Julian Morrow - Blog Posts

The Secret History

“Beauty is terror. Whatever we call beautiful, we quiver before it.”

“I prefer to think of it, he had said, as redistribution of matter.”

“It is is better to know one book intimately than a hundred superficially.”

“In short: I felt my existence was tainted, in some subtle but essential way.”

“Anything is grand if it's done on a large enough scale.”

“Forgive me, for all the things I did but mostly the ones i did not.”

“There is nothing wrong with the love of Beauty. But Beauty - unless she is wed to something more meaningful - is always superficial.”

Totally didn't make this like a year ago but posting it just now what definitely nott

You know how Julian says the divine comedy is incomprehensible to someone who isn’t a christian; the secret history doesn’t make sense if you don’t read it as Richard Papen. To truly appreciate the book you must be Richard as long as you read it.

She was born to play Judy Poovey if you even care

Richard Papen in The Secret History be like: is Henry gay? Is Julian gay? Is Francis gay? Am I gay?

I am gonna take a break from TSH. Although it was because of that I started this blog. I have been very burned out with that book. I cleaned out my drafts. For the past three years of hyper-fixation made me learn about so many things. I have changed my opinions so much since I made my first post and it made me realise how you not only mature in age but also in your ideas about certain topics and characters.

It won't probably be my final post about TSH, I want to return to it a few years later to see it in a retrospective lens opposed to the rose-tinted one I wore when I completed the book for the first time.

My current thoughts on the characters;

Henry: loved him at first and I love him still. But for different reasons. I loved him when I first read the book because I was too in love with his character to realise the type of person he was. Even agreeing on his terrible decisions (ex: killing Bunny, bacchanal, etc...) but now I love him because he is so unhinged and terrible like the many morally grey/evil characters we all love.

Richard: for some reason I thought he was a good person who got wrapped in all this shit and wasn't bad. Now I think Richard is equally responsible for the tragedy by not reporting a murder and by being an actual accomplice to murder.

Camilla: my thoughts on her have changed the least. At first I used to think she was just the nicest of them. And then it changed to--- she is hiding a secret dark side or more layers we don't get to see.

Francis: I thought he was also the nicest, next to Camilla because he doesn't take any problematic actions. But it is his inability to take actions of his own that makes him bad. Although I still think he is underrated and often misunderstood

Charles: I couldn't stand Charles at first. And I can't just justify everything he did cuz he is terrible. It's just he is often used as a scapegoat to make Henry look better which I hate. He's a menace yes, but so is Henry!!!!!

Julian: I don't have a lot to say cuz we rarely see him. All I can say is he is not the mastermind of the whole story. He's a John Keating gone wrong example.

Bunny: my thoughts on Bunny have changed the most. From HATING him to feeling sympathy and even bad for him. I still won't agree he is somehow the best person out there, cuz he is definitely not. Bunny is hated to an extent that he doesn't deserve. And ounce and for all, he didn't deserve to die (I take back what I said about him in the past)

Judy: ounce a queen 👑 always a queen 👑

So this is it. Thanks TSH for being the bane and reason for my existence since the pandemic.

~ 🕊️

TSH but after Bunny's death, the rest of the gang start receiving mysterious messages about their secrets.

Like the twins are sleeping together, they killed the farmer, Richard isn't rich, Francis and Charles have a thing, they tried to escape jail by going to South America, Richard knew about the farmer but kept quiet, Henry and Camilla are secretly involved, Henry tried to kill Bunny with poison mushrooms, Henry and Julian's little kiss, Julian knew about the bacchanal etc.

At first they got these messages, they kept it to themselves. Finding letters and notes in their bags, pockets and books. They kept it to themselves until they went to Bunny's funeral.

And there one of Bunny's nephews runs to them and gives Henry a note addressed to them in a familiar handwriting.

"Did you think you got me buried under the snow? That you got rid of me? I am not gone bitches, I am still here, and I know everything.

- Kisses, B"

I want to see a TSH pov but from

✨ Julian's Version ✨

Julian knew about the bacchanal yes but he clearly had no idea that the farmer and Bunny were killed by the others, that's why he left immediately cuz he couldn't deal with the truth and the responsibility. Throughout the book he is confused about where all his students are and what they are doing, why they are acting like that. I just want to see him spiral as he figures things out. To see what they have become. Because of him.

(also I am just interested in Julian, like what was his deal? What was he doing all day? The book didn't have enough Julian. I wanted to know him better)

Julian: where's Bunny?

Richard: doing stuff

Julian: where's Henry?

Richard: trying to stop Bunny from doing stuff

Julian: where is Charles?

Richard: trying to stop Henry from stopping Bunny from doing stuff

Julian: Camilla?

Richard: trying to stop Charles from stopping Henry from stopping Bunny from doing stuff

Julian, sighs: let me guess Francis is stopping Camilla?

Richard: no, he got tired of all this, drank a lot of vodka and took a nap

Julian: then why pray are you here?

Richard: I am trying to stop you from stopping Camilla from stopping Charles, from stopping Henry from stopping Bunny from doing stuff.

Julian: I can't believe I pay the college for shit like this....

I don't know about other characters but if there was a TSH adaptation on screen (which I hope is directed and written by Donna herself) then my fancast for Julian is Steve Carrel.

Julian is charismatic and friendly, all knowing or at least seeming so, a talker, a mystic type of person. He isn't young but has young features and greying hair but still handsome. He is supposed to make you want to listen to him all the time and Steve Carrel just exudes that energy.

Julian: Henry, what's the ONE thing I told you NOT to do EVER?

Henry: kill someone

Julian: And what did you do?

Henry: I killed someone

Julian:

Man literally left after he found out his students killed someone ☠️☠️☠️☠️

He's not gonna clean this mess

I read your theory!!!!! It was very well researched and well written <3 <3

I could never do that much research tbh 😂😂😂

So this might seem a bit "naive" when I try to use the argument of not liking the theory just because it doesn't sit right with me personally.

I have also written a theory about Richard lying about things to a degree that he might have made everything up. (He's like a self insert Y/N lol)

I am not Christian or know much about religion either way to comment on those types of things.

All I know from what I understood from the text is:

Bunny knew Henry was after him, he was completely paranoid about that. Him and Henry have a very complicated relationship that we see very little of.

To me Henry pushing Bunny will always be important--- cuz the idea of Bunny watching Henry kill him is just heartbreaking.

Bunny considered Henry his best friend, he loved him.

To see someone you care about so much END your life is tragic. Especially since Bunny wanted to live; he wanted to live forever. He wasn't even dead for ages, so he was lying there in the snow and if he could process things and think. Imagine how he must feel when his best friend killed him!!!!

Richard and Bunny have limited interactions and I do not find their dynamic as compelling as Richard and Henry's is. Richard spent more time with the rest of the friends than he did with Bunny.

Despite knowing Richard has more hand in the story, I still am in the minority of people who actually do NOT want Richard to have an active role.

I like how things are from his POV, he is so basic and normal (to a degree)

He's basically the audience surrogate; reacting rather than doing things actively for story to advance.

And I just prefer Richard that way!

This isn't trying to retract from your theory btw! I love when people have their own theories and discussions it's very fun to see and argue about.

I don't like that particular theory for personal reasons, but I did enjoy reading yours!

It must have taken ages 😭😭😭😭😭 (my old theories are still in the drafts lol)

Am I the only one who hates the "Richard pushed Bunny theory" (⁠*⁠_⁠*⁠)

I feel like it takes away sooo much from Bunny and Henry's friendship/relationship

Richard pushing Bunny does NOT have the same impact as Henry, Bunny's best friend pushing him to death.

Ik we want Richard to be more involved in the story but we don't have to take away from the huge implications behind Bunny's death at the hand of his FRIENDS

Richard just came into Bunny's life. Henry knew Bunny for years and was the closest to him in the group. I would rather someone he knew for years betraying him than a person who's barely a friend to him 🤷🏻‍♀️

Honestly, Francis and Richard would vibe so much with "The Tortured Poet's Department"-----

The Greek Class didn't destroy Richard, he brought that on himself.

He chose to be destroyed and I am sure a part of him wanted to be.

He's the type of person who wants to be different, to be admired, to be apart from normal people.

That's why he tried to get in the Greek class in the first place even when Julian rejected him ounce, he wanted to be with the elites, to be exclusive.

Richard does show remorse for his actions at times but that doesn't mean he didn't find it thrilling.

He wanted an adventure, to see a tragedy, to be part of something dramatic and exciting. He was bored in his little town, around distant parents and normal friends.

He has always felt like he was above other people and he does look down on others who don't understand or follow his ideals.

His idolization of the Greek class is the reason he got destroyed, he was blinded by the opportunity to be included and accepted by them that he didn't look back at the mistakes he made for them.

Richard's story is a cautionary tale about foregoing your sanity and ethics for a broken, one sided friendship. They used him again and again, he did everything for them. Never questioning what he was really doing.

In the end, he was never a part of their group.

He was just there.

Completed Chapter 3! My heart isn't ready for what's coming 💀

I am finding so many little details about Henry's personality!

Conclusion: bitch is crazy 😧

I hope I complete the re-read anyhow in June, cuz Pride Month y'all, this book is so gay 🌈

Read from page 90 to 112 ☠️

I wish I could read for longer but my habit is dying away~~~

There are so many details in this one book that it makes complete sense why Donna Tartt took a decade to write it

I can analyse it for a decade and still not understand everything and know every detail 😭😭😭😭

Finally started my TSH re-read after a lot of procrastination!

I read until page 90, I was also taking running notes and making small annotations so it took more time than usual

I didn't want to forget any details I wanted to highlight for when I start the essay

Here are some notes I made while reading (only about Henry)

I find Henry hilarious for some reason while the entire time I was making observations on him

He's so dumb in a smart way! 😭

My exams are going to be OVER tomorrow. Gonna finally start on the essays!

Since Henry won, "The Obsession With Morally Grey" will be done in a few weeks after the re-read!

Just felt like I haven't re-read TSH in a while. So I wondered if I could write a full blown essay (not really, more like a brief analysis) on the characters from TSH.

I might not even end up writing them but I would like to know which characters people are most interested in learning in-depth about.

There's so much to say about this story that no one can ever stop analysing it. If Donna took 10 years to complete it, there must be so much we can discuss about it!!!

I will try to write a detailed analysis when I have the time to re-read TSH (studying for exams, writing a book and reading "The Bell Jar" and "Pet Sematary" for the 1st time lol)

I hope this will inspire people to make more post abt TSH theories/analysis/thoughts (been tired with the regular mood boards and quotes)

(PS: "Looking Through The Male Gaze" for Camilla is about Richard's gaze, not Donna Tartt's)

Just felt like I haven't re-read TSH in a while. So I wondered if I could write a full blown essay (not really, more like a brief analysis) on the characters from TSH.

I might not even end up writing them but I would like to know which characters people are most interested in learning in-depth about.

There's so much to say about this story that no one can ever stop analysing it. If Donna took 10 years to complete it, there must be so much we can discuss about it!!!

I will try to write a detailed analysis when I have the time to re-read TSH (studying for exams, writing a book and reading "The Bell Jar" and "Pet Sematary" for the 1st time lol)

I hope this will inspire people to make more post abt TSH theories/analysis/thoughts (been tired with the regular mood boards and quotes)

(PS: "Looking Through The Male Gaze" for Camilla is about Richard's gaze, not Donna Tartt's)

Donna Tart: *writes a book about how bad romanticism and obsession is*

Me: *romanticises and obsesses over that book*

TSH New Years headcanon (after the epilogue)

Richard's POV

By the time Camilla and I arrived at the balcony of his house; Francis as expected was already lounging on the sofa, with a glass of red wine in his hand and looking at the dark sky twinkling with stars.

He barely acknowledged us as we sat down opposite each other, Camilla put down the box of Macrons she had bought as a gift and I opened the bottle of champagne I had bought.

Without a glance he shook his now empty glass towards me and made me pour some for him first.

"Do you not feel cold? Shouldn't you at least put a sweater on?" Camilla asked him in a concerned tone

"I was trying to die from frost bite" Francis chuckled, "I was joking" he added to me when I raised an eyebrow.

"It's ten minutes till twelve" I looked at my watch "what plan do you have for new years?"

"I have stopped caring about plans since the time Henry ended up dying"

Camilla and I exchanged looks, her lips twitched and she avoided eye-contact with me. Perhaps she too felt the same emptiness Francis seemed to be feeling. After all before I met them, they already celebrated New Years together with the others. But this year too Charles, Henry and Bunny were gone.

"How is Charles?" I asked Camilla, not really expecting an answer

She shrugged "I have no idea. He sent back the Christmas card I sent him. But he did take the money I left it in"

"Of course he did" Barked Francis, he sat up straighter to look us in the eyes for the first time

"And Julian? Do you know where he is?" I asked Francis this time, ounce again not expecting any answer

"Who the fuck cares about him now? I don't. He is probably in some private college, trying to recreate another Greek tradegy"

"I heard he is doing a world tour" Camilla said "He is currently in the Caribbean"

"I hope he dies there" Francis said bitterly

After Julian ditched our side when we needed him, we had stopped caring about him like he did to us. I did keep up with his news, despite his deeds he was still quite fascinating to me.

"do you remember the first class you had with Julian?" Francis asked me

"yes, I do" I could never forget that first class, no matter what

"What was the question Julian asked at the end of the class?"

"And if beauty is terror" I said slowly remembering the exact words "then what is desire? We think we have many desires, but in fact we have only one. What is it?"

"To live," said Camilla

She was perched up on the sofa with a shawl covering her head; her nose and cheeks pink with cold.

"To live forever" corrected Francis "such an ironic thing for Bunny to say, isn't it?"

He then poured the three of us more champagne.

"Here's to the New Year" he said more brightly, raising a toast "To live forever"

"To live forever" repeated Camilla and I, as we clicked the glasses together, the fireworks started.

Another year went by and we remained stuck in the past. This year, we will move on. That was my new year's resolution.

(I wish I could write better 🫠. But here's to a new year "To live forever")

TSH Holiday season Headcanons (adjusted timeline):

Bunny dressed up as Santa and gave Francis, Henry, Charles and Camilla handcuffs (Richard wondered what exactly was it's purpose, kinky or metaphorical)

Camilla and Henry baked a Rum and Champagne flavoured cake

Richard dug snow for two hours in front of Dr. Roland's office and tricked him into getting 1k for it. (He then spent all of it in expensive gifts for the other four and Julian)

Francis watched old movies while drinking and smoking from dawn to dusk

Charles and Camilla made a snowman outside their house

Bunny and Henry had a fun (& angry) snowball fight

Camilla and Richard went to the Christmas market to buy goodies

Judy Poovey gave Richard a nice suit for the party and let him keep it (Judy! Bless her!)

Richard dropped by Francis's and had a lunch consisting of only drinking (and a Maraschino cherry or two)

Henry gave Richard his old books as a gift ("I am sorry I didn't have time to buy something better" "Henry....these are first edition copies! Isn't this enough?" "But it's second handed" "FIRST EDITION COPIES!")

Julian threw a big party for the class and invited his famous friends to it (Richard was wrecked when some Californians asked him about his dad's oil business)

Bunny kept asking Richard why his gifts were so "cheap". Henry and Francis were burning with rage

Henry doesn't like the holiday season but obliged to go to only Julian's party

Charles got wasted and slept in Julian's bathroom (you know how mad Henry would be at him for that)

Bunny took a lot of pictures of Charles in a bathtub wearing a Santa hat for their New Year's greeting crads

Francis and Camilla went home together to watch Christmas movies

Bunny and Richard carried Charles home (Henry was apologising to Julian, who thought passing out drunk is the holiday spirit)

Then all of the gang played charades together (Camilla won, Francis was second, Bunny and Richard were okay and Henry lost by a landslide. Charles was sleeping on the couch humming "Jingle bells")

As the winter approaches I think back to the time Richard Papen tried to stay without a heater or proper roof at the hippie's house during the cold winter of Vermont.

If that isn't peak Californian behaviour, I don't know what is.

Also, the irony of Richard being saved by Henry WINTER is so funny.

Henry was so nice to him during this time because he was trying to indoctrinate Richard into their group further, before revealing the murder they all did and getting him in their side instead of Bunny's. Although my heart wants it to be a genuine friendship between the two. Richard was never truly friends with them, at the least not with Henry. He was used by Henry again and again, whether it be doing small chores, keeping secrets, trying to frame Richard with the poisonous mushrooms and so on.

Richard was fucked the moment he stumbled upon the twins, Bunny and Henry in the library.

How much do you think Richard lied about the story?

Because I think he was lying about a LOT of stuff. I do not trust words that come from this man. He is sus.

Since he is talking about the past, it could all be misunderstandings and blurry memories (he was high half of the time) Or it could be just lies.

My favourite headcanon is that Richard was writing a book about his college life. He is a bit delusional and grandiose so when he went to college, he expected to have this main character vibe going on. But his college life was as normal as any of ours and he was disappointed. So, he tried to live vicariously through a book, which he wrote as an "autobiography" (he literally starts the book with "this is a story of my follies"). Richard is telling us, the reader, "his" story. He is acknowledging it as a "real" story. But that too is a lie. Richard made it all up. All the characters were written by him.

That's why Camilla was portrayed as an angel, she is the heroine, his damsel in distress, love interest. Henry was the mythical Jay Gatsby to Richard's Nick Carraway. Henry was someone he could obsess over and idolise. Francis is the gay one, he is another 'kind of' love interest, he is always making passes at Richard, he is snarky and a bit grumpy, that's his entire character. Charles is the mean villain, he is abusing Camilla and committing incest, his existence makes all of them appear better than they are. Bunny was homophobic to a degree that didn't make any sense, he was in a fucking Greek class and was friends with all these people with major gay vibes, what did he expect? If Bunny was sympathetic, we wouldn't have accepted the murder so quickly. And Julian is Julian, he is so out of reach and ethereal; depicted as a type of teacher we would love to have, the story's John Keating.

Now when we come to the ending. The only one who gets to live a "normal" life and has any success (at least graduating college) was Richard. Yeah, Camilla turned him down and all but, he doesn't seem that mad about it (he admitted he loved Henry too, which gives major Nick Carraway vibes) He doesn't really face any consequences of what they all did (he is an accomplice to murder after all)

Camilla is traumatised, she is still in love with Henry and he fucking died in front of her. Her relationship with Charles is ruined and that would be traumatising as well.

Francis is forced to stay in the closet with no choice in the person he dates. And he almost dies of a suicide because of that. He is done with life.

Charles tried rehab but then ran away with a woman in her 30s that was married. His life is a complete mess and he has no contact with his old friends or sister.

Henry commited suicide and Bunny was murdered by his own friends.

Out of all these situations, Richard was the lucky one. He still has ties to Camilla and Francis and they still are kind of friends. He graduated and got a job. He dates one of the most popular girls at college and moves in with her for some time. He is doing something in his life.

In the end, Richard got the best of all of them. Maybe because that's just his real life. He doesn't have a crazy backstory. He doesn't have a huge personality. He doesn't have many connections to these characters. He gets the best ending. He is always the outsider. He is the narrator. He is a liar. He is a storyteller.

It's Richard's world, we are all just living in it.

(I know this theory is not at all true. Donna Tartt was not going for it to be like this. But I find the idea of Richard faking the entire book for his own entertainment and delusion, fascinating. And it's even plausible because of his personality)

Just imagine if TSH happened in the present day. The afterward would be just Richard going to his desk job with four hours of sleep and revealing he was writing an OC self-insert fanfiction about a modern Greek tragedy in AO3.

(okay, this turned out so funny. I get Richard, I want to escape from my boring life with writing too)

I just realised how much I disliked Bunny (on my first read) because of his personality and not any of the others who ended up killing him.

We all collectively agreed

"I can excuse murder, but I draw the line at homophobia"

"You can excuse murder?"

Some happy TSH Headcanons:

Henry and Bunny bonded because they are both flat-earthers (sometimes they like to talk about it in front of Francis just to annoy him)

Camilla likes to grow flowers and Henry helps her in gardening.

Bunny likes to throw surprise birthday parties for his friends (they end up paying the bill).

Charles and Francis do role-play when they are bored.

Richard likes reading books a lot and since he isn't able to afford many, Henry gives him all his old copies.

Francis goes to Richard whenever he is sick ("I think I have Cholera" "You don't have Cholera, Francis")

Camilla and Francis bake together, they like gossiping about boys.

Charles calls Richard whenever he is drunk since no one else picks his phone (they know better).

Francis brought a house in Paris, he visits art galleries and boutiques.

Francis and Richard remain good friends despite their distances.

Camilla is secretly Julian's favourite student.

Bunny has a key to Henry's house because he sleeps there when Marion is mad at him.

Charles loves Champagne icecream, Camilla loves apricots (idk why but she looks like an apricot girlie)

Henry bought a Gucci bag for Francis's birthday ("Damnit Henry" "Why, I think it's rather grand!!!" )

Charles and Camilla have similar tastes in fashion, they buy their clothes together.

Henry keeps a detailed account of his every interaction with Julian.

Richard often forgets to eat, so Camilla always keeps something for him.

Henry respects Francis and considers him to be smarter than him at times.

First time reading The Secret History: A tragedy

Re-reading The Secret History: A comedy

I was laughing so hard when Bunny asked Henry what they all were doing up there, and FREAKING Henry Winter just says "Why, looking for new ferns"

He didn't have to say anything to Bunny. But Henry had to be dramatic before pushing his "best friend" to his death didn't he?

Henry Winter had a chance to be poetic and he was.

Re-read TSH.....AGAIN

Here are some weird/wtf/sad moments and details I had forgotten:

•Henry wrote a diary entry about murdering a guy 🤨.

•then forgets that Bunny is capable enough to translate the diary entries and find out about the murder.

•Richard has a random thought about r-wording Camilla out of nowhere (*What the fuck Richard vine plays in the background*) 😳.

•The first time Richard sees the twins he thinks they are a couple..........hmm (I was sus about that from the start) 😶.

•Richard had two pages of internal monologue about Henry being gay.

•There was broken stuff in the twins dorm, which was due to Charles trashing the house whenever he is mad at Camilla (FUCK CHARLES).

•Franics was making passes at Richard multiple times.

•Francis and Camilla kissed for some reason, twice.

•Richard only studied greek before to have a language class that's in the afternoon so he could sleep late in the morning (sometimes I feel like he survives only on pure instinct).

•Richard was constantly finassing his employer.

•Henry and Charles were ready to throw hands at Judy (do NOT touch the queen you freaks).

•Henry planned multiple murder options for Bunny (💫dumb ways to die💫).

•Richard had no problem being an accomplice in murder for people he barely knows.

•Bunny drops multiple hints about the murder the others did early on.

•Nobody tried to save Camilla way before if they knew Charles's controlling nature (Henry taking her away was the best thing he ever did).

•Camilla and Henry had secret telephone codes.

•Francis was forced to have a lavender marriage 😭.

•all of this shit went down during one academic year.

•Camilla's whole purpose was to give storylines to Henry, Charles and Richard. She deserved so much better than that. And I don't want her to ever stay around any of the guys of the group (except for Francis).

•Julian was blissfully aware of the obsessive nature of his students, and not only encouraged it but directly lit the fire that caused them to become who they are. (He tried to pull a John Keating from DPS, but he could NEVER be the Dark Academia teacher icon)

BONUS:

Tally of the members of the greek gang who have kissed eachother (NOT COUNTING THE BACCHANAL, where they all fucked.....Idk what happens in a bacchanal, I am too scared to research)

Camilla: 4 (Henry, Francis, Charles, Richard)

Francis: 3 (Charles, Camilla, Richard)

Richard: 2 (Francis, Camilla)

Charles: 2 (Francis, Camilla)

Henry: 1 (Camilla)

Bunny: 0 (RIP, I guess 😅)

Julian: I don't understand young people nowadays, all they ever do is drugs!!! Disgusting.

Richard: *after taking Coke, LSD, random pills, probably meth, and other drugs* I know right! Tell me about it!

Julian: so you killed two people?

Henry: you can justify anything, if you do it poetically enough

Francis *wishpers*: wrong fandom Henry.

Richard's unhinged energy is the most entertaining part for me beside the murders. Like the guy is an inspiration for chaotic people. He lies about his family life, pretends his rich father has business in oil (who irl has a petrol pump), lies to his part time employer to get money, goes on a 90s teen movie shopping spree, takes any free item from Judy, lies about going to a prep school, lives on a diet of wine and more wine, takes any pill anyone gives him, joins a cultish greek gang, lets Bunny die an aesthetically pleasing death and not to forget.....does cocaine in the parking lot of Burger King.