On Today’s Episode Of Listening To Astral Projection Music After Midnight And Feeling Like I’m Literally

Hi Pals, I’ve been observing Tumblr for years and I never really had a presence on here, but I’m 19 and having an identity crisis and this seems like a pretty excellent place to do it. I’m treating this blog like a diary, and I have no idea how often I’ll post or how active I’ll be, and I’m still trying to figure how to actually use this app, so wish me luck! Might share some poems, might do some web weaving, might fandom blog, might have a mental crisis, I don’t even know! Brave new world! Hope to make some friends maybe too so ask me anything I am starved for literally all interaction. Glad to join the hellsite in the year of our Lord 2022, however belated that might be.

Just letting you know that everyone who can read needs to read a Wizard of Earthsea bc it is actually a perfect story and I adore it, after a dry spell of so so long I have discovered a new fictional world that I love, and there is so much more lore for me to gobble up! I am thriving! Kicking my feet and giggling over Ged Sparrowhawk, who is actually my age unlike the characters in most fantasy novels available, so wholesome so pure so good and yet still morally grey and powerful and flawed! I love! So yeah Ursula K LeGuin is the boss the champ the queen etc etc

Today I am overcome

Such art, such joy, such satisfaction

It has come right back around

And become sadness

The only joy with any depth

Is tempered by grief

A study in contrasts

I weep over Peter Pan

I drink cocktails

I wander alone through a foreign city

An awfully big adventure

I remember the tragedies

I stare at the paintings

I read and hum and try to keep it all in mind

Why must emotion hurt?

My stomach is in knots

My cheeks are sore from smiling

I’m getting crows feet from squinting into

The bright sun on my face, on my skin

It is warm and I am beyond expression

Too lucky to believe this is my life

This is the escapist fantasy

And yet it is not enough

I remember the God-sized hole in my heart

The Lord has promised good to me

His word my hope secures

He will my shield and portion be

As long as life endures

I am obsessed with the passage of time

Clocks and watches and cycles and things

Why must new experiences

mean new endings?

I’m falling in love with being alive

With God’s creation

Art from sinners

Of the saints

Beauty makes my soul ache.

Saw that my bio says 19 but I am now 20 and I had a cognitive dissonance moment,,, I’m twenty? I am in my twenties? I survived teenagerdom not in a funny memey haha yeah I made it way but in a I am alive in my twenties and glad about it way? Like the people who said it gets better weren’t actually punking me and I am alive and breathing and excited for the future and actually starting to get choked up just thinking about it. We made it, past self. I’m so proud of you. You were very brave. You were so little and had no direction but you were so brave. And now, you can have a little travel the world, as a treat. And no more math! Maybe you’ll meet the love of your life this year! Maybe you’ll meet him this month! Maybe it’ll be 10 more years but actually it doesn’t matter because you are alive RIGHT NOW. In 2023. Which sounds fake. But I am telling you the truth. I love you even more than I ever hated you, which I am sure you know was a lot. Past tense. Rest and keep on plugging and chugging. It’s all waiting for you.

Update it has been 8 days and I am completely hopeless someone come help me

Guys I went to the national gallery in Budapest (where they filmed Shadow and Bone) and this painting had such strong Wylan Van Eck energy I had to share

What do you do when the person you would call about it is the one who caused this pain?

Today on doomed romance, we agreed that we care about each other but that it’s best we go our separate ways for now, I will not recover from this

Guys I took a nap in the middle of the day and had a such a vivid dream about such Devastating and Heartbreaking Loss??? And it was understated but brutal and I was driving across the sky to get to someone who in the end wouldn’t come back with me and what did I do to deserve waking up with this rock in my belly? It’s 5:30 on a Thursday and I haven’t had a break up in years :/ silly self torturing brain <3

Per sognare nell’estate

È una volte splendissima,

Il piú dolce, il piú gioiosa, sempre allegra

Voglio dormire sotto il caldo occhio della grande blu

E stare inutile e pacevole al fine del giorno

Trying to stay motivated with my Italian this summer, so I wrote some small verse using only words I already knew. Notably I could neither remember the word for sun nor sky, resulting in the strange little metaphor above. If someone more learned than I notices an error I would be ever so grateful for a correction, even a snotty or disdainful one! Arrivederci, amici, bacci!