I NEED TO GO HYPERFIXATE ABOUT THIS FOR ANOTHER WEEK- (month Or So) - Blog Posts

OK SO CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE WHOLE EYES BEING IMPORTANT TO THE CHARACTERS THING. because this chapter had a whole lot of that. ohhh boy it had a lot!!!!! it did!!!!!

FIRSTLY. akutagawa. for a while, his eyes have been pitch-black. last chapter, they regained their light, as he remembered atsushi. and then they're pitch-black again in this chapter-- as the person who brought light to them, to akutagawa himself, is gone.

SECONDLY. dazai. as he tells akutagawa he can "certainly" give him a reason to live, at the same time, he himself looks like he has no reason to live, as if he's not living at all. his eyes are dark and dead. pitch-blacm just as akutagawa's were at the start of the manga, and this chapter, but with none of the determination or bite akutagawa has. just emptiness.

THIRDLY. (child) akutagawa. his eyes aren't empty, nor pitch-black at first. they're dark, with light within. he has not been shown light, nor has he been pushed into the shadows. they become purely fully of light when dazai claims he can give akutagawa a reason to live.

his eyes turn his signature pitch-black with his time in the mafia. he was not given a reason to live. he was given fear, pain, emptiness, and desensitivity to brutality. the chance of light and goodness in his eyes from when he was a child is erased by the port mafia-- by dazai.

his eyes become like dazai's dark, lifeless ones as dazai trains him. any chance at light, or goodness, or happiness, or true life is sapped from him and replaced with violence, abuse, the mafia, dazai, dazai, dazai!

atsushi is what brings akutagawa that light. and when atsushi is gone, the light is gone.

"the light in somebody's eyes" is a phrase meant to refer to someone's spark of life. their reason to live. akutagawa says that killing atsushi "became [his] sole motivation." but when atsushi dies, that takes the light out of his eyes. his reason to live vanishes along with atsushi.

atsushi is akutagawa's reason to live, isn't he?