Whats-in-a-username

CROWDED TRAIN RIDES

We save the most intense conversations

For the crowded train rides back home.

Not the same home. Not now. Not ever.

We stand in between the bustling crowd,

Look out the window and avoid each other's eyes

You hum under your breath, and I pretend I didn't hear it

We talk about the day in moments.

Ones that made us laugh, ones that felt grateful,

And then about the ones we didn't think the other would notice.

That brings a smile to your face,

So I crack open my otherwise dark heart just a little.

To let that light inside. You smile again, and I break again.

I tell you things I wouldn't tell you when we're alone

In the silence of an empty road where you can hear my voice break

So I find comfort in the crowd muffling out my pain.

The train stops, and you forget it's time.

It's time for you to get down, that it's time for us to reset.

We hug, you get down, and I watch you walk away.

One of these days will be our final train ride like this

Where we talk about us.

And we'll get down, go home. Not the same. Not ever.

But maybe one that's just as loved.

Moments and Memories

A home is sometimes a person,

sometimes a place.

But mostly it's million tiny feelings you can't erase.

A nostalgia,

A flutter in your heart or

An aching memory that makes you fall apart.

It's in the familiarity

Of a touch, sound, and smell.

How you can recognize footsteps so well.

It's in the fragrance of an old detergent,

The coolness of a freshly made bed or

Within the worn-out pages of a book, you once read.

The way you can recognize

The chair that wobbles and,

The coordinates of every dent from squabbles.

You'll be taken back in time

At the sound of a video game

When new high scores were the only mark of fame.

You're back at your childhood home

When you smell your favorite meal

Reminiscing how mum's food has powers to heal

Home could be right now,

Right here, but the feeling is

Forged out of moments that were once dear.

july 15 // incinerate

One of us is dead.

It's dark outside, it's dark inside

I woke up from the crash without you beside.

It's dark outside, it's dark inside

All I can feel is my hand covered in blood that's dried.

A blaze of light, an ear-splitting screech

Before I could grasp, you were out of reach.

A blaze of light, an ear-splitting screech

While we desperately try to hold on to each.

The world upended, everything still

What just happened? Was it real or just a drill?

The world upended, everything still

A feeling down my spine, is it blood or just a chill?

I lay there, feeling the time cease

Exhausted as the pain increased.

I lay there, feeling the time cease

Wishing I could just sleep in peace.

Days skip ahead, Weeks skip ahead,

You don't see the tears I shed.

Days skip ahead, Weeks skip ahead,

You don't hear a word I said.

I lose count, Time skips ahead,

And I realize one of us is dead.

For a second or two

Sometimes I fall in love with strangers,

For a second or two or some more.

Not for the thrill or dangers,

For the kindness, simplicity, and whatnots.

That someone on a park bench

Petting a random dog,

And then someone by the swing

Helping a kid back to her feet.

That someone at the next table

Smiling genuinely at the waiter,

And then someone at the handwash

Holding the door for an old woman.

I fall in love with strangers,

A second for how they look,

Two for their generous smile,

And some more for the random act of kindness.

The universe conspires you around such strangers

At that particular point in time out of all.

Because kindness conjures love.

Even if it's from a stranger.

A stranger,

Who will stop what they're doing

To fall in love with you.

For a second or two or some more.

“In my heart I love her all the time.”

— F. Scott Fitzgerald // The Great Gatsby

― Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath

AFTER A RAINY NIGHT

The mornings after a rainy night,

Reminds me of all our crazy fights.

The way few droplets hold onto leaves,

I held us tying my pain in sheaves.

The sky looks empty without a cloud,

Reflecting me and the things you vowed.

And slowly the day gets bright in time,

I bethink how I left right in time.

The mornings after a rainy night,

Reminds me there's always space for light.

(26.10.20)

Poetry challenge #7

A strange dream.

*looking at a post i made like minutes ago*

"what the fuck was i on how did i write it like that"