Work Is Reallyyyy Testing Me Rn Tbh. Supposed To Be Moving To A Different Part Of The Store And I Had
Work is reallyyyy testing me rn tbh. Supposed to be moving to a different part of the store and I had a major breakdown at the store manager about the state of staffing for my current department today and she tells me "I don't think it's fair that you say we're understaffed when I've fixed all the issues." No, because I wouldn't be upset if the issues had all been fixed. Why doesn't your management call no-shows when they don't show? Why are our schedules only done 3 days in advance when it used to be 3 weeks? Why do we not have managers (or, y'know, ANY senior management) on backshifts?
She also was insinuating she wouldn't move me to the new department because of this one breakdown. Over team issues. When I'm moving into an individual, NON-TEAM based department. No girl, you WILL, and I will be HAPPIER. I get she wasn't feeling great today but girl, pull ur finger out.
More Posts from Vposledniyraz and Others
I need a haircut. Like desperately need a haircut. But my hair is what makes me feel like me. It reminds me of who I am. It's my closest connection to source. I hope somebody else in this head takes it into their hands cuz as long as I'm here, it's just gonna get more and more out of control.
He had the audacity to tell me that he'd be speaking to the American friend when they were online. No, you're not. You're coming here to spend time with me. I don't have anybody else like you do. I don't have someone to turn to when you're not around, when you don't want me, I don't have someone I can call my "partner". You're pulling me to shreds.
It's not fair that you can just have someone else so easily. I'm trying to find other people, other friends, but none of them are like you, nobody's the same, similar. I can't trust them like I trust you, and even then, I don't know WHY I trust you after being hurt by you like this. Maybe it's because I have just enough rationality to recognise that I'm the problem. But something inside me is prying, telling me that I'm not the problem, that you should be treating me so carefully, like I'm glass that's about to shatter, that you should know how fragile I am. I don't know anymore.
Crazy to me that I don't allow myself to be happy (without actively trying) because I'm not supposed to feel human feelings. It's become natural to act like a dog. Something euphoric about that.
I love needing to be dehumanised and needing to not have free will sooo much that it makes me want to end myself. It feels so wrong to be human, to do things without true purpose, to be able to go anywhere, make my own choices. I wish people understood this and would be willing to treat others in a way that's "unacceptable" in a societal aspect. Need to not be in control.
I'm having a freak out. Idk if I'm splitting or what but I'm freaking out. And I'm purposefully ignoring him. I need to. I can't fucking deal with him right now. Not because of anything he's done I just. I can't do it. But I need him. I need him to feel stable. Fucking kayemess. I need more people to talk to. I need more people that can be there for me. I hate being in servers where I try so hard to be active and make friends, then vent my feelings and nobody fucking says anything. They just blank me. I'm so fucking close to the edge. I hate this.
