Chaos Walking - Blog Posts

When He’s Sad (Chaos Walking Headcanons)

*GIF not mine*

A/N: idc what people say--this movie was great. Partly bc Tom Holland was in it, but still. So freaking good. Enjoy!

Word count: 743

Todd Hewitt: 

His Noise goes quieter than normal

Just soft whispers

Be a man, Todd. Be a man.

Manchee is curled up next to him, head drooped on his paws. Small whimpers escape the dog as Todd hugs his knees closer to his chest. 

When you return from cleaning off your face in the lake, he spots you before you see him. 

YN. YN YN YN.

It’s so quiet you just think it’s the wind rustling the trees as you organize your bag in the clearing you and Todd have found, located deep in the center of the woods. 

Man up, Todd. Don’t let her see you like this. Be a man. Be a man.

His Noise is still so quiet, barely noticeable until he stands up and wipes his face, approaching you. “I’m gonna go hunting, I’ll be right back.”

When you turn to him he’s already walking away, leaving a sniffle in his wake. Worry strikes your heart. 

“Todd?” 

He only hums, not stopping in his tracks. The thoughts around his head start to grow and pound. 

“Todd!”

“What?” he shouts, turning back with blazing eyes. Your shocked face gets imprinted in his thoughts, playing your reaction on repeat surrounded by look what you did-you’re an idiot-you hurt her-you scared her-she hates you.

“No, Todd, you didn’t-” you try to find the right words to not scare him off, holding out your hands reassuringly as you take in his regretful face, “I’m not- Todd!”

But he’s already run off, leaving a trail of Noise in his wake. She hates me. 

Manchee barks, preparing to go after him with you on his tail, but you quickly call him back and stay near your campsite. 

“He just needs time, boy,” you nuzzle his head, eyes locked on the direction Todd ran in. “He just needs time.”

The sky is gray and a light drizzle has soaked into the forest when Todd returns. Droplets splash against his bare skin and chill him to the bone as he pushes through brush and branches to reach the clearing. 

He can see you through it all, leaning against a tree trunk and only half giving in to the sleep that tries to overtake you, but the sounds of his return urge you awake. 

“Todd,” you whisper, eyes wide as you sit up straight. “You’re back.”

“Yeah.” Missed her. Missed YN. Thank God I found my way back. 

“What…” you slump back, “what happened?”

His lips stay sewn shut as his Noise speaks for him. 

I miss them. Pictures of his old family, two men he’s told you about before but you’ve never seen until now, flash like a video. 

His mind runs wild replaying memories upon memories. When the tears start to fall again is when he gets angry at himself. Dammit, Todd. Men don’t cry, suck it up-

“Todd.” Your voice interrupts his thoughts and he zones back in on you. You hold your arms out, face gentle and reassuring as you nod for him to come closer. “Come here.”

His gaze trails to your form. Warm. Soft. Nice. Want it. Want her. 

His lips open and close, searching for some sort of excuse. But he doesn’t have one, thankfully. He crosses the distance between the two of you, lips pursing as he lowers himself to the ground and in between your arms. On his knees between your legs, he waits until your arms embrace him before he engulfs you, his face pressing into your shoulder as he wraps around your midsection. 

Tears began to dampen your shoulder, more so than the rain that now poured on you both. You ran a hand through Todd’s hair, holding him closer the more rampant his thoughts ran.

“Shh, it’s okay. I’m here for you.”

She’s here for me.

“You don’t have to act all strong right now. Just relax.”

Minutes passed with Todd wound around you, his hands curling tighter into fists in the back of your shirt every time you brushed your fingers through his tufts. 

Feels so nice. I don’t wanna leave. Wanna stay like this forever. Always stay here with her. Always happy. Happy. Never wanna stop.

And so you granted his wish, holding him closer and tighter as his Noise mumbled sweet nothings in your ear.

disquiet

A piece of me is always missing, Like the last block of lego that I can never seem to find One empty space right in the center of the jigsaw puzzle. I'm not sure if I lost it along the way. I'm not sure if I'm yet to find it. But lately, the gap seems more blatant. I'm anxious that it's visible to the people around me. That when they look at me, they see half a person. It's almost like I'm mimicking a being While I'm on the quest for the missing elements.

Sometimes, everything is wholesome! Golden skies, daisies, moongazing, Dusty libraries where ghosts of dead poets linger, Tight hugs, acts that mean "I'm thinking of you.", I look at my picture with my friends, smiling ear to ear And the jigsaw puzzle is complete. (or it was, then.) Some memories in me are so perfect that, The missing lego piece starts to feel like an extra piece From the table, you're trying to put together. It works fine without it, and there's nowhere to put it.

Then I'm back in my bed, back in my head. And I cannot remember how to be a whole person again I eat chocolate until I'm nauseated Or I never draw the curtains open and let the light flow through. I want to live life to the fullest, I never want to be seen in public again, I want all-consuming love, I want to believe I'm worthy of it, I want to feel complete when I'm alone, I want someone to feel complete with.

I want and I want and I want… Socrates said, (Yes, I went there) "He who is not contented with what he has, would not be contented with what he would like to have." What about, She who is never content with who she is? What about me?

So I watched Chaos Walking last night. I am so angry.

guys something amazing happened - I actually picked up one of the books that I'd bought within the last two years and decided to read it, and it was very good! I suggest everyone gives it a try!

With that being said, if anyone had read The Knife of Never Letting Go and is dying just as much as me, know you are not alone in your pain. My Indigo order just came in with the second and third book, so you’ll be hearing more from me soon.

so 1910 people died from covid 19 today in Brazil and soon my state will enter lockdown because no one knows what to do doing, and I really wanted to watch Chaos Walking but I won't be able to do so. Since it won't be released on streaming service and going to the theaters is practically impossible, could anyone recommend me a site where I can watch it for free, once it's released?

I am a big Tom Holland stan and I've been waiting for this movie for years. Apparently it is not that bad of a movie so it's worth the shot.