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Headcanons! Despite My Rage - Blog Posts
Jeanette Winterson, Gut Symmetries
fyi i do not “crush” i experience violent, all-consuming devotion and yearning that leaves me physically ill
Cathy Linh Che, from Go Forget your father//Friedrich Nietzsche// Richey Edwards// // Moss Angel, Girldirt Angelfog// Rainer Maria Rilke, Fragment of an Elegy,// Leila Miccolis, till death do us part.
"unrepentant" is one of my favorite things to be. "don't you feel bad about what you did" no lol
MUN VS. MUSE. How to Play: Compare yourself to your muse. Then tag your mutuals to do the same.
LOW: ○○○○○ | HIGH: ●●●●● Repost, don’t reblog!
NAME. Mun: Wilhelm Muse: Julius
AGE. Mun: 34 Muse: technically immortal/ageless, appears 31ish.
PRONOUNS. Mun: He/They Muse: He/Him
HEIGHT. Mun: 5'2" Muse: 6'3"
RESPONSIBILITY. Mun: ●●●○○ Muse: ○○○○○
SOCIABILITY. Mun: ●○○○○ Muse: ○○○○○
SENSITIVITY. Mun: ●●●●○ Muse: ●●●●●
GENEROSITY. Mun: ●●●○○ Muse: ○○○○○
MODESTY. Mun: ●●●○○ Muse: ○○○○○
KINDNESS. Mun: ●●●○○ Muse: ○○○○○
PHYSICAL STRENGTH. Mun: ○○○○○ Muse: ●●●●●
CARING. Mun: ●●○○○ Muse: ○○○○○
CURIOSITY. Mun: ●●○○○ Muse: ●●●●●
IRRITABILITY. Mun: ●●●●● Muse: ●●●●●
TOUCHINESS. Mun: ●○○○○ Muse: ●●●●○
LAZINESS. Mun: ●●●●● Muse: ●●○○○
ANXIETY. Mun: ●●●●○ Muse: ●●●●●
SELF-DISCIPLINE. Mun: ●●○○○ Muse: ●●●●●
TAGGED BY: @maaskuline !! TAGGING: whoever wants to.
I didn’t miss that social cue I just thought it was stupid
they hate me for finding romance in the violent & violence in the romantic. also for the killing
im yearning about you and there is nothing you can do about it (threat)
MAKE YOUR MUSE AS A COCKTAIL.
i love taking things too far. best distance to take anything to be honest
what kind of tragedy are you?
self-inflicted.
you were given the choice to live, a thousand times over, and yet you never choose it. not intentionally, oh no, you didn’t know it was a grave you were digging. but with every turn, you were twisting the knife deeper. every decision doomed you more. had it been anyone else, they would have made it. but you? you are so perfectly you, there was no escaping it. the true tragedy of it all, is how preventable it was.
I am the Vampire Lestat. I'm immortal more or less. The light of the sun, the sustained heat of an intense fire-these things might destroy me. But then again, they might not.
Interview with the Vampire 1.04
obviously some of these inspire more than others, but they're all facets i try and keep in mind to some degree whenever i write for julius. if i feel up to it i may elaborate more on why these characters specifically inspire my portrayal of julius. it's hard to get my thoughts together to properly explain stuff like that in depth tho because i always worry i'm not expressing myself well enough.
@drrobctnik sent 🎶 genuinely curious what you come up w/ for jules
Sucker - Marcus King
Get the fuck outta my head // So long, sucker I don’t wanna see you, // I hate this life // Get your fingers out of my hair // You’re gone, sucker // Good luck killing me ’cause I’m already, already // Dead inside
Send me 🎶 and I’ll share a song that reminds me of your muse!
⸻ he had nothing left, now. what little that truly mattered to him, naught but ash. not even a body he could hold. to mourn. to apologize. to possibly cradle. bootfalls rushing toward his location, rounding that corner and stopping once they saw the carnage and destruction. his chaos energy so out of control, rising and peaking and drenching the very air in this corridor that it caused the emergency lights themselves to short-circuit. washing julius in darkness, save for his red irises. his red irises were visible in that darkness, glowing brightly.
sound of a gunshot, muzzle flash as those G.U.N soldiers opened fire on him. the bullets impacted his skin, causing him to jerk slightly. felt them enter, blood pour, but then that healing and chaos energy made the bullets evaporate before they could exit through him. human weaponry couldn't truly harm him now. they fired at him more, their eyes terrified of how he wasn't going down to their weapons-
his eyes glowed brighter in that darkness.
silently, fueled by rage and hatred, he charged forward and blinked from existence before reappearing in front of one of the soldiers. using that momentum and rage to punch a hole through the man's face, yanking him forward to shield from those bullets, only to toss the corpse aside. glowing in his left hand now, a mini chaos plasma attack, like a knife. he slits the other man's throat with an adeptness that should startle him but doesn't. he's calm. blood sprays forward, coating him as that body slumps.
julius stands there, staring at the wall in front of him. no satisfaction at the sight, the knowledge. there was a slight tickling of that sensation, a barely there notion of enjoyment. numbed over from the reality of his situation at present. more footfalls nearby him, he glances over at the feeling of bullets piercing his shirt and entering his skin, only to heal and fizzle away again.
slaughters his way through the soldiers that between him and his end destination. a newly pristine living quarters, assigned to one james stone. julius stood there, staring down at that dark black jacket that james often wore. sounds of distant alarms from that open door, wash of red from the corridor. a slightly quaking hand reached out, hesitated before cradling that jacket. pulls it closer, hugging it, burying his face into it, inhaling. his scent. muffled, quiet, broken sobs wet that fabric. lowers onto his knees, clinging and pulling that empty jacket closer to himself.
inhaling, a small sniffle of a noise, julius pulled that jacket away from his face. stared down at it. he stood up then, discarding his old bullet ridden one, before pulling on james' old jacket. he has to pull the sleeves off as they're too short to fit his frame properly, but he can sew on new sleeves later on. his gaze lists, noting old sunglasses on the nearby table. walks over to them and lifts them up, a thumb roaming the frame, noting that purple tint. a shaking hollow smile, julius puts those sunglasses on. hoping, at least in some way, by keeping his clothes, by wearing these sunglasses, by holding himself in a way that james may have, that james stone may yet live on.
at the very least, in spirit.
which tragic death would you suffer?
the betrayal.
you die at the hands of the person you love most. maybe there are tears in their eyes as they drive the sword into your chest, maybe there are none. there are certainly tears in yours. your mouth will open to ask 'why' only to spit blood instead. you will die never knowing if they loved you at all, wondering if you could've done something to prevent this, or if it was always going to end this way.
Be so completely yourself that everyone wants to kill you
What is Your Hate Language?
VIOLENCE
Physical Violence is a common, yet bold hate language. It’s old as time and is as natural as rain. It’s often one of the first thoughts that come to us when we feel hatred, but you actually have the moxie to go through with it. Fist fights at bars and you think assassination is the best option in politics. You’re an absolute loose canon. Your most likely crime would be murder. The only down side of this hate language is how hard it is to get away with it.
MUSE'S HANDWRITING
Go HERE and find a script that suits your character's handwriting!
mother and father issues are so valid like yeah i do take issue with the way you two behaved. Actually
"Robotnik will lead your squadron," their supervisor announced, lowering that page back onto the clipboard. he was about to turn away from them all, but julius stepped forward, clearing his throat,
"Sir, with respect, i-" he motioned over to stone, "erm, shouldn't Stone be leading the squadron. he's far more capable than i-"
"you've got rank and seniority, Robotnik."
"so?" julius said it without thought, and the supervisor seemed almost offended that julius dare question his decisions. "stone's got better experience in the field, and he's-"
"YOU are the leader, Robotnik."
julius' eyebrow twitched, and he exhaled, nodding.
"hey, don't sweat it jules," wolfe grinned, clasping a hand onto julius' arm. julius gave him a small, polite smile, "i trust you."
the others in the squadron all pat julius' shoulder, agreeing in their own ways. clearly trying to blow air under his sails, and he enjoyed their company, but he doubted their opinions. they hadn't seen how abysmal his files were on field work. he could gather samples and scout things, but actual physical missions that required sheer tact, understanding and know-how on leading?
was the room spinning? did he feel warmer? he felt a hand cupped at his face, then, and julius blinked, "julius, look at me," stone's voice. and julius did, glanced over at stone, staring down at him. stone smiled, "you can do this. and even if you think you can't, you can work at it until you improve."
stone always knew how to put things in a way that julius respected. he nodded, expecting stone to pull his hand away. stone's gloved hand lingered against his face, though. julius blinked, head lilting to the side a touch. what-?
stone's hand slipped away, and he gripped at julius' wrist, tugged him so that way julius began to walk alongside stone, "come on, i can run you through some basic potential field scenarios so you can study."
julius had just discovered about his own experimentations; those memories ⸻ of being injected, killing the scientists after he'd lost control ⸻ he had shackled away and compartmentalized. locked and buried deep within, yet always a nagging. a ghost of dreams, thinking them only bad nightmares, horrible intrusive thoughts that couldn't possibly⸻ but they were real. they were memories, and julius was not a human. hadn't been in decades, not since he'd been a young boy.
the rage he'd felt was indescribable. he couldn't stay with G.U.N any longer, knowing now what he did. & so julius sought to leave the base, but not before exacting some revenge. this organization had done nothing but take, take, take from julius. time he returned that favour.
before this though, he sought out agent stone. stone, julius had decided, was not part of the plan. stone was one julius couldn't bring harm to, no matter how annoyed and irritated he may be feeling. so, julius had told stone that they'd be parting ways, and stone was to leave the base. julius made up some small lie about stone being relocated to a different G.U.N base without him. convincing enough, julius decided. that done, he left, headed back to his own quarters.
& didn't exit from his 'room' for the next few days, planning.
of course, missing his duties meant that eventually the G.U.N base supervisor and some of his men were obligated to check in on robotnik. he could hear them now, knocking on the door and demanding that robotnik open the door, before they broke it down. he stood there, memories of those agonies ghosting along his ear.
he could feel it now, so easily: that power swelling within his chest, swirling and building, arcing down his arms and kissing his fingertips with warmth. he gathered that chaos energy into his palms, noting that bright red energy that gathered like a mist initially before transforming into a brighter plasma, a low bubbled laugh rolling out of julius' mouth at the sight. a grin split along his expression ⸻ HE WAS GOING TO ENJOY THIS ⸻, and he moved, hurling that sphere of chaos energy at the door the moment they breached; which caused an explosion to billow outward, engulfing the supervisor and the men behind him, causing the others to be blown off their feet.
alarms began to blare, explosions in another part of the base caused the lights to cut and for the emergency lights to kick in. washing the floor and the walls in a darker red. julius stepped out, over those bodies, barely paying them any mind. until his gaze landed on an unmoving person laying just a bit away from the main group.
stone.
julius stalled, staring. what⸻ he moved, scrambled, dropped to his knees and scooped that limp corpse body into his arms, eyes scanning and roaming stone's face for any signs of life. no, no- "y-you were supposed to leave," the words are hurried, hushed. julius had killed him⸻ NO, NO JULIUS COULDN'T HAVE⸻ NOT HIM
his shoulders twitched, hunching over stone's body, as though protecting him. useless. stupid. worthless. his breathing was quickened, as though gasping for air he couldn't suck in fast enough. he hadn't meant to- he couldn't- please, come back. "i'm sorry, i'm sorry!," the words were barely there, whispered, voice breaking, a choked catch of the last syllables. if he'd felt that energy building before, it was skyrocketing now. his entire body tensed up, a screamed wail of a noise that heightened into a louder angered sound: shrill and echoing and seemingly never-ending.
that energy burst outward, not in an explosion but a burning of fire, that energy arcing around julius' body. through tear-stained face, he watched as stone's body burned away in his arms. ash, slipping through his fingers, scattering along the floor only to blow away from that output of pressure. he had thought he'd lost everything before⸻ didn't realize until it was too late just how much more he had left yet to lose⸻