Lionesses X Reader - Blog Posts

it's not your fault | Mary Earps x reader

Summary; The qualifier match against the Netherlands didn’t go exactly to plan even though they won and everyone is feeling it when that final whistle blows, especially Mary as she captains her team for the first time and you make sure she doesn't fall too deep.

Pairings; Mary Earps x lioness reader

Words; 2.2k

Warnings; angst and sadness 

A/N; It broke my heart seeing Mary like that after the game, she did her absolute best and I hope she doesn’t take it too hard and keeps her head up for the next game. So I thought I would write something that gave her a bit of imaginary comfort and projected what I would have done in that situation with her. (Also as much as I love Fran I am replacing her with the reader because in this you are a midfielder as well and we have to make some changes in this fake scenario)

You had known Mary long enough to tell when she was nervous before a game, often sitting by herself quietly for a few minutes to collect her thoughts before joining the team and getting them pumped up. But today you could sense an extra level of worry and nerves flowing through her like never before. 

She had a right to be nervous, of course. The Netherlands were tough opponents and she was captaining the Lionesses for the first time with both Leah and Millie absent from the team. She took the role seriously and with pride from the moment Sarina asked her to captain the English side in these qualifiers, you were so very proud of your partner and excited to take the field under her leadership. But now she was starting to worry you. 

She had been quiet the whole day, stuck in her own head as she went over the tactics and game plans she had discussed with Sarina and the coaching staff over the past few days. You had tried talking to her all day and get her mind off the game for one second and enjoy the pre match activities with the team but it was no use. She politely brushed you off and you just knew there was no chance in getting her to relax so you let her be. 

But now as you were preparing to line up in the tunnel for the match, you knew you had to pull her aside for even just a second and try and get her out of her head. 

Mary had just delivered a beautiful and powerful speech to the entire team in the dressing room before they all began moving to the tunnel or the benches and readied to start the game, but before Mary could walk out you grabbed her wrist and pulled her silently to an empty hallway. 

“What are you doing? We have to go and line up.” Mary sighed as you came to a stop and leant against the wall, her standing in front of you. 

“Mary, I need you to listen to me carefully, okay?” You stood up straighter, placing your hands onto her face. She nodded silently in confusion and waited for you to begin. “I need you to know that whatever happens out there, whether it goes our way or not. It’s not only on you, okay?” You spoke sternly with strong eye contact, hoping the words make their way into her head and calm her down. “I’m so proud of you. You work so hard and you deserve to be captain today. But, I can tell that taking on this role has taken a toll on you for the past few days, and I want you to know that you’re not alone and I’m always here for you. You are my world and I love you and whatever happens in these next 90 minutes, I am doing it with you. And so are the rest of those girls who look at you with as admiration as I do.” You smiled sweetly as you finished, watching her visibly melt and relax. She lets the words process and pulls you into a tight hug. 

“Thank you.” Mary mumbled into your shoulder, squeezing you tight before pulling back and looking into your eyes. “I love you.” She puts her forehead on yours and breathes in deeply. After a few moments of silence you both pulled back, nodding your head back down the empty hallway that led to the tunnel and you began walking side by side towards the rest of the starting line up. 

Mary made her way to the front to take her place as number 1 and captain, while you stayed just further back as number 9 and stood between the Lauren’s with your mascot. While waiting to get called out, you watched the back of Mary’s head and hoped that your words were sticking in her head but also stayed focused on the game ahead. Once both national anthems had played and formalities were exchanged with the opposition, it was time to start, waiting for the whistle to blow and the game to begin. 

The beginning was looking promising, your side taking quick possession and having fantastic chances and shots at goal within the first ten minutes but nothing seemed to go in and the Dutch defence was strong. In the 11th minute the Dutch side regained possession, swiftly passing to Pelova down the right wing who took a shot towards Beerensteyn, Jess and Lucy were closing in on her but when they clashed they opened too much space. 

Mary was ready for her, prepared to block from the angle but the ball left Beerensteyn’s foot, passing through Jess’s legs and just going under Mary as she fell to block it but in the end it was an early goal for the Netherlands. 

Watching it happen from further back on the field, unable to do anything from your position in the midfield, sighing in defeat when the net rippled and Mary stayed down on the ground in devastation. When the second goal just slipped past Mary again, she was mad at herself and also her defenders who let Beerensteyn in again for a second time. You caught her eye from the midfield and you could feel the anger from here. “Calm down.” Was all you could mouth to her while the players all returned to their positions, Mary huffing and shaking her head as she stood in the goal.

 The first half ended and England were down two nil and so were their spirits, especially Mary who tried to stay positive for her teammates but it was hard to hide her feelings.

After refreshing themselves and pumping back up for a battle in the second half, ready to fight and take the lead before that final whistle. 

Only 12 minutes into the second half and Georgia had finally secured a goal for the English side, you being one of the first to run up and jump on her with excitement at her header. Hope to turn this around bloomed two minutes later when Hempo sent the ball rippling into the net and the English crowd roared in celebration at the equalising goal. 

Time ticked and neither side could seem to secure a goal, yourself included in those ones on target but blocked. Sarina decided it was time for fresh legs, signalling for the planned substitutions to be made at 68 minutes. The numbers 9 and 23 flashed on the board and you ran over to the side, clapping Alessia and Tooney before walking over to the bench with water and plopping down next to Lotte, Georgia following close behind as exhausted as you. 

The team had 20 odd minutes to add to the scoreline and take the win, plenty of chances made but again nothing. Full time ended and the ref signalled 6 minutes of extra time before it was all over. And very quickly England had advanced again, the people on the bench watching as a brilliant ball was sent from LJ, directly to Tonne’s right foot, sending the ball straight through the keeper's legs at the 91st minute. You jumped up with Georgia and Lotte beside you, screaming your lungs out alongside the home crowd at the late advance. 

The final whistle blew and although England had come out on top, it wasn’t enough to take them where they needed to be in this qualifying stage, meaning the game against Scotland mattered even more now. Your heart broke as you saw Lucy and LJ drop to the floor instantly, feeling absolutely defeated and exhausted from this match. But your first priority was Mary, who you knew would be shattered right now, quickly walking onto the pitch, clapping your teammates and the Dutch players on your way to the England goal. Mary hated conceding goals, it was one thing she criticised herself on so harshly at both club and international level. 

Your eyes searched that end of the field as you walked past player after player but you still couldn’t see her. A few people were knelt down on the ground consoling someone, no face shown but you could just make out the green keeper kit peeping through the gaps and you began running over. Lotte spotted you and began moving away slowly, the other girls also getting the hint and backing away so you could come closer to Mary. As much as they also wanted to console her, they knew you were the person she needed right now, knowing you would be able to get through to her. 

“Hey love.” You spoke softly, kneeling down and resting your head on hers. The second she heard your soft voice she let out a deep breath, more tears springing to her eyes. 

“I’m sorry.” She whispered out to you, shaking her head against yours, shoulder shaking with her shuddered breath.

“Stop.” You spoke more sternly, placing your hands against her face but keeping your foreheads together, keeping this moment between the two of you. “It’s not your fault. It’s never your fault, okay? We rise and we fall as a team.” Mary didn’t respond to you, just sniffling in silence and that was enough for you to pull both of you up from the ground and bury her head in your neck, wrapping one arm around her back, the other holding her head. 

Mary instantly wrapped her arms over your shoulders, her taller frame leaning into your body and letting go slightly. More tears fell from her eyes and she forgot you were standing in the middle of Wembley Stadium, all she knew was that she was safe in your arms and that was all that mattered at that moment. 

A few people had come past you and Mary hugging on the field before you pulled back and finally looked into her red, tired eyes. Your own eyes were teary from feeling the weight of the game and after seeing how hard Mary was taking this and the conceded goals. You sent her a soft smile and wiped under her eyes, brushing a few stray baby hairs from her face. 

“I love you, angel.” She whispered to you once again, tears choking up her throat. 

“I love you so much.” You brushed her cheek with your thumb one last time. Knowing you would have to form your huddle soon, you kept an arm over her shoulder, Mary wrapping one of her own around your waist as you both walked to where other members of the team were waiting. A few of the girls were taking this hard, just like Mary, and others were like you comforting their friends close. 

After interviews were done, everyone was showered and rugged up, you piled onto the silent bus, Mary slotting in beside you near the back. You opened up your arms to her and her head fell onto your chest, her arms wrapping around your middle as you ran your hands through her clean wet hair. Normally Mary was the one to hold you in her arms after a tough game but you knew she needed the familiarity of your arms to sooth her. 

After dinner Mary had found her way into your room, asking to swap with Rachel for the night, who happily did so and went to the other room with Lucy. You and Mary just laid in bed silently together, you laying on her chest and she held you close, slowly running her fingers up and down your back. You could tell she was in her head again when her movements became less constant and when you looked up at her, she was just staring off into space.

“Love,” You caught her attention, her eyes shifting down to you. “You can’t change what happened.” You shook your head softly and watched her deflate. 

“I let everyone down.” She finally spoke, averting her eyes from yours, unable to look at you anymore. You quickly sat up, moving so you were now straddling her hips and put your hands on her shoulders. 

“Love, look at me.” You spoke. “Mary.” Saying her name caught her attention, her eyes locking onto yours, tears slowly forming again. “You did not and could not let anyone down. You were amazing today and what happened on that pitch does not and will not define who you are as a person or footballer.” You had now moved your hands to hold her face. “I missed so many shots today, I should have gotten those but I didn’t, these things happen.” You swallowed as tears began to form in your eyes as you can see how broken she is. “I have never been prouder of you than I am right now.” You smiled and rested your forehead on hers. 

“You’re so good to me.” Mary let out a small laugh, a tear rolling down her cheek as she shut her eyes, her hands squeezing your hips gently. “How did I get so lucky?” You laughed at her comment, thinking the exact same thing. Mary lifted her head from yours and met your eyes again for a second before quickly closing the gap and capturing your lips in a kiss. It was slow, soft, passionate and meaningful. 

For the rest of the night you laid in one another's arms, chatting mindlessly about things until the exhaustion took over and you both fell sound asleep attached to each other.