “NO, it’s nothing like that! I promise, it was….consensual?”

Bruce, “Is that a question or statement, kiddo?”

Jason, “Statement.”

Jason, later, grumbling to Dick, “Sometimes I feel like he’s onto us…”

Dick, “No way. We cover our tracks super well. You just need to come up with better excuses for your bruises. I mean, BDSM? You?”

Bruce, upstairs, listening through a bug he planted, “Dumbasses.”

—

Bruce, “Why is the Drake child in my home?”

Jason, “He’s a friend.”

Dick, “I think you’re choking him a little, B.”

Bruce, who has Tim in a bear hug, “Am I choking you, buddy?”

Tim, muffled, “Not at all.”

—

Bruce, “TALIA! YOU’RE HERE! Why are you here.”

Damian, “Why am I here?”

Talia, “We have a son. Here. Take care of him.”

Damian, “I will not stay w a man like…like him.”

Bruce, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Damian, “You’re pathetically human and weak. I have nothing to learn here, Mother.”

Talia, “He’s beaten me before.”

Damian, “What?”

Dick, “What?”

Jason, “What?”

Bruce, smiling dreamily, “Such good memories.”

—

The kids find out he knew everything from the start when Dick has to pick up a drunk Bruce from a party. They arrive back at the Manor and Bruce won’t stop clinging to Dick.

Bruce, “Noooooooo! Don’t leave me! Don’t put on that ugly costume!”

Dick, “W-what?”

Bruce, sniffles, “It’s better than the Robin one, but come on, chum. You can do so much better than that.”

Dick, “You…know?”

Bruce, still crying, “Of course I knew! Good at covering your tracks my ass!”

Dick, “Do you know everything?”

Bruce, wiping his face because his vision is blurring and there’s two Dicks standing in front of him. Fuck, he’s dizzy, “Jason’s outfit is better. Tim’s is atrocious. But at least you gave Dami pants.”

Dick, “BRUCE!?”

Bruce, “Nooooo, don’t yell. My head hurts.”

—

Sitting in what Bruce has decided to call the Bat Cave because, helloooo, the bats?

Dick, "How long have you known?"

Bruce, "Oh, you know."

Jason, "From the beginning???"

Bruce, "I'm not stupid. Alfred, why does everyone think I'm stupid? My own kids think I'm stupid."

Tim, "Mr Wayne-"

Bruce, stares at him

Tim, "....Bruce. We don't think you're stupid. We just thought we were being...sneaky."

Damian, "Hmph. All of you lack training in stealth. Unlike me."

Bruce, "Dickie, how am I supposed to not know when I adopted a child acrobat and 'oh, look! a pint sized vigilante who can do flips off of buildings!'"

Jason, snorts, "Pint sized."

Bruce, "Jaylad, you started using guns a week after I signed you up for a firearms class."

Tim, tries very hard to hide a laugh

Bruce, "Timmy, your bedroom is covered in pictures of Gotham you'd only get from being on top of buildings."

Damian, scoffs

Bruce, "Dami, you trained as an assassin. Of fucking course you're a vigilante."

The kids, "....fuck. We suck at this."

Bruce, waves his hands in the air, "Don't worry about it. You're all bad at covering for yourselves, but me and Alfred handled it. Anyone who might've even got an inkling of who you might be have been...dealt with."

Jason, "Did you kill them?!"

Bruce, "What? No. Of course not. Right, Alfie?"

Alfred, "....of course not."

Hilda by Duane Bryers

this is what i mean when i type 👀 btw

YALL LOOK WHAT I MADE. I RECREATED THE MEME AND I CANT STOP LAUGHING 😭😭

reference below:

some people think writers are so eloquent and good with words, but the reality is that we can sit there with our fingers on the keyboard going, “what’s the word for non-sunlight lighting? Like, fake lighting?” and for ten minutes, all our brain will supply is “unofficial”, and we know that’s not the right word, but it’s the only word we can come up with…until finally it’s like our face got smashed into a brick wall and we remember the word we want is “artificial”.

this is what i mean when i say "sniles so sneetly" btw

marvel rivals add these two and my life is yours

OH GOD MY PRAYERS HAVE BEEN HEARD

Hey...do you like Peter in Gotham fics..? Then boy do I have the pitch for you.

Picture it now...Peter ending up in the DCU but not in Gotham...no...hes in Metropolis. Epic adventures with the Supers in Metropolis..a nice internship with the Daily Planet. The eventual introduction of the Batfam..

A nice Peter and Kon-El friendship. The batfams interest getting peaked by some kid they saw at the gala taking pictures for the daily planet...guys please. This sounds awesome right?????

Well...if you think so, boy, do I have the fic for you....

Drumroll please....

https://archiveofourown.org/works/62738962/chapters/160615576

MY PETER IN METROPOLIS FIC….FIRST CHAPTER OUT NOW FR….please read

Sometimes people call Bruce "hypocritical" when he is simply a parent that doesn't want his kids to do the same mistakes as him. You know, something every normal parent does.

Like, is he hypocritical when he wants them to finish college when he didn't, or is he just a parent that sacrificed his studies for a cause and wants his kids to enjoy university without the same pressure? Is he hypocritical when he doesn't want his kids to date dangerous people when he has quite the track record, or is he just a parent that wants to protect his kids from the same heartbreaks and dangers he went through? Is he hypocritical when he gets angry his kids got hurt protecting him when he would do the same for them, or is he just a parent and it is his role to protect his kids, and he sees the inverse has a failure from his part, as a child shouldn't protect their parent? Is he hypocritical when he gets annoyed that his kids don't take care of themselves and their injuries when he often doesn't take care of himself, or is he just a parent that wants his kids to be safe and in good health more than he wants himself safe and in good health? Is he hypocritical when he wants them to be less violent when he has been extremely violent in the past, or is he just a parent that knows the error of his ways and wants his kids to be better than him?

He wants his kids to be better than him, which means not making the same mistakes.