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MDZS Volume 4 Annotations

Part 9, pages 293 - 309

Here begin The Edits.

My understanding, gleaned almost exclusively from reading tumblr, is that there are at least 3 versions of MDZS:

1) Original serialized story, published as it was written.

2) Cleaned-up story after the story was all done.

(I think this is the version that got published in Taiwan.)

3) Censored version, the only one that you can easily find online these days.

(This is the version that the ♥️Audio Drama♥️ is based on!)

While it’s awesome that Seven Seas didn’t censor MDZS, it’s also very sad that they didn’t incorporate all the sweet extra little scenes and adorable lines that MXTX added when she had to brutally cut out all the blatant physical intimacy (😢 that must have hurt 😢).

Here’s what to add back in, folks!

⭐️ 1)

WWX: “What do you want to do next?” He just barely restrained himself from saying “Whose house are you going to wreck next?”

LWJ furrowed his brow slightly and corrected WWX: “We.”

WWX: “Ok, ok. We.” (As in, “What will we do next, together.”)

LWJ nodded his head, and he even gave WWX the jujubes again. WWX wiped them on his clothes and took a few bites, thinking about how, in the middle of the night, Hanguang Jun wants Yiling Laozu to disturb the peace and make mischief with him.

If word of this got out, it would be disastrous.

Much more below the cut:

⭐️ 2)

After a moment, he tilted his head and asked, “How is it?”

WWX: “Hmm? What? How is it? … Good! Very good. I gladly bow down to your superiority!”

These were true statements. Even though he was drunk, Hanguang Jun’s handwriting was, as usual, exceedingly proper; WWX was ashamed at his own inferiority (re: handwriting) (handwriting is a big thing in Chinese culture).

LWJ nodded his head, and passed Bichen to WWX.

WWX: “…?…”

LWJ again tried to pass Bichen to him, and WWX accepted. He looked at the wall and noticed how there was a lot of space after the words “Lan Wangji,” then understood.

LWJ was waiting for him to write his own name up there!

LWJ stared at WWX unrelentingly, and WWX finally couldn’t take it anymore, saying “Ok, ok, ok. I’m writing. I’m writing.”

Resigned to this action (this fate), in the space after “Gusu LWJ,” he wrote “Yunmeng WWX.” Now, both of their names were side by side on the wall.

“Gusu LWJ, Yunmeng WWX, travelled here!”

⭐️ 3)

The sect rules of Gusu Lan were so strict, there was no way LWJ had ever had so much wild, crazy fun when he was little.

⭐️ 4) (an entire scene of Drunk LWJ exerting his dominance over a dog for the sake of WWX)

“Woof woof woof arf arf arf!”

Suddenly, an torrent of barking exploded like firecrackers in WWX’s ears. He screamed and instinctively jumped on top of LWJ: “Lan Zhan, save me!”

This household raised dogs?

In actuality, in the middle of this quiet night, WWX’s awful hollering and howling was much more terrifying than any dog’s barking. He was scared out of his wits, but LWJ’s expression did not change, and with one hand he held WWX and patted him soothingly, with the other hand he held his sword, then leapt lightly to the top of the wall; and from that position of superior height he looked down upon the wicked dog, and with a cold expression seemed to engage in a confrontation with it.

WWX had all 4 limbs wrapped around LWJ and his face buried in LWJ’s neck. His whole body was stiff, paralyzed. He screamed, “Don’t confront it! Go! Let’s go! Lan Zhan, get me away from here! Aughghghgh!!!”

While WWX was madly crying, the dog, upon seeing LWJ, had tucked its tail between its legs, extended its tongue, lowered its head, and was splayed on the ground crying; it didn’t dare bark anymore.

LWJ saw that he had achieved complete victory, then gently patted WWX twice more, held him tightly, then leapt down from the wall.

They had walked quite a ways away and didn’t hear a single bark; only then did WWX peel himself off of LWJ’s body. His eyes stared straight forward and his legs still trembled. LWJ patted his shoulder, expression focused on WWX as if asking if he was ok. WWX hadn’t fully calmed down yet, and with some effort took a deep breath, casually praising LWJ as he did so: “Hanguang Jun, you really are extraordinarily brave. Unparalleled!”

Hearing this, LWJ seemed to smile.

The moment was fleeting, and WWX thought that perhaps he was just seeing things. He was stunned.

A moment later, he sighed, rubbed his chin, and smiled. “Lan Zhan, now you know to regret not going to Lianhua Wu with me back then, right? Wait! Where are you going?! Don’t just run off!”

⭐️ 5)

WWX couldn’t help but tug on LWJ’s forehead ribbon. “You even order me around now?”

⭐️ 6)

WWX despaired. He gritted his teeth and pretended like everything was fine: “I’ll just help you pour over the bath water, ok? And the rest you can do yourself.” As he spoke, he made to dodge away from LWJ; suddenly, LWJ reached out and ripped off his sash.

⭐️ 7)

Seeing him this way, WWX’s heart inexplicably softened; he also felt it to be funny (Chinese doesn’t require subjects in sentences, so I’m not sure if WWX finds LWJ funny or the situation laughable or both). This person really has been this way since he was little — the things he wants, he would never say in words, but he would fiercely pursue with his actions. So, then, WWX dragged LWJ back to the tub, saying “Ok, I’ll help you bathe. Come here.” In his heart, he thought, “I’ve lost. I admit defeat. Ok, I’ll help him scrub a little — nothing more.”

⭐️ Alright!!

From here, pages 298 - 310, the edits were so many but also so subtle that I can’t just write them in. Instead, I highly highly recommend that you read the translation done by @boat-full-of-lotus-pods :

MDZS Volume 4 Annotations

Part 3, pages 89 - 151.

Some important (I feel) tonal tuning and a little more anti-slang.

More below the cut:

Stars of Chaos 杀破狼

Volume 4

I finally finished Volume 4! It was great. I love Chang Geng and Gu Yun. And poor Shen Yi and awesome Chen QingXu.

I have a a bunch of little Interesting Cultural Tidbits; maybe two alternative translations; and two places where retaining the webnovel's paragraph breaks would have been very helpful. Here we go:

Yah, so -- they were not planning on visiting friends over the next few days while they were busy infiltrating the rebels; rather, they had, over the last few days, made some good friends and built relations strong enough to make "come over for dinner" seem like a reasonable next step.

No, Gu Yun is not about to eat an American Hamburger; rather, he says that he wants "车大的烧饼把拉车的活驴夹成火烧" which is, roughly, a northern Chinese flatbread sandwich (meat layered between two pieces of flatbread). Word-by-word, this "donkey burger the size of a horse cart is

车大的烧饼flatbread as big as a horse cart

把拉车的活驴 take the live donkey pulling the cart

夹成火烧 and put it in between, to make it into a hot sandwich.

Donkey burger!

Here, Fake Prince Yan is calling his companion, the Fake Xu Ling, "少东家 Young Master" because that's a polite way to refer to your boss's son (or any big boss's son?) when you are talking to him. In normal English, this would read like "Even you have gotten embroiled in this mess."

I think the grammatical tense on this might be off. He hasn't had his birthday yet, so I think it might read more smoothly as "...noodles on his birthday, and he would also have to publicly confess his errors in governance that day." ... 过个生日连碗面都没人给下，还要当着天下痛陈自己执政过错。

Three-headed and six-armed god of war! It's a Nezha reference. You all know Nezha, right? Nezha 哪吒 is my favorite god <3

“Fish in muddy waters" is 浑水摸鱼, which means "to take advantage of a crisis for personal gain" (www.mdbg.net)

This is one my favorite idioms: 瓜田李下， which is short for 瓜田不纳履，李下不整冠, which means "don't fix your shoes in a melon field; and don't adjust your hat/hair-crown in a plum orchard," which we can summarize as "Don't act suspicious."

top: 睁眼说瞎话 eyes open, speak blind words. Blatantly lie. It sounds really cool in Chinese.

bottom: “千金之子，坐不垂堂” I had to look this up. It's a saying from the Han Dynasty. The situation is that roof tiles would sometimes fall and hit anyone sitting below, so they discouraged rich kids from sitting under the eaves where the tiles could fall.

"... and behave yourself!" is a very good translation for the meaning of this sentence.

But it's so much cooler in Chinese: 不准作妖！ which means "don't be a 妖," and 妖 means (mbdg.net again) "goblin / witch / devil / bewitching / enchanting / monster / phantom / demon"

Here's another place where the translation is perfectly good, but 下毒手 is so much cooler. By itself,

毒 = poison, 手 = hand,

下毒手 = to attack murderously / to strike treacherously

You all know the idiom 螳螂捕蝉，黄雀在后, yah? Here comes mdbg.net again: "the mantis stalks the cicada, unaware of the oriole behind (idiom, from Daoist classic Zhuangzi 莊子｜庄子); to pursue a narrow gain while neglecting a greater danger."

把腰扭到胯上。 "...undulating his hips until they were level with this waist..." which I guess means that he was walking with a prominent sway to his hips?

This is the perfect translation for this idiom. The idiom, in Chinese, is 一朝被蛇咬，十年怕井绳 = (modified mdbg.net)  once bitten by a snake, scared for ten years at the sight of the rope used for drawing water out of the well.

大人有大人的道，小人有小人的路。

大人 here is (mdbg.net) "title of respect toward superiors"

小人， in contrast to 大人, means （mdbg.net) "person of low social status (old) / I, me (used to refer humbly to oneself) / nasty person / vile character"

I think it makes a little more sense if it reads "Lords and ministers have their bright open boulevards; small petty people have their own paths."

Never had Fang Qin 碰过这么硬的钉子 since the day he'd left his mother's womb.

碰钉子 literally means "hit nail"; figuratively, it means (mdbg.net) "to meet with a rebuff."

这么硬的钉子 = such a hard nail.

So 碰过这么硬的钉子 gives the image of Fang Qin running into a fence or something with a long, hard nail sticking out of it. :)

Pg 241. 侧耳过去听 just means "turned/leaned his ear (head) closer to listen (better)". No one was putting their ear on Gu Yun's lips here.

发作 means "to lose one's temper". I feel like "bite his head off" is a bit extreme for anyone to except of Prince Yan -- Prince Yan is too refined to bite anyone's head off.

In English, I feel like "what's the matter with you" is very confrontational and accusatory.

The Chinese here is 你到底怎么回事？, which I feel translates better as "What is actually going on with you?" or, more awkwardly, "What is the full situation of what is going on with you?"

This is so cute: "little bastard" is 兔崽子 which literally "bunny-rabbit child" and figuratively (mdbg.net) "brat / bastard". So...

Gu Yun: Which baby bunny was standing guard and ratted me out!?

Chang Geng: I am that baby bunny.

The "pawn" here is a not pejorative. 马前卒 is "lackey / errand boy / lit. runner before a carriage" (mdbg.net).

In the online version I read, there is a paragraph break and a time frame here that really helps with understanding what's going on.

"....civil official who could barely ride a horse.

One year ago, survivors of the navy...."

"In less than a month..." (just showing that they have been there for a few weeks.)

"Silver tongue" in Chinese is 见人说人话、见鬼说鬼话的三寸不烂之舌。

见人说人话、See people, speak people language.

见鬼说鬼话 的 See monsters, speak monster language.

三寸不烂之舌。 three inches not <soft / rotten /worn out> tongue.

Cool way to say "silver tongue," yah?

I think the grammatical tense should be brought forward. The ship is falling apart right now, in book-time.

Another paragraph break that I feel should have been retained to show that we are moving from outside the temple, where we can see the flames, to inside the temple, where Chen QingXu is suffering from the smoke.

__________________________

And that's it! Volume 4. I love you, Chang Geng. You have my heart, Gu Yun!

Stars of Chaos - All Notes Links

My DanMei Literary Adventure Masterpost

Stars of Chaos 杀破狼

Vol 2, Notes 4, pages 90 - 144.

Ten more pictures with notes about the novel! More text that may have been edited out of the print version!

Half of the sentence is gone!!!!!

"...and Chang Geng at that time had not even known what luxury and riches were, but had unexpectedly and resolutely left the marquis's residence; he would rather wander the wide 江湖 Jiang Hu than return to being a 'frog in a well' rich prince."

"Frog in a well" is 井底之蛙, which means "very limited worldview" since frogs in wells can't see more than their tiny patch of sky.

There is no mention of bloodlust in the version I read. It was just "In previous years, Gu Yun still frequently muttered about beating up this person or beating up that person..."

Yah. Priest has LOTS of plot. Constant bouncing between what happens in the imperial court vs in the outside-the-official-government world.

"粘". Priest even put that word in " ". It can mean sticky, adhesive. Not like a clingy girlfriend, more like magnets or glue.

It's very romantic right here, anyway. :)

Text, plus my bad handwriting: "Who knows what my brothers and comrades will think when they hear the news! What do you think, Marshal!?" meaning "What do you feel in your heart?! Do you really think this is fair?"

停 can mean "parked" or "landed," which I think makes more sense here since "stored" has the implication that the hawks are packed away, but, in this case, the hawks were flying just a little bit ago and now they are "landed," or "parked."

There some additional sentences in the version used for translation, I guess.

The Chinese from the version I read: 我若说出傅志诚私运紫流金谋反一事...

My bad translation: If I speak about Fu Zhicheng's smuggling Violet Gold conspiracy this one matter...

My interpretation: "the treason of smuggling violet gold," since he is referring to one matter, not two.

But it would not be weird if Priest later edited it into two matters of treason, one of smuggling and another of rebellion.

Chang Geng is elegant and graceful. He does not hunker. He settles.

炼丹 ”Make pills of immortality"

This "alchemy", Chinese version, is not to turn whatever into gold, but instead to find ways to extend your life; like how my mom puts turmeric in absolutely everything and reminds me to eat more blueberries and tomatoes and goji berries and...

OK! That's it for these ten photos! More later :)

My DanMei Literary Adventure Masterpost

Stars of Chaos - All Notes Links

“I named this cat Lan Zhan. Why? Because...whenever I say to him ‘Lan Zhan, it’s haishi*.’”

*haishi (亥时) - between 9pm and 11pm

(douyin)

(We’re taking a calculus final. The TA is a well-known Lord of the Rings fan, and we’ve had running LotR jokes all semester.)

TA: “Okay, guys, everyone look at me. We’ve been over the rules, but just in case: no notes, pencil your answers in on the scantron sheet, and graphing calculators only – no more ‘can I just used my cell phone’ nonsense.”

Student: “[TA's name], my calculator batteries just died! What should I do?”

TA: “Here, I’ve got a big box of spares.”

Student: *struggling* “I can’t get this packaging open…”

Student 2: “Here, I’ve got a pocket knife.”

TA: “And I’ve got a pair of scissors if you need them.”

Student 3: *from the back of the room* “OR MY AXE!”

(Everyone starts laughing.)

TA: “The only axes allowed on the exam are in the graph section.”

(Everyone groans.)

TA: “Oh, come on, you’re in a math class. Deal with the math jokes.”

(The professor enters with a stack of exams. With him are two exam proctors.)

Professor: “Tolkien jokes already, [TA's name]?”

TA: “Hey, I didn’t start it.”

(The professor starts handing stacks of exams to the TA and proctors.)

Professor: “But I’m about to finish it. [TA], take these exams down the left flank. [Proctor 1], follow the desks down the center. [Proctor 2], take your exams right, along the wall.”

(At this point, many of the students have realized where this is going: Theoden’s lines from ‘Return of the King.’)

Professor: “Forth, and fear no problems! Solve! Solve, students of calculus! Points shall be taken, scores shall be splintered! A pencil day! A red-ink day! Until three thirty!”

(The professor pulls out a pencil, holding it out like a sword, and runs down the first row holding it out. Students hold up their pencils, hitting his as he passes.)

Professor: “Solve now! Solve now! Solve to good grades and the class ending! MAAATH!”

Entire Class: “MAAATH!”

Professor: “MAAAAATH!”

Entire Class: “MAAAAAATH!”

Professor: “Forth, exam-takers!”

(The entire class rises to their feet and gives him a standing ovation. A week later, we get an email from the professor.)

Professor: *at the end of the email* “PS: I appreciate all of you who wrote in their evaluations that I was the one professor to rule them all, but the best one yet was the student who called me ‘Mathrandir.’”

Lan Zhan going from 😠 to 😊 when around Wei Ying.

how to flirt with your crush 101: a guide by wei wuxian for anon 

Sha Po Lang 杀破狼 (Stars of Chaos) ch 12,

in which poor Shen Yi expresses how he really feels about working with Gu Yun:

他心道：“打从我上了姓顾的贼船那天开始，就没摊上过好事。”

He said in his heart / he thought: “Ever since the day I got on board that Gu’s pirate ship, nothing good has happened to me.”

(No, Gu Yun is not a pirate. He’s commander in chief of all the military forces in the nation. But Shen Yi consistently considers him to be a stinky pirate.)

I love how in Chinese there’s this construction, 姓顾的 “surnamed Gu,” which is wonderfully specific and concise and terribly derogatory. “That person is so terrible that it’s not even worth it to say his full name, much less any honorifics.”