I Don't Like Taylor Swift

I thought the third one read "Because you're about to be dead." Idk how I added a word

One of the baristas at a nearby Starbucks makes me lose my mind every time I’m working there by saying things that are not outside the spectrum of normal human words but are just slightly off-the-wall.

Barista: Welcome to Starbucks, home of delicious, what deliciousness can I put in motion for you today?

Customer: … Can I get a trenta pink drink please?

Barista: Go big or go home, we here at Starbucks appreciate your commitment, what else can I get started for you?

***

Customer: Nitro cold brew with shots of espresso please.

Barista: Brave of you to commit to staying awake for three days, anything else today?

***

Barista: *slams open drive-thru window* HI HOW ARE YOU?

Customer: …I’m pretty good.

Barista: Are you ready to be even better? Because you’re about to be. *hands them their coffee* 

***

Barista, realizing that a drink was made wrong: *slams open window* SO how do you feel about surprises?

Customer: ….they’re okay.

Barista: Great because I’m about to give you one.

***

Barista: You have two drinks so I am going to hand you two straws which means, FANTASTIC news, these straws double as drumsticks. / You have one drink so I am going to hand you one straw and, promise not to tell anyone, this straw doubles as a magic wand.

***

Barista: Here are those cake pops, I plucked them fresh from the tree myself.

***

Barista: *slams open window, holding drink* Amazing, fantastic, delicious, you are a very lucky man/woman!

***

Barista, realizing drink is being delayed or remade: Looks like it’s gonna be just one minute so they have time to put the extra love in.

***

Barista: I’ll be with you in one hot second. *beat* WOW that second sure was hot!

Anyway she has a few dozen catchphrases she rotates appropriately and it’s both distracting and fantastic to listen.

YOU hates terfs

Lost in the sauce

everytime zuko goes out he leaves iroh a note that says “gone insane, back later”

So I have these two friends who know who the other is but they themselves are not friends. There have been two instances, one of them today, where one friend has mentioned a girl she thinks I could hit it off with. Both times, the girl she suggested was currently starting to date my other friend. And I can’t do anything about it cause that’s a dick move but like, how the fuck does the exact same thing with the same people happen TWICE??? And like, within a year too? This is why I’m single

You know how old we are because our age is the same as the year

people born in 2000 should be like 12-14 now. but they’re not. that’s how fucked up our world is now

Anytime I play a game like that, say Skyrim, I always thought that the animal just ate the gold because they thought it was food. If it was big like a frostbite spider or bear I thought they had random stuff because it’s what a person had on them when the animal ate them

weirdest thing about videogames is finding new clothing/armor for your character on dead NPCs like “its such a shame greg died but thank god his pants are just my size”

words cannot express just how joyful my tears are like I actually am crying buckets of happiness right now

remember kids, never shame others for the size of their cocks