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Doofus Drake - Blog Posts

2 years ago

another bunch of incorrect ducktales quotes

Gosalyn: I truly go into housewife mode when I'm someone's soulmate- like, I'll make you pancakes and bacon every morning.

Dewey: This is a lie.

Dewey: I'm literally dating them. This is a lie.

Dewey: THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO COOK A PANCAKE, WHAT IS THIS.

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Louie: Huey said its my turn with the brain cell.

Dewey: Square up.

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Honkers: And what do I get out of this?

Gosalyn : I will give you a dollar.

Honkers: What do you think I am? A chump? I would never do it for a dollar!

Gosalyn : How bout two dollars?

Honkers: You got yourself a deal.

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Gosalyn : I'm very scary.

Drake: You're about as scary as a wet kitten.

Gosalyn : Wet kittens are cute, at least I've got that going for me.

Drake: And small.

Gosalyn :

Gosalyn : ...Yeah, yeah. I guess.

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Lena: I’m here for the cult stuff.

Honkers: How did you find us?

Lena: I saw your ad on craigslist.

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May, gardening: Hey, can you bring me the hoe?

June: Yeah, sure. *A few minutes later*

June: Here you go.

May:

June:

Dewey: Why am I here?

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*The gang's thoughts on stabbing*

Boyd: Would never stab anyone.

May: Would stab someone in retaliation.

Dewey: Yells "I won't hesitate, bitch!" first.

Webby: Would stab without warning.

Gosalyn : Would stab as a warning.

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Gosalyn : There are three ways to handle a difficult situation. The right way, the wrong way, and the Dewey way.

Honkers: Isn't that the wrong way?

Gosalyn : Yes, but it's faster.

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Dewey: Are you reading fan fiction?

Honkers, reading an article about extremely rare diseases: Wh- No.

Dewey: Oh, is it on AO3?

Honkers: This is CNN.

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Lena: What are you in the mood for?

Webby: World domination.

Lena: That's a bit ambitious.

Webby: You are my world.

Lena: Aww...

Webby:

Lena:

Webby:

Lena: OH.

=================================Violet: When you work at lush and a customer comes in and bites the soap because they think it’s cheese... this happens way more frequently than you think.

May: If you stopped literally presenting soap as deli food this wouldn't happen.

Violet: Who goes into a bath store and thinks something covered in glitter is cheese?

June: Who goes to the store and just takes a bite from the cheese?

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Doofus: Count me in!

Violet: Who the hell are you?! Doofus: Oh, you know my sibling! They worked at Wendy's.

Violet: Oh yeah, Boyd! How are they doing?

Doofus: Oh yeah, not too good. They've been dead for the past month.

Dewey: What the hell, they didn't tell us!

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Huey, rubbing their temples: I am not proud of what I am about to say, but someone get me a cigarrette.

June: But Huey, we don't smoke.

Huey: Cut the crap, June. I'm not an idiot. I know that one in five people smoke.

Huey: *points at Dewey* One! *points at Louie* Two! *points at Webby* Three! *points at Gosalyn * Four! *points at June* Five!

Huey: Now, I am going to close my eyes, and when I open them, there better be a cigarrette between these two fingers!

Gosalyn : *puts a cigarrette in Huey's hand*

Huey: Thank you. ...Light? The Squad: *all simultaneously pull out lighters*

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Doofus: There are three chairs and five kids. What do you do?

Webby: Get two more chairs.

Dewey: Cut each chair in half to make six.

Violet: Make them FIGHT for their seats!

Gosalyn : I would never be near children.

Lena: Get rid of two kids.

=================================Webby: *yawns*

Lena: Yeah, being that pretty must be tiring.

Webby: Then you must be exhuasted.

May: Will you two shut up? Some of us are lonely.

=================================

Lena: You ever see something that changes your life and you're just like "huh.."

Webby: I saw you.

Lena: Honestly that's so cute and sweet but it kinda makes this awkward because I was gonna show you a picture of June in a turkey costume.

=================================

Lena: How is spring not everyone’s favorite season? The trees are PINK, guys!

Gosalyn : Allergies are also a problem, y'know.

Lena: But pink.

May: And it's hot.

Lena: PINK! =================================

Demon: Hey, I took your soul last month and-

Lena: No returns.

Demon: *sobbing* But it's making me sad... =================================


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2 years ago

bunch of incorrect ducktales quotes

June, throwing their head into Doofus's lap: Tell me I'm pretty!

Doofus, lovingly stroking their hair: You're pretty fucking annoying, that's what you are.

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Huey: Your smile? It makes my day.

Violet: Your happiness? I live for that.

June: A room? Get one.

Dewey: Hotel? Trivago.

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Doofus: Hi, could I ask how exactly does one accidentally set a lemon on fire??

Dewey: Microwave for 40 minutes. 😔

May: Why were you microwaving a lemon??? Dewey: I read boiling lemons helps cover up up bad smells (I wanted to cover up the scent of burnt oranges) but I didn't own any pots.

Lena: Did you burn an orange too? How???

Dewey: Microwave for 40 minutes. 😔

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Gosalyn : Advice of the day kids, if you ever meet someone who calls Gatorade flavors the actual name of the flavor instead of just the color then they are a certified nerd.

Violet: Yeah but you have to specify, frost glacier or cool blue? You can’t just say blue because there’s more than one blue.

Gosalyn : Blue and light blue, nice try nerd.

=================================

Louie: When I said bring me something back from the beach I meant like a conch shell!

Webby: *Struggling to hold a seagull* Fucking say that next time!


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ok random thought while watching ducktales again. But Louie would do great with a lawyer career, like he's just that good in getting out of things.

Especially after the episode of "life and crimes of Scrooge Mcduck" just wanted to get that out there


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