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Atsushi X Reader - Blog Posts

2 months ago

Ada men’s favorite position— ♪♫♬ . . .

Feat : Osamu Dazai, Atsushi Nakajime, Ranpo Edogawa, Doppo Kunikida

Warn&Note: NSFW/SMUT CONTENT, Cursing/Profanity, Out of character, minors DNI, No pronouns used for reader, pet names, Praise, overstimulation, mentions of pregnancy/breeding, cringe, I’m new to tumblr so don’t expect anything, rushed, lazy, bias.

⋆. 𐙚 ̊

— 001. Osamu Dazai

Ada Men’s Favorite Position— ♪♫♬ . . .

You don’t really remember exactly what happened and how you got into this situation—not with his thick cock repeatedly pounding into your tight hole, moans and whimpers leaving your pretty lips. However that wasn’t the only sounds being heard, small grunts and heavy breathing could be heard from your boyfriend, Osamu Dazai. His dark chocolate brown hair was damp from sweat and sticking to his forehead, his eyes were pinned down on the person beneath him. A mixture between desire and excitement in his gaze, he couldn’t help it. They looked gorgeous underneath him, moaning and panting while his cock continued to pound away in their hole.

Dazai had you in a matting press; your ankles rested on his broad shoulder and his hands were attached to your hips. Gripping your hips and pulling you back on his cock when he had pulled back before slamming back into you, each thrust seemed to get deeper each time. It was almost overwhelming. Your chest slightly recoiled with each pushing thrust and Dazai couldn’t help but notice. He felt proud of himself that he could make you feel like this, he smirked slightly before he ran one of his hands up from your hip to your chest, groping it lightly, his thumb running over your nipple teasingly. He loved this so much, the power he held over you and the fact that you let him do this to you, he felt so lucky.

“..Mmh, c’mon bella…you can take it..”

— 002. Nakajime Atsushi

Ada Men’s Favorite Position— ♪♫♬ . . .

You couldn’t even comprehend that your sweet and innocent boyfriend, Nakajima Atsushi, was absolutely feral during sex. The only sounds being made was moans, whimpers, and skin slapping against skin. Atsushi’s eyes rolling back and a little bit of drool falling out of his mouth. He was trying to be gentle, he really did, but his tiger instincts overpowered over his mental state and the only thought in his mind was to breed you. His cock continuously pounded into you with his thighs slapping against your back thighs. It hurt, yes, but you didn’t even notice from the amount of pleasure that had overtaken your body and the pure bliss of moans that were heard.

Atsushi’s fingernails dug into your hips without even noticing it. You were in doggy position while he pounded from behind, your ass was in the air while your face was in the plushy pillows. Atsushi whimpered and he sped his already quick thrusts, his fingers beginning to create small bruises on your hips which he was sure to make up for it. Your moans also increased, trying to catch your breath while his cock pounded into your tight hole. Your eyes half-lidded and full of pleasure. After a few more thrusts; it got a little sloppy. His movements slowed down and he let out a whine before pulling your hips closer too him, his cock burying deep inside you before you felt a warm and stick liquid leaked inside you, he had cummed. He slowly began to pull out, his cock growing soft.

“M’sorry lovely, was I too rough?..”

— 003. Ranpo Edogawa

Ada Men’s Favorite Position— ♪♫♬ . . .

Soft and pretty whines and whimpers could be heard from the man underneath you, Ranpo Edogawa. After a particular difficult case, he had wanted nothing more then his pretty partner to get on top of him and ride him. So here he was, underneath his partner, hands grasping their hips and thighs. You on the other hand, bounced on his cock—small huffs and moans leaving your lips. Ranpo’s cock leaving and entering you over and over again.

Your bare ass slapped against his thighs each time you slammed down on him. Ranpo almost couldn’t take it, his eyes rolled back and a bit of drool at the corner of his mouth. It was kind of amusing seeing the greatest detective in the world blissed with pleasure and overwhelmed from the overstimulation. Ranpo kept on mumbling and pleading with you to go impossibly faster, he couldn’t help himself, it just felt so good. His cock being squeezed by your tight hole with each thrust. His hips began to slowly grind up a bit and try to thrust up as well, meeting your bouncing.

— 004. Doppo Kunikida

Ada Men’s Favorite Position— ♪♫♬ . . .

Both you and you’re boyfriend had been at it for the last hour, huffs and puffs leaving his lips, his blonde hair damp and sticking to his forehead from sweat. Who knew that your idealist boyfriend, Doppo Kunikida, was so rough and quick during sex. He hadn’t even cummed yet while you we’re approaching your second climax. It was overwhelming yet so pleasant as well—you wanted more of him. Kunikida let out a grunt as he felt you tighten around his cock, his grip on the back of your knees tightened and he continued to pound into you like there was no tomorrow.

Kunikida had put you in a missionary position, his slim hands wrapped around your back knees and pushing them down so that they were almost touching your shoulders. His hips moving in a thrusting movement to meet your tight hole each time. His hair was damp and his low pony tail was loose and slightly falling out, his glasses were a little foggy, and his body was almost shiny like from sweat. Kunikida sometimes couldn’t help himself, especially when it came to you. So here he was, pushing your knees to your shoulders while pounding inside of you, his movements quick and rough. How he loved you so much.

“…mph..ngh..”


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2 years ago

If you take requests, can I have Atsushi being comforted by the reader when hes crying because they saw him as a weretiger? Please?

If You Take Requests, Can I Have Atsushi Being Comforted By The Reader When Hes Crying Because They Saw

Request?: yes Summery: The reader runs after Atsushi, as he lost control of his tiger form, getting hurt in the progress. Character?: Atsushi nakajima Genre: Angst to fluff

A/n: hi hi! Thank you so much for your request, it was different than most of them and I'm glad I made it! Please feel free to request more for it to be written in the near future. For now enjoy the fanfic! <3

If You Take Requests, Can I Have Atsushi Being Comforted By The Reader When Hes Crying Because They Saw

All you could think about is ‘Run as fast as you can’.

You ran through the screaming crowd, trying to reach the one you love with all your heart. Atsushi and you have been assigned with a mission, it wasn’t a difficult mission at all, but someone had did their research on the agency and their members, and all it took was a little bit of information about Atsushi’s past to get him out of control.

He had fully turned into the were tiger without ever meaning to do so

“ATSUSHI!” You screamed for him, as you used your combat skills to get onto objects like trash cans, bus stations or even cars. You needed to calm him down before anything would happen to him.

You jumped over the cars, seeing him in the distance as you received a call from none other than kunikida.

“Y/N WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING OVER THERE?” You heard him scream, as you realised this is all being broadcasted, looking up as you saw the news helicopter fly above the two of you. ‘Shit.’ You muttered, as you speed up.

“Someone got sensitive information kunikida, He went out of control and almost killed the guy have they not gotten away since I stopped Atsushi.” You explained, your legs aching while you still speed up after Atsushi, hearing more screaming people of fright.

“SECURE THE AREA FOR ME OKAY THANKS BYE-“ You rushed the call before you heard kunikida scream on the other side.

You ran as fast as your legs could, as your eyes widen, seeing Atsushi about to attack. “ATSUSHI!” You screamed as you came in between the innocent people and the tiger that was about to attack. He couldn’t stop on time, as his claw made contact with your arms, giving it a nasty scratch mark.

You screamed out in pain and held onto your arm, whimpering slightly as you saw the blood and clothes being ripped off your body.

That’s definitely going to leave a nasty scar.

“Run!” You screamed at the innocent people, as they quickly scrammed, leaving you alone with a clearly distressed tiger. “Its okay baby its okay..” You whispered softly, holding your other hand out, treating him like a cat. “Its just me, your safe Atsushi..But you have to get control again.” You put a step forward, as him bumped his nose against your hand, smelling in the scent and his pupils dilated to a normal size again, as you heard whimpers come out of his mouth.

You slowly pet him with your good hand, as you squad down.

“We have to get out of here, can I ride your back?” You asked him as he nodded gently. You hopped onto his back, leaned forward and whispered, ‘Make sure to lose the helicopter first dear”

As you guys moved like the speed of light, going directly towards the Agency.

They immediately stood their ground, as Dazai and Kunikida came to your rescue. You were bleeding quite a lot on the floor as your vision began to blur because of the amount of blood you had lost by the wound that needed treatment this instant.

You heard screaming, Dazai nullifying Atsushi’s ability, Seeing the doctors coat of Yosano flash in front of you, as you slowly fade away out of consciousness.

As everything around you became black pool of darkness.

You woke up, slightly feeling your arm being sore, as you slowly opened your eyes to adjust at the light of the room. You groaned softly, as you felt a weight at the side of your bed. You looked down, seeing a sleeping Atsushi with red puffy eyes, sleep by your side.

A sharp pain in your side snapped you back in reality, as you realised you also had been bandaged by the side of your body. 

“Your lucky it wasn’t something that touched our organs.” A sudden voice spoke as you were eye to eye with Yosano herself. “A shot like that could’ve been nasty if you weren’t here on time.” She stated, something that you nodded your head in agreement on. “He’s been worried about you, He basically cried like a small baby when I told him your state and that you were okay.” Yosano chuckled as you smiled gently, stroking his hair with the hand attached to the bandaged arm.

You heard him groan slightly, as yosano took that as a cue to get out of the room.

He slowly woke up, as you smiled softly at him, your hand on his cheek as you whispered softly. “Hi baby..” You let out a small smile as he started to cry again, His arms and body flopping on top of him. 

“Y/N!!” He sobbed, as you groaned slightly but rubbed his back and kissed his cheek gently. “Right here dear..right here..” You smiled gently, as you cupped his face, making him look at you. “Oh Y/n Im so sorry I shouldn’t have lost control and that was just- he just-“ He stuttered, trying to get his words in the right context.

You kissed him gently, immediately shutting him up. “Its okay its okay trust me it is okay-“ You stated, as he still kept crying. You hugged him close, as you guys slowly calmed down together.

“We’ll train some more sushi, you need the emotions and those powers of yours under control.” You teased him as he kept crying.

“Okay- I love you”

“I love you too”

If You Take Requests, Can I Have Atsushi Being Comforted By The Reader When Hes Crying Because They Saw

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2 years ago

Hello I have a request for BSD about them having a dead s/o and they are like a ghost who can float and do stuff ghost can and stuff if that makes sense if you can good day/night <3

Hello I Have A Request For BSD About Them Having A Dead S/o And They Are Like A Ghost Who Can Float And

Request?: Yes Summery: Characters having a dead S/O Characters: Dazai, Chuuya, Atsushi, Akutagawa Genre: Fluff, slightly angsty (mostly Dazai's and Chuuya's part, Mentions of death (Atsushi), be warned spoilers of Storm-bringer!)

A/N: Thank you so much for this request! I had lots of fun to write this request ^^ Hope you enjoy it and I'll see you next time! <3

Hello I Have A Request For BSD About Them Having A Dead S/o And They Are Like A Ghost Who Can Float And

Dazai Osamu:

holy hell will this man make you help him with his pranks on poor kunikida-

like for real, this dude will grab u by the waist, look at you with the brightest puppy eyes and you can't help but to cave in.

He finds it so interesting you have the exact same traits as a real ghost, and for a ghost, you are the prettiest person he has ever seen.

He sometimes beg you to scare people by going through the wall and exit like you never existed (You also love to scare people its honestly very funny-

When you do it to him though, He'll dramatically scream like a little girl, making you embarrassed and him very amused (Cocky bastard-)

He does, however, when you two are alone in his apartment, Looking at you all admired as he hears all kinds of stories of people you meet.

If he told you about his past, He will slowly but surely give hints to let you know that he wants to know about Odasaku

You always smile gently while talking about Odasaku and what he told you to pass onto Dazai.

He will be very grateful to you if you ever did that.

Hello I Have A Request For BSD About Them Having A Dead S/o And They Are Like A Ghost Who Can Float And

Chuuya Nakahara:

Just like Dazai, He will be very interested into seeing you suddenly float around the mafia headquarters and see your ghostly powers in action

You tried scaring him once, did not end to well Poor boy legit broke his favourite wine glass, You had to fly away if you didn't wanna be a ghost twice-

He gently strokes your hair, even if it goes straight through, he really doesn't care at this point

Your ghost kisses always makes him chuckle

He does however, wonder about his friends, if you could see them too. He's to stubborn to ask though, but at some point, you figure it out and leave little things behind for him to find, Giving it as a signal that they are always with him and supporting his every decision

He always smile softly seeing those messages, making a mental note to Thank you for your hard work

Hello I Have A Request For BSD About Them Having A Dead S/o And They Are Like A Ghost Who Can Float And

Atsushi Nakajima:

This boy finds it so sad-

He loves you very much, but he just gets sad thinking you died cause of some stupid asshole or accident that caused your death.

He does however, always try to make you the happiest you've ever been when you were alive

You do help him out with missions, He doesn't get worried about you getting hurt since everything can go through you, so you always go first, Looking around the area if he's not in danger by any sort of threats.

At home you guys always talk about whatever you want to talk about, It sometimes leads to Atsushi Falling asleep while you gently tucks him in.

This boy has a whole lot of love in store for you

Hello I Have A Request For BSD About Them Having A Dead S/o And They Are Like A Ghost Who Can Float And

Akutagawa Ryunosuke:

Honestly, would be slightly surprised you would date him, and more surprised you would stick to him even when your dead

Little cold in the beginning, doesn't trust you too much. but slowly he warms up to you, trusting you a little bit more in life

But he definitely hates you when you scare him

His ability would've killed you by now if you weren't a ghost-

Besides that, he would ask you to check on anything that isn't suppose to happen, and you happily obey

Besides his cold Façade, you saw his sadness about you being dead, but luckily for both of you guys, You always had each other

He loves you, in his own stubborn way.


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2 years ago

Hiii! I have a BSD request! Its a bot dark but its related to something that Ive been working through lately. Can you do as many bsd characters as you can reacting to their S/O getting emotional on their birtgday because they "didn't think they would make it this far"? Like they struggled with severe depression and suicidal thoughts/SH in their childhood and honestly didn't expect to make it to the age they are now? Its almost my birthday and I've been struggling with the same thing so i wanted some fluff with my favorite characters to help me through it! :) thank you so much!

Hiii! I Have A BSD Request! Its A Bot Dark But Its Related To Something That Ive Been Working Through

Request?: yes Summery: Characters reacting on you getting emotional during your birthday Characters?: Dazai, Atsushi, Kunikida, Yosano, Chuuya, akutugawa, Fyodor and Nikolai. Genre: Angst, but mostly fluff.

A/n: Hey hey! I hope I did this on time before your birthday where ever you are- Happy birthday! I hope your doing well and got/ are getting the help you need. If anything my dms are open just for a nice talk if you ever feel lonely, and I'm proud of you of how far you've come. My dm's are open for you and anyone else in need! Anyways I hope you enjoy this fanfic

Hiii! I Have A BSD Request! Its A Bot Dark But Its Related To Something That Ive Been Working Through

Dazai Osamu:

Obviously this man, would want you to have the best birthday of your whole entire life.

I mean, he probs didn't have any good birthdays considering his years of the mafia and how Mori had treated him over the years.

So when he knew that your birthday was coming up, he was planning it all carefully.

He got the perfect gifts, the cake, everything was done by the day it arrived.

So when you were alone with him, as he smiled at you, saying "Happy birthday belladonna!" with such a loving tone while carrying the cake (No he didn't bake it himself please don't let him in the kitchen-) You just started to cry.

He slightly panicked, cause we all know he isn't the best when it comes to human emotions.

He carefully set down the cake on the table as he hugged you, kissing on top of your head once in a while letting you cry in his chest

He carefully asks what's wrong, as you explains about your past and what you've been struggling with.

He frowned at the thought of his lover struggling so badly in life, relating to it himself. He cupped your face, and kissed your nose gently.

"I'm glad you're here, cause my birthday girl makes me the happiest man on earth."

Cue the water works again-

Hiii! I Have A BSD Request! Its A Bot Dark But Its Related To Something That Ive Been Working Through

Atsushi Nakajima:

Sweet baby Jesus this poor baby-

He has absolutely no idea just him waking you up with breakfast on bed would automatically result into you crying badly in bed

"I-I'M SORRY! DID I DO SOMETHING WRONG-?"

He panicking please make sure to make sure he knows its not his fault.

as you explain to him what exactly happened, with you talking about your past, he can't help but get sad himself.

He loves you dearly and he doesn't want you to feel this way ever again.

He makes sure you will have the best day of your life

"let's go out! My treat!" He smiles brightly, that stupid dorky smile you absolutely adore.

Let's just say you feel extremely loved that day

Hiii! I Have A BSD Request! Its A Bot Dark But Its Related To Something That Ive Been Working Through

Kunikida doppo:

Watch this man have your birthdays for the upcoming 10 years planned out completely-

He is a planning maniac after all😭

That's his love language though, act of service and for his partner he would gladly do so-

So he woke you up at 7 am in the morning cause of all the activities he had planned for you

"Y/n, wake up we have to leave in 15 minutes for your birthday activities."

"doppo its like 7 in the morning please-"

But after progressing the work he all did for you, going to your favourite restaurant, having everything you ever wanted ready for you, you couldn't help but cry silently with a smile while looking at him

This dude got caught of guard by your tears

You quickly had to explain that it was because of whatever was playing in the past

He looked at you with a sad look when you were done explaining

"Those times are over now dear, You've made it this far, You did it and I'm proud of you

Hiii! I Have A BSD Request! Its A Bot Dark But Its Related To Something That Ive Been Working Through

Yosano akiko:

This absolute queen prepared everything besides her busy schedule, bless her heart-

She took you to the cafe beneath the agency, smiling gently as she let someone from the cafe bring out the cake with a small candle on it.

"Happy birthday my love" She chirped, as she had settled the gifts for you besides her.

Cue the water work from your end-

Being a doctor and all, she also took a hobby on studying people on the daily, so seeing how you reacted, she smiled gently and pulled you in a hug, letting you cry on top of her.

You told her about your past, as she listened carefully.

"Your safe and sound now Y/n, I love you"

Hiii! I Have A BSD Request! Its A Bot Dark But Its Related To Something That Ive Been Working Through

Chuuya Nakahara:

Money money money-

he ain't scared to spoil you rotten with love on your birthday.

He cares a lot about the people he cares about and would do everything to protect them, especially the love of his life.

he took you on top of a rooftop somewhere in the city, watching the stars as he gifted you tons of gifts

Your bright smile couldn't distract him from the tears rolling down your cheeks

He cupped your face in worry, as you explained the reason why you were crying.

His face was slightly angry, not at you, but at the people who possibly could've cost this mind set.

"don't worry princess, I'll protect you with my life, now come on lets open another present."

Hiii! I Have A BSD Request! Its A Bot Dark But Its Related To Something That Ive Been Working Through

Akutugawa ryunosuke:

He's interesting alright-

he never really had the best life, but he really wants to make you feel loved, even if he finds it hard to express it.

You don't really mind how he is, and you know how hard he tries.

So when he was done with work, and came at your doorstep with flowers in his hands, your favourite flowers, and your favourite snacks in a basket for your birthday, You began crying of happiness.

He immediately thought he did something wrong

please tell him its not him-

You explained your past and why you began crying, and he couldn't really help but feel bad for you

He set the gifts down on the table, and kissed your forehead gently

"You're fine and alive now, and thats what matters to me, You being happy and alive.

Hiii! I Have A BSD Request! Its A Bot Dark But Its Related To Something That Ive Been Working Through

Fyodor dostoyevsky:

This man, with dazai, confuse me and interest me all at the same time-

He would not be the best with you crying, as he hardly really shows any sorts of sadness, guilt, rage, etc etc.

he does try his best though!

His reaction to you crying cause of your birthday is just to stand there, not knowing what to do-

eventually he just lets you cry and pats your head gently as you slowly start explaining why you are crying right now

He does feel bad for you, but he just pulled you closer to him as he let you rest on top of him.

"No need to worry about those days anymore Y/n, you got through them."

Hiii! I Have A BSD Request! Its A Bot Dark But Its Related To Something That Ive Been Working Through

Nikolai Gogol:

This man was more excited than you were over your birthday-

legit jumping next to your bed to wake you up and open his gifts

and goddamn did he get a lot for you

he had prepared anything you could dream off, as he looked at you like a puppy waiting for his reward.

what he didn't expect was you to full on cry.

he quickly turned into a Serious Nikolai and pulled you in a hug.

You explained while crying about your past and reasons and he just held you even closer.

"I'll be here for you, always and forever, till death does us part."

Hiii! I Have A BSD Request! Its A Bot Dark But Its Related To Something That Ive Been Working Through

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8 months ago

deer!!! do u have any thoughts abt atsushi? i just read your newest post and i was surprised to see you included him, and now im curious!

omg hi anonnn :) "newest" it's been almost 6 months i'm so sorry 💀

atsushi is perfect of course 🙂‍↕️ he's a guy who went through insane traumas and is still fighting for the greater good that's goat!!!

i kinda love seeing the fandom fight to either vilify or woobify this guy like. that's just an 18 yr old doing his job straight out of the orphanage who gaf (me!!!!! i gaf 🙂‍↕️) also he's funny af! him being annoyed by dazai, weirded out by ranpo at first ("he doesn't so any work yet y'all love him??" then being like nvm i love him too), etc

i think he's super well written and an interesting character! he's entertaining and the perfect main character :) i love seeing his growth, relationships w everyone like dazai's mentorship and akutagawa's rivalry :) big atsushi fan!!!

i'm kind of just a dazai obsessed freak when it comes to bsd so i don't write for him often but fear not!!!! atsushi is perfect and i am not nor will i ever be an atsushi hater

for relationship-esque thoughts (since that's my blog lol) i think of atsushi as a really caring partner!!! he obviously prioritizes communication and is in touch with his emotions :) he's super sensitive and protective and also would be really cozy to cuddle up to at night since he's just a big cat lol

he's also the perfect boyfriend to bring around your family like he's quiet and reserved but also totally enamored with you and willing to fight for your honor ??? he's perfect i'm told! just look at him being a big bro to kyouka like he's a family man 100%

i think any potential angst or butting heads would come from him sometimes being a doormat when he doesn't mean to? but even that's a stretch bc he easily chews out dazai and akutagawa when the time calls for it

tl;dr he's perfect that's my pet cat i keep on hand to lie at the end of my bed and warm my feet at night


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1 year ago

hii hru? i have a fic request umm i have this idea thats been sitting in my head for TOO LONG... i need to get it out how would bsd men (your choice) react to a reader who is too nice of a person, basically an ANGEL but seeks love from people who treats them like shit.,,.,. n theyre always like "nono theyre a great friend" (i need to stop doing this though it happens too many times)

ok bye!! have a lovely day!!!!!!

if someone treats me wrongly i will treat them wrongER. i do not start shit but i will End It. i included Dazai, Ranpo, Nikolai, Atsushi and Chuuya :) ive never written for Chuuya and Atsushi but i just kept typing so umm mb!! don’t read the last two unless ur crazy

Dazai would be so frustrated internally. He had been one of those people you give such patience to, and he knows everyone else is only preying that kind nature. He’d subtly try and point out that what they’re doing is bad, but he has always preferred a less direct approach. Threatening. Okay, yes yes, Dazai has turned over a new leaf, but as long as he doesn’t hurt or kill it’s fine, right? Are mild and “empty” threats really that bad? He’d chase away those people easily, helping you to meet others like his coworkers at the Agency or reminding you of the good friends you have and how you should spend more time with them. If you’re the type to tolerate rudeness from others but Not tolerate it when people are rude to your friends, Dazai would lie and claim that these assholes wronged him in some devastating way so you never forgive them.

Ranpo would (metaphorically) hit you upside the head. What do you think you’re doing, letting anyone treat you as less than you are? Not because he cares for you (so he claims), but because you’re associated with him! By allowing these, for lack of a better word, losers to treat you so awfully, you’re taking down his image with you! How would people react if they knew that the greatest detective allowed his friend (..?) to be treated so horribly? That he of all people couldn’t knock some sense into you? He’d huff, reminding you that you’d only need him and the Agency anyway, so why waste your time with such imbeciles 🙄

Nikolai is the one who treats you like shit. He hadn’t originally meant to — not any more than usual, that is — but watching you defend horrible actions from people that didn’t matter made him wonder if you’d do the same for those that do (being him, of course). He’d change at the drop of a hat, doting on you and cherishing you to kicking you out and ghosting you for weeks. But when he messaged you once again, you’d find yourself back on a bus approaching his apartment. Because of course you are, how could you leave Nikolai when he’s been so kind to you? He said he was busy, and what reason did you have not to believe him?

Atsushi would see himself in you but it’d just be a cycle. You’d see others treating him poorly and get angry, and he’d see people doing that with you, but you both would defend your “friends” up and down until exhaustion kept you from continuing. Atsushi is used to being used, so it’s fine, and seemingly so are you, so you’re fine, and it just repeats forever. But, if Atsushi’s options are to hang out with you or those jerks, then you’ll just have to spend more time with him. And if your options are to hang out with him or those jerks, he’ll just have to spend more time with you. The cycle ends, but without any real confrontation, which is how the both of you would prefer it.

Chuuya: your loyal guard dog. If he can’t convince you not to see “those piece of shit, dumbass jerks” ever again he’d tag along. Everything except barking would be on the table - he’d growl when they talked over you or break a finger if he had to. This is the man you want by your side, because he’d fight for your honor when he needs to or take you back to his place for a soothing spa-adjacent bath with amazing scented candles and over the top bubbles, maybe a glass of expensive wine, to unwind and forget it all. Also he’d block their numbers from your phone and threaten them to never contact you again 💀


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2 months ago

ATSUSHI WITH A MENTALLY ILL S/O

Atsushi always gets concerned about your health and safety he just wants you to be alright and comfortable.

He noticed you bite your nails a lot and he knows it's not good to do that so he always tries to stop you from doing it but you actually never stop.

You hate to make people worry about you so you don't tell him much about how you're doing mentally. That just makes him more worried.

He really just wants you to be alright.. but you don't understand that.

He wants to get you a therapist. Although you may not be comfortable with that so he just doesn't.

He told kunikida about this, and kunikida requested that he would talk to you about it but atsushi just said that he will just find a way to deal with it because atsushi feels that would be a bit weird for you.


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1 month ago

i need to start sleeping more

fixed a few formatting issues on this one

Hello! May I request some pre-relationship/crush headcanons with Kunikida, Atsushi and (ADA) Dazai (all separate) with a reader from the port mafia? How would they realise they are in love? How would they handle it etc etc. I love love love crush headcanons with all my heart<33

heart to heart — crush hcs!!

author's note: i'm an idiot who wrote this fic almost exclusively in hours 2-4 am. my eyes are in pure suffering. an unhealthy amount of fiona apple and unreleased lana del rey songs went into writing this. idk how to write headcannons so this ended up kind of like a fic with bullet points lmao 

Hello! May I Request Some Pre-relationship/crush Headcanons With Kunikida, Atsushi And (ADA) Dazai (all
Hello! May I Request Some Pre-relationship/crush Headcanons With Kunikida, Atsushi And (ADA) Dazai (all

— KUNIKIDA

• Working with the Port Mafia is something he is (unfortunately) no longer a stranger to. Still, an extended mission was a bit too risky for his tastes. But everyone said that he was fine, so he should be, right? If only he knew what novel sort of trouble he would face once he took the job.

• For the mission, he was partnered with you. You must've been of a different unit, because he is sure he has never seen you in person before. Except for being mentioned in passing by Dazai in his inane conversations, there was little he knew of you.

• At first, he was skeptical. Not sure whether he could truly trust a person with your affiliations to not double cross him in some way. However, you proved yourself capable soon enough. You worked with decisive efficiency, and even with his rather ridiculously timed schedules, you seemed to have no trouble keeping up with him.

• Needless to say, you two got to know each other fairly well over the course of a month. By now, you were acquainted atleast a little of his likes and dislikes. The late night sessions to plan out the routes and inspect the case files over and over; your friendship sprawls over late cups of coffee, the impatient scratching of pen on paper, and the files scattered on the table while you both worked.

• This was still professional; he'd reason with himself. So what if he's had a few drinks with you once in a while? So what if you've been spending a little too much time at his home lately?

• Dazai’s endless teasing on the matter did not help. At all. As he grows more and more defensive, he wonders if he has grown a little too attached to his new partner.

• Kunikida isn't an idiot. Even he can see how much you've made an impression on his life. He simply isn't ready to admit that this could possibly be romantic in nature. After all, you fit none of the ideals he's decided for his supposed future partner. In some form of pointed irony, the pages of the notebook that carry said ideals are also filled with the random, little things he's noticed you need; chapstick, switchblades, pens— all for them to be ready when you inevitably reach for them.

• Nor can he help stealing a littlewhen said chapstick swipes so elegantly along your lips.

• Absolute gentleman, with or without a crush. Opens the car door for you on the other side, makes sure you have your seatbelt on, makes sure to watch your back while you both do field work. It’s just a nice thing to do, he reasons, but feels your touch like it was branded into his skin where your hand accidentally brushed on his elbow.

• The weeks that follow after after drawn out, confusing. As time goes on, he cannot help but read into your every action, taking note of all the little details that outline you as a person; from your tastes to little quirks. While you seem blissfully unconcerned, he could not help but feel the weight of the tension between your conversations. It is not these emotions that scare him, but their intensity. His hands tremble as they once again bandage your wounds from the day’s work, mouth dry as he looks at the gashes you think nothing of—and he wonders since when he started caring so much.

• Kunikida may be a man of his ideals, but he can be honest with himself when he needs to be. And whether he says it aloud or not, he’s already known the effect you have on him. He's known it for a long time.

• When he inevitably confesses to you, there is nothing special about it. It's another evening at his house discussing work, and when you both take a break from investigation, he brings it up to you. He isn't expecting the sentiment to be reciprocated. In fact, he is not sure he even wants that to happen. He says it to be honest. With himself and with you. You deserve to know. And perhaps if he said it out loud, the feelings would subside, even for a little while; with a definite answer, he’d have a reason to put out the growing ember.

• Nothing could've prepared him for the shock of learning that this troublesome feeling could possibly be mutual. And nothing could have prepared him for the coy kiss on his reddened cheek after.

Hello! May I Request Some Pre-relationship/crush Headcanons With Kunikida, Atsushi And (ADA) Dazai (all

— ATSUSHI

• someone help this poor guy

• no, he's really hopeless with it, but let me explain

• When he was asked to collaborate with the Port Mafia once more, he expected to be paired with Akutagawa once more. You were a pleasant change of pace. At first, he was only met with your suspicion; something that drove an initial rift between the two of you. You weren't sure whether you could truly trust this weretiger you've heard so much about to hold up his end of the deal, and neither could he rely on this complete stranger who regards him so frigidly. However, you both were indebted to your respective organisations—it had to be worked out.

• Your staunch independence, and the confident countenance that carried with it an understated superiority, no doubt the effect of years of experience; at first it irked him. It made him taste a little of the helplessness that trailed him like a shadow all those years ago. He attempted to chase away the feeling; biting back at your subtle digs at his skill and experience, trying to keep up with you as best as he could. You matched each other surprisingly well when you both were at your most competitive; the combination of your finesse and his strength was lethal in the most satisfying of ways.

• Over the weeks, you both get to know each other a little better. The small talks on the way to station were something that he was, despite knowing better, looking forward to. He always seemed more affected by your banter than you were by any retort he could possibly throw at you; and when the sly curve of your lip made him feel the strangest sensation of a sort of rush in his veins, he made no notice of it.

• After that morning, this strange feeling had been growing worse. Steadily through the days, but even so he could point out that the emotion that seemed to sit just beneath his chest was unfamiliar. Sometimes he had to force himself to look away from you just to get it to stop and actually be able to hear what you were saying over the erratic beat of his heart. It was blatantly obvious to everyone but him, and despite the constant teasing and prodding by Dazai on what’s got him so nervous, he still assumed it was merely admiration. Perhaps he was simply in awe of your abilities. For weren't you so impressive when you dispatch your targets so effortlessly, or when you execute such flawless plans with an ease in your mien that makes it look of so simple?

• But then that begs the question as to why he still stares in a daze when you're doing nothing, just catching your breath in the wall crack you had pulled him into to throw off the people chasing you both; his back hitting the wall and you the only separation between him and whoever was at your tails, stalking the alleyway outside. Breaths held, not making a sound; if you both got caught, this was over, and you both understood the stakes better than anyone. He definitely knew just what was waiting for the both of you out there, and that just made the situation far more frustrating, because then why is he so absorbed in how pretty your jelly-like gaze is, or how cool you looked back there when you silently felled that patrol guard? He feels like his brain has melted. Or atleast the still working part of it, because it's not even the first time you've had that effect on him.

• Your hand tentatively shifts, and for a moment he snaps out of the daze. There is abject fear in his eyes, because what the fuck are you doing when the both of you are one slip up away from messing up this mission you both worked so hard on? Yet your fingers, trembling with the rush of adrenaline and the fear of death, wipe the blood on his cheek, observing a rather deep cut inflicted by the serrated edge of a dagger. He could take a hit, but for some reason worry seemed to claw at your mind relentlessly until you could make sure he was okay.

• Perhaps he'd stopped functioning right there and then, because when the footsteps receded and the coast was finally clear, he could barely hear you say that it was safe to come out. Instead, his first move is to hold his heart and take a deep fucking breath. Not just to calm him down from being chased like that—for he's already been chased so many times—but to stop thinking about that brief, soft touch that reasonably, should not even affect him.

• At this point, he's kind of convinced he's going crazy. And like so many problems in his life, there's only one other person to hear it. Coincidentally also the worst person to go to for that kind of counsel.

• Dazai.

• Bastard laughed for fifteen whole minutes before explaining in broken wheezes what Atsushi was possibly afflicted with. Then immediately began sighing and bemoaning about having to help his coworker with silly love problems once he finally stopped cackling like a witch.

• After this… enlightening conversation, Atsushi promptly decides that he's never going to be able to look the man in the eye ever again.

• Now, he's got a whole slew of new problems going on. This mission, you, the fact that he just embarrassed himself in front of his coworker, and that he had no idea how to even face you after this realization.

• Naturally, he wants to avoid this situation. Atsushi doesn't even consider telling you. He wants to, so badly. His throat feels tight when you look at him so sharply, and he can't help but feel that if he sticks around you for too long, you'll look straight through him and somehow find out. But he has every reason to think this won't work out. Every reason why it won't work out. It wasn't the time for love, not even in the small moments of respite between the constant violence you two had to deal with.

• This distance he's been keeping from you…there is no doubt that you feel it too. He can see as much. The disappointment in your gaze when he keeps on pushing you away; it hurts. And he knows with the way your hands are curled in fists now that you're at your breaking point.

• But instead of the argument he thought this would inevitably lead to, you simply pull him into a corner. In the most sincere tone he's ever heard you speak in, you ask him if you did something wrong. Between your deliberate words, your hands on the collar of his shirt that hold him in place with nothing but gentle firmness, and the emotions that he tried so hard to stifle for the past few weeks; he confesses. Leaves nothing unspoken, even if he consciously knows that this is a bad idea. Knows he shouldn't hand you that kind of power over his heart.

• Yet he doesn't regret it a single bit when he feels your hands leave his shirt collar and wrap around his shoulders, your silent answer that kills the bitter uncertainty left in his heart and replaces it with relief.

Hello! May I Request Some Pre-relationship/crush Headcanons With Kunikida, Atsushi And (ADA) Dazai (all

— DAZAI

• Your history with the brunet was brief, but not something he has ever forgotten. He’s not quick to forget faces in any case, but yours remained in his memory still.

• You both worked together fairly often some three or four years back, the timeline is blurry in his mind now—in those days, your presence seemed like it would be a permanent fixture in his life. Something to count upon. Perhaps he had hoped for the fact, until an year after when he finally decided to leave this life in the dust, and you with it.

• At the time, Dazai had dismissed those feelings as puppy love; the sort of infatuation that comes with simply being of that age where every emotion feels so amplified in intensity. You were one of his first friends, it was only natural to want to cling on, wasn't it? Only with time it became easier to ignore the hold your presence had on him, his mind too consumed with the ongoing chaos in his life to think about that craving he had during initial weeks of your separation— thumb trembling over the call button.

• A few years after, seeing your face stirs nothing in Dazai. A feeble sense of regret is all that remains, and within a few seconds even that dies off. You've changed, definitely; rough-hewn edges from mafia life, knife-hand no longer trembling when it goes for the kill. Decisive, swift movements, a certain confidence in your words that comes from experience. How the glimmer that used to be in your eyes has long since been clouded over. In a way, it makes him feel closer to you, that your soul is being slowly chipped away, just like his.

• Initially, you regarded him like any other professional acquaintance. Not daring to breathe a word of the past, even when you wanted to demand an explanation out of him so desperately. Anything to make the memories of your shared past more bearable. You know better than to give into those whims. If only for the sake of your mission, the past had to be put aside. Between the both of you, there seemed to be a mutual, unspoken understanding for the need to let go. Your slates are cleaned, and you both once again end up in the same place you started; Yokohama’s shipping docks.

• Over the weeks, being around you feels easier. You both work well into the nights, but it's a little more bearable around your company. The banter is easy between the both of you. Lips curved into a cheshire grin at his antics, you always seemed to be more amused with his actions than annoyed.

• Even now when he decides that diving head first into the sea would've made for a perfectly delightful method of suicide, a knowing sigh leaves your lips, painstakingly pulling him out of the fishnets with a firm grip on his beige coatsleeve. Of course, the effort is in vain when you lose your footing and end up falling into the water with him too. Splash!

• Somehow, even when he's walking home, sopping wet in the winter breeze, he feels strangely warm as you chide him, observing how your lips twitch as if to hide a smile.

• It’s your fault, really. Perhaps if you both didn't fit together so well, if it wasn't so effortless to be around you, he might have avoided feeling the same way around you again. It's not lost upon Dazai, how comfortable he's getting with your presence, especially when he knows it's a temporary one. A fact that he is compelled to face again and again everytime you both end up in the field.

• The danger they were facing were still very much real. Despite how confident you seem to be in your ability, your tight shoulders and shaky breaths betray you in the heat of the moment. Through your hesitation to follow through his plans, you still trust him at his word. He can't help but wonder why.

• Your actions hold a certain carefulness—he doesn't want to call it care, for when it comes to you, he finds it hard to tell what you're thinking—that he doesn't understand. As you wrap the gauze around the wound on his arm from a bullet graze, fingers touching his skin with a kind of gentleness he's only ever known from you… Dazai wonders when you'll finally tell him what you're really after.

• The brief thought occurs to him, no doubt, that maybe you do these things simply because you want to. That perhaps you still care too much, like you did all those years ago. But he knows better than to count on something as fickle as the kindness of people’s hearts. He was never that naive.

• Even so, as the long days and even longer nights pass by, he can't help but once again start feeling as he used to in the distant past, only that this time he has no excuse for it.

• Dazai doesn't blush and his heart doesn't race when he sees you. Instead, it's something far more sickening and confusing. With you, it's easier to drop the delicate layers of pretense that seem to obscure his true thoughts and emotions like delicate gauze. There is a sort of ease of being around you, a sense of belonging. In the delicate moments of the late night hours with you, humanity doesn't simply feel like a cloth to wear to hide the rotten core within. You touch him like you know him, even when he knows that the blood staining his hands is far darker than yours.

• You don't even have an inkling of how he feels, and Dazai believes that it's for the best. He’ll tell you in the future, if he can grow to trust you. He wants to say it when he can be sure of it, in a more peaceful time. Even if he doesn't want you to slip through his fingers again like he did in the past, he wants to wait.

• But right now, all he can see is your bloodied fingertips trembling in the aftermath of the day’s chaos, barely having escaped with your lives. In the silent night, neither of you mention how he holds your hand silently on the walk home, bandaged fingers holding yours with deliberate care.

Hello! May I Request Some Pre-relationship/crush Headcanons With Kunikida, Atsushi And (ADA) Dazai (all

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1 month ago

Hello! May I request some pre-relationship/crush headcanons with Kunikida, Atsushi and (ADA) Dazai (all separate) with a reader from the port mafia? How would they realise they are in love? How would they handle it etc etc. I love love love crush headcanons with all my heart<33

heart to heart — crush hcs!!

author's note: i'm an idiot who wrote this fic almost exclusively in hours 2-4 am. my eyes are in pure suffering. an unhealthy amount of fiona apple and unreleased lana del rey songs went into writing this. idk how to write headcannons so this ended up kind of like a fic with bullet points lmao 

Hello! May I Request Some Pre-relationship/crush Headcanons With Kunikida, Atsushi And (ADA) Dazai (all
Hello! May I Request Some Pre-relationship/crush Headcanons With Kunikida, Atsushi And (ADA) Dazai (all

— KUNIKIDA

• Working with the Port Mafia is something he is (unfortunately) no longer a stranger to. Still, an extended mission was a bit too risky for his tastes. But everyone said that he was fine, so he should be, right? If only he knew what novel sort of trouble he would face once he took the job.

• For the mission, he was partnered with you. You must've been of a different unit, because he is sure he has never seen you in person before. Except for being mentioned in passing by Dazai in his inane conversations, there was little he knew of you.

• At first, he was skeptical. Not sure whether he could truly trust a person with your affiliations to not double cross him in some way. However, you proved yourself capable soon enough. You worked with decisive efficiency, and even with his rather ridiculously timed schedules, you seemed to have no trouble keeping up with him.

• Needless to say, you two got to know each other fairly well over the course of a month. By now, you were acquainted atleast a little of his likes and dislikes. The late night sessions to plan out the routes and inspect the case files over and over; your friendship sprawls over late cups of coffee, the impatient scratching of pen on paper, and the files scattered on the table while you both worked.

• This was still professional; he'd reason with himself. So what if he's had a few drinks with you once in a while? So what if you've been spending a little too much time at his home lately?

• Dazai’s endless teasing on the matter did not help. At all. As he grows more and more defensive, he wonders if he has grown a little too attached to his new partner.

• Kunikida isn't an idiot. Even he can see how much you've made an impression on his life. He simply isn't ready to admit that this could possibly be romantic in nature. After all, you fit none of the ideals he's decided for his supposed future partner. In some form of pointed irony, the pages of the notebook that carry said ideals are also filled with the random, little things he's noticed you need; chapstick, switchblades, pens— all for them to be ready when you inevitably reach for them.

• Nor can he help stealing a little glance when said chapstick swipes so elegantly along your lips.

• Absolute gentleman, with or without a crush. Opens the car door for you on the other side, makes sure you have your seatbelt on, makes sure to watch your back while you both do field work. It’s just a nice thing to do, he reasons, but feels your touch like it was branded into his skin where your hand accidentally brushed on his elbow.

• The weeks that follow after are drawn out, confusing. As time goes on, he cannot help but read into your every action, taking note of all the little details that outline you as a person; from your tastes to little quirks. While you seem blissfully unconcerned, he could not help but feel the weight of the tension between your conversations. It is not these emotions that scare him, but their intensity. His hands tremble as they once again bandage your wounds from the day’s work, mouth dry as he looks at the gashes you think nothing of—and he wonders since when he started caring so much.

• Kunikida may be a man of his ideals, but he can be honest with himself when he needs to be. And whether he says it aloud or not, he’s already known the effect you have on him. He's known it for a long time.

• When he inevitably confesses to you, there is nothing special about it. It's another evening at his house discussing work, and when you both take a break from investigation, he brings it up to you. He isn't expecting the sentiment to be reciprocated. In fact, he is not sure he even wants that to happen. He says it to be honest. With himself and with you. You deserve to know. And perhaps if he said it out loud, the feelings would subside, even for a little while; with a definite answer, he’d have a reason to put out the growing ember.

• Nothing could've prepared him for the shock of learning that this troublesome feeling could possibly be mutual. And nothing could have prepared him for the coy kiss on his reddened cheek after.

Hello! May I Request Some Pre-relationship/crush Headcanons With Kunikida, Atsushi And (ADA) Dazai (all

— ATSUSHI

• someone help this poor guy

• no, he's really hopeless with it, but let me explain

• When he was asked to collaborate with the Port Mafia once more, he expected to be paired with Akutagawa once more. You were a pleasant change of pace. At first, he was only met with your suspicion; something that drove an initial rift between the two of you. You weren't sure whether you could truly trust this weretiger you've heard so much about to hold up his end of the deal, and neither could he rely on this complete stranger who regards him so frigidly. However, you both were indebted to your respective organisations—it had to be worked out.

• Your staunch independence, and the confident countenance that carried with it an understated superiority, no doubt the effect of years of experience; at first it irked him. It made him taste a little of the helplessness that trailed him like a shadow all those years ago. He attempted to chase away the feeling; biting back at your subtle digs at his skill and experience, trying to keep up with you as best as he could. You matched each other surprisingly well when you both were at your most competitive; the combination of your finesse and his strength was lethal in the most satisfying of ways.

• Over the weeks, you both get to know each other a little better. The small talks on the way to station were something that he was, despite knowing better, looking forward to. He always seemed more affected by your banter than you were by any retort he could possibly throw at you; and when the sly curve of your lip made him feel the strangest sensation of a sort of rush in his veins, he made no notice of it.

• After that morning, this strange feeling had been growing worse. Steadily through the days, but even so he could point out that the emotion that seemed to sit just beneath his chest was unfamiliar. Sometimes he had to force himself to look away from you just to get it to stop and actually be able to hear what you were saying over the erratic beat of his heart. It was blatantly obvious to everyone but him, and despite the constant teasing and prodding by Dazai on what’s got him so nervous, he still assumed it was merely admiration. Perhaps he was simply in awe of your abilities. For weren't you so impressive when you dispatch your targets so effortlessly, or when you execute such flawless plans with an ease in your mien that makes it look oh so simple?

• But then that begs the question as to why he still stares in a daze when you're doing nothing, just catching your breath in the wall crack you had pulled him into to throw off the people chasing you both; his back hitting the wall and you the only separation between him and whoever was at your tails, stalking the alleyway outside. Breaths held, not making a sound; if you both got caught, this was over, and you both understood the stakes better than anyone. He definitely knew just what was waiting for the both of you out there, and that just made the situation far more frustrating, because then why is he so absorbed in how pretty your jelly-like gaze is, or how cool you looked back there when you silently felled that patrol guard? He feels like his brain has melted. Or atleast the still working part of it, because it's not even the first time you've had that effect on him.

• Your hand tentatively shifts, and for a moment he snaps out of the daze. There is abject fear in his eyes, because what the fuck are you doing when the both of you are one slip up away from messing up this mission you both worked so hard on? Yet your fingers, trembling with the rush of adrenaline and the fear of death, wipe the blood on his cheek, observing a rather deep cut inflicted by the serrated edge of a dagger. He could take a hit, but for some reason worry seemed to claw at your mind relentlessly until you could make sure he was okay.

• Perhaps he'd stopped functioning right there and then, because when the footsteps receded and the coast was finally clear, he could barely hear you say that it was safe to come out. Instead, his first move is to hold his heart and take a deep fucking breath. Not just to calm him down from being chased like that—for he's already been chased so many times—but to stop thinking about that brief, soft touch that reasonably, should not even affect him.

• At this point, he's kind of convinced he's going crazy. And like so many problems in his life, there's only one other person to hear it. Coincidentally also the worst person to go to for that kind of counsel.

• Dazai.

• Bastard laughed for fifteen whole minutes before explaining in broken wheezes what Atsushi was possibly afflicted with. Then immediately began sighing and bemoaning about having to help his coworker with silly love problems once he finally stopped cackling like a witch.

• After this… enlightening conversation, Atsushi promptly decides that he's never going to be able to look the man in the eye ever again.

• Now, he's got a whole slew of new problems going on. This mission, you, the fact that he just embarrassed himself in front of his coworker, and that he had no idea how to even face you after this realization.

• Naturally, he wants to avoid this situation. Atsushi doesn't even consider telling you. He wants to, so badly. His throat feels tight when you look at him so sharply, and he can't help but feel that if he sticks around you for too long, you'll look straight through him and somehow find out. But he has every reason to think this won't work out. Every reason why it won't work out. It wasn't the time for love, not even in the small moments of respite between the constant violence you two had to deal with.

• This distance he's been keeping from you…there is no doubt that you feel it too. He can see as much. The disappointment in your gaze when he keeps on pushing you away; it hurts. And he knows with the way your hands are curled in fists now that you're at your breaking point.

• But instead of the argument he thought this would inevitably lead to, you simply pull him into a corner. In the most sincere tone he's ever heard you speak in, you ask him if you did something wrong. Between your deliberate words, your hands on the collar of his shirt that hold him in place with nothing but gentle firmness, and the emotions that he tried so hard to stifle for the past few weeks; he confesses. Leaves nothing unspoken, even if he consciously knows that this is a bad idea. Knows he shouldn't hand you that kind of power over his heart.

• Yet he doesn't regret it a single bit when he feels your hands leave his shirt collar and wrap around his shoulders, your silent answer that kills the bitter uncertainty left in his heart and replaces it with relief.

Hello! May I Request Some Pre-relationship/crush Headcanons With Kunikida, Atsushi And (ADA) Dazai (all

— DAZAI

• Your history with the brunet was brief, but not something he has ever forgotten. He’s not quick to forget faces in any case, but yours remained in his memory still.

• You both worked together fairly often some three or four years back, the timeline is blurry in his mind now—in those days, your presence seemed like it would be a permanent fixture in his life. Something to count upon. Perhaps he had hoped for the fact, until an year after when he finally decided to leave this life in the dust, and you with it.

• At the time, Dazai had dismissed those feelings as puppy love; the sort of infatuation that comes with simply being of that age where every emotion feels so amplified in intensity. You were one of his first friends, it was only natural to want to cling on, wasn't it? Only with time it became easier to ignore the hold your presence had on him, his mind too consumed with the ongoing chaos in his life to think about that craving he had during initial weeks of your separation— thumb trembling over the call button.

• A few years after, seeing your face stirs nothing in Dazai. A feeble sense of regret is all that remains, and within a few seconds even that dies off. You've changed, definitely; rough-hewn edges from mafia life, knife-hand no longer trembling when it goes for the kill. Decisive, swift movements, a certain confidence in your words that comes from experience. How the glimmer that used to be in your eyes has long since been clouded over. In a way, it makes him feel closer to you, that your soul is being slowly chipped away, just like his.

• Initially, you regarded him like any other professional acquaintance. Not daring to breathe a word of the past, even when you wanted to demand an explanation out of him so desperately. Anything to make the memories of your shared past more bearable. You know better than to give into those whims. If only for the sake of your mission, the past had to be put aside. Between the both of you, there seemed to be a mutual, unspoken understanding for the need to let go. Your slates are cleaned, and you both once again end up in the same place you started; Yokohama’s shipping docks.

• Over the weeks, being around you feels easier. You both work well into the nights, but it's a little more bearable around your company. The banter is easy between the both of you. Lips curved into a cheshire grin at his antics, you always seemed to be more amused with his actions than annoyed.

• Even now when he decides that diving head first into the sea would've made for a perfectly delightful method of suicide, a knowing sigh leaves your lips, painstakingly pulling him out of the fishnets with a firm grip on his beige coatsleeve. Of course, the effort is in vain when you lose your footing and end up falling into the water with him too. Splash!

• Somehow, even when he's walking home, sopping wet in the winter breeze, he feels strangely warm as you chide him, observing how your lips twitch as if to hide a smile.

• It’s your fault, really. Perhaps if you both didn't fit together so well, if it wasn't so effortless to be around you, he might have avoided feeling the same way around you again. It's not lost upon Dazai, how comfortable he's getting with your presence, especially when he knows it's a temporary one. A fact that he is compelled to face again and again everytime you both end up in the field.

• The danger they were facing were still very much real. Despite how confident you seem to be in your ability, your tight shoulders and shaky breaths betray you in the heat of the moment. Through your hesitation to follow through his plans, you still trust him at his word. He can't help but wonder why.

• Your actions hold a certain carefulness—he doesn't want to call it care, for when it comes to you, he finds it hard to tell what you're thinking—that he doesn't understand. As you wrap the gauze around the wound on his arm from a bullet graze, fingers touching his skin with a kind of gentleness he's only ever known from you… Dazai wonders when you'll finally tell him what you're really after.

• The brief thought occurs to him, no doubt, that maybe you do these things simply because you want to. That perhaps you still care too much, like you did all those years ago. But he knows better than to count on something as fickle as the kindness of people’s hearts. He was never that naive.

• Even so, as the long days and even longer nights pass by, he can't help but once again start feeling as he used to in the distant past, only that this time he has no excuse for it.

• Dazai doesn't blush and his heart doesn't race when he sees you. Instead, it's something far more sickening and confusing. With you, it's easier to drop the delicate layers of pretense that seem to obscure his true thoughts and emotions like delicate gauze. There is a sort of ease of being around you, a sense of belonging. In the delicate moments of the late night hours with you, humanity doesn't simply feel like a cloth to wear to hide the rotten core within. You touch him like you know him, even when he knows that the blood staining his hands is far darker than yours.

• You don't even have an inkling of how he feels, and Dazai believes that it's for the best. He’ll tell you in the future, if he can grow to trust you. He wants to say it when he can be sure of it, in a more peaceful time. Even if he doesn't want you to slip through his fingers again like he did in the past, he wants to wait.

• But right now, all he can see is your bloodied fingertips trembling in the aftermath of the day’s chaos, barely having escaped with your lives. In the silent night, neither of you mention how he holds your hand silently on the walk home, bandaged fingers holding yours with deliberate care.


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