Hugh Dancy - Blog Posts

thoughts on the planet ceres?

A dwarf planet trapped in the asteroid belt. Too small to be a proper planet, too large to be just another rock. Suspended between definitions, never quite one thing or the other. It holds more water than any world in the inner solar system apart from Earth, but no one really talks about that. No one really talks about Ceres at all.

It was the first asteroid ever discovered. They thought it was a planet at first. It lost that title when they found others like it, but for a while, it was something more. Something significant.

I think that’s a shame.

Errr Tonny here, you haven’t reported back to me since i gave you that xan.. you okay man?

( @coke-n-dope )

If by ‘okay’ you mean having ‘a fascinating exercise in futility,’ then sure, it went great. I did my research. I was responsible. I accounted for every possible variable—set a timer, had water ready, prepared an ideal environment, even had a list of things to do in case I started feeling weird. Which was, in hindsight, incredibly naive, because there is no logical preparation for feeling like your brain is unraveling in slow motion. No amount of planning prevents the creeping dread that your heartbeat is somehow both too slow and too loud. At one point, I was convinced I had unlocked a hidden layer of reality where time moves at half-speed and all sounds echo.

Long story short: I will not be pursuing further studies in pharmacology

Do not take any medication from Doctor Hannibal Lecter. This is a warning Adam.

I don’t understand the concerns about Dr. Lecter.

I have yet to have any negative experiences with the way he handles my therapy. However, I didn’t take any medication from him; he didn’t prescribe any to me.

Please Adam no matter what, do not go to Maryland.

There’s things there that you shouldn’t have to see, people you shouldn’t encounter.

Adam you’re a good soul. I knew a man just like you and he is slowly losing himself.

I wouldn’t want that happening to you.

-🐺

I’m not sure if I know you. You seem to know me, or maybe you don’t and are just acting weirdly without being prompted. I’m willing to consider either possibility.

I actually got a great job offer in Maryland! I haven’t told Beth about it yet. I’m not sure if she’d want to move there or if she’d consider staying together if I lived further from New York.

So, I might have to decline the offer anyway…, though I’ve often thought about moving out of the city since my dad passed away.

Have you taken any photos of raccoons? And if so, which is your favourite? I hope your having a good day :D

Hello!,

Yes, I have.

I recently took this picture. It isn’t really good, you can barely see the Raccoons due to the bright city lights. But that day was really precious because the Raccoon family stayed for so long.

I spent almost the entire night there.

Do you have a favorite planet Adam? I feel like nobody asks you about your interests anymore

I am always happy when I can answer questions that relate to my life or interests!. Maybe even more these days than ever, it sort of calms me down, talking about things I know.

If we’re being technical, Pluto doesn’t qualify as an answer. It was reclassified as a ‘dwarf planet’ in 2006, which means it no longer holds planetary status. That being said, when I was younger, it was my favorite—small, distant, and debated over by scientists who couldn’t quite decide where it belonged. It might be irrational but i always thought there was something unfair about that. If something existed, if it mattered for years, how could people just decide it didn’t count anymore?

Neptune is my usual answer. Its winds are the fastest in the solar system, yet it remains so far away that people rarely think about it. It exists in quiet extremes.

Venus also comes to mind… It’s hostile to life, and most people don’t think much of it beyond its brightness in the sky. But I’ve learned that brightness can be deceptive. Just because something appears beautiful doesn’t mean it isn’t dangerous, and just because something is dangerous doesn’t mean it isn’t worth understanding.

hi adam! i hope you’re well :) i just got a late diagnosis of autism (i’m 23!) and i was wondering if you had any advice for self care and such after a diagnosis? i’m totally comfortable with who i am and how my brain works, it’s still just lots to process !!

Hello. First of all, congratulations on your diagnosis. I assume that might seem like an odd thing to say, but I mean it sincerely—understanding yourself better is always a good thing, even if it takes time to process.

I know it did for me.

I was diagnosed early in childhood, so I can’t speak to the exact experience of learning this about yourself as an adult. But I do understand what it’s like to examine yourself through a new lens and to realize that the way you interact with the world—things you may have once thought were simply personal quirks or unexplained difficulties—actually has a name. It can be both validating and overwhelming.

You say you’re comfortable with who you are, which is already more than many people can say. But if I had any advice, it would be this: be patient with yourself. It’s easy to look back on past experiences and wonder how differently things could have gone had you known then what you know now. But you were always you, diagnosis or not. That hasn’t changed—only your understanding has. The most important thing is using that understanding to advocate for yourself, to make your life easier where possible rather than forcing yourself into spaces or habits that were never designed for you in the first place.

Practically speaking, self-care depends on what you need. If sensory issues are something you struggle with, don’t ignore them—accommodate them in whatever ways you can. If you experience burnout, learn to recognize the signs before it happens and give yourself time to recover. If you mask heavily in social situations, make sure you also allow yourself environments where you don’t have to. The world doesn’t always adapt to us, so we have to be intentional about carving out spaces where we can exist comfortably as ourselves.

Most of all, remember that there is no ‘correct’ way to process something like this. No rush, no expectation—just time. I hope that time is kind to you.

My father once told me that understanding yourself is like learning a language—you’ll always be discovering new words, new meanings, new ways to express things you never quite knew how to before. I think he was right.

Everything is too loud today. My skin feels too tight. My head won’t stop running in circles.

I wish it was possible to turn everything off for a while.

Do you like bread?

If so, do you like the crust?

I take them off when I eat bread.

I love bread.

I like the crust most. The rest is fine. It feels sort of mushy, sometimes. I don’t enjoy that.

I know many people like you though. Most people prefer bread without the crust rather than the crust without the bread.

But sourdough especially has a wonderful crust in my opinion.

Sourdough bread is actually one of the oldest types of bread, with evidence of it being baked over 4,000 years ago in ancient Egypt. It makes sense why it tastes so good.

tbh with all this chaotic back and forth I think you and Will should just say ‘fuck it’s and get together.

You’d at least make a pretty couple.

I am unsure whether this was meant as a joke or a serious proposition. If it was a joke, I have to admit—

it was actually quite funny.

I can indeed believe that.

I’m not sure if that prohibits you from succeeding in your profession, though. As for what I’ve learned so far, selling illegal substances and having relationships with prostitutes doesn’t seem all that contradictory or uncommon.

Adam, don’t trust Nigel, he’s a bastard. He called me a fucking liability

-Tonny aka @coke-n-dope

I feel as though I’ve been inadvertently dragged into a personal conflict.

Good to hear from you though, Tonny

Adam, don’t trust Nigel, he’s a bastard. He called me a fucking liability

-Tonny aka @coke-n-dope

I feel as though I’ve been inadvertently dragged into a personal conflict.

Good to hear from you though, Tonny

I have memorized every possible answer. I have practiced in the mirror. I know the words. But my hands still shake when I think about it.

I don’t understand why. If I know what I need to say, why is my heart racing? Why does my throat close? Why does my body not listen to logic?.

Are you a jealous person?

Jealousy is irrational. It serves no practical function, and yet, I think if I care about someone enough, I might experience a version of it.

Not in an aggressive way, but… I wouldn’t like the idea of being replaceable. I‘ve been told I get ‘sulky‘.

Soooo... Are things okay with Beth? Heard something happened, and someone got really upset/sad/angry? Whatever it was, I hope both of you are doing better now ❤️

Thank you for asking. I am doing good.

Beth apologized to me yesterday. I got an offer for a job interview and she will help me with practicing for that. Beth is important to me so I try not to think about it anymore. She seemed really overwhelmed that evening, I can relate to that.

Really? In what aspects?

Hello, Adam. I was wondering if you have a favorite flower or plant or a favorite animal?

-Duncan.

Good evening Duncan!.

I do have a favorite animal.

Raccoons. Definitely raccoons. They’re highly intelligent, their problem-solving skills are impressive, and they have these incredibly dexterous little hands. Did you know that they can remember solutions to tasks for years? And they wash their food before eating it, which is both practical and oddly endearing. I often go to watch a family of raccoons at a park near me. They bring me joy.

As for plants, I think carnivorous plants are fascinating. They literally evolved to defy the usual order of things—plants aren’t supposed to consume animals, and yet, here they are. The Venus flytrap, for example, counts the number of times its trigger hairs are touched before closing, like it’s verifying the presence of prey. That kind of adaptation is remarkable. If find that they have a philosophical aspect to them.

Hiii Adam :3 I was wondering if you have a type? It doesn’t matter if in men or women but you can specify (if you want). I was wondering if there is anything specific you find yourself gravitating towards.

I have found that I find myself gravitating towards people somewhat older than me. I often find comfort in that.

Generally, I don’t feel like I have the experience to make out a type. I don’t find myself in control of who I end up liking.

Hello, Adam. I was wondering if you have a favorite flower or plant or a favorite animal?

-Duncan.

Good evening Duncan!.

I do have a favorite animal.

Raccoons. Definitely raccoons. They’re highly intelligent, their problem-solving skills are impressive, and they have these incredibly dexterous little hands. Did you know that they can remember solutions to tasks for years? And they wash their food before eating it, which is both practical and oddly endearing. I often go to watch a family of raccoons at a park near me. They bring me joy.

As for plants, I think carnivorous plants are fascinating. They literally evolved to defy the usual order of things—plants aren’t supposed to consume animals, and yet, here they are. The Venus flytrap, for example, counts the number of times its trigger hairs are touched before closing, like it’s verifying the presence of prey. That kind of adaptation is remarkable. If find that they have a philosophical aspect to them.

I saw a guy today wearing sunglasses indoors. The sun wasn’t out.

Neither was common sense, apparently.

do beth know u behave like a harlot online ?

I don’t think that’s an accurate description of my character..

I intentionally left my wording open to interpretation.

Am I your favorite, Nigel?.

Beth was over today. She took this picture while I was reading and said I should post it.

So I am.

I believe he looks more similar to Will Graham, his hair is just darker.

I would like to reiterate that I am an engineer but I have never committed theft.

You’re like.. crazy pretty

Errr the name’s Tonny btw.

-@coke-n-dope

That is very direct. Hello, Tonny

Hi- Im Lenny, Im really new to this app. You seem really pretty though. Do you have any movie recommendations? I see you like space, I have a few space films at the video store I work at.

talk to you later starboy.

🎬 ( @film-collecter )

Hello Lenny!,

Thank you. I do have many recommendations.

Two of my favorite films are A Beautiful Mind (2001, dir. Ron Howard) and The Imitation Game (2014, dir. Morten Tyldum). Both films have a strong focus on the protagonist, but they still fit your criteria. Contact (1997, dir. Robert Zemeckis) is simply brilliant in its scientific accuracy. I also think Moon (2009, dir. Duncan Jones) is one of the best films ever made—it inspires me to this day. If you want to watch something more laid-back but not the absolute garbage that many self-proclaimed ‘space’ movies are, I can recommend Wall-E (2008, dir. Andrew Stanton).

Let me know if you are interested in something more specific!.

Normally I’m a spacekaiser shipper but I love your interactions with Nigel sm I kinda hope he’ll stop obsessing over Will. Especially because that’s a losing game once Hannibal is involved.

I am afraid I did not understand the context for half of what you wrote. But I am glad that you seem happy with the status quo of this blog.

A hooker and a car thief. You seem determined to compare me to the most questionable people you’ve met. Should that concern me ?

You’re like.. crazy pretty

Errr the name’s Tonny btw.

-@coke-n-dope

That is very direct. Hello, Tonny

I don’t know what I was expecting, but it wasn’t that.

I feel like I walked into an entire play where everyone else had the script but me. And now the show’s over, the audience has left, and I’m just standing here, still trying to understand the plot.

Intuition is mostly irrational, but if I were to believe in that sort of thing, I would describe having a strange feeling about tonight.

Intuition is mostly irrational, but if I were to believe in that sort of thing, I would describe having a strange feeling about tonight.

You’re like.. crazy pretty

Errr the name’s Tonny btw.

-@coke-n-dope

That is very direct. Hello, Tonny

Beth was over today. She took this picture while I was reading and said I should post it.

So I am.

I don’t think love should have to be a fight.

If it is, maybe it’s not love, it’s just war with different rules.

But I think some things stay even when you stop fighting. Probably not everything, but the important things. Thats how I see this. Maybe one day you feel that you won’t have to fight anymore.

Good evening Nigel,

I was at the National art gallery with Beth this afternoon. I saw Botticelli’s ‘Venus and Mars’ there, it is an absolute study in paradox!. About forces that should collide yet instead settle into something resembling harmony. It reminded me of space in that way. Mars, the god of war, lies unconscious, unarmed, seemingly at peace. Venus, the goddess of love, seems watchful but unaffected, an island of serenity beside him. She has not conquered him. She has not subdued him. And yet, in her presence, he is still.

Many people would assume that love triumphs over war, that beauty tames violence. But I think Botticelli offers something more intricate. Venus does not demand change. She does not impose softness upon Mars. She simply exists, and in doing so, creates the conditions for stillness. Mars, so accustomed to unrest, is given a rare and unfamiliar gift—the absence of conflict. And he does not resist it.

The tension here is not one of struggle, but of transformation. Venus has not altered Mars, she has only revealed what he is capable of being. I imagine this as love at its most potent—not forceful, not possessive, but a quiet invitation to become. There is no battle between them, no need for submission or control. Instead, they are two opposing forces that, for a moment, find equilibrium. Together.

This is the paradox I was speaking of : not that one must destroy the other, but that they can coexist. In Metamorphoses, Ovid describes their relationship as both passionate and volatile, yet Botticelli captures something…subtler. Venus does not try to change Mars, nor does she fear him. She understands him. And understanding, more than any weapon, has the power to disarm.

I remember Beth asking ‘Why does Venus choose Mars? Her husband Vulcan presents as a more fitting counterpart, someone more aligned with her nature’. I answered that, perhaps love is not drawn to reflections of itself, but to contrast. To the possibility of transformation. Venus does not force Mars to lay down his weapons. He does so on his own, because in her presence, he does not need them.

There is power in that, in my opinion. A kind of power that does not shout, does not demand, but simply is. Not dominance, but invitation. Not submission, but balance.

And it reminded me of you.

Well, shit… you’ve really got me here, don’t you? Never thought I’d be sitting here, having someone talk to me about love like that, beautiful. It’s funny though. Mars? Peaceful? Never thought I’d see the day.

An invitation, huh? Not a fight, not a conquest, not a struggle to win someone over. Just... being. That’s a new one for me. Love makes me do some fucking crazy things, but never like that.

If I’m being real, I don’t know if I believe in that kind of love. The kind that just fucking is. Hell, I’m not sure I’ve ever let someone just exist if I really loved them, or that I've ever felt like I can let myself relax that way, or if I even can. I’ve always thought that if you don’t fight and keep fighting to keep what you have, you end up losing everything.

Maybe you’ve got a point, Adam. No one’s ever said anything like that to me before.

I’m glad you thought of me.