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My hands move with no purpouse
My soul walks the earth, animated by a machine in my mind
I cried myself to sleep
I no longer sleep
No decision-making stops me from trying to find happiness
My conscience has left my body
My gears turn as my body withers away
The oil blood runs through my veins
No heavenly being watches me and no hell bound creature stalks me
I am forever alone
I am forever a husk
my father suffers from depression, as do i. we cope differently, yet he seems to think otherwise. frolicking within the greens of earth isn't something i dream to do. i stare outside my window at the falling frozen h2o molecules. i like remaining inside, the comfort of my room, where i know it's a safe haven. my blankets drowning my sorrows as my chest rises and falls for hours at a time. when will be the next time i am peeled away from my resting place?
i say the four walls that structure my sanctuary is my special place. it is safe. my parents nod, trying their best to say they understand. yet i can hear their thoughts since they flow out of their mouth like a river.
"you should try coming out of your bed more. you'll feel better."
i won't feel better. i'll never feel better. depression is eternal and only a facade will help myself to pretend it has left the husk of my body.
summers pass by like a rest placed onto a sheet of music paper. my fingers dance around on the piano keys just as i do with avoiding the unhidden truths. i choke back the burning sensation within my throat. what is my worth?
~ m.n.