Bellalovecoach ~ Instagram

Can you list some harsh truths that the general population (especially women) need to hear in order to improve? I feel like society likes to sugarcoat everything.

Family is a privilege, not a right. Men being allowed to cum inside is a priviledge and not a right.

Men can never DEMAND to women, they can only ask. If they demand, it's divorce time.

It is okay to marry richer/higher status. Marrying lower is just not a good idea for women. You need to always be upgrading and upgrading. Never settle.

Also, at the same time, be reasonable in your standards. The higher your standards are, the smaller your pool will be and the higher caliber you have to be to distinguish yourself.

For dating hypergamously, practice is KEY. Date date date date date date and GET OUT THERE. Mr Perfect won't be impressed by your low-experience awkard nerd ass.

By gaining dating experience you also learn to recognize yourself the red flags.

The higher the salary the more likelier he's a psychopath. Read up on psychopathy and other Dark Triad traits so you're prepared to counteract. If you're not sure about some man, next. Better be safe and save your skin than be a victim.

Your boyfriend working at MacDonalds or smoking pot is not him being "cool" he's being lame. He drives a rusty noisy corolla? Nah. This ain't cute. Get it together.

If you feel you don't deserve dating high value men, get the fuck off the dating pool, recenter it all on you, take a 1yr break and work on your glowup. Read about buliding self confidence AND WORK IT.

Never have children before marriage. Marriage is the legal protection of women. In case you separate outside of marriage he may be never required to help out financially with alimony. Marriage is protection for women.

Fuck the baby mama culture. See previous point. It just isn't cool, it's lame.

It is okay to prioritize career over men, and career first before founding a family. You MUST be seeking out for yourself FIRST before endangering yourself and putting yourself in a vulnerable position.

If you need to have a baby in order to keep a man, let him go. Bye.

The current dating market is heavily unfavorable towards women, as most men just don't know how to behave nicely. And this ain't our problem to solve in any way. Do not hesitate to be cutthroat. Red flag? Block, delete, forget and NEXT.

Fuck protecting men's feelings. Breakup when you don't wanna be anymore with him, say things honestly. They're already brutally honestamongst themselves, they can handle you being honest and asserting yourself.

Mantrums shouldn't make you comply, in ANY way. You need X, he doesn't wants, don't care, you need X or you gtfo.

You have to take accountability for your own actions on yourself and others, but do not blame yourself for EVERYTHING everyone does. That's what a PickMe does. If you got unhealthy body, this is not the fault of your mama if you're above 20. If you went broke, this is not the fault of everyone else if you went shopping excessively with that nice brand new CC card.

Being fat is not cute. Being skeleton thin is not cute. Get it together and strive towards actual wellbeing. Stop smoking cigarettes nobody might tell you but it makes you stink and gives off a bad impression. Same with excessive alcohol consumption.

Like said in the Teenager post, therapist stuff should stay at the therapist's office or your journal.

Live the lifestyle your salary allows you to live. You shouldn't be buying Prada shit on MacDonald's salary. If you want better stuff, strive to improve your salary. Going broke is just awful and not a nice personality trait.

Refuse to work too much you have zero life outside of work. That's exploitation and not being "hardworking". If you feel you can't ask that, read up about "boundaries". Currently, the market favors heavily employees so you have leverage for better. .

You should strive to be autonomous, you can't expect Mama or Friend to help you out everytime you're stuck. Prepare ahead, think of all possibilities ahead of time and ask for help when you're actually stuck. People get helping fatigue.

Do not just read about dating strategies or beauty stuff. Read up about news, science, culture and so on. Listen to podcasts, videos, read reference books, etc. There's a topic you wanna learn more about? Head to the librairy to get a good foundation.

To become a queen requires work, time involvement, energy, focus. You can't hope to become a queen just by scrolling on Tumblr and doing nothing else. Go workout, read, go out, etc. Have a life.

Getting myself together

If you want to be ATTRACTIVE you can be.

-Get up early. Set your alarm and stretch first thing. Then go make some tea.

-Get dressed, do light makeup & go for a walk (Always look your best even if it’s light makeup & your hair is in a ponytail).

-Work out. Even though you don’t want to! Do you think anybody wants to at first? No. How do they get results? Discipline.

-Check off a calendar to feel accomplished after u do these things every day (with a rest day in between. Even then, stay active just go easier—walk).

-Do a face mask 2X a week at the end of the day. Put teabags on eyes to reduce puffiness. Moisturize and use gua sha roller to massage face.

-Sleep to binaural beats music for deep sleep

If you want to be SMART you can be.

-Read portions of a book mindfully and try to retain that information.

-Try to finish 1 book every 2 weeks. The library is your friend.

-Do a crossword in the local newspaper

If you want to be STRONG you can be.

-STOP giving into your emotions & being at their mercy.

-Do you feel sad? Well cry it out, comfort yourself & then get right back to doing whatever you need to further your goals.

-Don’t be an open book. Even if you don’t feel well nobody on the outside needs to know. Don’t give away your secrets. Only ask for help from appropriate people.

If you want to be FRIENDLY & PERSONABLE you can be.

-What would you do if you were drunk/ not overthinking it?

-How others react to you is none of your business. Don’t let them determine your worth/ mood.

-Compliment strangers. Ask for directions. This can lead to small talk.

-Mirror people subtly. Add on to the conversation by asking questions. Wait until the other person is done speaking no matter how badly you want to get a word in.

-Get approached by always looking put together & nice. Even if you’re not, fool them on the outside.

“Let today be the day you love yourself enough to no longer just dream of a better life; let it be the day you act upon it.”

— Steve Maraboli

At age 23, Tina Fey was working at a YMCA. At age 23, Oprah was fired from her first reporting job.  At age 24, Stephen King was working as a janitor and living in a trailer. 

At age 27, Vincent Van Gogh failed as a missionary and decided to go to art school.   At age 28, J.K. Rowling was a suicidal single parent living on welfare.

At age 28, Wayne Coyne ( from The Flaming Lips) was a fry cook. At age 30, Harrison Ford was a carpenter.  At age 30, Martha Stewart was a stockbroker.  At age 37, Ang Lee was a stay-at-home-dad working odd jobs. Julia Child released her first cookbook at age 39, and got her own cooking show at age 51. Vera Wang failed to make the Olympic figure skating team, didn’t get the Editor-in-Chief position at Vogue, and designed her first dress at age 40. Stan Lee didn’t release his first big comic book until he was 40. Alan Rickman gave up his graphic design career and landed his first movie role at age 42. Samuel L. Jackson didn’t get his first major movie role until he was 46.

Morgan Freeman landed his first major movie role at age 52. Kathryn Bigelow won the Academy Award for Best Director when she made The Hurt Locker at age 57. Grandma Moses didn’t begin her painting career until age 76. Louise Bourgeois didn’t become a famous artist until she was 78. Whatever your dream is, it is not too late to achieve it. You aren’t a failure because you haven’t found fame and fortune by the age of 21. Hell, it’s okay if you don’t even know what your dream is yet. Even if you’re flipping burgers, waiting tables or answering phones today, you never know where you’ll end up tomorrow. Never tell yourself you’re too old to make it. 

Never tell yourself you missed your chance. 

Never tell yourself that you aren’t good enough. 

You can do it. Whatever it is. 

ETIQUETTE

The is your guide to ettiquite in daily life. Whether it’s table manners, or just everyday mannerisms that you can pick up.

BASIC ETIQUETTE

Let this sink in, be yourself. You are worthy of being treated courteously

A fundamental rule of good manners is to give. When you meet someone, it’s always good to think of a genuine compliment.

Don’t be boastful, arrogant, or loud. When in polite company, always exercise self control and good taste

Speak with kindness, but also speak with caution. This includes over sharing, being too critical. Your behaviour and even your clothing should reflect understated elegance.

Demeaning someone with a rude joke or an unwelcome nickname is disrespectful and should be avoided (being around those you’re close with that’s the norm of course).

TABLE ETIQUTTE

If you are someone’s guest, you must wait for a signal before sitting

If you are a host, point out chairs for your guest.

If you are sitting with someone who is left handed, it’s best that they sit on the left end or the head of the table.

Before eating, it’s best to wait until everyone has there food. However, if there’s a surplus of people, wait for the host to begin to eat.

Remember , used silverware should NEVER touch the table, have them rest in your plate. On that point, it is best to order food that can be eaten with a knife and fork in formal dining.

If you must leave, always excuse yourself.

PUBLIC SPEAKING

of course this can work with just general conversation, but these are the best tips I know.

Get some rest. When your energy level is compromised, you may struggle to deliver a concise message.

Inject humour. It will be helpful as presenting yourself as relatable.

Stay mindful of the sound of your own voice.

Pay attention to signals, tbhs can include not responding, backing away, looking away, body language is the feedback you need when you’re not sure when to stop talking about something.

THE DONT’S OF ETIQUETTE

Texting constantly, or checking your phone

Using R-rated language in a G-rated environment

Telling off-colour jokes

Interrupting or monopolising the conversation

Acting like a know it all

Gossip- I know it’s hard not to indulge, but this is one of the most dangerous things to do.

Wise things my sister has told me (friendship edition)

You hurt so much in friendships because you are more invested in it than they are or they care to be. Not everyone considers friendship to be such a precious and important relationship in their life and you need to be aware of that before you open your heart to people. 

When someone is being vulnerable with you, it says more about you than it does about them. It shows that you make them feel comfortable and like it’s a safe space and that you will not judge them or go around spreading rumours. They trust you. Because you are a trustworthy and emotionally mature person. 

You don’t need to have a huge showdown sort of confrontation with someone before deciding to distance yourself from them. You can decide that in your own head. Since you are neither ghosting them nor turning on them, you are not required to talk it out. You are simply toning down your affection towards them because now you see them for who they are. 

You need more people in your life who see you as an equal. And that can only happen when they are not so severely insecure. Insecurity comes out in two ways. One, where they put you down, are cocky and entitled and selfish. They think they are better than you. These are commonly recognized as narcissistic traits. But the second way is less known. It is when they are low on self-confidence and compare everything you do with what they do and then secretly try to copy that and never even acknowledge it. It is when they try to suck you dry, take everything they can from you to become ‘better’ and then pretend like you don’t exist. 

The pain of self disciplining yourself is better than the pain of regret 

reblog if you’re the science and sarcasm friend

Life tips?

I’ll answer this question by echoing notes I’ve left for myself in my journal:

Eyes on the prize while you stop to smell the roses

You are loved, even when you don’t feel like it and even when those that love you don’t do it in the most efficient ways

Try not to take shit personally, everyone is just projecting

The success you’re looking for is in the work you’re avoiding

If he isn’t in awe of you, he doesn’t deserve you

Outgrow feeling like you have to play small to protect peoples feelings

The pain of self-discipline is better than the pain of regret

If you allow a man to feed you he has the power to starve you—be independent and have your own income and assets

If God puts rice in your basket, there is no point in wishing for soup—instead of wallowing in self-pity, make the most of your situation and excel

Fashion is for your everyday life, not just for big occasions

Your brain changes more in your twenties than at any other time in your adult life—whatever it is that you want to change about yourself, now is the time to do it by building good habits

Speed is relatively unimportant, forward is forward

Low self-esteem often leads to adverse self-fulfilling prophecies; break the cycle and build a strong sense of self-worth

The people who reach the greatest heights are not always the strongest, nor the most intelligent; they are the most responsive to change

Some of these are truisms I’ve found on Tumblr, some are quotes from books I’ve read, some are wisdom I’ve received from the people in my life, and others are things I’ve realized from self-reflection. This probably wasn’t the most organized but I hope it was still helpful! ❣️