Joel Beans - Blog Posts

Joel fails miserably

Inspired by @your-daily-dose-of-caffeine's fanart

The winds picked up as Joel climbed higher and higher, threatening to push him over the edge any minute. 98….99….100. As he placed the last block, he took a moment to think about what he was about to do. He could hear the muffled yelling from his friends gathering down beneath him, Martyn was slowly climbing up the pole, ready to take a guess at his task. He could almost hear Grian’s protests to ‘be careful’. Joel knew Grian was anxious. Why was he scared again? It wasn’t like Grian’s the one up here. He shook his head, clearing any thoughts that would prevent him from completing his task. Joel needed this. It was almost like someone was watching him, not from below, but from above, egging him to jump. Egging him to fall. Egging him to DIE. Joel jumped. The wind grew stronger and stronger at each minute of his fall, whistling in his ear. He could feel the pressure of the atmosphere getting stronger. He fumbled to get his water bucket out of his inventory. Why didn’t I have it in my hand in the first place?! I’m such a blummin idiot.  I should’ve come prepared. I’m such a- Pain shot through his legs, his consciousness was fading, he could hear Grian’s anguished scream, the audience was in shock, He missed the water! I can’t believe he missed the water!  Someone..someone was laughing, laughing at him. He struggled to look up to find the culprit,  just to see a black figure with looming wings, all his eyes (eyes?) were filled with humour. The figure resembled someone he knew, someone he thought he could trust. “Grian?” Joel muttered. And then he passed out.

Behold, my favorite egotistical, rich bastard [affectionate]

This idea scratched my brain until I exploded with gold sharpie paint pens

Inktober Day 6: Golden

Sketchy sketchy whoooaa

Yeah so I got possessed with a demand of Unhindged Joel and this is the result you're welcome

I was going through my procreate files. And I. Wat. 3 am Ian strikes again ig. A new contender in the “which hermit is which musical artist” debate has risen heh.

3 am me even signed it lol he was confident that this was a masterpiece. Anyway uhhhh you know what fair 3 am me, I think Joel really needs to put on the infamous cheerleader dress and set stuff on fire with a blowtorch while screaming MCR lyrics. I don’t think it would make him better but I think it would be funny. Plus he gets to be a vampire and you know what I think vampires are really neat. Killjoy Joel goes without saying he is already basically a killjoy. 3 am me didn’t draw parade or revenge era, but those also. Because. Black parade is literally like such an embodiment of life series Joel, plus he would look really cool in the parader outfit, and revenge is like. Also literally him and I know he is meant to be Gerard but he would look so awesome with the x over his eye like Frank had! Plus drawing him covered in blood is always fun hehe. Perhaps I will do some proper drawings of Joelrard some time lol.

do you see the vision?

okay I admittedly have yet to beat echoes of wisdom. But i mean. It is too perfect. Princess Lizzie on the run with only her fairy companion for company, using her magic to defeat enemies in the name of rescuing some weird overdramatic rando with a sword from a demon. Also to stop the demon from destroying the world, but mostly the rescuing part. He left his cloak behind! It’d be rude not to return it! Anyway i want pictures of Spider-Man on my desk by morning meme but about desperately needing a fic of this. Joel being pathetic, Lizzie being badass, Joel being absolutely Whipped for this awesome magical warrior princess come to rescue him and Lizzie being like. “Uhh you forgot your cape. Here have it back. Goodbye! ^^” (again, haven’t actually beat the game yet lol) anyway yadayadayada they eventually get married and live happily ever after the end because happy endings make me happy. *Eleanor Shellstrop voice* CAUSE IM BASIC! (I know she would never say that i just can’t call anything basic without thinking of that show lol I’m getting off topic uhhhh)

Could I ask for some smallidarity perhaps… (esmp2 maybe) /nf

Woah totally unexpected request from me, who would have guessed

never in a million years could I have foreseen this! /silly

here you go, the sillies! I freestyled their designs, but I think they came out really well and I’m actually really proud of these!

Idk I just think they are cute! And I really like how joel’s hair came out in particular, I might use that on my main design! And thank you sm for the asks these guys are just so silly this was really fun to draw. Plus one more vote for biggri nation yay!

some frames I drew for a boat boys animatic that never was

I’m really proud of how these two specifically came out. The second one is a how they died each time in double life and the first is just em dancing.

edit: I also forgot this one:

Joel was there two but I accidentally deleted the layer I drew him on

doodle page of Joel Torreto!

CW: blood. Also he kinda looks like someone maced him in the eyes lol

Last life Joel one of my many beloveds (the other beloveds are every other Joel era). Unstable wizard man I miss you.

The song lyric is from Jeremy by Pearl Jam!! As soon as I have more time to art, I wanna make more pieces based on specific songs because ohoho do I have thoughts.

bean man in wonderland I forgor why I drew this I am very eepy rn also first time watermarking with my new url yippee

POV you take the phrase spill the tea way to literally. Idiot/aff.

He’s so wild like wild life btw I’m still insane about wild life Joel win will talk more later I just came up with a great pun about being bi wanna hear it? Too late here it is: the ‘bi’ in bisexual/biromantic doesn’t stand for two it stands for ‘whatever your gender is, it’s fine bi me’ hahaha did you laugh I can make that joke cause I’m bi I probably shouldn’t post when I’m sleep deprived. Time lord Bdubs or whtvr he calls himself when he is supreme ruler of clocks beds and eepyness would be so disappointed and I cant possibly disappoint bdubs so I’m gonna go schreep or however you spell out what he says.

@sc0rpain I really like your fic Go Anywhere but Here

Late night at the convenience store with the biromantic block people

(Click for better quality tumblr fed it through a paper shredder)

btw I’m still Really Normal about wild life Joel win

Also I have so many thoughts about card symbolism. The guy whose entire gimmick sounded like a very unsubtle mafia family won the casino themed death games lol. Also I maybe want to do a piece that’s a sort of sequel piece to this one because in hearts (real card game btw) the queen of spades is the worst card to have unless you are trying to shoot the moon. Which. Double life symbolism stuff hahahah I’m really normal about well all of this really I love all the life series.

This is for Han specifically (oh my gosh you have no idea how many tries it took to spell specifically lol). Shadowbeans marriage! I decided that they should both wear dresses because dresses are more fun to draw and also I kind of suck at drawing suits.

Sigh… I miss empires. Big fish wife and tiny clay husband.

I’ve been working on this drawing for a while and was planning to do a background but kinda lost patience with it lol so uhh here

It for a story I have in my head that is somewhere in the space between an au and headcannons about winner Joel. Also it was really fun imagining what sort of pajamas c!joel would wear. My favorite part is the fuzzy socks, and also yes those are *technically* his swim trunks but whatever he seems like he would wear swim trunks to bed anyway lol. It’s meant to be like him waking back up on Hermitcraft after he won. If anyone is interested in hearing about this au/complicated series of headcannons I will happily ramble!

everyone better compliment me I’m looking at u person reading this I was gonna demand you all notice one specific part but actually I’m proud of all of this. Also he has a Mohawk because Risi is obsessed with bald Joel and I like drawing him with long hair so compromise! /sily also Mohawk oriental-cyberpunk Joel is cool as heck. Also the crown says wild life but tumblr killed the quality.

Deity Joel from empires s2 with a trans flag please?

Omg anon I was so excited that I got an ask I totally speedran this drawing lol

Anyway wooohoo!!! Everyone go vote Joel in the @transmcytshowdown!!!!

it’s uhh Joel in a wedding dress

I cannot for the life of me remember why I drew this uhhh I was possessed okay?

maybe next Lizzie in a suit and they can get married once more

Yours being hypnotized woOOooooOOo votejoelvotejoelvotejoel woOoOoOOooOoo are you convinced yet? WoooOOoOoOo votejoelvotejoelvotevotejoelvotejoel…. You wanna vote Joel right?

Please vote Joel. I’ve never really done poll propaganda before, but send me an ask showing that you voted for him, and I’ll draw you a thing!

also: see if you can guess who wrote the really long project-y trans Joel propaganda. Wink wink it was me wink wink really obvious wink winking

Joel Smallishbeans:

Submitted for: Hermitcraft, Third Life, Last Life, Double Life, Limited Life, Secret Life, Wild Life, Empires SMP Season 1, Empires SMP Season 2

Headcanons: Transmasc, he/they; Trans man, he/him; Genderfluid, any pronouns; Trans masc, it/he/she; Transmasc Genderfluid, he/any; Identity not specified, they/he

Propaganda: “He’s just a silly little terracotta man with only a vague understanding of human gender he tries to impersonate but fails at.”

“Lizzie and Joel are a t4t bi4bi couple in [the submitter’s] heart. Lizzie transfem (she/her) Joel transmasc+gender fluid (he/any).”

“Basically anywhere you see him. Just like, the constant ‘Ooh i'm so manly, the manliest, I’m so tall and strong and handsome,’ and always insisting that he’s really tall despite being super short and the way his voice will sometimes get all high and squeaky these are all very transmasc coded things. He’s one of us, okay, he’s got the vibes, trust, he’s got our humor. Every time he goes mining on Hermitcraft there is always a caption that’s like ‘straight white male mining content’ which is more of his constant need to assert how macho and manly he is and in double life he says he’s not going to get in the pool cause he’s ‘ashamed of his Minecraft body’ which is very trans behavior. He’s got that confidence he can wear a dress for mcc and still know he’s a man which is very transmasc cause other men just got handed it, but we afab men have to look at masculinity and go ‘yeah that’s me’ and then make sure everyone knows it like that’s how you know being trans isn’t a choice because men kinda suck and I still went out and actively was like um guys I’m actually a man sorry. Some days he’s cool with just throwing gender norms out the window and some days he feels the need to yell for the whole world and the next couple galaxies as well to hear that he’s DeFiNiTeLy NoT WeArInG a CoRsEt GeM. Can you tell [the submitter’s] projecting? Cause [they’re] projecting. You can pry this headcanon out of [their] cold dead hands lol.”

“He has fluctuating chest dysphoria so sometimes he doesn't bind and sometimes he does. His bad dysphoria days are rare enough that he's not gonna bother with top surgery.”

“Transmasc Joel Smallishbeans is everything to [the submitter] and [the submitter] like[s] to think that forming the bad boys is what made him plug the tv back on and turn the brightness to the max, like he went ‘Oh we’re bad boys?? Guess I’m finally a boy now!”

“Nonbinary bad boy Joel except he is not a boy.”

Marma1ade:

Submitted for: Server not specified

Headcanons: Transfem, she/her

Propaganda: “Transfem Marma1ade is my special headcanon [the submitter] think[s] [they’ve] shared with. Two people?? But she is very beloved to [them].”

“[The submitter] think[s] if asked about her gender, she'd just be like "yeah I’m trans" but everyone including her has got WAY more important things to worry about than gender so only like 3 people know.”

hey guys who likes wild life *raises hand* I mean really likes it, loves it in fact *raises hand even higher, stands on tippy toes for how high I’m raising my hand* no I mean like loves it is obsessed with it it is your pride and joy *falls over from how high I am raising my hand, stands back up and goes to space with how high I’m raising my hand* yeah but can you prove it by spending 5 hours rendering grass to be almost entirely covered up? *me: bet*

First of all thank you boat boys discord and especially Risi for sponsoring this drawing lol and by sponsoring I mean loudly proclaiming the virtues of gribeans in my immediate vicinity. Anyway yeah they are meant to be standing in front of the bam hill with the wings blocking the top and the sun just peaking over them. Also the words on the explosion are lyrics from the song Don’t You Dare Forget the Sun by Get Scared which inspired the poses

Anyway as soon as I figure out how to draw cars it’s all over for you guys I will project my very specific vision that is essentially a combination of danger days good omens and back to the future onto you all I have so many thoughts!!!!! I will elaborate in the future, I will elaborate so much that you will say “Ian, shut up with your elaborating” and also I have an au based on session seven planned because the superpowers happened to coincide with an overly complex magic system I’ve been developing for about five months now lol slowly in the background. Also maybe an animatic if I can figure that out maybe possibly don’t hold me to that…? At least I know no one will take the song I’m planning to use in the meantime lol because the MCR and trafficblr fandom overlap is fairly small.

smalletho demolition lovers au?

//CW: Blood

I mean it’s too perfect. Psychopathic bisexual demonic serial killer x depressed emo angelic weapons dealer? I couldn’t resist lol. if you want story context and/or to have a good cry, look up the lore to three cheers for sweet revenge by my chemical romance it’s beautiful and very very sad, which for MCR is also very very on brand. Anyway internet please validate me and my efforts I spent a really long time on this.

I’m really proud of this so I’m reblogging. Please give me validation not that I need it of course oh no I’m so handsome and smart and talented and humble I don’t need to ask for validation because I’m already the validest I’m only asking for it so that you guys can practice complimenting other, less confident people. You believe me.

hey guys who likes wild life *raises hand* I mean really likes it, loves it in fact *raises hand even higher, stands on tippy toes for how high I’m raising my hand* no I mean like loves it is obsessed with it it is your pride and joy *falls over from how high I am raising my hand, stands back up and goes to space with how high I’m raising my hand* yeah but can you prove it by spending 5 hours rendering grass to be almost entirely covered up? *me: bet*

First of all thank you boat boys discord and especially Risi for sponsoring this drawing lol and by sponsoring I mean loudly proclaiming the virtues of gribeans in my immediate vicinity. Anyway yeah they are meant to be standing in front of the bam hill with the wings blocking the top and the sun just peaking over them. Also the words on the explosion are lyrics from the song Don’t You Dare Forget the Sun by Get Scared which inspired the poses

Anyway as soon as I figure out how to draw cars it’s all over for you guys I will project my very specific vision that is essentially a combination of danger days good omens and back to the future onto you all I have so many thoughts!!!!! I will elaborate in the future, I will elaborate so much that you will say “Ian, shut up with your elaborating” and also I have an au based on session seven planned because the superpowers happened to coincide with an overly complex magic system I’ve been developing for about five months now lol slowly in the background. Also maybe an animatic if I can figure that out maybe possibly don’t hold me to that…? At least I know no one will take the song I’m planning to use in the meantime lol because the MCR and trafficblr fandom overlap is fairly small.

hey guys who likes wild life *raises hand* I mean really likes it, loves it in fact *raises hand even higher, stands on tippy toes for how high I’m raising my hand* no I mean like loves it is obsessed with it it is your pride and joy *falls over from how high I am raising my hand, stands back up and goes to space with how high I’m raising my hand* yeah but can you prove it by spending 5 hours rendering grass to be almost entirely covered up? *me: bet*

First of all thank you boat boys discord and especially Risi for sponsoring this drawing lol and by sponsoring I mean loudly proclaiming the virtues of gribeans in my immediate vicinity. Anyway yeah they are meant to be standing in front of the bam hill with the wings blocking the top and the sun just peaking over them. Also the words on the explosion are lyrics from the song Don’t You Dare Forget the Sun by Get Scared which inspired the poses

Anyway as soon as I figure out how to draw cars it’s all over for you guys I will project my very specific vision that is essentially a combination of danger days good omens and back to the future onto you all I have so many thoughts!!!!! I will elaborate in the future, I will elaborate so much that you will say “Ian, shut up with your elaborating” and also I have an au based on session seven planned because the superpowers happened to coincide with an overly complex magic system I’ve been developing for about five months now lol slowly in the background. Also maybe an animatic if I can figure that out maybe possibly don’t hold me to that…? At least I know no one will take the song I’m planning to use in the meantime lol because the MCR and trafficblr fandom overlap is fairly small.

hey guys back from the dead sorry I haven’t arted in a while I’ve got like a million different pieces and projects that I’m like half finished with but uhh in the meantime, here have a doodle of emo Joel ig. Also that recreation of the 3 cheers cover art on his shirt took forever lol.

ramble under cutvvv

I saw that he had Welcome to the Black Parade on his feel good music playlist, and. Joel. You know what that song is about right? You know right? Right? /silly but yea so I drew this ig um also he’s singing because I was watching his latest ep on Hermitcraft while drawing and he both made another song (yay!!!! And it was a parody of the brobecks as well who I know. Dallon Weekes is an overachiever lol. Panic! At the Disco, The Brobecks, and I DON’T KNOW HOW BUT THE FOUND ME ? Three banger bands? lol I actually saw idk how live recently, it was my first time going to a concert, and it was awesome) and also played another pop song during his timelapse, and so this is propaganda that the next song he either parodies or plays during a timelapse should be MCR. Please Joel Smallishbeans do this it would be like the greatest thing ever. I mean it’s fine if you don’t, I also enjoy the pop music I am being educated in pop and I’m enjoying it. I just. I really want a Joel cover of an MCR song I would listen to that forever and ever lol you have no idea. Collision of my interests like the social collision line at hot topic and okay now I’m getting cringe bye guys back to the grave to continue working on my million bajillion projects!!

Hey guys so I, surprise surprise, have a Joel playlist, but I’ve somehow ended up in a competition with some other rando’s Etho playlist on how long our respective playlists are and I know that they know we’re competing because every time either our playlists get longer we trash talk each other in the descriptions, but their playlist just jumped to like 30-something hours, leaving mine in the dust, so I need your guys’ help finding enough songs to match them, so please reblog or comment with your fav Smallishbeans-core songs so that I can win this stupid competition lol. Also yes I have heard too many “____-measuring contest” jokes whenever I bring this up, so if everyone would ever so kindly please shut up about that, that would be much appreciated. /silly

*runs into room* GUYS! Guys guys guys guys! Look! *slips on my fuzzy socks (always a necessity) and slides past, falls, stands back up and walks over* look, okay, here me out: Joel smallishbeans Hollow Knight au

I’ve only got this drawing to argue my case with because I am terrible at video games and am stuck on the very first level so I know like literally none of the lore but when my neighbor who’s good at video games comes over and beats it for me you guys I’m gonna champion this au. The bug man will be a loner bug knight. Everything in hollow knight is bugs this game is perfect for this and also just an awesome game and despite starting yesterday and getting stuck it is now my second fav after legend of Zelda botw and totk (I count them as one game cause they are direct sequels) because it is so good.

I was thinking about the parallels between Etho and Joel in Limited Life and Wild Life. They need to meet. I need to know how they would react. I can’t decide if they would be best of friends or worst of enemies.

silly thing I drew

This is them. To me.

I’m loving this session’s never-before-seen levels of Joel patheticness/silly

Between family man Joel and tuff guy Etho…it’s like they literally switched places from limited life lol

I drew this because I am literally incapable of being normal about them interacting for any length of time.

This is just a silly doodle that I made mostly to express my absolute love for the moment when Etho compliments the gramophone and you can actively hear Joel taking damage trying to resist calling him old lol.

just two boys in boats, boying and boating.

That’s all! (Also I know the anatomy and stuff is real…funky, on this one, but idk life is short and I’ve kinda realized that people aren’t really going to react more positively if it’s more polished, so I figure that making everything look perfect isn’t really a great use of my time lol)

This would be a lot but is it possible we could do both the eras tour and do you want to tell a story?

First of all, I’m cracking up at the fact that people are using the silly names I came up for the different genres of zine, thank you. To people who are confused, anon is referring to this poll. To answer your question: I was actually just thinking about this! My plan is basically, given that currently the overwhelming majority of people want to do eras tour, that’s probably going to be the winning one, but, if too many people apply (and I’m still figuring out exactly what counts as too many, but the general idea is : more than the number of smp/worlds that Joel has done to art/write about, but that also depends on who wants to do what and a million other things and honestly it might come down to just looking at a number and then evaluating how much anxiety I feel about modding that many people) then rather than telling people no, we can have people who maybe are less interested in doing a piece based on canon work together to make a story! I’ve been doing some brainstorming on how things can work and how to make this zine the best possible experience for as many people as possible, so here is a vague plan for how things will work:

This next part is extremely important zine info!! Please read it!! I’m looking at you, person about to scroll past!! Read!!

-once we know how many people are going to be participating and who those people will be, we’ll try to get everyone together on a discord server so that I can contact everyone with ease. If you don’t have discord and can’t get it for whatever reason, we’ll do our best to allow you to still participate, but you may have less of a say on what sort of piece you’ll be doing. -From there, hopefully with the help of other mods, I’ll send out like a million bajillion polls (important note: I don’t know how discord works. Everything will be chaotic) to figure out what everyone wants to do, how much structure they want for their pieces, if they want to do something more collaborative or individual, etc, etc.

-Then, me and the other mods will get together and try to figure out a game plan for how everything is going to work. This zine is likely going to be very different from other zines people may have done in the past, because I’m hoping that we go in less with a specific vision of what the end product is going to look like and then assign everyone part of it to make, but rather we go in with just the plan of “let’s create something fun and interesting about this shared interest of ours” and the end result will be a chaotic but passionately made scrapbook of art and writing dedicated to this weird little guy on the internet who makes us laugh and smile and inspires us to create. I’m being very vague, so here’s an example of how I’m kinda envisioning the process to work:

okay, we have X amount of people, and Y amount of them want to do a Joel eras tour zine. A bunch of people want to do a piece for this one thing, and none of them said they were against working with others and many said they were for it, so we’ll offer them the option of doing a scarland-artbook style collaboration on this one thing. The remaining eras people mostly said that they weren’t really interested in collabing with anyone, and we’re not seeing any major conflicts on who wants to do what, so they should be set. Z amount of the people remaining want to work on a story together, and many of them expressed that they had an idea for what to write/draw, so we’ll work with them to figure out the general plot, and make sure that it still stays connected to Joel. There are a few people who don’t really know what they want to work on, or would like to know the options before making a decision, so we’ll work with them to find something their interested in contributing to.

Then we’ll have a mod to monitor each group to help them stay on track within the scope of the zine, and it is my hope that things should be very collaborative for those who are interested in that and open to that, and that its an enjoyable experience and an opportunity to meet other people interested in the same thing.

this doesn’t mean that 100% we’ll be able to do both, but (and this is a little bit personal bias cause I’m definitely most interested in do you want to tell a story) if enough people there are interested in that, then we’ll do our best to make it happen!

-mod Dinn

very important official zine stuff for real this time guys please spread this around

we realized we haven’t asked you what you want this zine to be, so here is poll with some different options for things we could do, but this still won’t set things in stone cause we’re aware that we’re working with a relatively small albeit amazing awesome and extremely appreciated audience, but it’ll give us a good idea for what direction you want the zine to go in.

some examples of what we mean for added coherence, please read before voting unless you wanna be like that guy in the Simpsons movie:

an eras tour zine (yes this is a Taylor swift joke shut up if you’re judging us you’re wrong) would be like different pieces dedicated to each, for lack of a better word, “thing” that Joel has done. @/inthelittlezine is a great example of this concept, except the mod has far better organizational skills than we ever could hope to

tourism brochure would be like we pick a specific thing Joel, such as esmp 1 or 2, or x life, or one of his hardcore/survival worlds (I haven’t listed Hermitcraft season 10 cause that’s still in progress but if you guys really really wanna, that too), and make an in universe guide to it expanding upon the lore and characters and builds and stuff. @/scarland-artbook is an amazing example of this, though of course we would be a much smaller scale of a project.

do you wanna tell a story? Or ride our bikes around the halls? We can’t help with the second one, we’re not very sporty people, but this option is both the most difficult and dangerous to the success of the zine, and the one that intrigues me specifically the most. Like, guys, I know I’m polling this, but I’m secretly hoping that this one wins. Like all the hoping. Ever. But I’m not gonna just say yeah let’s do this because if like only three people also wanna this zine will never get made and I will be really, really sad. This option is basically do we wanna take something Joel has done and work together to create an original universe/story based off of it, each contributing a small part of the story in comic or writing form. Unless you’ve been living under a rock and/or this post broke containment sorry if it did I assure I’m usually mostly sane, you probably know where I’m shamelessly stealing taking inspiration from. We heart you @/hotguycomiczine. If we went with this we would obviously create our own universe and storyline, and we’d try to base it off of one of Joel’s characters if possible. Also, if we went with this, we’d start the mod and application process and stuff and once we knew everyone who was going to be in the zine then we’d all get together and start working on the story, and this is the part I’m worried about because if we’re all stumped then I guess the zine is out of luck and I’d be sad. Also even if we did do this, like preemptively temper your expectations I am no where near as good as the legends at hotguycomiczine at organization and promotion and story writing and all that good stuff. However, if you have an idea for a story and want to share, send us an ask cause we might just end up using it.

I think the last two are mostly self explanatory.

please reblog for reach.