Personal Growth - Blog Posts

Part 2 of lessons I've learnt in the past year.

Last lesson: Opening my heart and forgiving others.

I had been revisiting my intentions on who I want to be. One of those intentions was to be a more loving person, not just to my family and friends but to people who have wronged me as well.

And so I am choosing to be a more loving through by opening my heart and forgiving others. An example of how I approached this was as follows:

So I had not been getting along with this particular person and so in every situation and interaction with them, I would just decide to be closed of in order to "protect myself".

Since I had decide to be more loving, I chose to forgive them. I chose to approach them different. So in each interaction with them, I decided to be more open and understanding towards them. I would go into these interactions with no assumptions, expectations or feelings of resentment but with the heart to listen and fully understand that person.

And doing so has done wonders for me. This person was also willing to be understanding towards me . Of course, we're not the best of friends but there is now a lightness to our interactions and I think that's beautiful. Sometimes you just have to be the first person to forgive and you never know how that transforms your relationships.

It's been a minute. So last week was my 24th birthday and I was doing some reflecting and I thought to share three lessons I've come to learn during the past year:

Lesson 1: Having a someone to talk to.

I have come to realise how it is so important to have someone to communicate with especially when you are going through a difficult time. This could be a friend, relative, mentor. Like just someone you can trust. Yes they may be able to offer you a listening ear which may lighten your burden but they can also help you shift your perspective on how you might be viewing a particular situation. Together you might be able to come up with different solutions to dealing with the situation in a way that doesn't feel overwhelming.

Doing this not only helps you through the tough times but it also helps deepen the relationship you have with that person.

Sometimes people do want to help and you might not know how they feel but you deciding to tell them also means you trust them. And there is no better feeling that being trusted by someone.

Lesson 2: Letting people go with honesty

There are times in your friendships where things are just stagnant and you're only keeping in touch because you once attended the same school or university together. Or maybe one of you moved to a different area and you no longer meet as frequently and as time goes on the communication and connection fizzles out. You know you were really great friends but things just aren't the same and in some way you are outgrowing each other.

I've come to realise that in such situations it is better to let that person go. Of course, this is not about ghosting them and hoping they get the message but by also being truthful with them and telling them how you really feel. For me the honest truth was letting them know that friendship has reached it's end, the journey was beautiful and I'll forever cherish the beautiful memories we shared together but stagnancy isn't helping anyone.

This might feel very uncomfortable but it's necessary not only for you but for the other person too. By letting each other go, you are making space for more aligned friendships to come through.

What does the process to an outcome normally look like? If I look back on my past experienc

es, on things that I managed to achieve, there was an element of curiosity and fun to it.

Until the novelty wore off and things go hard. And during those moments that's when you ask yourself why you started to begin with? What would happen if you don't give up? And what kind of character are you choosing to portray in this part of your story?📖📖

Like if you look at your favourite show, the ending wouldn't be that satisfying without the ups and downs that the characters face. And sometimes the show is so good you don't want it to end.

Of course, there are times when you decide to take a break to rest and re-centre yourself. And there are times when you choose to give it all up because it's no longer aligned with the goal you had in mind. But it's all about taking note of your patterns when you are in that "hard/difficult" phase.

Do you start procrastinating. Do you move on to a new project or do you choose to forget about the task all together?

Normally this is where your character is being tested.

So if you need to go on your knees and ask God for strength, do so. If you need to cry it out and call friend do so. If you need to watch a motivational video - do what you need to in order to move forward and keep the momentum.

Because it's in that phase that growth happens because now you are surpassing your limits. You are getting that character development which takes you to the next level.❇️💯

So fall in love with that process because that's the most beautiful and impactful part of the journey. Make sure you're having fun even in the midst of difficulties cause at some point,it's gonna have to end and the ending has to be just as beautiful. It's the messy middle that we need to learn how to master so that we reach the beautiful ending. 🪷🪷

So yesterday I was watching this video whereby this content creator was speaking about how we should stop bringing the energy of decisions into making choices. She spoke about how people can't even make a simple choice because they are so focused the importance of it because their mind focuses on whether they are making the right or wrong decision. ❌✅

She gave an example of how you can make a choice to attend an event but after experiencing it you then make the decision to leave cause maybe it was boring.

So in order to decide, first make a choice, have the experience and make a decision.

So google says when making a choice we are given the freedom to explore alternatives and choose what will make us happy whereas when making a decision, we are presented with options whose outcomes have been predetermined. Choice connects us to our desired intentions, values and beliefs whereas decisions are connected to places of behaviour, performances and consequences.

I remember when I was still in primary, during athletics season - we had all these different activities that we could try. So we had a choice in choosing what activities to try but at the end of the day you had to make a decision as to which one you would join.

Obviously you make that decision after having experienced all the activities. So by making the decision, you now already know the predetermined outcome which is you coming to practice high jump or sprints for as long as you're part of the team.👟🎽

So with choices it's more experimental and with decisions it gets serious. So the point is stop bring that serious energy into something that's supposed to be a fun experience. Think of making a choice as tasting and making a decision as eating. 🍽️😋🍔

Ever wore an item of clothing that was just too small for you? Like a small jacket or jeans that were just too tight? With every move you make, you can sense that tightness, that feeling of discomfort. And no one likes being uncomfortable. And in order to be comfortable again, we need to remove that small jacket and put on a more comfy one.🧥👖

Physical discomfort is one thing but emotional discomfort is some totally different. It's not like we can just remove that uncomfortable emotion and replace it with a more comfy emotion. Since we can't do that, most of us end numbing that emotion in order to get comfortable again. Sadly that doesn't remove the discomfort but rather just covers it up until it shows up again. And when it does come up again, we numb it with emotional eating, drinking, shopping and doomscrolling on the socials. 😮‍💨🍺

But the thing with emotions is that they need to be felt. At first it may be hard because feeling that emotion pain is just too uncomfortable. But the deeper you feel into it, the less uncomfortable it becomes. You might have to do it multiple times but eventually it subsides and sometimes even disappear.

So think of a child coming to you crying and telling you that they feel sad or upset about something. We don't tell the child to go shopping, to scroll on social media, to drink or smoke so that the pain goes away. We allow the child to cry, we give them a hug and we tell them it's gonna get better and they are going to be okay. 🌸🌸

So what normally helps me during those times of emotional discomfort is sitting with myself and acknowledging what I feel. Then I communicate with myself - telling myself that I feel sad, angry or in pain but I know it's temporary. I ask my body what's trying to tell me. Other times I go on a walk and just talk to the part of me that is in pain.

And the more I do that - the less uncomfortable that emotion becomes. 💨

It's about having that uncomfortable conversation with yourself. Sometimes we don't know why we feel the way we feel but we just have to feel the emotion. We owe it to our inner child to sit through that emotional discomfort with them and free ourselves. How do you normally deal with your emotional discomfort?

One of my favourite pastimes is cloud gazing.

I like to think of thoughts as clouds. Some clouds are fleeting, they hardly in a static position for long. Some clouds are small while others are large. Other times those small-sized clouds bunch up together to form a large cloud. And those large clouds bunch up together to form a super cloud which eventually brings down a thunderstorm. ⛈️

Some clouds are so blended in with the sky that it looks like they are not there at all. And then there are times when there are no clouds at all. Where do they even go? Probably wherever they came from.💨

Like how clouds are sometimes visitors to the clear blue sky, our thoughts are visitors to our clear minds. Sometimes those thoughts come through and they mean nothing at all & we easily let them go.

But other times they mean so much that they summon more & more thoughts, to the point where they bring about a storm of anger and despair. 😡

Just like how you make peace with the storm that's brought about by the clouds in the sky, just breathe & let your thoughts be rather than emotionally react to them. The sooner you let be, they sooner they leave. 🍃

Self love letter

Dear Self

I often wondered what self love looked like or felt like and I think I am beginning to understand it.

To me, self love means having your own back, not just when everyone else has turned on you but at all times. It looks like trying one more time when it feels like you might even fail. Self love looks like showing up for that morning or evening exercise because you are grateful for what this beautiful body has done for you so you want to keep it healthy.

Self love looks like holding space for yourself when your emotions are all over the place. Allowing yourself to feel what you need to feel without judgement.

Self love means listening to when your body needs to slow down before you burn out. Taking the needed rest for it to come back stronger.

Self love looks like rewarding yourself for all the hardwork you've put in & for the days you chose to remain consistent even when it was so hard.

Self love looks like listening to music the whole day because that's what your soul needs at that moment.

Self love means saying no to things that don't bring you peace.

Self love means making sure that your cup is full - that way you have enough to be of help to others.

Self love means carving out time for being creative because your soul needs an outlet.

Self love means being aware of the things that make you tick and why it is so. It means giving yourself a pat on the back when you survived a situation you thought you wouldn't have.

Self love means pouring in yourself because you are the only person who's gonna live with you for the rest of your life. It means knowing yourself in a way that only you can.

Self love means loving on you because no one can ever love you the way you can. ❣️❣️

Someone said that being depressed is your avatar telling you that it is tired of the character that you want it to play. And in my experience this was true. ☘️🏵️

Deep down I knew that the path I was heading on was no longer for me yet I kept on pushing. Why?

Because that was the path that society deemed acceptable, that was the path that felt safe & comfortable (until it was no longer comfortable), because that was the path that made the most logical sense and because that was the path where no one would judge me for doing the "wrong" thing. ❌

But the more I kept on pushing, the more I felt into this hole of emptiness. Until I came to the realisation that something was wrong and something had to change. 🙍‍♀️

As I was going through that phase of depression, I wasn't exactly sure as to what I was doing wrong but I just knew I had to stop and take a break from everything. 🔔🔔

Looking back in retrospect, I can see how I was trying so hard to hide parts of myself to fit in with others and that came at a painful cost. The sooner you remove the mask, the more relieved you'll feel. You may end up fighting with your family or losing people you knew as your closest friends but in the long run, you get to show up as who you are rather than who you think you should be. 🥳🤗🌸

Are you constantly overthinking?

Based on my experience, we find ourselves overthinking mainly because we are avoiding something that we are supposed to be doing. This could be doing a certain task(that we think we might fail at or we've never done before) or having that uncomfortable conversation that may lead to us disappointing someone. 🙅‍♀️🤡

So it's easier to just come up with other way you can deal with the situation in your head rather than just taking the right action and facing whatever situation you're supposed to. 📝

Because once you've done that all the overthinking and procrastination eventually stops and life goes on.

Every single person you know or who knows you has a different perception of you in their head, so no matter how hard you try to be perceived a certain way, not everyone will view you as such.

*So why not be the version of you that soul's always wanted you to be ?*🌸☘️

Last night I came across a video on Instagram of this women who had decided to quit her job as a lawyer to be a barista. Which was a choice she was actually happy about. And so one day on the job one of her customers happened to be her ex - colleague who went on to ask : "do you work here now?" 👀

And she explained how in that moment she felt so ashamed and started thinking of ways to explain her situation in a way her ex-colleague could understand. Why she decided to work there and how happy that choice made her etc etc. 👣🗣️🙅‍♀️

*So this had me thinking about the courage it takes to go against the grain. The courage it takes to choose and take the path that feels true to you. The courage to be open to the criticism you will receive from people who might not understand you. The courage to choose authenticity every single time. It's not for the weak and if you're on this path, you have my respect. You owe it to yourself to see where this road will lead you.* ☘️🛣️

Advice I got this week:

_Stop complaining about results you didn't get, for work you didn't put in._ 📝

Recently, I've been spending a lot time in nature. It begins with me just sitting there feeling the grass with the soles of my feet to observing the swaying of tree leaves caused by the wind. And the longer I just sit there and observe, the more I feel at peace. And the more I feel at home. 🏠🛖🪹

And everytime I feel like that, the more I want to experience more and more of that feeling. Which had me thinking about the different things and experiences I can bring and cultivate into my life to bring more of that. It doesn't have to be anything big, it could be something as simple as bird watching🦅 or listening to that favourite song that feels like a hug. 🤗

Because at the end of the day we all want to feel at home, regardless of whether we are at home or not. Because truth be told for some a home maybe their art🎨, a person, a book📖, the feel of the wind while riding a bike etc. _So if you can, try to make time to cultivate that feeling - because it's really one of those things that matter in life._ 🏵️☘️

And with that, the year 2024 has begun. Happy New Year to you all. 🎊🎊

With the new year comes the buzz about new year resolutions. What goals, intentions or habits are you setting for yourself this year?

My main intentions for this year are:

Following my joy🪇

Being rooted in the present moment 🌴

And showing up more authentically 🐦

And as someone who focuses more on the process rather the the goal, the habits/systems I'm implementing include:

Creating bi weekly content📝📋

Taking daily evening walks 👣🚶‍♀

Listening to self development podcasts 🔊

Remember, when it comes to goal/intention setting, it's more than just what you want to achieve but who you want to be and who you want to show up as. And that is reflected by your daily habits/actions.

_You can do this!! So what's one simple habit are you choosing to focus on?🦋

I truly believe that humans are born with confidence and then we lose it somewhere along the way. Through judgements, comparisons, being laughed at, etc. If we look at babies for example, I mean it sure takes a certain amount of confidence and courage to learn to walk among everyone else who can walk. Yet falling doesn't really bother them. They get up and try again and again.👶🏻🙈💫

And so one thing I have learnt when it comes to having confidence in oneself is through self-trust. But how can you trust yourself when you're constantly doubting yourself? 🤯😤🥺

And one way to build self-trust is by keeping the promises you made to yourself. If you told yourself you'll do something then go do it. And by compounding those kept promises, you become confident in yourself cause you know- you'll always show up no matter what. It may be messy, overwhelming, scary but you showed up for yourself. You trusted yourself enough to do something. And that's confidence.✨😃

_Something I learnt the past week:_ 🌱

We all experience feelings of inferiority at one point or another. Be it through comparison to others or our ideal self. Of course these feelings aren't a bad thing if you use them to catapult you into being a better person. 💯👌🚀

However when you start identifying with those feelings i.e adopting an inferiority complex, that's when they hinder you from growing cause now you use your flaws as a reason for not being able to grow.

E.g using the feeling of not being educated enough as a sign to learn more in order to grow and be qualified enough to he successful RATHER THAN feeling like you'll never be successful because you are not as educated as everyone around you. Constantly sulking and complaining about it without taking any action on being better.💫🦋

_Book reference: The Courage to be Disliked_

Isn't it weird how at times we always wishing things were different. Like having a different job, being in a relationship with someone or living somewhere different. Ye when we look back there was once a time when we prayed to have what we have today. 🤲

At times we always wishing how nice it would be to have what that other person has. Not that it's a bad thing. But we never take the time to think what took them to get there or have that. We never take the time to think about about the pain or struggle that the other person had to endure to reach that outcome. What hard times they faced to finally get to the top of that mountain.🗻⛰️

So if you're going through a rough terrain right now, embrace that struggle because there's a lesson there. And eventually we'll reach the outcome we want.💯🤍

Today I gained a new perspective on people- pleasing behaviour. I learnt how the reason we people please is to avoid pain, and that may be through confrontation. So in order to avoid that pain or the pain of disappointing the other person, we people- please. To keep the peace. But at what cost?😑

So one way to deal with this is to accept the discomfort that comes with that confrontation or disappointment.🙁🥺

Become when you engage in people pleasing behaviour. You are not benefit anyone. Not even the other person/people. By choosing to "protect" them from the pain, you are hindering their growth as a person. You are getting in the way of their own healing. And as a result you are also not hindering your own growth by holding onto other people's baggage when you have your own to focus on. 🦋🌸

So rather than being afraid to disappoint them. Be with them through that process of pain. Cause that's the only thing that can help them better than trying to please them.🤍🌱

Once upon a time I tried cooking fish a certain way and it didn't come out the way I wanted it to. I first fried it in oil at high heat and it got stuck on the surface of the pan.😩

And my first thought was "well, it was probably because the heat was too much." 🥵🥵

And so the next time I tried frying it, I did it on low heat and still the fish got stuck to the pan and turn into little pieces. And I thought "maybe it's because of the pan I was using." 🍳🥘

So since that was the only type we had, I had to find a different way of cooking fish without it sticking to the bottom of the pan.(Of course I could've just roasted it in the oven but that takes too much time and more electricity)🕑⌛⚡

I wanted the easiest and quickest way possible. And so after going through a dew YouTube videos I came across a video where they the dish by first putting the tomatoes, garlic and onions and then putting the fish on top, that way it doesn't stick and it's easier to turn over. And so that's how I had been cooking fish for that entire time. 😇

Now a few days ago, my dad bought fish again. This fish looked different and so I decided to go back to frying it first and see if it would work and Lo and behold it worked!

It didn't stick to the pan and it was on high heat. No flour coating whatsoever. 🐟🐟

So now I was wondering what was different then and now and maybe it's because of the type of fish. Or the thickness of the skin.

Anyway the point of this story is about creativity. When we hear of people being creative, we sometimes think of artists, singers, actors etc. We never really see ourselves as creative unless we are doing artistic stuff like drawing, writing, painting or whatever. And so I remember reading somewhere about how being creative is in every living being. It's in our nature being creative. 🍥

Doing something a different way makes you a creative. Me deciding to cook that fish dish differently makes me creative. Deciding to take a different route home makes you creative.

Doing something different brings out a different outcome, sometimes something that we would've never imagined. And maybe by doing that you find a way of working that you weren't aware of.

Who would've thought my fish dishes would turn to smithereens. It tasted different, a nice different. Probably because of the texture. Would I intentionally cook it again? No.

But maybe if I was a chef looking to polish my culinary skills I would find a way to incorporate it into another dish where it creates the right flavour based on that texture.👨‍🍳🔪

And so doing something different might lead to new discoveries. So in what ways are you choosing to do things differently?🌱✨🌱

You know those moments when things start to get really hard, and it feels lonely. Those moments when it feels like nothing is going your way? Yeah I'm sure we've all been there.😩😩🫥

The best thing to do in those situations is to trust. Trust that the storm won't last forever. Trust that things will get better because guess what? That is not the first time you're going though such a phase. If you look back you'll realise that you've gone though it before and you're proof that you came out of it alive. So what's persevering one more time? Because out of it you'll come back stronger. 🌱🌱

So guard your mind from those thoughts that try to convince it's the end or its going to be like this forever because it's not, it's just another new beginning waiting to start. See this as just another obstacles that you as the main character has to get through. Trust that you will get through this. Trust that it will get better because that is the nature of life. No winter lasts forever. You've got this!✨🦋🌸

I just heard someone say " whether you choose to follow your dreams or follow someone's dreams, you still suffer either way. So isn't better to do something worth suffering for?"

Ruts. Also known as one of those phases in life where you are just existing and not really living. Where you are just going through the exact same cycle day by day just to keep yourself alive. 😕

Where you have no idea what's next or don't know what you are working towards. The phase where it gets to the point where it feels like you're just being dragged by life.🫥😵😵‍💫

That's when you know you need some clarity. 💯

And sometimes clarity requires stillness. So slow down if you will.

Other times clarity requires silence and solitude. Take time away from external stimuli because you can't hear yourself if you always surrounded by outside noise. 📢📢

And as you start to slow down and be still eventually the answers will come.

Maybe in the form of a burst of inspiration. Or coming across that one thing you used to enjoy but left halfway cause you never had the time for it. Or maybe through meeting rekindling an old friendship. 🫂🫶🏼

Anyway.... you never really know what that one choice can bring you as long as it's bringing you closer to your true self.🌸💫

So at the beginning of this month I had set a one word intention for the month which was growth.📈🌷

And so during the first week of this month, I took easy but at the same time I was consistent with my morning exercises and watching the required lecture videos (for each day) for the course I'm currently taking and also reading the books for this month - which I mentioned in my previous post.📚📖

Then come the second week, my dad sent me an email on this opportunity to help recent graduates learn about entrepreneurship and how later on you can present your idea and they could help you with funding if it's feasible, realistic etc.

And my first thought was "Nah, this is not for me. I'm so done with anything that has to do with university ( since that had to do with my burnout and all)."

"And also I've never really been good at stuff like this, so why even bother try." So I ignored it.

That week I also managed to finish the level 1 part of the course which is just content.📖 And for some reason I couldn't move on to level 2 - which requires interviewing people and having a practice session with them.👥

And so for the rest of that week I relaxed a bit telling myself I've done enough and this looked like bingeing on kdramas and just binge-reading a series of books (fiction) to pass time. Anything to avoid the work I was actually supposed to be doing.

And so come the third week, stuff just started happening. Like yes I had been focusing my attention and energy on stuff that had absolutely nothing to do with my intention or my goals but the amount of anxiety and overthinking that I started experiencing was insane. Like all these negative, fearful thoughts and self doubt was showing up. Like I haven't experienced that level of anxiety in a very long time. So let's just say that experience was awful. 😫😖😣

And so my plan was to get rid of it as soon as possible. So I did a bit of exercise just to ground myself and it wasn't very helpful. 🧘🏽‍♀️🏃🏽‍♀

So I pulled my big girl pants on and sat with myself and those "ugly" feelings that were showing up and in that moment I was just asking for clarity. And so I slept hoping I could sleep it off.

Come next morning, those weren't that intense but they were still there. And sometime during the day I came across a post about limiting beliefs. And so I decided to do some journaling on the underlying and hidden beliefs underneath the behaviours I was portraying. And it's safe to say all that anxiety was my body's way of protecting me from pain. What pain you might ask? The discomfort of having to take actions that I normally just don't take - that could enable my growth. So these actions included starting level 2 of my course i.e. starting these practice sessions as I've never really been confident in my presentation skills. And also taking a chance on that entrepreneurial opportunity to enable my growth.

And so I came to find out the limiting beliefs around that were I did not believe that I was good enough to be wellness coach. I did not believe that I was capable of actually making a difference in the world. I was also very scared of failing.🙈😣

So that was the pain I was avoiding. The pain of having to face my fear of failure, fear of being judged or criticized.😬

So that's what I'm currently working on. And in order for me to prove that belief wrong I am going to have to take action as evidence that maybe I am good enough. That I can actually make a difference in the world. That I am capable of doing "hard" things.

And in order to do that I'm gonna need people I can practice sessions on. So if you've read till this point and you're wanting to make some changes in your life and you're willing and able to spare me an hour of your time per week. Please dm me to let me know.😊