A Comic I Made Last Holiday Season! Oldie But Goodie

In my experience so far, She/Her/Hers had it right when they wrote that,

I will probably harbor some doubts, but mostly I feel fine. // Fuck that, I feel fantastic! I am living with enthusiasm, reckless abandon.

Like, there’s some fear and discomfort wrt whether this is the right choice but that’s bc everything I’m questioning is stuff I’ve never tested. Crossdressing? Hair stuff? It’s all stuff my “1.5in hair and cargo shorts for the last decade” ass has never experimented with.

And if the fact that my brain still lights up most times someone calls me Theo despite having had that happen constantly for a month, and the fact that I’m really liking some of the experiments I’m already doing with my hair (bangs), and the recession of longstanding confidence issues timed coincidentally with getting to college and flipping to testing this out almost-completely-publicly is any indication, then crossdressing and real hair experimentation is going to be euphoric.

(Also finding out SHH released another version of that song last year almost made me tear up bc holy shit the contrast w/ the lead having started (finished?) voice feminization)

transness is about shaping yourself in ways that make you fall in love with yourself, it is not defined by dysphoria or discomfort- you don't have to carry misery around with you forever.

me, 12 years ago when i realized i was trans: ugh woe is me boohoo i don't want to be a tranny that's the worst thing ever me, now: peace and love on planet earth yeah baby woohoo!!!! i love being a tranny this is the best thing ever

drew Ivy in random 1920s dresses yesterday :]

First entry in a while, huh?

I hit a local barbershop on Monday and got my beard shaved off. Looking in the mirror for the next day or 2 kept making 🎶the person in the mirror isn’t me🎶 pop into my head, but since that’s passed, I think it was a reaction to not having that level of protection from weight shit (since that aspect is still here) and not a bad reaction to taking the next step in social transition.

Still dreading the inevitable coming out convo w/ my parents, and still stressing over writing the transname letter to my profs, but nothing so far is dissuading me from transition: I felt (and still actively feel) happier than (almost certainly) I felt all summer. I think this is the right choice, I just need to get over non-trans-related appearance fears to be really happy.

...yes this is about the adhd and transsexuality.

Yet another reminder that faking is a conscious choice that you make.

It is not something you can do accidentally, regards of what you're talking about.

You can't accidentally fake depression, or anxiety, or bipolar disorder, or schizophrenia, or any other mental illness.

You can't accidentally fake Borderline Personality Disorder, Histrionic Personality Disorder, personality disorders.

You can't accidentally fake ADHD, autism, Tourette's Syndrome, auditory processing disorder, aphasia or any other neurodivergence

You can't accidentally fake being trans or ace-spec or aro-spec or any other LGBTQIA+ identity.

You can't accidentally fake chronic illnesses like CFS, fibromyalgia or any chronic illness.

You also can't accidentally fake being good/intelligent at something. You didn't fool your peers into reaching your position.

You can't accidentally fake trauma, PTSD/cPTSD, DID/OSDD/DDNOS or any other trauma-based disorder.

Tldr:

Faking is a conscious choice.

You cannot do it by accident.

If you are worried that you are faking, that in itself is proof that you are not.

My relationship with mirrors has been a real rollercoaster over the past year and half or so. Don’t get me wrong, I can still absolutely rip my reflection to metaphorical shreds on a bad day. But more often I find myself passing by the mirror and liking what I see more than I ever have before.

We’re in a better place now, me and reflective surfaces.

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noelle….My Child……

A comic I made last year about how my past selves would react to seeing me now 🏳️‍⚧️

Tags

#tlbht - Theo Liveblogs (LB) Her Transition; exactly what it says on the tin: basically just journaling about my transition

#tlbhst - Theo Liveblogs (LB) Her Social Transition; the specifically-social-transition subset of #tlbht