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TW: talk of self starvation
This year I've even struggled with my body image, I know I'm a beautiful girl and I've always been told as such but even then it's hard to feel happy in my own body because social media portrays women as very skinny even though it's not healthy or safe and I fell victim to it's trap, I didn't like how my stomach looked and so I would sleep when I felt hungry.
I would deflect it when my mum brought it up and I craved that feeling of starvation, it was amazing even though it wasn't healthy, I didn't even like my body when I was underweight, it felt like I would never be happy with myself, and being honest with myself, the company I had made it worse... I had a 'friend' who would constantly talk about how she hated her body, we looked very similar and so I learned to hate my body from her and the media, if you know me in real life you would know that I am a very bubbly person and I used that as a shield to hide behind, nobody would ever think I doing anything bad to myself if I seemed always happy and it worked like a charm.
I hated every imperfection, I hated my stomach, my skin, my stretch marks that you can barely even see but I would always find something to hate about myself, I have really only brushed on the topic of this with one friend, my mother doesn't even know I felt like this, I would like to keep it that way as she has enough on her plate. I have learned to love myself and it's been a long journey, it's still not over, I have learnt that the body I have is beautiful and perfect the way it is and I feel like others should too, it's a long journey but it's so worth it and I hope that anyone who's read this is able to love themselves for who they are, yourself worth is not how you look, its how you act, behave and interact with others, if anyone is judging you for your appearance then that's a tell tale of what kinda person they are and let me tell you one thing, their not a person you want to be around!
Remember you always come first.