Fractured. I’m About To Kms And I’m So Close To Being Serious.

Came home from work in such a dog mindset and I had one single drink and it made it so much more intensified… then I sat on the floor and he petted my head… then he gave me belly rubs… then scratched… then kissed… then spat in my mouth… then choked me… then gave me scars… then punched me… basically I got (consensually) abused and I loved it and took it like a boss. (All I actively did was lay down and follow orders (up, roll over, down…..) … maaajor need 2 live like this forever)

When can I be free of you? Maybe it’s my karma. Maybe I deserve to suffer from you.

He's hiding from me. Invisible on discord. Only replying to what he wants to. I hope he doesn't feel good. I hope he's having some sort of mental break. I hope he feels what I feel 24/7.

Things r so good so far this week.. waiting for the inevitable fracturing. Though, if that can happen AFTER next week once he's visited me (a SUPER recent development. I'm so excited.), I'd be very grateful. World, hear my plea.

I should speak to puppy's American friend. Maybe it would make me feel less anxious and like this. Maybe even make me feel more calm.

That explains why he wasn't talking to me last night. Or sleep call with me. Cuz he was sleep calling with another person. And it wasn't even his weird American friend thing. I'm going to do what he did last night and ignore the message. Purposefully ignore it so he knows I'm not happy. Is it so hard to communicate with me that you're going to be with someone else. Is it so hard to tell me what you're doing and what your plans are. Asshole.

He's not talking to me. If he went to bed, he didn't say goodnight. If he's ignoring me, he's talking to his 'friend' that he's attracted to. He's been avoiding me all day. We haven't spoken much today. 8 messages from him. Usually 50 or more. I'm betting he's talking to 'friend'. I hope their friendship breaks. It can just be me and him again. I want him to be happy, but this guy takes up all of his time. I stay up late worrying about him when he doesn't talk to me and I kinda hope he will come to me at like 3am lol. Then when he does, he tells me off and tells me to go to sleep. Maybe I'd go to sleep earlier if u told me what was going on so I don't wait around for u like some stupid fkn dog.

Everything is better now

(I am safe and this is consensual)

He's making me read their messages. I'm seething.

He left. I now feel so empty and like I need to fill that void again. It's only a month until I see him again but it's gonna be a long month and I'm going to be in a mood about it the whole time. At least I'm covered in marks from him I guess.