You May Encounter Many Defeats, But You Must Not Be Defeated. In Fact It May Be Necessary To Encounter

hey, remember how a while ago i wrote a book about how cooking is a pain in the ass and keeping yourself alive is endless drudgery? it’s been pointed out to me that maybe, here in 2020 with…all this…it’s the kind of thing that might be useful to people.

so hey! i wrote a book about how cooking is a pain in the ass. i literally called it cooking is terrible, and you can read a bunch of posts (mostly asks) about it in my cooking is terrible tag.

you can buy it through most ebook retailers, you can request it at your library, you can buy it on gumroad and amazon and kobo and a bunch of other stores, and there’s also a paperback on amazon.

i’m actually a pretty good cook, and i love a cooking project, but the day to day of having to eat (multiple times??) and do dishes and plan everything is just like. so much more work than i care to put into it. so i started making lists of things that you could do if you were literally only going to spend, say, five minutes in the kitchen, and ways you could cook that required as little equipment, time, and energy as possible.

it was partly written for my kid, and partly for me, and partly for anyone else who’s disabled or pressed for time or struggles with executive function or just fucking hates cooking. if you’re staring into the barrel of 2020 and only just barely dragging yourself out of bed, it’s for you, too.

also, it’s been marked down to $2.99 us on all the sites i can do it on, because i think it’s nice when we do things like keep ourselves alive, and i’d like for people to have a slightly easier time of that. 

Any advice on how to approach tough conversations with my parents without getting overwhelmed and crying?

-Keep in mind that not every discussion is a fight. It doesn’t have to turn into a fight.

-Think about what you want to say on beforehand. You can write your ideas if possible so you don’t miss any point or get lost within the conversation.

-Tell your parents that you want to talk about something important. Schedule a brief time with them in which they can give you their attention.

-Let them know why talking about that subject is important for you.

-Your emotional well being goes first. If the thing is getting ugly you can ask to pause the conversation and re take it when everybody is more calm (this particular tip has made wonders in the relationship with my mom).

-Keep your voicetone calm but steady. Don’t shout, and try to not get heated. Remember that it’s a conversation. Don’t get defensive even if they do. The outcome might not be what you wanted and that might be frustrating but try to stay calm.

-Some phrases that might help are:

“I would like to know what you think of (the subject)”

“Why do you think that way? What are your concerns?”

“I understand why you say it but I do not agree”

“From my point of view…”

“I would appreciate if you could give thought to (subject)” and negotiate a partial agreement

“I don’t agree with that but I respect your decision/ will support you”

-If things don’t go your way you can always try again when armed with resources.

And even if the outcome isn’t what you wanted I am already proud of you for speaking out. I believe you and support you.

That’s right, small achievements are still achievements #EthicalMemes

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Nelson Mandela (via themindmovement)

Mental Crop Rotation

When farmers grow the same crop too many years in a row, it can leave their soil depleted of minerals and other nutrients that are vital to the health of their fields.

To avoid this, farmers will often alternate the crops that they grow because some plants will use up different minerals (such as nitrogen) while other plants replenish those minerals. This process is known as “crop rotation.”

So the next time you find that you need to step away from a project to work on something else for a while, don’t beat yourself up for “quitting” that project. Give yourself permission to practice “mental crop rotation” to maintain a healthy brain field.

Because I’ve found that when that unnecessary guilt and pressure are removed from the process, a good mental crop rotation can help you feel more energized and invigorated than ever once you’re ready to rotate back to that project.

tavpdfw youre too afraid to express your honest opinion on something so you keep your thoughts as neutral as possible

Georgia Voters *who voted in the November 2020 Election* are finding themselves PURGED from voter records.

This video explains how to check this and how to re-register

Deadline to re-register is Dec 7th

✨Stay safe ✨

AvPD theory: social perfectionism

Avoidance as social perfectionism.

“This relationship will be doomed from the start ... so there’s no point trying to make friends.”

“I’ll inevitably say stuff wrong and make things awkward ... so there’s no point in starting a conversation.”

“I might be having a good day, but I won’t always be energetic, clever and likable ... so there’s no point in reaching out.”

These examples share some common links:

negative self-esteem

avoidance of anxiety/discomfort

seeking control and certainty

trying to meet others’ expectations, or avoid disappointing them

Thoughts, anybody?

(more here!)

I feel like narcissistic mothers go together with avoidant children like peanut butter and jelly. Actually, narcissistic mothers go together with a lot of things, kind of like you can have peanut butter and bananas, peanut butter and honey, peanut butter and marshmallow fluff…