You Are Still Learning. You Are Still Changing. You Are Still Growing. Breathe. You Will Find Your Way.

على متن حقيبة - ندى ناصر

this search for the essence of who I am

(Idealism is a disease) by joud abu rashed

Idealism is a disease

Once it enters your system it feeds off of your mistakes

It spreads like a wildfire making you quake

Symptom after symptom you start to hallucinate

A thought becomes a reality

There’s no real definition of actuality

All you can do is live in brutality

And endure that cruelty

There’s no one to blame but that little voice in your head

Making you wish on sweet death

Whispering to you as if it was your own closest friend

The doctors say there’s a cure

One that’s pure

But there’s a price

First you have to apologize

To the body you forced to idealize 

A vulnerable state of you past mistakes

Drowning you in a lake

The water reflects an image of grief and regret  

As it overwhelms you slowly you start to forget

A cold breeze of acceptance washes all over you

A warm feeling is new

A smile takes over you

Now you are cured.

this poem speaks about my struggles with anxiety and perfectionism. I hope you find a sense of comfort in it 

Nostalgia

“don’t worry, shell eventually grow out of it’’

I never did

Change: A process through which something becomes different

With growth comes along change

I grew, yet I remain the same.

Maybe it’s the nostalgia evoking me, an attachment grasping me in what seems to be the past

‘’move on’’ How can I leave what tended to structure me?

In a manner I am an adult, yet a sense of maturity is still to be held

I’m taller!, I’ve grown! Somehow a child reminisces within me, a child which Iv not abandoned, he isn’t what I used to be, he is what I am, maybe not fully but an essence still floats within me, and I carry it wherever I go.

a rainbow of van gogh—

in order: Peach Tree in Bloom (in memory of Mauve), 1888 / Red Poppies and Daisies, 1890 / Willows at Sunset, 1888 / The Sower (Sower with Setting Sun), 1888 / Undergrowth with Two Figures, 1890 / Landscape with Couple Walking and Crescent Moon, 1890 / Branches with Almond Blossom, 1890 / Starry Night Over the Rhone, 1888 / Irises, 1889 / Wheat Field With Cypresses, 1889

I remember you falling into my river, and I remember your little pink shoe.

Spirited Away (2001) dir. Hayao Miyazaki

"They say the best blaze burns brightest when circumstances are at their worst."

Eating toast for dinner instead of cooking is better than not eating anything at all.

Using mouthwash instead of brushing your teeth is better than not taking care of your teeth at all.

Wiping yourself with a damp cloth or baby wipe instead of showering is better than not bathing at all.

Doing only one out of five assignments you need to turn in is better than not submitting anything at all.

Talking to a loved one on the phone is better than not talking to anyone at all.

Playing your favorite video game, listening to good music, or reading a book instead of "grinding" is better than not doing anything at all.

Don't beat yourself up for not being "productive enough". A little productivity is still productivity.

DAYDREAM

‘’They say a soul with a vivid imagination can live in their own world…I just never thought id get so lost in mine.’’ - Joud Aburashed

A gentle person is always beautiful.