I added a fire because I thought more things needed to happen to Once-ler to show why he doesn't care about anyone else's opinions anymore. I thought this story beat would add more character development (and every story is better with an extra mystery).
Excerpt:
Once-ler looked up from his drawing board as the air grew suddenly thicker. The proud smile he’d had on his face as he drew modifications for his products faded when a dark feeling descended upon him. The sky was dim and gray, but it didn’t feel like rain. It was a dry, ominous darkness, and there was an eerie silence. It was a deep, all-consuming quietness in which even the wind had stopped.
A flock of swomee-swans burst over the horizon, hooting and speeding south as if death was on their tails.
In his pajamas, Once-ler ran out of his house. Black clouds were forming all around. Not rain clouds, which he was more than familiar with, but something even more sinister and hot.
"No…" He cast around helplessly as the sky around the construction site of his new assembly line glowed orange. "No, no, no, no, no, NO!"
The Lorax and his band of Barbaloots and humming-fish appeared quickly beside him. "We have to flee!" he cried. "Where's your family?"
"I… I told them to leave."
"Did they go? Yes or no?"
"I dunno!"
"I gotta get all the animals out. I'll get Melvin too, if you need me, shout!" The Lorax and his own strange assorted family of creatures dashed away, leaving Once-ler on his own.
READ THE FULL CHAPTER ON AO3!!!!
Also I shall be away next week, that's why I'm posting this early.
Guys!!!!!! The last chapter of The Great Wish Movie Rewrite is up today!!! Read here: Link
This rewrite was so much fun! It was especially pressing for me since we can all agree Magnifico deserved better! Haha. It's a good thing we can always rewrite these things if we need to, and have a lot of fun doing it, too! Thanks to everyone who read this novelization/rewrite to the end! Link
Excerpt: Chapter Ten: Rosas Restored
Magnifico awoke on top of his tower.
The hopeful hum of the wishes had returned.
He sat up on the stone cold floor, and stared at them floating in the dawn with utter reverence for so long he almost forgot his kingdom was still in ruins.
He reached out to let one land on a finger. “How glorious.”
The skies above told him two days had passed since he'd entered the black hole.
He had so much time before him now.
Magnifico got to his feet, and walked out onto the edge of a platform. He looked down upon his kingdom of sticky rubble and wreck. “I have a great deal of amends to make,” he sighed as he bowed his head. "And I do not blame my people if they do not forgive me after this."
The first thing he did was to snap his dark staff in two, and toss it over the tower's side into the sea. He picked up his old, less potent sceptre and used it to close up his tower again, its spiked platforms folding in from their star shape back into a dome that protected the wishes once more. Then he went down from his tower, out into the streets where he used it to stop the rhinoceros still barreling around. He shrunk the animal down to the size of a mouse, and gave it to a little girl skipping past to keep as a pet, and she was too overjoyed to be scared of him when he handed it to her.
“Why bless my soul! It’s Magnifico,” said a peasant woman when she saw him strolling around the town, putting things back in order.
“It is I!” he said as he shot down the dragon with a fiery arrow from his scepter, that crashed down into the forest, and he looked so disarmingly cheerful that a grin nearly escaped her as she took in his metamorphosis, and everyone wondered what had come over him a second time.
Magnifico was in such high spirits that if he were wearing a crown and it was knocked off his head by the wind, he'd have been too cheerful to notice and gone right on without it.
Next he sealed up the tears in the earth, then herded the stampede of unicorns into a gated pasture to give to Farmer Finnegan as an apology for destroying his other livelihood, after which he turned to the dark castle he’d grown out of the ground and shrunk it into a merry go round for children to ride in the middle of his courtyard. He found that everything could be reshaped into something joyful.
“Good morning sir!” he said to the baker as he put his bakery back in order with a few zaps. “Such a fine craft you’ve perfected. I have always held it in high regard."
Once all his paradoxes and anomalies had been sorted out with some serious conundrum-solving that left his head in a guddle, and he was sure each of his subjects were as safe as could be, he went down to the edge of the forest where he found Asha and Star Boy bouncing up and down on a discarded trampoline in the shade of the trees, and walked up to them.
The pale white wand in Asha's hand had been mended, and she held it carelessly above her head as she bounced, a few sparks leaking out its end that she didn't even notice.
"A fine day to you!" Magnifico called to them, and their mouths fell open at the sight of him. They ceased bouncing. "What have we here, my dears? Let's have a look." He approached them with a smile on his face.
Asha's face scrunched up into the same one she'd made when her Saba's wish had been yanked from her days earlier. “Go away," she told the king. "Everyone was a lot better off without you. Do you think anyone is going to listen to a big stupid-head when they could listen to me? People just have to believe in themselves to make their dreams come true. You just have to follow your heart, and anything is possible. All it takes is a little faith and a wish upon a star.”
“Enough of these idiotic phrases.” Magnifico plucked the mended wand from her hand, and snapped it in two with a satisfying crunch.
Asha's face went pale, and her jaw nearly hit the ground.
"Asha, it seems you’ve finally earned yourself a proper sentence," he said, and raised his sceptre, but Star Boy was ready, and the fire he shot from his palms collided with Magnifico's spell.
But this time, the fire was no match for the white light bursting from the king's sceptre, and the star was not prepared to be hurled backward into the trees like a worthless gnat.
Star Boy emerged from the prickly plants with the look of a crumpled fly, his hair, full of prickers, sticking up as if he'd been electrocuted. He staggered forward, too dizzy to walk straight, and cried, "The earth's a mess, there's no more delight, I'm done with this, time to take flight." He shook his hair back to normal as he leapt into the air, and a suitcase materialised in his hand. "I've had my fill, this game's a bore, I can't take humans anymore. I'm packing my bags, going off with a zoom, no more human games, I'll return to the moon."
"Wait!" called Asha as Star Boy disappeared in a streak of light like a comet, right after which Magnifico sealed up the Eclipse Enclosure behind him with his sceptre, stronger and more secure than ever, ensuring he could never breach the realm again.
Asha's lip trembled as she watched.
Magnifico turned to her. "For your insolence, you will tend the chickens kept by your people day after day, from sunrise to sunset. No magic, no shortcuts. You will protect them and learn to do some good for society." And with a flash, he transported her back to the Hamlet, where she materialised surrounded by chickens inside a run closed off with barbed wire, outside which she could not step foot without getting a zap.
From then on, Asha had no choice but to follow the chickens, feed them, sweep up their dirty hay, and gather their eggs, all to the tune of relentless clucking. With no escape, she slowly, but eventually learned to focus on her tasks until she found a strange rhythm in the routine that wasn't quite pleasure, though she was no longer restless and wishful.
The same night she received her sentence, Magnifico gathered his guards into a search party to find Amaya, who had gone into hiding after his disappearance.
"I fear she is like a serpent in tall grass, watching and waiting to strike," he told his guards. "She must be found and captured at once."
It was only midnight when his guards returned with his wife, who had been hiding out in a cave in the forest.
"Magnifico, I was possessed," she tried to lie as the guards dragged her off to the dungeons. "I do not know what came over me. It was the dark magic, I swear it was." Her protests faded as she was marched down the dark lower stairwell out of sight. Finish reading: Link
ONLY ONE MORE CHAPTER TO GO!!!!! I'M SO EXCITED!!!!!!
Because the original had a lot of plot holes and wasn't satisfying.
What to expect:
1. Actually tells the Once-ler's whole story from beginning to end (no Ted)
2. Gives Once-ler more agency and develops his motives beyond "my family made me do it."
3. Includes "You're all going to jail!" scene
4. Animals die/the stakes are raised
5. Logical explanations for why they couldn't just plant more trees or use a ladder, why Once-ler didn't just plant the seed himself, etc.
6. The Lorax is actually significant
7. Characters like Once-ler's dad, Norma, and O'Hare are woven in, but don't steal the spotlight. (Example: Norma isn't an annoying girlfriend who steals the role of the Lorax).
8. NO ANNOYING OCS, MARY SUES, OR STUPID ROMANCES!!!!!!!!!! Just a straightforward, comprehensive narrative of what the movie should've been like.
This entire novel is complete and has been through multiple drafts. If you follow it, you can be sure that it does have an ending and the author knows where it's going with foreshadowing and extra plot twists. Chapters will be released each week.
Without focusing on Ted, the story can start earlier and show more of Once-ler's background trying to sell his Thneed. What bad influences did he have when it came to running a business? Some of the advice in this chapter are real things I've been told...
Excerpt below:
He pulled the Thneed from his neck, and spread it on the table. "Ah, you know what, let me just show you."
"It's brilliant," said the main representative immediately.
He was the shortest man and wore a sleek white suit. "The audacity is stunning. It's the perfect balance between essential and useless. Whimsical enough to capture the imagination, yet quaint enough to be marketed as a necessity. This is, indeed, something everyone needs. We would just have to make it out of a better material. For the most part, there's not a single thing that could be improved. However…" He looked up from his spinny chair at the long table. "There's one problem."
His colleagues in smaller chairs around him nodded their heads knowingly.
"Whaddya mean?" asked Once-ler.
The salesman pressed his fingers together and leaned forward. "To sell a product, you need to have a certain degree of charisma," he explained. "The creator's image is even more important than the thing itself when it comes to commerce. That is, you can't just come into a company in your dirty lumberjack clothes, dragging a mule, singing out of tune, and expect to be a success."
Once-ler turned red. There were no barns in North Nitch, so he'd been taking Melvin everywhere with him on a leash. The buildings were so big it hadn't occurred to him there was anything wrong with it. Plus Melvin was such a well-behaved mule, or maybe it was just that he hadn't had any human friends in so long, Once-ler had unconsciously started to think of him as a person.
He also resented his spiffy new outfit being called dirty lumberjack clothes. The fashion of his old town must've looked that way to outsiders no matter how new or clean they were. He observed the stiff, sleek blazers the businessmen wore and took note.
"There seem to be two of you here right now, Mr. Ler," the salesman said, and Once-ler got the feeling he wasn't talking about the fact that he'd brought his mule.
"On one hand, I see a powerful inventor with an ingenious work ethic, capable of bringing impressive ideas to life. But you can’t let humility hold you back. My advice to you is to try and think of yourself a little more selfishly, if you know what I mean."
"No, sir… Could you expand on that?"
"I mean stop thinking of yourself as someone small from a lowly background. You have to imagine yourself as bigger than everyone else."
The salesman hopped from his chair and drew his own short body to its full height in front of the towering woodsman.
"It doesn't matter if you're the tallest person in the world, if you never think you can reach anything." The businessman threw a pointed glance at a geeky young intern with glasses and braces. "Isn't that right, Aloysius?"
"I get it, Dad." The teenager rolled his eyes.
The salesman folded up the Thneed, and handed it back to Once-ler. "You have potential, but come back when your marketing strategy has improved. Have you ever read The Virtue of Selfishness? I look forward to hearing back from you. In the meantime, have you considered applying to other job options at one of the O'Hare companies?" He handed Once-ler a pamphlet.
Once-ler walked out of the building buzzing with embarrassment. He'd butchered his delivery on his first try. Why was it so easy to sing about Thneeds at his family's farm, in the forest, or the privacy of his wagon? He hadn't expected to start shaking like a leaf the instant he started playing for other people. He needed to practice.
Full story here:
Chapter 3 of The Great Wish Movie Rewrite is up on AO3. Read here: Link
The rewrite explores Magnifico as the protagonist with Asha and Amaya as villains, and Star Boy comes into the story later.
In this chapter, Magnifico holds an interview and meets Asha for the first time.
Blurb: It was noon the following day, and Amaya had promised to return within the hour with the most promising candidate she’d been able to find. Magnifico waited in his Wish Chamber, a hidden chamber inside his observatory that stored every wish he’d been given, but never yet granted.
He reached out so one of the wishes alighted on his finger. The wisp flickered, leaving a trail like sparks of hope in its wake. The king admired the aspiration, and the sense of longing it radiated made his heart ache, like a tune somebody used to know, then forgot, and heard once again in the distance. He let the wish, light as dandelion fluff, ascend into the swirling cloud of others above him, where they danced in a radiant sky-revel, with stardust pirouettes and leaps.
Magnifico knew from poetry that wishes weren’t always what people should want, but rather, what they did want. They were mysterious flower buds that would unfold and unfold, and might never stop unfolding, until the world was overrun with the complications of them, unless someone did something to stop their consequences.
His people needed to trust his wisdom, for he’d spent the last eighteen years studying the complexities of fate, and now recognised when the time was not right for a wish to unfold. The most challenging aspect of being a sorcerer was dealing with the unanswered wishes, because his subjects could fervently ask for something, believing it to be good and necessary, yet it was not always what was truly best for them. But why their wishes remained unanswered was a mystery to them.
“I opened Pandora’s box by learning sorcery to grant wishes, but now I have a key, and can lock it up again when I need to,” the king told himself, though he was never at peace despite the fact. “But soon,” he leaned against a windowsill, “I will have someone to assist me, should anything go wrong. . .”
Amaya had told him the candidate's name, and assured him that this time, she had complete confidence in her abilities. What had she said the candidate’s name was again?
Gently, Magnifico traced the brass filigree of an old armillary sphere, its interlocking rings representing the orbits of celestial bodies. He studied its familiar patterns, remembering his own days as an apprentice, guided by his mentor's steady hand, and he listened to the faint, melodic hum of the wishes’ hopeful song. It filled him with peace.
A jarring shriek pierced through their tune. Magnifico spun so fast his sphere toppled off its perch on the table.
“Someone is in my tower.”
Despite the horrific noise, the king made his expression calm, though a sinking sense of dread filled him as he feared for each delicate piece of equipment in his observatory. “I suppose this is the best candidate Amaya could find,” he thought sarcastically. “I should never have allowed our meeting to take place here. What was Amaya thinking? Well, I’ve got to give them a chance. . .”
But as Magnifico emerged from his Wish Chamber, the picture was worse than the one his imagination had leant him. A young woman had stumbled in with the grace of a toddler, and attempted to make contact with his book of forbidden magic, evident from enchanted wasps encircling her, which he’d conjured as a safety precaution, to materialise if anyone but him touched the glass case protecting the manuscript.
The girl swatted her arms like a wild monkey, continuing to shriek as the enchanted wasps buzzed in a menacing symphony around her, and Magnifico felt a wave of pity, because she thought they could sting when they were only meant to confuse and to scare. He’d almost raised his voice to yell, but the girl was turning pink, clearly embarrassed, and Amaya had thought her worthy of coming here. There could still be virtue underneath, in spite of this careless accident. He mustered patience.
“No, no,” he laughed, making his presence known as he reentered his observatory. “Asha, is it? That book is forbidden.” Though he hurried forward, he maintained a calm composure. “Now hold still. I’ve got it.” As he raised his hands to summon the swarm, he tried to make light of her mistake. “You can’t have known, but I put, ahem, a spell on the glass guarding this book. It is actually very, very dangerous.”
“Dangerous? Then why would you have it?” Asha, still waving her arms, sounded as if she was going to cry. “I only wanted to touch the etchings around the glass because they were pretty.”
She was so worked up she slipped, and almost kicked King Magnifico in the face just as he’d gathered all the wasps into his hands. Before they could force their way from his grasp, he called up all the magic he could, and shot them back at the case, which they melted into, becoming nothing but ornate carvings once again.
Magnifico sighed as he shut the case, then he rubbed his hands off on his robes. “A king must be prepared for everything. I hope there will never be a time this book needs to be used. Are you all right?”
“No,” said Asha, in what sounded like a whine.
Magnifico was going to overlook this, but then Asha ploughed on in a show-offish sort of ramble, “I mean yes. And I understand if you think I’m, like, totally weird and you want me to leave right now and never show my face again.”
“That would certainly be for the best,” thought Magnifico, but Amaya’s words made him curious whether Asha actually had some mysterious talent not obvious at first sight. “Let’s not over react,” he said instead. “You’re here; you’ve certainly got my attention.” He turned, and wriggled his fingers so a quill leapt into the air, ready to take notes on a bit of parchment he’d laid out on a desk.
“So go ahead; tell me why you think you should be my apprentice.” He waited with hope in his heart.
“Well,” said Asha, in the tone of someone telling a joke to their friends, “I care too much.” Then she paused, as if waiting for a laugh.
“Ookay,” said Magnifico, as hope packed its bags and took a one way trip from his heart. He waited for her to say something else, anything to imply she had some selfless intention, but she just continued staring, as if waiting for a reaction.
“That’s interesting,” said Magnifico finally.
“It’s my weakness,” she burst out, and looked so pleased with herself Magnifico thought she was going to laugh at her own incompetence.
“I see.”
“Figured I might as well get through all the bad stuff right up front,” she ruined her own joke by blabbering on too long. She was clearly used to being surrounded by a group of friends who laughed at everything she said, and was trying quite hard to be quirky.
“Fair enough.” Magnifico already couldn’t wait to send her away. This was not the way someone with common sense acted before the king. It reminded him far too much of eighteen years earlier, when no one had shown him any respect. But he would get through the rest of the interview for Amaya’s sake. He breathed out. “And your strengths? Do you have any?”
“Glad you asked, I have many.” Asha brushed her box braids behind her ear, then pulled a vellum book from her pocket. “I’m a hard worker, and I help well, and I’m young and malleable, and I like to draw.”
Magnifico grasped for something in all these cliches. “You like to draw?” he latched onto the most useful of these irrelevant skills. “And how long have you had this ability?”
At this, the first glimpse of sincerity appeared in Asha’s eyes, and she opened her book to detailed life gestures she’d sketched of goats and lambs. “A long time.” She flipped through more pages of life-like scribbles. “It’s something my father taught me,” she told the king with a proud smile.
When Asha said this, a distant, half forgotten memory stirred inside Magnifico, and he peered closer at the young woman's annoying face.
“I think I remember your father.”
“You do?”
“He was a philosopher, was he not? Had great magic running through his blood. Always warning people about the consequences of getting whatever your heart desires.”
Asha’s eyes glazed over at the last part, but she eagerly started talking about herself again. “Oh yeah. We used to climb that tree by the high ridge in the Hamlet, where I’m from, to look at the stars, and he said they were there to guide us.”
“Your father said a lot more than soft soap like that. He was a very wise man. Did you learn much about his philosophies?”
“Not really. After he got struck by lightning, he wasn’t able to take me out at night as much anymore. I used to want to make a wish that he would get better. But the electric shock left him with lots of burns, and his heart finally stopped one day.”
“I’m sorry. How old were you when he passed away?”
“I was twelve years old.”
Magnifico finally glimpsed something recognisable in Asha, so he attempted to dig a bit deeper.
“It’s not fair, is it?” he asked, taking a gamble as he searched her face for that sincerity again. “When I was young, I too suffered great loss.” He wasn't sure Asha would pay attention as the subject changed to something other than herself, but he went on, determined to finish, because whether she listened at this moment would decide everything.
“Years ago, my entire family was killed by selfish, greedy thieves, and our lands were reduced to ashes,” he told her. “The devastation was beyond imagining. The streets, once bustling with life, were strewn with the bodies of those I once loved. Though the village I’d roamed was silent, I could still hear sobbing of ghosts, of my mother and my father, my brothers and sisters, and my friends. Not a day passes without the haunting thought: if only I had known sorcery then. . .” The king shuddered as the faces of his lost kin grew clear in his memories. He looked hard into Asha’s eyes. "It is for this reason, Asha, that the very foundation of this kingdom is built upon the belief that no one should ever experience the agony of watching their dreams crumble before their eyes. I vowed to create a haven where everyone would be safe, where the horrors of my past would never befall another.”
Magnifico paused to see whether she was listening.
Asha had finally stopped rocking back and forth, and looked contemplative. When the king stopped talking, she blinked. “You’re right,” she managed. “No one should live their life feeling the pain of that loss everyday.”
The king nodded. “Yes. Exactly. And that is why I do what I do.”
Asha’s voice was serious when she replied, “And that’s why I want to work for you.”
Perhaps it was his imagination, or his own good heart deceiving him, but at that moment, Magnifico was overwhelmed, and his heart melted a little. “Come with me,” he said, and led Asha toward the tower’s back wall, where he raised an arm so the stones shifted and slid apart, and his Wish Chamber revealed itself.
“Wow,” said Asha as blue light poured over her, and the domed chamber shone upon her in all its heavenly glory.
“You’re one of the few I’ve ever invited in here.” Magnifico led her inside with sweeping strides. “But if I am to trust you, I need you to understand just how important the wishes of Rosas are.” He glanced at his guest, and was pleased to see her expression was properly impressed, her eyes wide, and her mouth shut. “You can feel them, can’t you?”
“I can,” she whispered. “They’re, uh, everything.”
“That’s exactly it. These wishes are everything.” Magnifico paused to let her take in the brilliance of them.
“I didn’t expect them to feel so alive.” Asha reached out toward the tangible essence of someone’s deepest aspiration: a woman cradling a violin in her arms inside the orb. She shivered as the woman created the beautiful music of someone who’d put in countless hours of practice, each pluck of a string evoking a yearning that transcended the material world around them.
Magnifico laughed a deep laugh at Asha’s first impression. “They fill you with so much longing, don’t they? But that one would do no good to grant. Ambition untempered by effort stifles the growth of character. Denying someone the trials and triumphs of their journey robs them of the refinement of their soul. To grow in virtue is to become something more beautiful than even the most vibrant vibrations of violin strings.”
Finish reading: Link
Nobody ever really writes about Once-ler's life on the farm. I imagined he had to help support his family and fight for the chance to study by making a space in the barn or something. I think that would've been more relatable. Excerpt below.
Only one evening did Once-ler's Ma visit the barn out of curiosity to ask what he was doing.
"Wow," she said, when she saw what he'd done to the place.
It was practically an office now, with books stuffed into barrels and crates, one of the stalls made entirely into a library with shelves and a file cabinet. Blue prints and charts were taped to the walls and ceiling, with even more piles stacked around the floor. The big drafting table took up the wall facing the door, with magnificent designs pinned to the drawing board. In the corner Once-ler's well-loved guitar rested in a safe spot underneath the hayloft. This had been transformed into a comfortable out-of-the-way bedroom and changing area with a mattress, a neat basket of folded clothes and a curtain.
"Wow, you really have it good, Oncie," she told him. "And we don't even make you pay rent. You got this whole place to yourself while we're all crammed together in that little cottage. Brett and Chet sure don't get anythin' like this!"
She didn't mention that Brett and Chet never took the initiative to work for anything like it.
"And taking all my yarn!" she said, noticing what he'd swiped from her supply and turned into a mass of unidentifiable shapes. She tapped her foot. “Have you ever considered moving out?"
"Actually… I would love to now that hard times have come to an end." Once-ler spun around, and twirled one of the pink blobs of yarn around on his finger. "In fact, I'm almost ready to go and sell my invention. I just need to find something better than this cheap yarn to make it with."
(Read the whole story on Ao3)
Read here: Link
Blurb: Magnifico kept his shoulders back and head held high as he stepped through his castle’s arched entranceway, into the grand, circular courtyard’s expanse, onto the stage where he’d face his hardest task as king: choosing one person’s deepest desire out of the thousands of tear-wet, expectant faces peering back up at him.
He announced himself to the sea of breathless souls by casting spells with sweeping gestures. With each wave of a hand, radiant, variegated star showers unfurled through the air that transformed into delicate butterflies, and gasps of awe rippled through the courtyard as they left trails of sparkling hope behind them that rained down gently, in the king’s attempt to raise spirits before he would, inevitably, leave some of them broken-hearted, their sobs destined to disturb his dreams for years to come.
Magnifico’s voice, amplified by a spell, echoed across the courtyard. “My dear subjects.” He raised his arms as if to embrace. “On this enchanting night, as the stars illuminate our beloved kingdom, it is not only good to see you, but also an honour to be seen by you. I am deeply moved by the sight of all of you gathered here. Your presence brings warmth to my heart, and a profound sense of gratitude. In your faces, I find the strength and resilience that define our people, and it is your unwavering spirit that guides me in all I do."
Cheers rose to a crescendo, and tears glistened in the eyes of each person as they applauded the king who had brought them peace for nearly two decades.
Magnifico’s gaze shifted to his wife, who had just taken her place on the mainstage, and brought Asha with her as instructed. He gratefully nodded toward her, then turned back to the crowd.
“Now, we shall begin with a matter that concerns the heart and soul of our kingdom. We have two new citizens ready to give their wishes. Helena, Esteban, you are going to be very happy here, I promise you.” He extended a hand to welcome his new subjects who’d sailed from across the sea onto the stage.
The couple, still so young as to be untarnished by the joys and trials of parenthood, climbed the stairs to the stage. Magnifico looked into the eyes of the future of Rosas, and took the young woman’s hand into his own first.
“Now make a wish, and hold it in your heart.”
The woman closed her eyes, then opened her hand in the sorcerer’s, so they both began to glow. Her breathing relaxed as a terrible weight evaporated from her consciousness, and her wish materialised in her palm in the form of a glowing orb.
Her husband did the same in Magnifico’s other hand.
The king swept both wishes toward his chest. “It unburdens the soul, does it not?” Then he raised his arms so the wishes ascended into the sky, where they floated to join the others at the top of his tower. He smiled upon the husband and wife. “Perhaps I will stand here and make them realities one day.”
The man and woman smiled, and left the stage with a new spring in their steps, as if lighter than before.
Once again, Magnifico turned toward the place Amaya sat, and searched for signs on the face of the young woman next to her of understanding or empathy. Surely she’d grasped the weight of his ceremonial words, and the sacrifices they represented. But the young woman’s eyes were clouded, and her fingers fidgeted with the hem of her garment. She looked unmoved and unchanged.
Magnifico exhaled sharply, then turned back to his audience. "Thank you for your applause. Tonight, it brings me great joy to welcome these two new souls into our realm. They have passed through my Eclipse Enclosure, a barrier few are granted to cross. This shield is also a testament to the trust I place in those who enter. Not everyone finds their way through my curtain of star silt, yet here they stand, embraced by the safety I've woven. May their presence enrich our land as we share in the journey ahead."
The king waited as a roar of applause rose and fell, and he knew this was the real moment everyone had been waiting for. He released a final cascade of light from his fingertips that arced across the heavens in a concluding streak. “Now then, who is ready to have their wish granted?”
The crowd’s thunderous reaction was like a storm breaking out, as each person brought to mind their unique wish for a brighter dawn, and Magnifico knew that if witnessing this collective flame, igniting every heart, not solely your own, was not enough to stir someone, they must be beyond redemption in their selfishness.
For the last month, the king had sweated blood and tears discerning which wish he should choose, and deciding was no easier a task than it was any other ceremony. The wish had to be something genuinely harmless, yet selfless enough to make Rosas a better place. Wishes like this were surprisingly few and far between, as most people were not selfless, or wanted to twist fate too drastically. When he came across one that was selfless, but too drastic, his eyes often overflowed with sorrow at a young girl watching her mother die from illness, or a farmer whose crop had failed, who had lost everything he loved.
“It has been a challenge for me to make a final decision today,” he said without betraying emotion, “And it is with clarity and an open heart full of love that I grant today’s wish to someone who has very patiently waited long enough.”
Eyes were wide, breaths were bated, and the courtyard was so quiet you could hear a pin drop.
“Sania Osman,” said Magnifico. “Step forward now.”
There were gasps and murmurs, and the crowd slowly parted to reveal a young lass with burning joy on her face.
“Is it really me?” She came forward, swaying as if she would faint. “What have I done to deserve it? Can this actually be?” She was helped onto the stage by those around her when she threatened to fall off her feet.
Magnifico outstretched an arm to help her up. “I mean it when I say, it truly is my great pleasure to grant your heart’s desire, to sew the most beautiful dresses in all the land. It is a rare and noble heart that seeks to bring beauty and joy to others with such selfless devotion."
In the background, Asha was clenching her fists as if ready to throw a fit.
“Never, ever get your hopes up.” A sarcastic whisper came from a clique of teenagers lounging at the courtyard’s side. Their whispers and stifled laughs sliced through the solemn silence, drawing disapproving glances. To crown it all, one of them wiped his nose disrespectfully on his sleeve in front of everyone.
Finish reading here: Link
Hey, I was thinking that for our next rewrite, maybe we could do the Cursed Child... I remember being really disappointed when it came out, and the plot about the time turner and Cedric making no sense! And also wishing it was a regular novel instead of a play, and that it didn't turn all the characters into characters that didn't act like themselves...
Would this be something anyone would be interested in??
I was thinking maybe instead of making every single thing into a long overwhelming polished novel with multiple drafts (even though I will still always work on those too) maybe I should put some shorter fanfictions as posts here. Like the kind of stuff I just spend a day on, and then I might even have some time to make sketches to go with them. Is that the kind of thing anyone here would be interested in?
Example: I might post the first chapter of an Over the Garden Wall novelization I started in my style with a picture of it.
IF YOU HAVEN'T STARTED READING NOW, IT'S JUST GETTING TO THE FUN PART!
Excerpt:
As the meetings became more frequent, the character he had invented started to take on a life of its own. It was no longer just a way to get through the day. He would slip into his green suit, the color of money, and with it, would transform into someone else entirely. His voice would change—louder, more charismatic, filled with a confidence that didn’t quite belong to him. His handshake would be firmer, his smile broader, his laugh just a bit too loud.
Brett, Chet, and Gizette, who had seen the transformation firsthand, started calling him “Greed-ler” behind his back. They found the whole thing hilarious, completely different from the brother they knew. Gizette doodled pictures of Greed-ler on scraps of paper, turning him into a cartoon character with exaggerated features and dollar signs in each eye.
It wasn’t long before Greed-ler became more than just a private joke. The image of the green-suited CEO with a maniacal grin spread throughout the company, and soon, it wasn’t just his siblings drawing cartoons of him. Employees began to share these drawings, and Greed-ler started popping up in more official places—on company newsletters, posters, even merchandise. What began as a role to get through the day turned into the official mascot of Thneeds Inc.
READ THE FULL CHAPTER ON AO3!
This chapter is a little longer because I want to take my time showing how Once-ler's personality devolves. I've also never seen any writing about what an average day at the company would be like. As I go through the whole movie, I want to thoroughly explore every last thing like this for once. There really is more than a novel's worth of potential in this story, if it's given its due.
Also, instead of always making Once-ler doubtful about his family's selfishness, I wanted it to be clear he was joining in with them and being an equally terrible or worse person. This is key to making the story work and have a more powerful lesson.
It's up! Guys, I'm excited, Star Boy comes on the scene today. Read the story here: Link
Excerpt: Chapter Seven: The Duel
The Hamlet, a mossy place secluded by forest, where inhabitants made bread from pinecone flour, and kept more chickens than charts or charms, came into view. The moon cast it in sharp-edged shadows as Magnifico readied his staff, murmuring last incantations over it. Before leaving the castle, he’d imbued it with extra power from the night sky, using a spell from his only remaining book, the one he’d been reluctant to use because of its relation to dark sorcery.
“Desperate times call for desperate measures,” he told himself, though he’d immediately locked the book away again after referencing this spell. He thought mournfully of the rest of his destroyed resources, original manuscripts he’d compiled, containing centuries of study by other sorcerers. “Now I have no idea what a star might be capable of.” He caressed his staff’s fine point that could stab if needed. “The hour has come.”
The carriage silently rolled to a stop behind a towering oak thick as a dragon’s tail, just on the hollow’s edge. Magnifico looked to the driver and raised a finger to his lips, then motioned for him to drive away unseen, as he stepped out into the Hamlet, and the crunch of leaves, which set a carpet of gold beneath his boots, was concealed by ceaseless clucking as chickens talked in their sleep inside their roosts.
The hollow’s modest shielings, stone houses shaped like mushroom-caps, unadorned except by moss or the occasional clothes-line, stood huddled close together, intertwined with roots of trees for protection. The humble hollow did not look like the kind of place to hide a criminal. The king held his staff before him to light the way as he crept between the shieling huts and oaks tall as mountains. As he stepped over a root as thick as one of the castle's pillars, his foot landed on a pinecone, and he clasped a hand over his mouth when he nearly screamed. Just as he approached the centre of the cluster of homes, the staff began humming faintly, its sound growing in intensity.
As the king crept, the staff’s hum shifted in pitch, resonating with a particularly small shieling hut which he paused in front of. He noted a faint glow seeping through its rough, timbre framed windows, and the murmur of voices within. Even muffled by stone walls, self-satisfied pauses emanated, it was the girl showing off, he knew that. Without hesitation, Magnifico raised his staff, then forced the door open with a bang.
The conversation stopped abruptly as Asha’s gaze met his, the recognition in her eyes confirming what the staff already indicated. Its sharp end was pointed up at the star hovering inches below the aisins.
“What folly is this?”
“It isn’t folly at all! It’s simply glorious!” The star did a somersault in the air.
He was a flicker of ghostfire in the form of a young man. Clad in changing hues of white, topaz, and misty red, his clothes echoed the night sky. His bright eyes held glints of mischief, and moving with grace, his cape trailed sparks behind him as he flew in and out the aisins, twisted a picture frame, peeked into a drawer, then sent a stack of books tumbling from a shelf, as if dropping stones from the sky. The playful spirit who’d come down from the heavens laughed, each note twinkling like a warning sign.
The star continued doing flips in the air as he addressed the king. “You see, mighty king, with a crown shining bright, the stars in the heavens dance all through the night. They laugh at your trials, they chuckle with glee, as they dance in the moonlight, wild and free. They meddle for fun, oh, but fret not dear king, for your country will fall, but it’s a burdensome thing.”
Asha laughed, and though she had a hand over her mouth, she looked impressed. “Star Boy,” she said.
Magnifico’s eyes blazed as he raised his staff, and he unleashed a striking green beam that cut through the air. Star Boy, now idly twirling a ribbon of stardust around his finger, tried to dodge, but was struck directly in the heart, and like a mosquito swatted, fell to the ground with an expression of stunned surprise, his stardust trail dim and scattered.
From the floor he looked up at Magnifico, shaking off the remnants of the spell’s green glow. “All right, you’ve got me, you’ve proven your might, I underestimated you, and I’ve lost the fight.” He grinned, then added, “But watch your step king, as you tread. Anger the stars and you’ll find yourself dead.”
Magnifico’s staff crackled again, and he struck at Star Boy with a wave of green fire. The house’s beams groaned under the strain of magic, and shards of stone rained down.
Star Boy darted around, a streak of incomprehensible light, and he paused only to withdraw something from his pocket, a slim, pale stick he tossed down to Asha. “Take this wand, a gift from the heavens. You’re a fairy godmother now, my dear.”
“Aeeeeegh!” Asha let out an excited screech as she caught it.
The wand was swiftly knocked from her hand by a wave of Magnifico’s staff. “You are both banished from the realm for threatening my kingdom.” He raised it again, when Star Boy, hovering just out of reach, laughed as he conjured a torrent of fire, and flames lashed out from his palms, catching Magnifico’s cloak in a dance of light and heat.
Asha scurried forward to her wand, and brandished it as he stomped on the flames. With a quick flick, she sent a stream of light to blind the king. The spell struck his eyes in a burst of bright sparks, so he staggered back. He growled as he struggled to regain control.
Finish reading: Link
Just two writers who like to rewrite stories either to make them better or for an experiment.
127 posts