Messing With Nifty's Cleaning Is The Easiest Way To Get On Her Hit List, And Alastor Learns That He Isn't

I literally love this whole thread with my entire being, and I'm not entirely sure why.

Halt gets to Skandia and Erak sees him and decides, "Hey, Halt is an old friend, might as well see what he's up to," and now he also gets to see the absolute chaos unfold as this unintended throuple meets up and has to explain themselves to each other. Erak doesn't think he's ever seen any of them so embarrassed before. While he may be able to put it aside for Karina and maybe Thorn if he does some begging and is extremely lucky, Halt has no such chance because of how much of a sarcastic pain in the ass (mostly affectionate) Erak finds him to be. Erak will not only never let Halt live this down, he will gleefully spill the beans to every mutual friend he and Halt have

According to the wiki, Karina Mikkelswife is two years older than Halt and that feels cursed somehow

Halt: You ever just look back and cry-

Will: Halt, it's okay to miss your childhood-

Halt: -tears of relief that you don't have to deal with that anymore?

Will: ...Halt, are you okay?

Halt: I'm fine, why?

Look, I was confused by my math homework-

Open tags

Found this on Twitter, so I thought, why not posting it here and doing a tag game 😊

Ok, I’ll go first

If he is the reason, I’d go to prison gladly 🥰❤️‍🔥

Tagging: @killerqueen-ofwillowgreen @nic-214 @milkyway-ashes @dr-radiation @whitequeen-ofwillowgreen @sunsetdaydreamer @therockywhorerpictureshow @delicatelyfantasticninja and everyone 😊

Sorry if I forgot to tag some of you!

This is a (kind of??? QPRs make it confusing) platonic tickle fic, if it's not your cup of tea, just keep scrolling

Just some casual affectionate fluff featuring lee!Alastor and ler!Lucifer to sooth the souls of the people who read my last two fics which were pure unapologetic angst

Pspsps RA fans, come get your content!!!

I found is two part one-shot collection in my WIPs and decided to stop holding them hostage as they've been there for months. I'll post the second one in the next few minutes, and I'll probably add to this in the future, but I have to wait for inspiration to attack, so it might be a while. Figured I'd just put these out while I was thinking about it.

Hope you guys enjoy!

ALSO, TW for discussion of child abuse (I mean, it's angst/hurt/comfort about Halt, so it's kind of a given at this point)

Grimwalker Alastor AU: The Reveal

(OG post and follow up post)

Needless to say, Alastor didn't know he was a clone. Every clone's memories were altered so that they remained blissfully unaware of that fact - it made them more compliant. Any changes they had in their appearance were included in the memory alteration so that the clone believed he'd always looked like that. Every now and then, a friend might send him a questioning look or two that he didn't understand the reason for, but eventually they all assumed that it was just something to do with Hell anatomy. After all, they were pretty minor changes, and it's not like Alastor acted differently from what they could tell.

I'm stuck between two options: having the truth revealed in front of the others or having Alastor be alone when he learns he's a clone. Instead of choosing, I'm just gonna do stuff for both lol

With the others:

Somehow, everyone at this point has learned that Alastor doesn't own his soul (hotel cast everyone, not everyone everyone)

His dealer has entered the hotel or managed to get everyone in one place and she's acting super weird with Alastor while the others are unable to do anything

He finally manages to defy her despite the terror she's ingrained in him during his time with her, but instead of actually reacting or being angry, she just kind of tuts at him in disappointment

This reveal ends up going a lot like Hunter's reveal in The Owl House, except somehow more violent and horrifying because this is an adult show, not one on Disney XD

She tuts at him in disappointment and gently cups his face while looking searchingly into his eyes. Apparently, she doesn't like what she sees there because she turns away and snaps his chains into existence (ankles, wrists, and neck to really leave him helpless as he gets yanked to a kneeling position

"How characteristically disappointing. I suppose I'll just have to do better with the next clone."

Alastor freezes and his eyes go wide, but before he can even ask what she means, his chains start burning into his skin, leaving him screaming in pain as the magic she's using buries itself beneath his skin.

Everyone else is crying out to him trying to get her to stop, but no one really understands what she's doing to him other than it's hurting him and they've never heard Alastor scream like that

It's the same way she killed the other clones when they fucked up, the magic buries into him and steals his memories and powers for the next clone before essentially melting him from the inside out

Somehow everyone manages to break free and stop her before she kills Alastor, but he's pretty badly hurt when they bring him back to the hotel. The scars where the chains were are permanent, and he develops chronic nerve pain in the aftermath

He has a huge crisis about being a clone (reasonably) and barely talks to anyone for weeks

Eventually there's a happy ending, but haven't really fleshed out how they get there because I can only assume it would be a lot of heavy stuff before that point. But the happy ending does happen

2. By himself:

This direction is a lot more low key than the first way, largely because Alastor would absolutely keep it to himself once he found out, especially considering how traumatizing it is

In this version, his dealer isn't trying to kill him, but keep him in line. He does something that pissed her off, but she spent so long perfecting this clone that she refuses to kill him in a show of temper

So instead, she tells him the truth. She hasn't tried that with any of the others, so she figures that that might just be what works

She lets him view her memories, lets him see the gruesome deaths of the dozens of past clones of himself - the gruesome death that surely awaits him if he continues to defy her. Dozens of versions of himself have succumbed to this fate, and they have tried every trick and scheme and desperate attempt he could ever think of to escape her, and none of them succeeded. Not one. He is no different, so if he doesn't do what she wants, she has no qualms restarting, as he can clearly see

Once the memories are finished, Alastor realizes that he's been silently crying the whole time. When she gently cradles his face and wipes his tears away, he realizes that no matter what he does, he's never going to escape his deal

He goes back to the hotel and isolates himself for a few days before going back to trying to pretend everything is normal, but the others can tell that he's not acting like himself and try to talk to him, but he can't tell them what the actual problem is. Even if he could, he wouldn't because he can't bring himself to speak of the things that upset him in the presence of others

He's never the same after the reveal despite how hard he pretends because now he knows. He knows that he has never been the person he thought he was, and that he had always been an intruder in his own life. Everyone notices that he's different but no one can help because they have no idea what's wrong

He stops fighting his dealer, just as she wished

For now, at least. Who knows, maybe there's a possible happy end for this route too

as soon as I can get back the Ranger's Apprentice Brain Rot, you know I'll be writing something for this lol. There's a lot of things I want to write for RA, but Hazbin Hotel started holding me hostage at gunpoint shortly after I started writing fics lol

You know what I'm kinda surprised about

That so far I haven't seen a single fanfic about what happened when Halt was going through it in the burning bridge and just started defenestrating people and beating up children

Flanny should have included it in the book that would have been funny.

Yess, this is perfect!!!

Charlie just starts treating the massager like it's a spray bottle and Alastor is a particularly devious cat lol. Someone will bring it out, and he'll instantly start staring at them nervously. The second they get close to him he'll try to make a run for it with varying levels of success. If they can get the massager to make that first pass over his scalp, he's done for because he can't conjure up enough concentration to use his shadow magic and get away. As mentioned before, he also has a tendency to just freeze in place and let it happen, literally the only thing he can do is laugh and either hope they have mercy or give in to their demands (which are never as bad as he pretends they are, he's just dramatic)

Angel Dust LOVES to fluster Alastor with the scalp massager, it gets him stronger reactions then sex jokes ever did while having the added benefit of not having even the slightest relation to his work. He and Alastor will be in the same room by themselves, and Angel will just pull one out of nowhere just to watch Alastor blush bright red and panic, flustered out of his mind. If they're in a room with other people, Angel will pull the same shit and watch Alastor try (and fail) not to react because he's around other people and he doesn't want them to find out about his weakness (even though they all clearly know, he is painfully obvious about it). His smile will get all wobbly and he'll try to focus intently on whatever he was doing, but can't stop himself from sneaking glances at Angel and letting out frazzled little squeaks every time. Everyone else thinks it's hilarious and unfairly adorable

Some Lee!Alastor Headcanons to Fuel My Brain

The lee!alastor tag has been painfully empty for the last few days, so I've decided to contribute a few headcanons of mine for you all to see and consider as you wish. Feel free to add on to this post with headcanons/rants/fics/whatever of your own if you want, I was just personally experiencing withdrawal symptoms and needed to fuel my addiction lol

(These are tickle headcanons for those unfamiliar with the terminology. If that isn't your thing, just scroll right on by)

First thing's first. Something I think everyone is sleeping on? Scalp massagers. Specifically the wire ones. I personally think those things are ticklish as fuck, and I'm far from the only one. The majority of us have come to the agreement that Alastor's ears are also ticklish as fuck. Just take a moment with me and imagine the potential:

Someone (probably Angel, or Lucifer) gets a scalp massager and is going around trying it on other hotel residents when they aren't paying attention. It's just for fun, and they're getting the typical reactions (jumping away, super startled, or just completely Unphased). Then, they manage to catch Alastor by surprise and do it to him, but instead of the typical reaction, Alastor startles before bursting out into staticky giggles. Alastor has no clue WHY it tickles so much, but it does, and he's practically paralyzed in a weird half-curled position as whoever has the massager just keeps running it over is head over and over. He can't try to escape, he can only giggle and babble out nonsense words, especially when the ends rub up against his ears which only makes it MORE ticklish, which he didn't think was possible. After the other demon shows mercy (and somehow isn't immediately slaughtered) Alastor develops a healthy fear of the massager, and grows incredibly anxious with anticipation and adorably flustered any time someone brings one out

Speaking of massagers brings me to my second headcanon. This man CANNOT get a massage or he will absolutely die. People who are tense can be more ticklish as a result, and since Alastor is already incredibly ticklish, having tense muscles makes this 100x worse. I have really tense shoulders, and any massage there immediately makes me hysterical, and I imagine Alastor would be the same. If he was comfortable enough to do so, he would be the kind of person to absolutely die if he were to get a full-body massage because it would tickle so damn much - even through the pain that comes with massages. Rosie likes to pretend to massage his shoulders and neck just so she can tell him to stop squirming and giggling so much because she's trying to help him

Another quick headcanon. I like to imagine that he's mostly covered in fur, and while it isn't terribly long in most places, it can still get tangled after a shower, or after being smothered by his clothes all day, so he has to brush it regularly. This is an absolute nightmare for him. Even when he's brushing his own fur, he has to stop every few seconds because he starts laughing too much in certain areas, like over his sides or belly for example. No matter how often he does it, he never gets used to the feeling, and it only gets worse if someone else (usually Rosie) does it for him. At least if he does it himself, he can stop once he starts laughing. It makes it take a long time, but it's less flustering. If Rosie (or Satan forbid someone else for whatever reason) brushes his fur, she usually tries to get a much done at once as she can, so she usually keeps going until he's begging for a break. Also, she thinks it's absolutely adorable, so she'll keep brushing areas that make him squeal long after all the tangles have been removed

Last one for now is that he can feel the static from people's phones. If he's close to someone when their phone rings, he can usually feel the static of it crawling teasingly over his skin. It usually isn't a big deal, but if someone is being bombarded by calls that they keep ignoring (let's say Valentino obsessively calling Angel Dust), the static quickly becomes overwhelming and he'll beg the person to answer their phone or turn it off, if straight up bashing it against the nearest wall isn't an option. It doesn't tickle a particular area, more of an all-encompassing tickle over his entire body. If he gets to the point of begging them to answer, it's usually because he can't hold his laughter and squirming anymore and is trying not to make a fool of himself. He feigns annoyance so people don't find out the real reason he wants the calls to stop. The secret comes out when Angel absolutely refused to answer Valentino one day, but didn't want to turn off his phone because he was in the middle of doing something on it, and Alastor finally broke and curled up where he sat, giggling hysterically and begging Angel to turn his phone off

That's all I have for now, I hope you enjoyed these headcanons. If you decide you like them enough to incorporate them into anything you write/draw, tag me!!! I'd move to see it. Also, as mentioned earlier, feel free to add onto this as you wish, I'd love to see how you all make these headcanons your own

Whatever you do, don't think about how the song "Remember Everything" by Five Finger Death Punch fits Halt and his childhood trauma to a T.

I'm not going to go into a full analysis. I'm not going to go into a full analysis. I'm not going to go into a full-

FULL ANALYSIS AHEAD (disclaimer: "Remember Everything" does not belong to me)

"Dear mother, I love you. I'm sorry I wasn't good enough. Dear father, forgive me. Cause in your eyes, I just never added up. In my heart I know I failed you, but you left me here alone."

Halt talks about how Ferris was the favorite child, and how his parents fought all the time. We all know by now about Halt's tendency to blame himself for things (as seen in "The Battle for Skandia" and "Erak's Ransom"). He probably blamed himself for his parents arguing all the time - hell, he literally said that he refused to tell his parents that Ferris was actively trying to kill him because he thought that Ferris was the only thing they cared about and he didn't want to take that away from them. Even though it was his choice, Halt was a kid. He probably felt at least a little bit abandoned and betrayed that his parents didn't seem to even notice anything amiss before Halt ran away.

"If I could hold back the rain, would you numb the pain? Cause I remember everything."

Something else that is touched on in the fourth book is Halt's tendency to deflect conversations that confront him on his fears and such. It's a fairly offhand note, but it has some pretty big implications. Halt has this need to make sure that everyone else is okay, while simultaneously ensuring that no one ever sees his suffering. He is constantly shielding other people, and feels guilty when he requires that same protection.

"Dear brother, just don't hate me for never standing by you, or being by your side."

I refuse to believe that Ferris was the murderous evil twin from the start. There was probably a very large portion of heir childhood where Halt and Ferris were close, before Ferris became obsessed with the crown. That would be a good reason why Halt only suspected Ferris later on. I feel like Halt would spend a lot of time telling himself that it was something he did that sent Ferris over the edge, and he would blame himself for the betrayal.

"Dear sister, please don't blame me. I only did what I thought was truly right."

I can't be the only one who thinks that Halt always regretted leaving Caitlyn behind, but he knew it was either that or kill Ferris, which is something I don't think he would ever be capable of doing. He loved his twin too much.

"It's a long and lonely road when you know you walk alone."

I know that Halt wasn't technically alone, and he became part of a massive found family, but not being able to tell anyone about the things he went though, and the people he left behind as well as his reasoning would have been isolating - if not crushing - for anyone. Hell, no one knew his real last name or anything about his past for just about 24 years. Not even mentioning the fact that when he finally admits it, he is 41 years old, so he has hidden this for well over half his life, not counting the 17 years he actually lived in Clonmel. That is a long time to carry around huge amounts of trauma without telling anyone who cares about you.

"I feel like running away, I'm still so far from home."

This one is fairly obvious. However, it is not talked about nearly enough that Halt is a runaway. Let that sink in for a second. What do you think of when you hear the term 'runaway' in reference to a child? For most, it's the thought of a kid escaping an abusive household and living on the streets with nothing but a backpack filled with belongings. That was what Halt did at 17. Except he had to go all the way to a foreign country to escape his situation. And the only person he ever saw from home again was the person who had made him leave in the first place.

"I'll burn it all to the ground before I let you in."

This is pretty much Halt's whole philosophy on showing any sort of emotion to people. He didn't smile around Will until months into his apprenticeship, and it took years until he was able to summon the courage to tell Will the truth about his mother. And again, the whole 24 years of absolute secrecy about his childhood doesn't exactly show someone that is willing to open themselves up to others.

"Please forgive me, I can't forgive you now."

Halt still blames himself for the rift between himself and Ferris, but he is also consumed by hurt and betrayal over the fact that Ferris cared more for the crown then he did his own brother, and I can't blame him even a little bit for feeling that way. Especially considering that when they do finally meet up again, Ferris shows no real sign of regret for his actions.

All-in-all, this just feels like a violently Halt-esque song. The pain and regret is something I think his character suffers a lot of, and this captures that really well.

If you made it to the end of that ungodly ramble, kudos to you because holy hell, I think I was temporarily possessed by the god of angst.

He learns that he doesn't have to pretend to be white anymore and he's promptly hit with emotions like a bag of bricks to the face.

On one hand, he's completely elated. He can actually be himself, have his curly hair and accent and mannerisms, etc, and NOT have to worry about being hatecrimed/having his reputation ruined. And on top of that, he can make fun of white people???? Let's Fucking Go

On the other hand, Ouch, Oh No, He Is Feeling Emotions. It's probably a lot to realize that you don't have to hide yourself anymore after doing it for over a fucking century. He's hit with the realization in front of the others and he just like,,,freezes. Kind of wide-eyed and someone asks if he's okay and he just kind of deflects like Yes, I Am Always Fine 100% Of The Time, Why Do You Ask

He's not though. He actually feels like he's on the verge of crying because of how utterly OVERWHELMING the influx of emotion is, but of course he doesn't say that. Never in a million years because - again - Ew, Emotions

Then he goes up to his room and DOES start crying because he was just hit with the realization that yes, his hair is curly, but he doesn't actually know how to take care of it. He can straighten it, but that's about it, which Hurts. Over 100 years of pretending to be a white man, and once he finally doesn't have to anymore, Alastor realizes that he doesn't actually know how to be his real self. And maybe he did once, or maybe he NEVER knew how. Either way, it Hurts and feels Bad and Awful

I like the idea that Alastor is so Not with the times that he doesn't realize that racism isn't as prevalent as it used to be. (Still around but definitely not like before.)

He's been straightening his hair and putting on a Specific Accent for the past century trying so hard to be white-passing, not having realized that not many people would bat an eye anymore towards his curls. Hell, some people would swoon if he Talked Southern to them.

I want him to be punched in the face with the realization that he doesn't really NEED to do that anymore. Like, maybe a hotel guest calls him a cracker and he's genuinely taken aback that you can make fun of white people for being white and NOT fear mass persecution. (And also low-key offended/disgusted to be mistaken for a caucasian man, despite deliberately trying to pass as white. He knows it doesn't make sense, shut up.)

Alastor: Vaggie.

Vaggie: Uh, what?

Alastor: One of our guests accused me of being a "lily white" man. Like it's an insult. Have I missed something or is pretending to be a white man not a valid survival technique anymore?

Vaggie: ... Why are you pretending to be a white man?

Alastor:

Alastor: The fact that you're asking me that tells me SO much.

On the flip side, the realization that he can make fun of white people now becomes Alastor's FAVORITE modern development. His next radio broadcast easily becomes his most popular showing on account of him roasting Vox's privileged white ass.

He's become Hip With The Kids.

(He's quietly thrilled by the new following he receives. This would have NEVER happened during his era.)