Coda. - Blog Posts

We made out and had sex and I treated him like a mutt. Was good.

I should speak to puppy's American friend. Maybe it would make me feel less anxious and like this. Maybe even make me feel more calm.

I hate having dreams. Why did I have a dream about him telling me he wants to know what I'm into so he knows how to play with me and him saying that he loves me and that he's attracted to me and wants to be with me forever. My head is fucking evil.

And right when you're in the middle of talking to me, you interrupt me to tell me you're getting a call from your "friend". I'm ignoring you for the rest of the night JUST for that.

I'm trying so hard to keep you here with me, but you just keep choosing other people over me. If I could treat you like dirt and make you cut off everyone you talk to like this, I would. If we didn't care so much about you, I'd order you to stop doing whatever you're doing and focus on me. It feels like you're taunting me, telling me you're going to others to seek out this kind of treatment. Maybe I should start talking to other people before you, and show you how it feels to be the last picked dog. The runt of the litter. Dumb mutt.

I'm always the last option, aren't I?

He doesn't know he's mine. He really doesn't have a clue. Keeps talking about how he keeps flirting with people, but he won't get anywhere with all that. It's a futile attempt to get away. He's stuck with me, and I don't think he'll ever figure it out :3

I always come first, puppy. Always.

Yea. Yea just flat out mock me. To my face. I've tried to tell you that ur my fp. And u just brush it off. And then u say some shit like this and it hurts. If only u didn't brush me off. Like I'm some fucking toy.