It's So Close. But Why Can't I Touch It? My Fingers  just Barely Graze The Surface, But They Can't Hold

How do you love someone who won’t love you back? Easy. You suffer in silence and pray for something to stop the pain. Whether or not it is the person you love is completely up to circumstance. But I can’t say I’d take love from someone else over the bullet to heart that you so easily gave to me.

From the bottom of my (not yet dead) heart

I hate that I need constant reassurance that you actually like me. I hate that I always feel like a burden. I hate that I say stupid things. I hate that I can’t take them back. I hate that I hate myself. But I love that you don’t hate me.

I can safely say that I don’t hate you too

Dear Expectations, You are always there when I need you the least. You make a simple task feel immensely impossible. You run my fingers raw while writing a paper, my mind to exhaustion to be absolute perfection, and my body to sleep deprivation in search of a grade no less than what I need to pass. In the search of a way around you, I stand in your shadow, unable to overtake the panic that you make arise in my chest, the pounding that never ceases until after the deadline has passed or my grade sealed in the grave that you have been helping me dig. your shadow isn't big enough to keep me inside, it is not bog enough to harbor the panic and the anxiety that you bring with you wherever you go. Following you like two hungry watch dogs, waiting for me to fall to the ground, to feast upon what is left.  While you are there to bring me up when I have to do my best, you bring an illusion of a silver lining making this seem worth it in the slightest sense. For the reward of praise is too much to ask from you when all you deal in deceit and terror.

With no love

I can't remember when there was a time where I could say that I was fine with out lying. Nothing seems to motivate me besides failure, and nothing will get me to state how I feel. Because I'd rather waste away like this rather than let you worry about if I'm alright.

I'm just not fine.

You wouldn’t know how good I am at lying until you give me a reason to trust you.

I don’t even trust myself

"Even if you are with her I could've sworn you looked to me even though she was right there."

- 2 AM Thoughts (via, wounded-writing)

Misery is knowing that I'm always going to be your second choice. Because there is always someone better than me.

It's fine since I'm used to it now

Reblog, click the picture, and prepare for battle.

I never thought I'd be able to say that I don't love you anymore.

But now I can

Hi

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