Adrienette Keeping Their Secret Identities From Their Kids Is Underrated. Not Only Do I Think It's More

Bruce being so done with life because none of his kids treat their medical files on the batcomputer with the importance it deserves. And the worst part is, he can't tell if it's on purpose or if they're all Just Like That.

Dick:

He loves his eldest son but for some reason, he refuses to do anything but put down estimated recovery times in his injuries folder. It's usually in the range of "2 weeks" to "48 hours" but that just leaves Bruce worrying about what happened.

One time, he put down 3 months and he nearly had a heart attack till his son called and told him Kor'i had dumped him and that this was how long he was going to be wallowing.

Jason:

Is nice enough to tell him what happened but doesn't add the degree of injury.

So he'll put down "stabbed" but won't elaborate on whether it was a flesh wound or worse. Bruce goes grey very, very early after Jason is on the field.

Tim:

Gives him just the location of the injury and leaves him to guess what happened.

Could say "arm" or "back of the head" or, on one memorable occasion, "spleen", but won't say what the heck happened to any of those parts.

Was he stabbed?? Shot at?? Who knows. Certainly not Bruce.

Damian:

Only mentions the retribution he got for any injuries he received.

"It's been handled", "he'll never be able to get the drop on me again" and more often than not, just the word "avenged".

Bruce is surprised he has any of his original hair colour left at all.

Duke:

By far the worst one. He writes down injuries in terms of his own pain scale.

Could write "OW!" or "Not Gucci" or "Better than that time Jason hit me in the face with a TV remote".

Once wrote "Non-fatal" which sent Bruce into a spiral because "holy shit Duke?? What do you mean non-fatal?? Yeah I sure hope your injuries weren't lethal?!"

Cass:

Has never been injured on patrol. Often leaves him question marks in her file which...yeah, fair enough.

I was cooking on twitter today

“In King Lear (III:vii) there is a man who is such a minor character that Shakespeare has not given him even a name: he is merely “First Servant.” All the characters around him—Regan, Cornwall, and Edmund—have fine long-term plans. They think they know how the story is going to end, and they are quite wrong. The servant has no such delusions. He has no notion how the play is going to go. But he understands the present scene. He sees an abomination (the blinding of old Gloucester) taking place. He will not stand it. His sword is out and pointed at his master’s breast in a moment: then Regan stabs him dead from behind. That is his whole part: eight lines all told. But if it were real life and not a play, that is the part it would be best to have acted. The doctrine of the Second Coming teaches us that we do not and cannot know when the world drama will end. The curtain may be rung down at any moment: say, before you have finished reading this paragraph. This seems to some people intolerably frustrating. So many things would be interrupted. Perhaps you were going to get married next month, perhaps you were going to get a raise next week: you may be on the verge of a great scientific discovery; you may be maturing great social and political reforms. Surely no good and wise God would be so very unreasonable as to cut all this short? Not now of all moments! But we think thus because we keep on assuming that we know the play. We do not know the play. We do not even know whether we are in Act I or Act V. We do not know who are the major and who the minor characters. The Author knows. The audience, if there is an audience (if angels and archangels and all the company of heaven fill the pit and stalls) may have an inkling. But we, never seeing the play from the outside, never meeting any characters except the tiny minority who are ‘on’ in the same scenes as ourselves, wholly ignorant of the future and very imperfectly informed about the past, cannot tell at what moment the end ought to come. That it will come when it ought, we may be sure; but we waste our time in guessing when that will be. That it has a meaning we may be sure, but we cannot see it. When it is over m, we may be told. We are led to expect that the Author will have something to say to each of us on the part that each of us has played. The playing it well is what matters infinitely. The doctrine of the Second Coming, then is not to be rejected because it conflicts with our favorite modern mythology. It is, for that very reason, to be the more valued and made more frequently the subject of meditation. It is the medicine our condition especially needs.”

from ‘The World’s Last Night and Other Essays’

netflix posted a delete and unfinished scene

Tim: I have never read a book in its entirety. I refuse. If I never read the ending then I can create my own ending however I see fit. It's the closest I'll come to godhood

Jason: that's the dumbest-

Dick: wait I think he's onto something. Imagine giving a every book you read a happy ending

Tim: happy? Interesting I've never considered that option

Damian: so you don't know how anything ends? That explains all your poor planning

Duke: What about textbooks?

Tim: if it was important they'd tell me in the earlier chapters

Jason: so what you're saying is-

Tim: I do not know how to change the batmobile tire that was in the very back of the manual

Jason: do tell how you decided that one ended

Tim: I called the people I trusted most in the world to come help me and like a true loving family they did

Dick: awww, of course we'll help-

Damian: absolutely not. Consider this a lesson in finishing what you started

Tim: I'm not above bribery. Pick an animal. Any animal. I'll have it in the manor by sunset tomorrow

Duke: I'm actually with Damian on this one- you should learn from this

Jason: also the dog dies at the end of Marley and Me

Tim, with a monotone voice: in my version they all died

Dick, Damian, Duke, Jason: ...

Damian: *tt* I expect a giraffe in the lobby by daylight

Jason: fine I'll help too but I'm stealing the hub caps

Duke: I'll come up with a believable cover story

Dick: some things never change❤️

via

this is from like a month ago but i still think it’s kinda funny. i’ve had a lot of dreams lately that were just gravity falls fanfiction, and sometimes i feel like they’re more in character than the way i write when i’m conscious

Batfamily Tumblr Shitpost Memes

"save me, substance abuse!" i cry. before you can moralize to me about the dangers of addiction, a noble and powerful steed gallops into the room - my horse whom i have named "substance abuse". you learn an important lesson about making assumptions. i snort a line off its back