Curate, connect, and discover
Suggested alternate ending: Patton decides to join in by throwing knives.
Logan opens his door to see what all the commotion is about and just sees Virgil sprinting down the hall past him with deceit in his arms, both of them screaming. Then Patton also sprints past, still throwing knives, cackling like a madman. Logan blinks and then just shuts his door and decides he needs to take a break or something from literally everything.
Roman eventually comes out to see what’s up and ends up having to join Virgil and deceit in sprinting away from Patton who remains delighted as he chases everyone around the house.
Then Virgil gets cornered, after valiantly saving the other two from the same fate by shoving them into a closet moments beforehand, and Patton just launches several knives at him at once and Virgil is pretty sure that Patton won’t kill him and that he can’t actually die from a physical injury but he’s also pretty sure that this is the moment when he dies and then he kind of just sits there for a moment in confusion when nothing actually happens to him. And then Patton is laughing even more than before and Virgil is confused for a second until he picks up one of the knives and realizes that they were actually just dull plastic knives that looked like real ones and Patton is just dying of laughter because Virgil just looks so incredibly confused and the others had been running so frantically for so long and this was a risky prank that totally paid off because Virgil hadn’t had a panic attack, nobody had gotten hurt, and this had been so much fun. And then Virgil starts laughing too and they’re both dying on the floor, leaning against each other and shaking from the force of their guffaws.
Then Roman and deceit come out of the closet(lol, *coughs* sorry. It’s a reflex.) to figure out why the two had been laughing so much for so long and Patton just looks at Virgil and Virgil instantly knows what he has to do.
So he stands up wielding a handful of knives and grins in the craziest way he can, which is absolutely terrifying because he’s anxiety and he knows how to look scary better than anyone else, and just says one thing in the scariest and most warped version of his voice possible.
“Run”
And they instantly scramble to escape as Patton starts cackling again and yelling for them to come back so they can play together and that was already scary before but now Virgil is also sprinting alongside him and booming with his own terrifying evil laughter and Logan is in the kitchen now as everyone just continues to run around the house frantically.
He ignores the screams of Roman and deceit as he makes some tea for himself and doesn’t even blink when all four of them scramble into the commons for a moment. He does, however, pull out his own little stash of plastic knives that he had simply picked up from where they were lying after Patton threw them earlier and wields them at the the two “victims” when they try to hide behind him.
The game lasts for a while after that until eventually deceit just gives up and throws himself at Virgil, who almost pokes him in the gut with some of the knives he’s holding as he catches him, and declares that he now owes him some cake and cuddles for being so terrifying the entire time(I headcanon that deceit is cold, like, all the time so he always wants cuddles and Virgil is both always warm from wearing a hoodie all the time, a very good cuddler that makes the others feel safe, and always down to cuddle so long as he’s not the one who has to initiate it. So deceit tends to just go and flop on him whenever he pleases and Virgil is totally ok with that cus deceit always knows when he is and isn’t ok with physical contact or anything beforehand so he only does it when Virgil is gonna be cool with it.) and Virgil just laughs and leaves Patton and Roman to finish the game themselves while he carries the danger noodle back to the common area to relax on the couch with Logan and watch some history channel shows.
Eventually, Roman decides to end the game by dramatically dying in the common area while Patton tosses knives at him, giggling the entire time.(Roman and deceit had realized pretty quickly after Virgil also started throwing knives that they were fake because they knew that the anxious side would never do somethjng that could actually cause them harm and he had better aim than Patton so it was pretty easy to figure it out when the knives were just harmlessly pinging off of them)
And then everyone kind of just collapses into a pile on the couch and switches to watching lilo and stitch and Patton eventually makes a chocolate cake later that day for deceit and makes Romans favorite food for dinner while Virgil makes sure to visit Roman the next day to have a fun Disney marathon with just the two of them and gives deceit some extra affectionate cuddles for the rest of the day.
And when Thomas eventually finds out about the incident he asks why nobody tried to stop Patton when he suddenly started throwing knives at everyone and Roman, deceit, and Logan say that they just assumed Virgil would do somethjng if he thought it was actually too dangerous and Virgil just says that he assumed Patton wouldn’t actually kill them even if they were real knives. Patton finds this a sweet thing to say and gives his dark strange son a hug while Thomas wonders how he’s still alive if the embodiment of his survival instinct just assumes that he will be fine if someone aggressively throws knives at him, so long as they don’t mean to murder him directly.
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And that’s my alternate ending to this spectacular tale of Virgil and deceit’s utensil war.
I ended up making this a bit longer than I’d intended but, whatever.
This was fun to think up and at least partially satisfied my need to have some fluffy sympathetic deceit stuff so I am content with that.
2 Virgil to Deceit
2: “Are you seriously throwing forks at me?”
Virgil jumped from his spot on the couch as something hard hit him in the side. He looked at the something. It was a fork.
He looked around the room before his eyes landed on a certain snake ducking behind the kitchen counter.
“Are you seriously throwing forks at me?”
Deceit chuckled. “No.” He said, throwing another fork at Virgil.
“Yes you are.”
“I most certainly am not.” Another fork.
“Can you stop?”
“Yes.” Another damn fork.
Virgil growled, storming towards the kitchen. “That’s it, loser. You’re on.”
It was at this point that Patton heard shouting coming from the kitchen.
“Guys, are you oh… kay…”He fought to keep himself from laughing at the scene he walked in on. This scene being Deceit holding a fistful of forks in one hand, the other holding a fork and reeled back, ready to throw, and Virgil on the other side of the room, standing on a chair, with a handful of spoons in his hand, more sticking out of his pockets, and also ready to throw. There were forks and spoons all over the floor.
They caught sight of Patton at the same time and dropped their ammunition, both pointing at the other with a shout of, “He started it!”
Patton had an amused smile on his face. “I’m sure one of you did.” He let the smile drop, serious Dad Face in its place, “Now clean this up, kiddos.”