I Had Fun Writing This - Blog Posts

Fear, Part II

Is there a reason

You feel so alone

With all these people

Surrounding you?

The sun is shining

And the birds are out

Summer air against your skin

But it’s still winter inside.

You’re locked in a cage

Made up of your mind

The monsters are out

And they won’t rest.

Put on a smile

Don’t let them see

How many cracks

You have burning inside.

You can take another day

And your lungs will keep on moving

So focus on happy thoughts

And you’ll be fine.

But now the winter air is biting deep

And it’s getting hard to breathe

Through all this falling snow

And the beasts hunting you.

You’re pounding against the bars

In this cage you’ve made in your brain

But the howling wind and the blanket of snow

Are melding together and leaving you treading

This deepening water

An ocean of silence

That swallows your screams.

Take a deep breath

And paste the smile back on.

Focus on the happy thoughts

And take another pill.

If nobody wants to hear your words

That’s alright, you’ll be fine

Keep your mouth shut, you know,

Conform and don’t be crazy-

Others have it worse anyways.

You don’t remember when

Those pills began to stop

And now your heartbeat is racing

From the killers in your head.

It’s all so much

And now you must be insane

Because nobody else says a word

About suffering like this.

Your mask is far too much

A weight you can’t remove

You’re a bird with clipped wings

A flower with no stem.

You’re chained up in your own mind

Gagged by your own fear

Pills by the handful

Just to feel alive.

Time is fading to a fuzzy haze

The only constant this endless nightmare.

You just want to smile again

You just want to feel whole again!

Cause and effect but this is effect without a reason

What’s the cause, what’s the root

Of this sickened tree?

They ask if you’re afraid of death

Chastise you for these reckless thoughts

And tell you to just grow up.

So how do you tell them

That you’re not afraid of death anymore?

The hell in your head

Is so much worse

Than any hell a religion could offer.

You’re not afraid of the reaper

Or any judgmental god

You’re afraid

Of this life.

Silence is a blade

Cutting your skin

But words make the cuts

Sink all the deeper still.

Anything to end this pain

Anything to cut the chains

Holding you hostage to the demons inside

If heaven is real that’s not where you’ll go

Because this pit can’t be climbed out of

The walls are too sharp

And trying only broke your will.

Every moment of this hell

Is too much, it’s a crushing weight

Anything at all

To end this pain.

Life isn’t fair

And god, don’t you know it

You’re so tired

And the waters are deep

So maybe it’s time

To set you free.

23 candles // Shinichiro x g.n. reader

genre: fluff

warnings: established relationship (???)

word count: 411

A.N: Hi lovely reader! this is just a drabble that I had in mind for a few days. Shin's birthday was a few days ago and I wanted something fluffy for his day, I didn't saw a lot so I made one myself, also this is my first post so there might be mistakes. Likes and reblogs are deeply appreciated, have a nice day!

¡! ¡! ¡! ¡! ¡! ¡! ¡! ¡! ¡! ¡! ¡! ¡! ¡!

Nine in the morning, and still no answer from the man beside you. You have been up for about and hour or so, and as you lay wondering what to do next, your boyfriend turns around facing you, some drool slipping out of his mouth and a cute bedhead accompanying it. You admire his beauty for a while until you remember something very, very important, so you carefully step out of the bedsheets, trying not to wake the sleepy man. You quickly head out of the room to go straight to the kitchen of the apartment. You tie your hair in a messy ponytail and start doing breakfast, you try your best even though pancakes and coffee aren't your speciality, but intention is what counts, right? Once the food is finished you rush to the room where your boyfriend lies, carrying the food you just prepared, checking first if he was still asleep, which he was, and closing the door behind you loud enough for Shinichiro to hear, you get near his side of the mattress, calling out to him a few times until he opens his eyes, revealing beautiful black orbs, the instant you notice this movement you smile and start singing an old song, everybody knows it but it still manages to get a surprise. Shinichiro recognizes the song almost inmediately, he sits properly to pay full attention to your enchanting voice and sees the breakfast you prepared. When you finish the melody he makes a sign for you to get next to him and as soon as you do he plants a chaste kiss to your lips, so full of love and appreciation, making you feel more in love, making you remember again about what your forgot in the start of the day, and making you realize why you did all this surprise. It was his day. His birthday. A special day dedicated all to him, to be grateful about his presence in this world, and you got the first moments of such beautiful event. He made you feel in paradise every second you spent together and today was adequate to demonstrate how much you loved him. So as the kiss ended you brought closer the pancakes, on top of them where 23 candles waiting to be blown out, to be wished upon. With a smile you said to him "Happy Birthday my love", to which he responded with another smile and a blow to the candles.