Skz X Reader - Blog Posts

𖥻 teasing

♡┊ 𝐂𝐇𝐐𝐍𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐄 ; seo changbin

It was warm outside so you decided to wear your new 𖥻 sweet affection dress. The dress was a bit more revealing than your usual ones but you wanted to try something different today and with a supportive Boyfriend like Changbin it wasn’t hard to feel confident enough to wear things that are more revealing because every time you wore something like that Changbin couldn’t keep his hands off you, always needing to touch you in some way for example right now you where standing in front of him, between his legs, in the studio. Changbin was talking about the last song he wore you could see how much it meant to him, his warm hands where on your hips holding you as you stood between his legs. Sometimes one of his hand would leave your hips while he other one squeezed your hip. You couldn’t concentrate properly because of his thighs, his pretty thick thighs you could sit on them all day without getting up. Suddenly you feel one of his hands wandering down towards your thigh, squeezing your thigh “are you listening to me pretty baby?” Changbin asked circling his thumb on your thigh. You would have loved to answer properly but your mind was somewhere else…you remember sitting on your boyfriend’s lap, riding him while moaning his name begging him to let you cum. There were tears on your cheeks because he kept on stopping you every time you were about to cum. Changbin knew you like the back of his hand so every time he feels you clench around him tighter and hears you high pitched whines, he holds your hips still stopping your movement. It made you whine out his name “baby please…need to” your sentence got cut of as he started moving your hips again, hitting that spot deep inside you that made you see stars “need to what pretty baby? Need to cum? Want to be my pretty baby and cum for me ?” Changbin asked whispering in your ear. He feels you clench around him and you nodded your head wildly. You didn’t know what it was…maybe the way he spoke in a voice that made you shiver or the way you feel his thighs flex underneath you or his hands that where holding your hips with a tight grip.

you suddenly are torn from your thoughts when you feel Changbin pull you down on his lap his hands squeezing your hips “what is going on in this pretty mind of yours pretty baby?“ Changbin asked in much deeper voice that made you shiver, your hands around his neck one in his curly hair. You could only hide your face in his neck.

Will you tell your boyfriend what just went on in you pretty head or will you tease him to rile him up?

Brb need to cry… that was amazing love your writing the ending was just 😮‍💨🥹🥹

Volcano

pairing : han x reader. enemies to lovers. slow burn.

summary : you've never gotten along with han, your mutual prejudices ruining any prospect of friendship between you both. but you slowly realize that you are more similar than what you originally thought- your darkness recognizing his, and his light yearning for yours.

"I'll take care of you. It's horrible work. Not to me, not if it's you."

cw : depiction of a panic attack, minor injury, both reader and han say mean shit to each other, cursing, mention of alcohol, reader has she/her pronouns.

word count : 13.2k

a.n: highly recommend listening to "Let the light in" by Lana when Han starts playing it in the fic hehe feedback is highly appreciated as always <3

skz quotes series masterlist.

You remember being seven years old, sitting on the floor of your bedroom, while your mom brushed your hair. It was a late July night, a cold breeze swaying your white curtains, akin to the fluttering of a butterfly’s wing. Your eyes were slightly puffy, delicate red veins protruding the white of them. You had just finished watching a Disney movie- the Lion King; heavy sobs escaping your lips when Mufasa died.

There were still faint hiccups coursing through you, a slight shake in your hands as you fiddled with the hem of your shirt. Your mom brought you to her chest, her chin resting on your small shoulder blade. "You’re sensitive, my sweet girl" she had uttered, rubbing your arms soothingly.

It was the first time someone described you as such. You didn’t know what ‘sensitive’ entailed exactly, but it contained the word ‘sense’, so you assumed it was something good, a quality to be proud of you. You could sense, maybe more than others, maybe too deeply. That’s why you cried when you didn’t get a good grade, or when your friends left you alone in the park.

But you didn't mind back then. What was your heart made for if not to feel?

You should’ve paid more attention to the way your mom spoke, to the bittersweetness lingering in her tone. As if she knew exactly what it entailed to be sensitive- to have your heart overflow with delicate feelings for the rest of your life, with no safe destination to guard them in.

☄༄

You’ve forgotten the last time you cried in.

The tears are lodged inside your throat- you can clearly feel them, an uncomfortable weight sitting on your vocal cords, rendering them impossible to use.

You used to cry, freely, so much that you lost count of how much it happened. But you realized that every tear that escaped your eyes, made you vulnerable, weaker, in the hands of the people around you. Every tear that washed over you, only rendered you more transparent for everyone to peer at how they wounded your soul. 

So, you conditioned yourself to stop feeling as deeply, or at least to stop showing it. The sadness, the hurt, the anger were all stored within you; but your face remained placid, not betraying how you truly felt. You were like a pond, tranquil at the surface, raging from within.

But on days like this one, you miss the person you were. When the implications of being sensitive still haven’t weighed down on you. When you could get rid of your feelings in the essence of your tears. When you didn’t yet feel bad for feeling.

Chan's eyes are on you, as you type furiously on your laptop. Your vision is so blurry that you can no longer see your lit screen. But you’re afraid that if you pause then Chan would ask if you were okay, and you hated that question. Because you never truly knew the answer to it. Yes, you were okay. But you haven’t cried in six months and your friend didn’t greet you back this morning and you suddenly feel very small in a very large library.

"Hey," Chan taps your hand with his pen and you suck in a slight breath, before raising your head to meet his eyes. "Are you-" he starts but you’re quick to cut him off, knowing exactly where this was headed. "Did you answer question five? I’m stuck on what formula to use."

Chan raises a brow at you, and you blink repeatedly. His eyes travel to your feet tapping furiously against the floor, and he understands.

 "I'm still at number four," he finally says and you nod in relief. You’ve been close friends for a year and Chan has come to know you- he’s dropping the subject.

"Oh, and are you coming to the party tonight?" Chan asks, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. He’s hosting it and there is hope twinkling in his eyes. You feel bad because you’re about to crush it.

"No, need to revise more for the upcoming test."

"Of course, you’ll still be buried in your books," a sarcastic voice quips up, and you stiffen inwardly. Han- one-third of 3racha, Chan’s self-made producing group, and the bane of your existence. You never liked who you were around Han, he brought out the worst in you. Made all your insecurities roar forward, plastered across your body in neon red.

He was friends with Chan, long before you came into the picture, back into their high school days when Han skipped a class and ended up in the same one as Chan’s. A genius, as everyone around you liked to call him. And they were right- excelling came easily to Han, in everything he ever did. Even tapping into each one of your tender nooks and crannies.

He knew how to expertly push your buttons, how to make his tone sound mocking, and taunting, but only to you. Because you were sensitive, and he knew it, finding it almost amusing to toy with you. 

You decide to stay silent because nothing good ever comes out of talking back to him. So, you bite your tongue, turning back to look at your screen. But Han’s elbow grazes your arm, as he leans a bit further into your face. "Come on, live a little, y/n. You’re missing out on the college experience," he makes a big show of opening his arms wide, a single red pen spinning between his fingers. "Quit being stuck up for one night." And it spins, and it spins, and it spins and something ugly inside you crumbles.

"I’m sorry I wasn’t born with a golden spoon shoved down my throat and I actually have to work for my future."

Han’s eyes widen at the raw animosity in your voice, before narrowing down promptly. He’s leaning onto your face again, and his tone is low and cold when he speaks again. "What did you just say to me?"

"Is it so hard to grasp that not everyone is as privileged as you? We can’t all afford to get wasted every fucking night and call it a life."

You’re being mean. This is the rudest you’ve ever been to someone else. You know that your reaction is disproportionate to what he said. But it isn’t just about this instant. It’s an amalgam of every moment Han made you feel small in, because you don’t go out as much as him, because you don’t understand as quickly as him. Taunts thrown your way under the guise of teasing, but you know better.

Still, guilt eats at you as your eyes lock with Chan’s. You should’ve stayed silent, as you’ve been diligently doing for the past year.

"How do you stand being her friend Chan? Is it out of pity?" Han muses, a pout pulling at his lips. You stare ahead as Han tsks lightly, before tapping your cheek with his pen, bringing your face back to him. "I think it is. Because isn’t she so fucking boring?"

Being near Han always makes you hyper-aware of things you never noticed before. Like how a breath has to travel from the depths of your body so you’d be able to release it, and how excruciatingly long it takes for you to draw in a new one. Because Han’s words are never harmless, no, they settle on the confines of your lungs, crushing down any bit of oxygen willing to leave you.

You've had enough.

"When you’re eighty, on your deathbed, and all alone. I hope you know that there is no one around to blame but yourself."

"Don’t cross the line, yn," Chan finally speaks and you scoff, as you get up to grab your things.

"What fucking line, Chan? So, he can insult me all day but as soon as I do it there is a line? Why are you taking his side?"

Chan stays silent and you chuckle dryly. "Of course, you are. You’re only friends with me out of pity after all."

"That’s not true-"

"Well, you didn’t deny it, did you Chan?"

"Yn, I-"

"Save it."

Han’s eyes are glossy as you take one final glance at him. But your heart’s bleeding too much for you to care about his minor cut.

☄༄

For how much time can a conversation haunt someone? Seventeen days, for your case. And you're still counting.

You have nit-picked your fight with Han in the library so much that it's driving you insane. His voice is drilled into your head- the coldness of it as he reeled back from the shock of your words, and then, the pure venom dripping from his tone, as he attacked you where it hurt the most. Chan.

Han chose his words carefully, stitched up the sentence perfectly to hurt you, to stick to your flesh like burnt skin, one that you peeled over and over, each time it threatened to scar.

You haven't talked to Chan in seventeen days. He tried to stop you; on your way out of class, in the line of your campus cafeteria, on the doorsteps of your dorm. But you always fleet away. His eyes were also imprinted into your brain- the disappointment in them when you clapped back at Han.

What about him? You wanted to yell. Why are you only disappointed in me?

But the tears in your pillow have dried. Then fallen again. Then dried once more. And you found the answer to question five. And you miss Chan, terribly so.

That's why you're pacing around his dorm, at 10 pm, when it's also terribly cold outside. Your fingers have gone numb from the ministrations of the wind, but you don't move from your place. You know that the chances of seeing Han- the second person you’ve been avoiding like the plague- would be higher here. But you didn't care anymore.

Your thumb hovers over the call button and you bite your lip harshly. Would Chan pick up? Would he hang up? Was he really your friend out of pity?

"Yn?" a voice calls out, and you startle, turning around to see who it is. Changbin, carrying two bags of groceries in his hand. He's Chan’s friend as well, the final member of 3racha. You like Changbin. He's always being very kind to you. You've grown much closer to him than to Han in the past few months; not that the latter has ever wanted a friendship with you. From the day you met and his eyes narrowed promptly each time you talked. You should’ve known from the start.

"Why are you out here in the cold?" Changbin asks gently, stepping cautiously towards you.

"Chan," you say simply and he nods, understanding what you mean.

"He's not here now, but he'll come home soon. Let's go inside, okay?" he smiles tentatively at you and you hum in reply.

Changbin opens the door and you follow inside. You help him take out the groceries silently, stacking them in their fridge and shelves. Lots of protein powder, and chicken packets. You'd laugh about it if you weren't so sad.

"Chan misses you," Changbin speaks up suddenly, and your heartbeat quickens at his words.

"I miss him too."

"Then you'll be okay."

You try to remember Changbin’s reassuring smile when Chan finally opens the door to the dorm, an hour later. He finds you sitting on the stool in the kitchen. His eyes light up once they settle on you.

And you unravel at the sight.

You're crying, sobs rippling from you as he brings you to his chest. He's patting your head and whispering that it's okay. And you know his shirt is all crumpled from clutching it in your hands. But he doesn't mind. He only hugs you tighter.

"I'm sorry, yn. So, so, sorry. I should've stopped him before, I just... You two are my best friends and I didn't want to add fuel to the fire by talking and-"

"It's okay, it's okay, I'm the one who should apologize for ghosting you."

"I understand why you did it. I fucked up but I missed you so much. Can we please never do this again?”

“Yes please,” you giggle, but the sound withers as the door opens once again.

"What is she doing here?" a cold voice breaks you and Chan apart, as your eyes land on Han. His gaze sucks the breath out of you, and the warmth in your heart fizzles out. Your hold on Chan’s shirt tightens and he takes an unconscious step in front of your body. Han doesn't miss the protective gesture.

"Get out, yn."

"You don't get to kick my friends out of my house," Chan is angry. And you regret ever coming here.

"Last I checked it's my house too." Han doesn't even bother looking at you. He's holding Chan’s gaze as if they're silently communicating. "You know damn well what she said why-" he takes a deep breath, running a hand angrily through his hair. "Fuck this. If she's not leaving then I am."

And with that he storms out, slamming the door behind him. You flinch at the sound.

Chan’s eyebrows are knitted as he stares at where Han stood seconds ago as if trying to conjure him up once again. You never wanted to strain their friendship. You knew how much Han cared for Chan, even if he didn't bear the same sentiment for you.

"Chan, I’ll leave. Call Han and tell him I'm gone."

"You don't have to."

"I know," you reassure, placing your hand on his forearm. "We'll talk more later, okay? It's cold and he has nowhere to go. Just call him, please."

"Fine," Chan concedes. "Call me when you get home, alright?" his eyes finally soften and you squeeze his hand in reply, before heading out as well.

The walk from Chan’s dorm to yours is fairly short, but tonight, it seems like kilometers are separating you from the safety of your bed. There is a heavy weight crushing your bones, most of it being guilt at what just transpired between Chan and Han.

That's what comes with being sensitive- you bear the weight of your feelings and the one of those surrounding you.

Were you out of place with what you said to Han? Yes. Was it eating you inside to see the consequences of your words? Yes. But he was also to blame, you repeated in your head. He was also to blame. Please. You plead, you don't know to whom, maybe to the voice in your head to stop being so mean. 'But none of this would've happened if you weren't so sensitive. So easy to bruise' the voice mocks and you stumble on your feet.

It happens so suddenly it takes you off guard- the way the breath is knocked out of you. You pause, chest heaving as you bend down slightly. Your hand is on your heart as you try to breathe again, but it's shaking so much. Your legs give out under you, and you plop down on the floor, eyes tightly shut. You can't breathe. You can't breathe. You're going to pass out.

"Yn, what-" A hand rests on your shoulder but you shake it off. You don't want to be touched. Not by him.

"Let me help-" Han speaks again, and you scramble away from him, as best as you can anyway. You end up kneeling on the ground once again, your back to him. "Get-get away."

"I know you're mad but you aren't okay and I know how horrib-"

"You aren't helping!" you shout through tears, as your heart threatens to spill out of your throat. "You’ve hurt me e-enough already."

You don't remember how you got home that night, how you managed to open the door or cross the road leading to your dorm. But you remember Han leaving you on the cold ground, just like you wanted. You remember the ache in your bones as you laid on your bed; the burning desire to stop feeling for a night, to cut your chest open and tear off your bleeding heart.

☄༄

One month later

If there's one thing you've always complained to Chan about, it's the fact that his building had an elevator in it, unlike yours.

Today, you’ve come to regret this fact. Tremendously.

You’ve been avoiding going to Chan’s dorm for the past weeks since the last thing you wanted was to see Han. But, he insisted on you coming over, reassuring you that it would only be him and Changbin at home since Han supposedly had other plans.

Well, Chan was wrong. Because Han just walked into the elevator you are in, mere moments before its doors closed.

Your breath catches in your throat as his eyes lock on yours. He looks like he wants to say something but he decides against it, opting for sighing loudly instead, before pressing the button leading to the fourth floor, rather harshly.

Your need to flee has never been this strong.

You watch anxiously as the numbers slowly go up. 1… 2… 3… Then a loud voice startles you and the elevator starts to shake in place. The door is suddenly opened and you are met with a cement wall, blocking your exit.

"What the fuck?" Han groans as you press the emergency button repeatedly, hoping that the elevator will resume its course and this nightmare will be forgotten.

It doesn’t.

"You’re going to break the goddamn button," Han pushes your hand away and you stumble away from him.

"Can you shut up? I’m not in the mood for your bullshit."

"Does it look like I’m happy to be here?" Han scoffs, as a ringtone plays in the elevator, cutting you off before you could respond. 

"Hey guys, this happens from time to time, so no need to worry. Is everyone alright?" Someone speaks and you assume it's the worker charged with the maintenance of the elevator.

"Yes," you both reply at the same time.

"Great. We’ve contacted the mechanics but they said there’s a lot of traffic, so it might take a bit longer for them to get here."

"How long?" Han asks the question that’s on your mind as well.

"Two hours, at most, for you to get out."

"Oh, for fuck’s sake," you groan, as hot tears prickle at the corner of your eyes. This is the last thing you needed today- to be stuck in a cramped-up space with the one person who sucks the oxygen out of any room you’re in.

"Thanks, man," Han sighs and you turn your back to him, facing the wall. You’ve had a horrible day, scratch that, a horrible week. Hanging out with Chan and Changbin was the one thing you were looking forward to, only for the worst possible scenario to happen- being stuck in the same place with Han. You feel an urgent need to sob but you can’t cry in front of him. Not when he’s all claws and your skin is tender.

"Wait, are you claustrophobic?" He suddenly asks, seemingly inches away from your body.

"As if you’d fucking care," you scoff, before heading to a corner of the elevator and settling down.

"I'm not a monster, you know," he mutters in an almost sad tone, one that forces you to look up at him. His hands are deep into his pockets, eyebrows knitted as he gazes down at you. "Do you really think I’m that much of an asshole?"

"Yes," you reply instantly, before staring forward again. The hurt that flashes in his eyes shouldn’t tug at your heartstrings, but it does, ever so faintly, like the last wave that grazes your feet as you get out of the ocean. "I’m not claustrophobic," you add after a while and Han finally sits on the opposite side from you.

It’s hot and stuffy in the elevator, and it’s quiet, too quiet for your liking. You’ve never really liked silence for too long, it made the small voice in your head only grow bolder, louder, impossible to ignore.

Thirty-five excruciatingly long minutes go by and the tension only grows more suffocating. It’s simmering, barely beneath the surface, waiting for the person who will finally make it explode. 

It’s Han.

“Can I ask you something?”

“No.”

“Come on, we have nothing else to do.”

“Have you tried being silent?”

"Yn," he says sternly and you begrudgingly concede. "Fine. Ask me."

You imagine him smirking slightly, the way he does each time he manages to push you over the edge.

“Why do you hate me so much?”

“We’re not doing this right now,” you shake your head, tone adamant.

"When’s a better time for it? We’re literally never in the same place."

“And whose fault that is?” You smile too sarcastically and he frowns. “So, I’m the only one to blame?”

“Can’t you see how full of yourself you are? Fuck, Han, this is exactly what I hate about you.”

“What are you even talking about?”

“You’re so immature, you never sit back to think of how your words might impact someone.”

"What words yn? I was teasing you!" his voice grows louder and so does yours. "You were hurting me!" you yell, chest heaving. There is something utterly terrifying in this confession- to let someone know how easy it was for them to get to you.

"But I didn’t mean to," he drags a hand through his hair, exasperated. "It's not my fault you felt that way."

An ironic chuckle leaves your lips, as you point at him. "See, you're doing it again! You're blaming me for my reaction instead of evaluating how your actions might have caused it."

"Look, yn," he scrambles to you until there are only a few centimeters separating your bodies. "I really wanna fix this, okay? Can we stop screaming?"

"Why are you so hellbent on fixing it?" you question, as you lean further away from him. He notices and takes a step back, giving you space.

"Because although I don't care about you, I care about Chan. And this is hurting him. So, I want to be civil with you."

The mention of Chan feels like a cold bucket of water dousing the fire within you. You know he’s struggling to be in the middle of two people he loves. He doesn’t deserve that.

"Fine," you sigh softly. “You talk. I’ll listen.”

"I didn't... I didn't know that my words would hurt you. In truth, it looked like you weren't affected at all. That's why I kept pushing you because… God Yn you're so perfect it maddens me."

Your eyebrows knit together at his words- the last thing you expected to stumble out of his mouth. "What are you talking about?"

"You never get sad, never get angry. Your emotions are always in check. You're always smiling, always laughing. Have everything figured out from how you want to be now to where you want to be in the future. And you know yourself, you never step out of order. And this is selfish and stupid but it irked me. Because I am the opposite of you. I'm a mess and too human it terrifies me, so I wanted to see if you had a breaking point. But each time I taunted you, you remained placid. So, I kept pushing to see if you'd break one day because, selfishly enough, that would make me feel better about how broken I am."

"Han, you're so stupid. Aren't you a literal genius? You excel in everything you do and you have fun on top of it, every single night. Don't you realize how lucky you are?"

"Do you really believe I find joy in being wasted and not even remembering what happened that night? I do that because I'm in my mind most of the days and it isn't the best place to be in. So, I like to forget."

“Why do you think I always bury myself in my studies? Because it's safe and it makes me forget too. Did you really think I didn’t feel? I feel too much and that’s the problem.”

Han remains silent as you curse under your breath. "Do you even realize how selfish this is? To test a human's breaking point? All because what? I didn't shove my struggles down your nose? Would you go around and do this to everyone who looked fine to you?"

"I know, I know, I was just in a bad place, and this isn't an excuse but I... I felt as if you were just showing me everything that was wrong with me."

"That is how I felt around you," you chuckle bitterly and he hangs his head low. He’s much quieter when he speaks again. “I guess we’re more similar than I thought.”

"Doesn't excuse what you did. You targeted me and made me feel insane because no one was hearing the hostility in your tone like I did."

"I know, I know. I'm sorry. I really am. I never thought it'd get this bad and I deserve every name you called me."

"You do." You close your eyes, as Han’s words wash over you. There is so much more you want to say, so much you want to spit out in his face because of his selfish coping mechanism. But you also want peace, for Chan’s sake. So, you try to bury your resentment, just like you do with every other feeling. One day it’ll turn into indifference. You’ll make sure of it.

You bite your lip, before clearing your throat. Your tone is softer when you speak again. "I'm sorry for what I told you in the library. About you dying alone and whatnot. That wasn't nice of me."

"You really hit the nail with that one," Han chuckles quietly, and guilt floods your heart at the expression on his face. "And I'm sorry for calling you boring. You aren't. And for everything I said before that."

"Okay. It's okay." You reassure, a tiny smile drawn on your lips.

He nods before a sly grin grows on his face. "Should we hug it out?" he teases, cocking an eyebrow at you and you stare pointedly at him. "Don't push your luck."

"Yes, ma'am."

An hour later, the mechanics finally manage to get the elevator going, which in turn allows you both to get out. Han opens the door to the dorm, and you find Chan lying on the couch, scrolling down his phone.

"Han? I thought you would..." he starts before trailing off as he looks up. "Yn? Where were you, I’ve been calling you for the past two hours."

"I didn't have signal."

"Why where were-" Chan goes to question before stopping once again. He hurriedly stands up and walks toward you.

"You... Are standing next to one another."

"We are," Han replies, glancing at you from the corner of his eye.

"And you aren't... Fighting?" his statement comes out more like a question, which makes both you and Han chuckle.

"We aren't."

"We talked it out, in the elevator which we were both just stuck in," you add and Chan’s eyes grow wide, as a breathtaking smile breaks out on his face.

"Oh my god. Finally. We'll talk about the elevator bit later but it's been so hard trying not to be in the same place as the both of you."

"We know. We're sorry," you both pout in sync and Chan shakes his head, before opening his arms wide. You giggle, before walking to him and sinking into his embrace. Han follows you shortly after, and your eyes meet behind Chan’s back. He shoots you a tiny thumbs up.

Is this how a dandelion feels, you wonder, when someone blows on it in the hopes it'll grant their selfish wishes. Only to be tossed away afterward, lifeless.

You drown out the thought before smiling back at Han. It doesn’t reach your eyes.

☄༄

Befriending two-thirds of 3racha holds within it a lot of privileges. The first one is listening to unreleased music, the second is having exclusive insight into their upcoming performances.

Their gigs don't happen as often as they'd like, because they're still students who unfortunately have lots of assignments. But when a window of free time materializes, they unveil their latest productions at vibrant parties, dimly lit bars, or even the occasional club. Which attracts a lot of people, some even coming from neighboring towns to listen to them play.

Everyone can recognize raw talent, even if rap doesn't happen to be their favorite genre.

This is how you know that they'll be performing Heyday, their latest creation, at Seungmin’s party. You've met him in passing, and Chan insisted that you'd come. Not that you needed much convincing anyway, you fell in love with this song the minute you heard it.

There is an exhilarating energy in Seungmin’s mansion, a palpable anticipation preceding 3racha’s performance, as you all gaze at the makeshift stage. The place is packed, bodies pressed tightly to one another. You feel slightly uncomfortable but you swallow it down. You're here to support Chan first and foremost, you can leave if things become too much for you.

The introductory chords materialize abruptly, and 3racha takes the stage. Chan is clad in a white shirt with huge gaps on his sides, revealing glimpses of his chest each time he bends down. Changbin, on the opposite end of the spectrum, is wearing a tightly fitted black shirt, hugging each muscle of his to perfection. Han, the last one to walk in, sports a loose black shirt, with a low neckline. His nails are painted to match the color of his attire, you notice.

The song kicks off with Changbin's incendiary rap as deafening cheers ring all around you. You make sure to scream on top of your lungs too, as Changbin’s loud voice commands the attention of everyone in the room. You’ve always held a penchant for his rap style- how powerful he sounds, and how addicted you quickly become to hearing him on stage. You remember once telling him that any song that starts with his rapping is a successful hit. He playfully nudged your shoulder but his appreciative smile was hard to miss.

Chan’s part is next and you try to rap along, as best as you can anyway due to your fleeting memory. It sounds mostly like gibberish but you don’t mind, especially when your eyes meet Chan’s and he grins at you, before morphing into the mesmerizing stage persona that's peculiar to him. You clearly remember the first time you witnessed him on stage, and how enthralled you were by the sheer power he exuded. His destiny was intertwined with music, no one could deny that. 

A bed squeaking sound comes next, followed by the knocking on the door and you giggle against your will. That was Han’s ingenious touch, as Chan had shared when you'd raised a quizzical brow at him while listening. “Is this based on a real-life experience?” You asked, a knowing smirk etched upon your features, and he pretended to zip his mouth, earlobes turning a vibrant shade of crimson.

Han finally starts rapping in his inimitable style, exuding an effortless, laid-back aura. Your gazes meet at the "let's go play" line, and he tilts his head quizzically at you as he utters his confused "huh?". You raise one eyebrow at him prompting a sly smirk from him, before redirecting his attention to the opposite side of the stage. Yet, your eyes remain on him throughout his entire part.

The boys step off the stage, and you watch from the corner of the room with a wide grin as a swarm of people surrounds them. Congratulations and praise fill the air, and you can tell that 3racha thrives on this moment- it's what they live for, what makes their souls rise up from the ashes. 

Chan catches your eye, and you applaud enthusiastically, letting out a happy giggle. He blows you a kiss, and you playfully pretend to catch it, eliciting a small shake of his head. Changbin, who's standing near him, catches the exchange and winks at you from a distance, to which you respond with two thumbs up.

Even though you're a bit far from them, you're certain the boys can sense the pride radiating from you in waves. There's something truly magical about humans existing in their element, particularly people you care about.

Your gaze shifts to Han, and your smile falters slightly. He's also glowing, but signs of discomfort are starting to creep onto his face. You recognize them fairly well, as you've felt them too at times when emotions become overwhelming. So, after a brief internal debate, you decide to act and begin making your way toward him, pushing through the crowd despite the rising complaints behind you.

They fall on deaf ears.

You grab Han's forearm, pulling him with you through the sea of bodies toward the bathroom. He doesn't fight, following diligently behind you. You open the door and pull him inside, pausing as you realize you don't have a specific plan for bringing him here. This is also the first time you've been alone together since the elevator conversation.

"Thank you," Han whispers, and you nod, your eyes softening. "I'm okay, I love performing, I just needed a breather," he quickly adds, as if feeling guilty for being overwhelmed. 

"That's completely understandable. You are running on a lot of adrenaline, and the room is so crowded," you say with a smile, turning to the mirror to touch up your makeup.

Han remains silent for a while as you powder your face, before reapplying your cherry lip gloss. You can hear him taking in deep breaths, and you avoid looking at him, worried he might feel embarrassed.

"What did you think of the performance?" he finally asks, and you raise your head slightly. You lock eyes with him through the mirror, as he leans against the door, arms crossed in front of his chest. His black t-shirt falls a bit, revealing more of his bare skin, and your eyes trail down for a moment.

"It was really good. I think this song might be my favorite of all yours."

"Really?" Han grins, his words filled with an excitement that warms your heart despite yourself. He's just received heaps of compliments from hundreds of people, yet your words still seem to affect him deeply.

"Yes. I loved your rap, how it started in a laid-back manner, and then you cleared your throat and picked up the pace. It added a unique edge to the song."

"Thank you, really," his smile is genuine, and you giggle softly, shaking your head.

"What's funny?" he asks, walking up to you. You're still facing the mirror, and he's now only inches away from you.

"I didn't imagine you'd appreciate my compliment this much."

"It feels sincere," he shrugs and you nod, finally turning around and leaning against the sink.

"It is sincere."

"Good."

You hold his gaze, eyes only trailing down to go across his face. He looks far different from how he did on stage. Shier, more eager for praise.

"You have..." he steps up until the scent of his cologne tickles your nose. His hand raises ever so slowly to your face, and you hold your breath, as he picks up something from your cheek. His hands are warm.

"An eyelash fell. Make a wish."

A surprised chuckle escapes your lips. "You wish on fallen lashes?"

"You wish on everything when you need hope." his voice is low, a timber so foreign to your ears it sends shivers down your spine. So, you close your eyes, wishing for your heart to quit beating so fast.

"Done," you whisper and he blows the single lash away, his gaze still on you.

"Thank you for coming."

"Of course. I had to support Chan and Changbin." It slips from your mouth before you can stop it, and Han slightly recoils from your words.

"Right, them. Yeah. Of course," he finally backs away, and oxygen fills your lungs once again. "I'm good now. Should we go out?"

"After you," you nod tightly and he walks ahead first, his perfume trailing after him and pulling you into a dizzying dance. 

☄༄

The party Seungmin hosted was your last time having fun for a while. Your preparation for midterm exams began soon after, and you found yourself swarmed with assignments left and right. Thankfully, you and Chan were going through it at the same time, which meant you met at the library each day, revising silently near one another.

Except this time, you were joined by Han.

Goosebumps ran across your skin as he pulled the chair next to you, not the good kind of shivers. You were reminded of the fight you had right here, three months ago. Which still left a bitter taste in your mouth.

You don't hate Han anymore. He's actually funny, and you enjoy listening to his ramblings when you go over to Chan's dorm. He's also really different in his home, much quieter, and softer. Much more like you.

But you're also human, and there is still a part of your brain sending off warning signals at his presence. Maybe because the hurt was never buried properly. You just brushed it off under the carpet after your elevator conversation. Most of it was spent shouting anyway.

"Hey," he greets and you just nod in reply. You can feel his gaze linger on you a bit after that, and a pang of guilt twists in your heart. "Hi," you finally reply, but you tune out his response. Why is it that you're sensitive to everyone's emotions but your own?

Twenty minutes go by, then forty, and you can no longer take the uncomfortable feeling clinging to your skin. So, you excuse yourself, hurriedly stepping out of the library.

Han follows you; you can tell it’s him because someone's chair scraped loudly against the floor as soon as you stood up, and that couldn't be Chan because he is always careful with the silence in the library. So, you put on your headphones and walk faster.

This is childish, surely it is, but you can't control your emotions. You've apologized and so did he, you talk from time to time and you even held his arm and took him to a quiet bathroom. So where is all this bitterness coming from?

"Dammit, yn, how are you so fast?" Han grabs your arm pausing you. He's panting slightly and you just blankly stare as he takes in a deep breath.

"Are you okay?" he finally asks and you nod, turning around to walk away. He stops you again.

"I made you uncomfortable, didn't I?" he asks quietly, and you sigh, rubbing your forehead wearily.

"You didn't do anything, I just... Being in that library reminded me of certain things."

"I know. Me too. Can we please talk?"

"We are talking," you raise your brows and he stares pointedly at you. "Come on you know what I mean."

"Fine," you giggle, "we can talk."

"I didn't apologize properly to you in the elevator. Truth is, I did it because Chan was mad at me and I couldn't stand it anymore."

The bitterness- you understand where it comes from now.

"But I am sorry. Truly sorry. I was selfish and I hurt you and this will sound like a joke, but I hate hurting people. I really do. I was just too wrapped up in my problems that I didn't realize how it would affect you and I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. I also shouldn't have tried to kick you out that day, but dying alone is my biggest fear, and seeing you in my home made me want to lose my mind because I couldn't get what you said out of my head, but it was so cold outside and again I shouldn't have told you to go out and I am so sorry-"

"Han, breathe," you smile, cutting him off and Han sucks in a deep breath, chest slightly heaving from talking uninterrupted for a minute straight.

"I'm sorry I just wanted to apologize, properly this time. I'm doing it because I'm guilty, not because of Chan. Nothing excuses my behavior, I know. And I wish I could turn back in time and actually get to know you because you're really cool and very nice, but I can't. All I can do is apologize. So I'm sorry, Yn. I really am."

"I appreciate it," you smile, and Han exhales a little from relief. "I didn't know that was your biggest fear, but even if it wasn't, that was uncalled for. I shouldn't have said something so mean. So, I'm sorry for it too. But I'm not apologizing for being mad, you deserved that."

"I did, I did, I know." He's quick to agree. "I don't want us to be awkward around one another. I'm not telling you that you have to be my best friend but, we can be friends, right? But you also don't have to. It's enough if you forgive me and... You know what? Never mind forget I said anything, I'm just nervous and-"

"Okay."

"Okay?" he repeats.

"We can be friends. I accept your truthful apology."

"Actually?"

"Yes."

"Like we can start over?" he grins and you chuckle at the excitement in his face. "Yes."

"Can we hug it out?"

"Too soon," you pout and he nods, a faint blush dusting his cheek.

"Right. Should we go back to the library? I saw that you were stuck on a question. I can help you."

"You won't make any comments?"

"No. Pinky promise." he outstretches his pinky towards you and you muse over it for a bit, before wrapping your finger around his. You grin at Han- your first genuine smile since he's known you. His hold on your pinky falters.

"Okay. I'm in."

.☄༄

Five weeks later- 1:13 a.m.

You were still slightly cautious near Han as if you were both threading along an invisible line. You could talk, but not too much, afraid any old animosity would shine through. And you could stay together, but not too long, in case it gets awkward and you wouldn't know what to do. So, you never mixed, just like water and oil, each of you knowing their place, away from the other.

But you still didn't want to miss out on outings with your friends. So, when Chan invites you for a movie night with Han, and Changbin, you don't say no.

The night runs smoothly, the warm beer you had easing your nerves bit by bit. It was also easier to forget that you once hated Han when he brought tears to your eyes from laughing so hard.

2:56 a.m.

An unbearable heat suddenly envelopes you, your very blood boiling from within. You hesitantly look down, to find your entire body bathed in red, as if your skin had melted away, exposing you to the scorching heat embracing your tender flesh.

You are in the heart of a volcano, with lava bubbling dangerously below. Hanging by a frail thread, you dangle over the edge of death.

And then, you plummet. 

You startle awake, your heart pounding in your chest, your hand clutching it tightly. Cold sweat clings to your skin, and it takes you a few moments to realize that you're safe, far from the inside of the volcano that had threatened to consume you.

You glance at your phone- 3:43 a.m. You read. It's only been a mere hour since you went to sleep. You don't think you could drift back into slumber. 

Dragging a hand tiredly across your face, you walk into the pitch-black kitchen. You pour yourself a glass of water, hoping that the icy drink will cool you down. You are safe.

"What are you-" you startle, dropping the glass and spinning around, hand pressed to your heart.

"Han, fuck, you scared me," you sigh, tugging at your hair slightly and he's quick to your side, a string of hushed apologies tumbling from his lips.

"I'm sorry, here let me clean it up," he kneels and you follow suit, grabbing his hands and gently pushing them away. "No, I dropped it, let me clean," you reassure, but your hands are trembling as you pick up the shards of glass, any bit of logic clouded by your racing thoughts.

Your heartbeat's ringing loudly in your ears, you barely register the glass cutting your skin until an uncharacteristic warmth oozes from your hand. Blood.

"Shit," you curse lowly and Han illuminates the place with his phone flashlight. "Did you cut yourself?" he asks and you shake your head, walking over to the sink.

"It's nothing, don't worry."

"Yn, let me see," he's standing behind you, the ghost of his breath grazing your exposed neck.

"Han, really it's-" he cuts you off, grabbing your forearm and walking you over to the couch. He finally turns on the lights before crouching down in front of you.

"Show me?" he asks gently and you're too tired to fight him. You open your palm tentatively, taking a look at your cut for the first time as well. It's not too deep, it won't require stitches. But it's also not shallow, blood oozing from it at a steady rhythm.

Han simply frowns upon gazing at your wound, before walking over to his room. You don't move from your spot, gaze lost into the space before you. What would happen if you never woke up? Would you feel your flesh burning? Bones melting as the searing lava-

"Here," he gently holds your wrist, as his eyes meet yours. "This will hurt a bit. Hold my arm as tight as you want and tell me if it becomes too much, okay?"

"Okay," you simply nod.

He dabs up your cut with a cotton pad soaked in alcohol. You hiss softly, as the liquid burns your open skin. Han abruptly stops at the sound. "Did I hurt you? I'm so sorry I didn't mean to I just-"

"It's okay," you smile reassuringly, "I can handle it."

Han nods, resuming his treatment. He's even softer this time, if that is even possible. He's careful when he rubs a soothing gel on your cut, before wrapping your palm in a gauze. He can't find a pair of scissors so he cuts it with his teeth, his lips brushing against the back of your hand. You account the warmth you're suddenly feeling to the aftermath of your nightmare.

"Why are you even up?" he finally asks as he settles next to you on the couch, eyes looking up to the ceiling.

"Nightmare."

"You’re okay?" he asks gently and he sounds truly concerned for your well-being. You aren't used to this. To Han acting like a friend to you. But it feels nice to be cared for, so you don't mind him blurring the lines tonight.

"I'm still a little bit scared," you admit sheepishly and Han's eyes soften under the dim moonlight.

"It passed. You're okay now."

"Am I?" you drag a hand tiredly across your face and Han frowns, inching closer to you.

"Is it a recurring dream?"

"Mm. It tires me out."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No, I just want to forget." 'Help me forget' you want to add, but you decide against it. "Why were you up, anyway?"

"I got inspiration for lyrics so I had to write it down."

"Can you share some with me?" you ask, tone a tad too hopeful. Han catches it and smiles warmly at you.

"Sure. This is probably going to be in the chorus..." he pulls out his phone, heading to his notes app. "This is what I have so far... I let my frustrated screams out hoping that they’d be washed away in the rain. I send it off with a smiling face, down to the last drops left on my fingertips." he pauses, scrolling down a bit more. "I also wrote this; I think it'll be nice in a verse... I’m sure it’ll get better... Just like the earth hardens after the rain and flowers bloom again."

"You're such a talented lyricist Han," you whisper in awe, and Han’s cheeks warm up at your words, reminiscent of a setting sun. "But I also wish it was as easy as this. To let out all the emotions you bottle inside and for them to wash away with the rain." You bite your lip, as Han’s words echo in your head. "I think... I think that's why I get this nightmare. I don't free my emotions anymore, and they show up in my dreams to torment me."

You don't know where these bouts of honesty are coming from. Maybe because you're too weary to keep up a happy facade. Or maybe because you know that the person who wrote these lyrics must understand exactly how you feel.

"Well... It's raining." Han whispers after a while and you look at him, confusion plastered across your features.

"And?"

"Should we test it out?"

"Test what?"

"Screaming under the rain," he says as if it's the most evident thing in the world.

"What? That's insane, Han we will get sick and..." You pause, as the words dissolve in your mouth like the seafoam meeting the shore. "You know what? Let's do it!"

"Really?" he asks incredulously, a huge grin on his face.

"Yes!"

"Okay, let's go!"

You both abruptly stand up, still only clad in your pajamas. You quickly slip your shoes on before running outside. The rain envelops you in a cold hug as soon as you step outside, rain droplets trickling down your clothes. You don't mind, you have lots of bottled-up feelings to free. 

"This needs music," Han smiles as he takes out his phone, putting his playlist on shuffle. 'Let The Light In' starts playing, and you shoot him a thumbs-up.

"It fits the rainy mood," you grin and he nods, squinting his eyes to be able to look at you.

"I think if we scream here, we'll scare the neighbors."

"I know!" you chuckle, wiping away the rain droplets on your forehead. "Where should we go?"

"The empty parking lot!" Han shouts so you'll hear him over the growing rain and you nod. He takes off running and you chase after him. You're both completely drenched once you're a bit far away from the house. But you don't care. Not when there is pure adrenaline rushing through you.

You finally stop, loud giggles escaping your mouth at the thrill of what you're doing. "You should start!" you yell excitedly and Han nods, taking in deep steadying breaths.

"Okay, I'm ready!"

"On the count of three! One... Two... Three!" and Han shouts at the top of his lungs, his screams getting lost in the rain. An incredulous smile breaks out on his face as you giggle loudly, the sound of it ringing out in the downpour.

"You looked insane!"

"I feel insane!" He yells honestly and a fit of laughter takes over you both. You hold his arm to steady yourself. 

"You should try it now!" Han urges and you nod, willing yourself to calm down. 

"Okay, will you count down for me?" 

"Yes," he assures and you clap excitedly. Han can't help but smile at the excitement on your face.

"One... Two... Three!" And you shout, continuous screams spilling from the depths of your soul. Han wasn't wrong- your pain, your fear, your anger are all dripping along the rain droplets, from your bruised heart to the tip of your fingers.

You've never felt this free before.

The two of you don't notice the passage of time, the rain acting as a cathartic release to all your pent-up emotions. It was as if your pain intertwined with each rain droplet, and you were letting go of everything that had held you down. Each scream acted as a break from the burdens of the past, and the worries of the future. 

As you finally stopped, panting and soaked to the bone, you looked at each other with raw exhilaration in your eyes.

"So, how was it?" Han yells over the rain and you break out in a relieved smile. "I don't think I’ve ever been this happy my entire life," you beam at him and the sight makes the rain feel less colder to Han. 

He watches, a small smile on his face as you twirl around, face looking up toward the sky, a deluge of rain grazing your cheeks like a lover's tender touch. The smile doesn't leave your face as you spin around, happy chuckles leaving your mouth from time to time.

You look... free. As if there was an invisible weight on your shoulders that the rain washed away. A heavy burden that you carried within you, like a secret secret. He likes the sound of that. Maybe that's what he'll name his song. 

Han slightly shakes his head as he watches you skip around, clothes completely soaked. You are now standing a bit far away, right beside a street lamp.

Ooh, let the light in

Its light shines on you alone.

Time seems to slow down, as Han’s steps falter. You're smiling, not at him, but at the universe. A happiness so raw filling you that it needs to come out, even if no one's watching.

You're spinning around, delighted giggles spilling from you like the most mesmerizing chorus. Something is building up inside Han, begging for a release. It refuses to come out in a scream- violently. It's tender and soft. He thinks that if you held his hand right now, you'd be able to free it.

Look at us, you and I back at it again

Is it possible to feel something other than an emotion? Because right now, weirdly, all he feels is you.

Cause I love to love to love to love you

I hate to hate to hate to hate you

Your eyes land on Han and there is pure joy dancing in your pupils. He's glad you no longer despise him. He doesn't think he can stomach it anymore.

Cause I want to want to want to want you

You run to him, holding his hand before twirling him around.

I need to need to need to need you

Han can't believe he ever thought you weren't human enough. You are a mosaic of every feeling that makes one human. There are lyrics writing themselves in his head and they're all about you.

Ooh, let the light in

You clasp both his hands, before crossing them over. And then you're both spinning around until the world around you blurs. All he sees is you, and the light surrounding you alone.

Ooh, turn your light on

He thinks he might, if the light is you.

5:22 a.m

"There is a heater in my room, you should come," Han offers as you dry your hair with the blue towel he just handed you.

"It's okay I’ll stay here," you point to the couch but he shakes his head adamantly. "You'll die from hypothermia. Do you know how mad Chan will be if I let you pass away?" he whispers in fear, a hand clutching his heart.

"So dramatic," you giggle, before following him into his room. He goes on his bed first before tapping the spot beside him. You sigh before lying next to him, snuggling further into the hoodie he gave you to change.

"You're still shivering," he remarks, as your teeth clink together.

"It's okay."

"You shouldn't have gone out with just a t-shirt."

"I didn't exactly plan on this, you know," you smile sarcastically and Han chuckles before tapping your shoulder softly.

"Come closer."

You debate for a second before complying, the cold tuning out all the rational thoughts in your head. 

Your arm brushes against his and you can't breathe once again. But it's a different type of deprivation. Han always seems to steal the oxygen from your lungs, but for once, you don't mind. Red embers are burning within you and their flames keep you alive. You press your chest to his back, as your forehead rests on his shoulder. Maybe he'll turn you to ashes. Will you rise from them?

"You're so cold," his hand reaches behind to rub your arms soothingly, an earnest attempt to warm you up.

"I’ll be fine, go to sleep. Don't worry about me."

"I can't control it."

In the dark room, Han can't see you curling your hand into a tight fist at his words. 

"If you stay quiet then I’ll sleep," you say after a while and Han giggles softly.

"That's the goal. You need to rest."

"You should sleep too."

"I will."

"Okay. Good night, Han."

"Good night, Yn."

You think he's fallen asleep when you speak up again. "Hey, Han."

"Yes, Yn?" He replies instantly, voice slightly hoarse. 

"Can you repeat that lyric to me, about the flowers blooming again?" You ask quietly, and you feel him nodding against your chest.

"I’m sure it’ll get better... Just like the earth hardens after the rain and flowers bloom again."

His warm voice vibrates within your body. "That's a nice lyric."

"I hope you'll dream of it instead."

☄༄

Against Han’s strong belief, he's the one who fell sick after your rain-soaked outing. 

You knew of it from Chan, who texted you saying that Han caught a nasty cold, and then got food poisoning, which meant he couldn't be there for their highly anticipated meeting—after their electrifying Heyday performance, a record label expressed strong interest in signing them. 

"Can you come over and stay with Han?" Chan implores as soon as he answers your call.

“That bad?” You ask, a pout pulling at your lips.

"I don't want to leave him alone. He's been really sick for the past week now, and… it's partly your fault"

"I can’t believe you’re guilt-tripping me into coming," you chuckle even though you know he is right. Han wouldn’t have gotten out in the rain if it wasn’t for you.

"I'm sorry it’s just I don't think he's been good, apart from the illness. And I’m worried, and I don’t know I thought maybe you could talk to him. He reminds me of you, in his sadness, so you might understand what's wrong more than me."

You think it over for a second before rising up from your bed.

"I'm coming"

As soon as you step inside their dorm, Chan pulls you for a side hug, placing a quick kiss on your forehead. “Thank you so much,” he whispers, clearly grateful that you agreed to come. It worries you even more for Han.

“No problem. You can go, I’ll be with him.”

“Thank you, Yn” Changbin smiles before hastily pulling Chan outside the door. You wave them both goodbye.

You cautiously crack open the door to Han’s room, to find it completely engulfed in darkness. The stream of light from the door falls upon Han, who squints his eyes, trying to see who disrupted his fragile peace.

"Hi," you speak softly, finding it a bit odd to raise your voice in such a still room. Han attempts to sit up, before doubling over, hand tightly clutched around his stomach.

You rush to his side, kneeling beside his bed. It's the only lit-up part of the room.

"Still hurts?" you ask, your hand moving in soothing circles on his back. He nods, eyes squeezed shut, and you feel your heart crack at the sight.

"Have you taken any medicine?"

"A few hours ago. I need to eat something before I can take more, but I can't get up to the kitchen."

"Why didn't you tell the boys?"

"Didn't want to be a burden."

"You aren't. I'll make you something to eat. Okay? Try to sleep meanwhile."

"You don't have to," Han shakes his head, his eyes finally meeting yours.

"I know," you smile softly, before exiting the room.

Minutes later, you're back in the room, a bowl of sliced fruit in your hands.

"Do you guys live off protein powder and frozen chicken?" you ask, earning a quiet laugh from Han as he lays his back against the headboard.

"We do. Please save me," he jokes and you laugh, shaking your head. "Good thing I grabbed some fruit before leaving."

"Thank you," he grins, eyes slightly squinting closed. 

"Here," you grab a strawberry, bringing it to his lips. His eyebrows raise up in surprise, a sheen layer of sweat coating them. "What? Look at how tightly you're clutching the comforter," you point to his hands and Han sighs, before parting his lips slightly.

His mouth brushes against your fingertips, igniting a cascade of emotions in you. You'll think about what it means later.

You grab a green grape next, feeding it to him gently. A drop of water trickles down the corner of his mouth, and you wipe it away with the back of your finger.

"I can- I can do it," Han mumbles, voice wavering like an unpredictable storm. His trembling hands reach for the bowl, but they struggle to hold it right.

"Han, it's okay, I don't mind," you try to keep your voice gentle, sensing that there is an impending doom awaiting just below the surface.

"No, I- I need to do it. Just let me-" A tear falls into the fruit bowl. "Let me do it, please. I can- I can do it, I’m not useless, I…"

The floodgate opens.

A stream of tears escapes Han's eyes as he looks down at the bowl between his hands. He's crying, eyes tightly shut and the small whimpers escaping his lips feel like a dagger piercing your heart.

"You're sick. Let me take care of you."

"It's horrible horrible work." His voice cracks as his eyes finally lock on yours, and you can tell that his anguish isn't about his illness. These are the words of the shadows threatening to swallow him whole. You have to fight them off with the light.

"I will do it."

As Han lays on his bed, the sound of you washing the dishes resonating from the kitchen, your voice bounces off the dark walls in his head. You didn't try to convince him that it was easy work, you told him you'll do it, even if it's horrible. You'll do it because you want to, not because you can, not because it's accessible. The thought sends a warmth in his chest. It's faint, like a flickering candle trying its best to withstand the wind. But it's there. He holds on to it. He'll shield it with his cupped hands so it wouldn't fizzle out. 

"Hannie, you’re okay?" you peer into the room. Hannie- the candle's flame grows higher.

"Mm," he hums, too weak to turn and look at you.

"You're shivering," you remark, and he tightens the blanket around his body. "It'll pass."

You stay silent, and he thinks you've left the room. But then he feels the left side of the bed dip, with you climbing tentatively on it.

"This worked last time when I was cold," you smile softly at him, before bringing his head to your chest and wrapping your arms around his shoulders. He feels frail and fragile in your embrace. You hug him tighter to you.

"Warming up?" you ask and he nods against your chest. He's burning.

"Try to sleep," you urge quietly, your hand moving to pat his back. "It will pass."

"What if it doesn't?" Han asks faintly. Please don't let the candle die, he wants to plead.

"There is always light at the end of the tunnel."

"What if the tunnel is closed?"

"Then you go back to the start and find a new one," you respond.

"Can I find it later? I'm so tired tonight." His voice is drowsy, sleep already clinging to his achy bones. 

"Just rest for now. You did well," you scratch his back lightly, as he nuzzles further into the crook of your neck. 

There was never a candle to begin with- you were the light.

☄༄

Had someone told you five months ago that you'd be lying on Han's bed, watching "Howl's Moving Castle" at 2 a.m., you would've thought they were utterly delusional.

Yet, here you are now.

A lot of things had changed since your rainy outing with Han, as if the universe had shifted into alignment, two stars in the sky finally colliding and making way for something new. You saw him under a different light, understanding that no one picks up a dandelion unless they desperately need the solace it provides.

You've grown to care for him, in the course of the past two months. And funnily enough, you've started to like who you were next to him- just yourself, with no pressure of making conversation, or catering to his expectations of you.

He saw you at your worst anyway, and so did you, there was no use in filtering things anymore.

You've been there through the entire process of writing, composing, and producing Secret Secret- the song whose lyrics had captured your heart. You didn't expect him to ask you to be there with him, he just shot you a text, three days after you came over to his house. 'Wanna be there while I work on the song? I know you liked the lyrics.' It was an offer you couldn't pass up on.

You weren't, in your opinion, much help. Han was gifted in the music realm and song-making flowed naturally from him. But he noticed how interested you were in music, so he called you over each time he worked on the song, even asking for your input at times.

That's why, when the song was finally done and released on 3racha's Spotify account, you decided to celebrate by baking him a cake. You may have dropped an eggshell in the batter (you recovered it later on), and the icing's color turned out less vibrant than what you hoped for. But you managed to adorn it with a garden of little flowers, and with store-bought icing, you wrote the words "after the rain flowers will bloom again."

You showed up to the dorm and Changbin pointed you to Han's room, where he had apparently been holed up all day. You shot him a grateful smile, before pushing the door open with your foot.

"What are you doing here?" Han asked, an incredulous smile drawn on his lips.

"Surprise!" you grinned, pushing the cake his way. "Congrats on making Secret Secret."

"Are you serious?" he chuckled, jumping out of his bed. He peered at the cake, eyes softening as he gazed down at the design.

"You drew a little garden..." he whispered in awe and you nodded, a faint blush creeping up your face.

"I'm glad you recognized what it was. I'm not the best baker," you admit a bit shyly but he shook his head. "It's perfect. I can't believe you did this to celebrate our baby!"

"Your baby," you corrected, although the use of 'our' warmed up your chest, weirdly enough.

"You were here with me every step of the way. She's ours."

"It's a she?" you giggled, and he smiled proudly.

"Mm. Do you accept being her mother?" he mused; hands clasped in front of his heart like he was praying you'd say yes.

"It would be my greatest honor," you nodded solemnly, and he let out a breathy chuckle, grabbing the cake from your hands and setting it on his bed.

"Should we hug it out?" he teased, arms stretched wide but you merely stared at him, unimpressed.

"Come on," he whined, "you can't reject me for the third time. And, in front of our child. On her birthday!" his tone grew louder and you couldn't help but giggle at his mock outrage.

"Try harder."

"Our child won't know what a loving parent relationship is and then she'll seek out unhealthy love from the ones around her and-" you cut him off by finally wrapping your arms around him.

You've always known that being near Han left you breathless, but this time, it felt as though he was breathing life into you. You close your eyes instinctively, as his hold tightens on you. He smells immensely nice, like pinewood and soap. You should've hugged him sooner.

"Thank you," he said quietly, forehead pressed against your shoulder blade.

"You did well," you whisper back.

"We did. She's our child, remember?" he reprimanded and you laughed faintly.

"Yeah, ours."

Hours later, the movie's credits finally roll down, and the finished cake sits idly by Han's desk.

"I should go," you rub your eyes tiredly, and Han stares at you as if you are out of your mind.

"At this hour? Do you want our kid to lose her mom?"

"Han," you drawl, hitting his head with the pillow next to you. "You can't hold me hostage."

"I can, as your husband."

"Since when are we married?"

"Since you agreed to be Secret's mother." Another playful hit to his face.

"Stop attacking my face, how will I get laid then?"

"So, you are cheating on me?" you ask, feigning outrage.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry baby you're the only one I want." You falter at the nickname before hitting him even harder, matching the tempo of your quickening heartbeat.

"You're crazy," he laughs, grabbing your wrists and pinning you onto the bed. He's hovering over you, eyes hooded with a tender intensity as he gazes down at you.

"Will you stay, please?"

"The couch is uncomfortable," you reply, avoiding his eyes. He lets go of one wrist before holding your chin gently, urging you to look at him.

"You can sleep here. We've done it before."

"You were freezing both times. That's why I did it."

"I'm very cold tonight," he pouts, eliciting a surprised chuckle from you.

"Are you now?"

"Very much so."

"Fine. Only because I don't want you to die from hypothermia."

"Thank you!" he grins excitedly, finally letting go of your wrist. You bring a hand to your flushed cheeks, as he tosses a t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants in your direction.

"Get changed! There is a spare toothbrush in the cabinet."

You make sure to groan theatrically, before heading into the bathroom, where you splash your face repeatedly with water. You aren't used to this- being a blushy mess, because of Han, nonetheless. It was dizzying you, how things took the complete opposite turn between you and him.

At least, back then you weren't alone in your hate, you couldn't stand being alone in your affection.

So, you'd stop this, whatever feeling that's coursing through you. Tomorrow, you will firmly close the door on the blooming feelings within you. But tonight, you’d both lay on the same bed, arms brushing against one another. It's completely dark and quiet, but there is an entire symphony playing within you.

"Thank you for today," he whispers, turning around and tucking his arm under his head, this way he's facing you.

You mirror his actions, and your fingertips brush against one another. You can't see him but you can feel him. He's everywhere, wrapping around all your senses. 

"Thank you for making this song. It's very comforting to me."

"Why is that?" he questions, inching closer to you, you can feel his minty breath fan all over your face.

"I’ve always felt like I carried too many emotions within me. Like a volcano, bubbling over until the day I explode. I never liked feeling this way, so I tried to hide it," you confess softly.

"Like a secret secret."

"Like a secret secret," you repeat, glad that he understands.

"You don't have to hide with me," he says after a few silent beats, and you swallow nervously.

"I know." you lick your lips as the music inside you grows louder. "Still cold?"

"A little."

"Come closer," you beckon, and he complies instantly, wrapping his arm behind your back and drawing your chest close to his. Your legs entangle with one another, as your face lays on the crook of his neck. It's intimate, far more than any time you've done it before. You don't want to sink in his hold in fear of never resurfacing again.

"Good?" he asks, voice tinged with a newfound raspiness. 

"Mm," you hum, and he releases a relieved sigh.

You've once read that everything in this universe sings. Every atom's vibration creates a sound, contributing to a grand celestial chorus. It's an unscientific, but lovely thought, to wonder who our hearts sing for.

Right now, it's for Han.

☄༄

The music echoes through your being, an ever-present melody that refuses to fade into silence. Even with no audience to enjoy it.

Han always found his way back to your side, no matter how many times you've tried to distance yourself from him. And you couldn't bring yourself to refuse him, because you were friends, first and foremost. And friends don't abandon one another just because a mere glance at them sprouts a blush across your cheeks. 

That's how you find yourself on your way to Han's dorm, for the third time that week. Watching movies together has become your little tradition, for the past few months, and sometimes even Chan joins in. Although he mostly enjoys shooting you a knowing smile, to which you flip him off.

Your phone rings and Han's name illuminates your screen. You smile against your will.

"Can't wait to see me this much?" you singsong and Han's chuckle rings through the phone. It's rich and deep, causing you to tighten your hold on the device.

"Yes. And can you please go to the store? I'm out of snacks."

"What do I get out of it?" you muse, changing directions to the nearest convenience store.

"Snacks."

"Asshole," you giggle on your way to cross the road.

"And my eternal gratitude of course."

"Right, because I can't-" Loud tires screech right beside you and you startle, letting out a loud yelp as you drop your phone.

A hand on top of your heart, you bend down to pick up your fallen device, as the driver gets out of the car that grazed your body, mere inches away from hitting you. 

"Are you okay, miss? I'm sorry I didn't see you." The middle-aged man is quick to your side, and you glance at the small kid in his car, willing yourself to calm down for their sake.

"I'm fine. Just a bit startled. Drive more slowly, there is a kid with you."

"I know, I'm sorry," he drags a hand through his stressed features and you couldn't help but feel sympathy for him. "It's okay, don't worry about it. Just pay more attention to the road, okay?"

"Thank you so much. Thank you," he clasps his hand in gratitude before getting back to his car and you wave him off, your heart still wildly beating in your chest.

You head into the convenience store, picking up the snacks you know Han loves before paying for them. But as soon as you step back outside, you spot a disheveled Han crossing the road, sprinting toward the store. His pace quickens upon spotting you.

"What are you..." your question is cut short as his arms wrap around you, pulling you to his chest instantly. You can feel the frantic rhythm of his heart, and you're confused as he pulls away, hands cradling your cheeks and turning your face left and right.

"You're alright, nothing happened to you, right? You’re okay?" he inquires urgently and you let out a confused giggle, as you grab his arm to steady him.

"What are you talking about?"

"I heard the tires screech and you yelled and then you didn't pick up when I called and I thought-" his voice cracks. "I thought something happened to you."

"No, no. I'm okay. Nothing happened, I promise." you reassure, as he brings you to his chest once again, his hand smoothing the top of your hair.

"I was so scared," he kisses your temple, as his thumping heart resounds within your chest. "So terrified that something would happen to you. I thought I'd lose my mind."

"You don't mean that," you shake your head slowly, peeling yourself away from him.

"Can you really not see how much I care about you? How I crave being near you?" his voice raises a slight octave. The music in you picks up.

"How long do I have to pretend to be cold to have you nearby? For god's sake, I'm never cold around you, yn. When I see you, I ignite." He takes in a deep breath, pressing his forehead onto your shoulder. "And I... I couldn't have lived with myself if something happened to you. I... You drive me crazy, Yn. When we became friends it felt like I was stepping inside a home for the first time, and yet I already knew each turn in it."

He grabs your arms, shaking you slightly as his chest heaves up and down. "My darkness recognizes yours and my light is you and you- you think I wouldn't care if anything happened to you?"

He shakes his head as tears prickle in the corners of his eyes. Has his music always been this loud, were you just not listening properly?

"I'm scared because we didn't start well and I understand if a part of your heart still resents me, I do. But I don't think I can pretend anymore. Not with you," his voice softens as his gaze locks on yours.

"Were you pretending too?" He asks, hope dripping from his tone. "Do you feel it too?"

A split second goes by. A candle flickering somewhere. A dandelion plucked from the ground. The shadow of a cloud passing over the sun- and you pick.

"I feel it too. So much that my heart feels like it’s singing for you, Han."

"I'll sing for it in return," he whispers, before crashing his lips onto yours. His hand slides up the back of your neck, drawing you closer. You drop the bags of groceries as you cradle his cheeks, feeling them warm up beneath your touch. You can't believe you've ever disliked your heart for feeling too much, not when the lovely emotions flowing in your heart threaten to burst it at the seams, submerging you in a warmth you've never known before- Han. 

Two months later

You have 3 new messages from: hannie

"kept this song a secret from you baby but i wrote it for you so you can't be mad"

"i don't know if you remember but you’ve once told me that you are a volcano. as if that’s something that’s supposed to put me off. well, some people dedicate their lives to studying volcanos. and i would dedicate mine to learning you."

"Volcano.mp3."

Light.

𖥻 sweet affection

♡┊ 𝐂𝐇𝐐𝐍𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐄 ; Hwang Hyunjin

you know that your boyfriends job was not easy so you tried your best to look after him when he needs it. the exhaustion wasn’t hard to miss on your boyfriend’s face. the dark circles under his eyes and his slightly hunched over walk. his eyes where barely open as hyunjin closed the door behind him, throwing his keys in the bowl on the small table by the door. hyunjin let’s his bag fall on the floor as he quickly leaned down to take of his shoes.

hyunjin was quick to follow the delicious smell that was coming from the kitchen where he saw you standing by the stove, stirring something in the pot. your boyfriend slowly walks up behind you and slowly puts his arms around you and nuzzles his face in your neck, breathing in your comforting smell. you just smiled and linked one of your hands with his much bigger ones. “you hungry baby?” you asked him in a gentle tone.hyunjin only hums in confirmation not bothering to leave the comfort of your neck.

you took out a bowl and put some noodles inside. when hyunjin noticed the bowl you choose he quietly chuckled because it was one of the bowls you made on a pottery date a few months ago. while you had drawn stars and the moon he drew flowers all over his bowl. since then you have been using them, most of the time you used his flower bowl while he used yours with the stars.

after you put his bowl down and a glass of water hyunjin parts himself from your comfortable embrace to sit down and eat while you sat beside him a hand on his thigh drawing random forms. it made hyunjin relax, his significant smile on his pretty face and when you suddenly got up and pressed a peck on his cheek saying you will prepare him a warm bubble bath he couldn’t contain his happiness and put down the chopsticks to hold you in place as he softly yet passionately kisses your lips.

After hyunjin finished his food he put his utensils away he walks towards the bathroom where he could hear you walking around. when he entered the bathroom he saw you standing in front of the bathtub holding a purple blue bath bomb in your hand he smiled when he saw you dropping it in the tub with a bright smile on your pretty face “get in baby I will wash your hair” you said making him smile and nod obeying your command getting in the tub.

the bath bomb almost completely gone making the water look pretty purple and blue when you asked him to tip his head back so you can wash his hair he quickly does as asked knowing he will get a head massage from you. he lets out the prettiest groans when he feels you massaging in his shampoo. hyunjin relaxing completely in your care and closing his eyes. he almost didn’t notice you asking him if he could clean the himself while you got the bed ready. hyunjin just hums to relaxed to give you a proper answer.

after 15 minutes a sleepy but relaxed looking hyunjin exits the bathroom making his way over to the bed where you are waiting with a book in your hand for him to join you. hyunjin quickly gets in the bed pulling the covers over him and nuzzling his head on your chest humming when he feels you fingers card thru his slightly wet hair. “could you read to me baby? just until i fall asleep” hyunjin asked, voice much quieter than usual. hyunjin learned that he enjoyed your low voice when you read to him or talked to him bevor going to sleep. every time you did read to him he fell asleep quickly. you just nod an pick up your book again only for one of your hands to start running thru his soft hair again as your gentle voice flows through the bedroom making hyunjin fall asleep with a content smile on his plump lips and a gentle grip on you.

◎      ִ    𝗌𝗁𝘰𝘰𝗍𝗂𝗇𝗀    ★    𝗌𝗍𝘢𝗋𝗌     ──      찬

﹏         ✽          ۫            🎱                 걷다

. . . ⌗ 정보 ៸៸ 𝘴𝘩𝘦 // 𝘩𝘦𝘳 twenty nora

𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘱-𝘵 rules/guidelines masterlist instagram

☆ 𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘵 ៸៸ sick baby ꒰ lino drabble ꒱

☆ 𝘰𝘯𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 ៸៸ nothing

☆ 𝘸𝘪𝘱 ៸៸ Chan fluff / suggestive

☆ 𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘴 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 ——

☆ 𝘍𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸 𝘮𝘺 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘤𝘤 @eternalchqn 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘴𝘮𝘶𝘵

ANNOUNCEMENTS // minors DONT interact with 18+ posts or you will get blocked. requests are open! soft/hard thoughts are always welcome. requests are closed. Hurt my knee falling for @seospicybin . send an ask to be an anon ✿ ✿ ✿ 🌷, ⭐️, 💎, 🎀 , 🫧 , 🐺 ,

© chqnverse 2023 || translation or reposting of the author's works is strictly prohibited. author's work is protected under copyright laws and policies. tumblr is my only platform, if you see my work posted elsewhere, please report it and let me know right away ! do not plagiarize my work !

masterlist — ★ ₊˚⌗ 🪼’

𝐈𝐦𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐭 ┊if you’re a minor please don’t interact with posts that are labelled as mature !!! you are welcome to read anything else just please make sure you are over eighteen if the post ist marked to have mature or even suggestive content. Thank you !!!

𝐁𝐚𝐧𝐠 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐧

─ 𖥻 gentle loving

─ 𖥻 living in the circus

─ 𖥻 i promise

─ 𖥻 10:30pm

─ 𖥻 drunk

─ 𖥻 wake up ( 18+ )

─ 𖥻 my darling ꒰ dad!chan ꒱

─ 𖥻 reward ( 18+ )

𝐋𝐞𝐞 𝐌𝐢𝐧𝐡𝐨

─ 𖥻 concept pics ( 18+ )

─ 𖥻 sick baby

─ 𖥻 distraction

─ 𖥻 the company finds out your dating

─ 𖥻 10:00pm

𝐒𝐞𝐨 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐛𝐢𝐧

─ 𖥻 Pretty Girl ( 18+ )

𝐇𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐠 𝐇𝐲𝐮𝐧𝐣𝐢𝐧

─ 𖥻 sweet affection

─ 𖥻 pouty

𝐇𝐚𝐧 𝐉𝐢𝐬𝐮𝐧𝐠

─ 𖥻 when he buys you flowers

─ 𖥻 you broke me first

─ 𖥻 winter morning

─ 𖥻 pillow princess ( 18+ )

─ 𖥻 make me forget ( 18+ )

𝐋𝐞𝐞 𝐅𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐱

─ 𖥻 can we kiss forever

─ 𖥻 marry me?

𝐊𝐢𝐦 𝐒𝐞𝐮𝐧𝐠𝐦𝐢𝐧

─ 𖥻 02:30am

𝐘𝐚𝐧𝐠 𝐉𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐢𝐧

─ 𖥻 nini

𝐎𝐓𝟖

─ 𖥻 meeting them for the first time

─ 𖥻 when you wear their clothes // hyung line

─ 𖥻 when you want to cuddle // hyung line

─ 𖥻 skz as dads

─ 𖥻 their kids first word // chan&minho

─ 𖥻 love making with skz

𝐃𝐫𝐚𝐛𝐛𝐥𝐞𝐬 // 𝐓𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬

─ 𖥻 sub!chan and sub!felix thoughts ( 18 + )

𖥻 when he buys you flowers

♡┊ 𝐇𝐘𝐕𝐍𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐄 ; han jisung

these days you have been feeling extremely exhausted from work/school, it was one of these times where everything is becoming to much for you to handle. of course your boyfriend noticed that, he always noticed even the smallest change of behaviour you had. so when jisung noticed that when you got back home and immediately sat on your desk to work on assignments instead of eating something first he was worried he didn’t even get his usual greeting and a kiss which made him pout a bit. jisung loved your kisses and affection and appreciated it every second of the day he got to have with you.

he saw you sitting on your desk to concentrated on your work to notice him standing in the doorway of the room. jisung slowly made his way towards you and put his arms around your neck from behind nuzzling his head in your neck breathing in your scent. it made you smile as you turned your head a bit to look at your cute boyfriend who was already looking at you with this cute smile. you couldn’t resist or better you didn’t want to as you leaned in an kissed his soft chapped lips.

jisung responded the kiss immediately happy to feel you against him after a whole day of dance practice with the other boys. when you pull away from him he whined “y/nnnn” you grin at him an mockingly teased him back “babyyyy” smiled at him. as jisung looked at your face he could clearly see the exhaustion on you pretty face, the dark circles under your pretty e/c eyes. it hurts seeing you like this. so he puts out his hand for you to hold on as you do he pulls you up against his chest making you let out sigh feeling your tired body relax in your boyfriends chest. jisung and you went to bed after finishing your nighttime routine and putting on comfy clothes, you fell asleep in each others arms.

as jisung opens his eyes he was greeted by the sunlight that fell on his face. he picks up his phone to look at the time 9:37am.

he sighed it won’t be another 5 hours till you would return from work/school suddenly he got an idea. he quickly got dressed and took his keys and phone and drove of to a coffee shop he got 2 iced americano after paying he drove off to your work/school knowing you would be on a lunch break when he got there. looking at the time again he saw that he still got 30 minutes left.

jisung wonders what he could do knowing it only took 10 minutes to get to your work/school as his eyes catches a flower shop he put the coffee in the cup holder in his car and closed it. jisung quickly crossed the street to the small flower shop, be pushed the door open, a ding from the bell above him rang through the store and a older looking lady appeared “hello sir what can I do for you” she kindly smiled at jisung. jisung looks around the store, at all the different flowers and his eyes catch a bundle of red roses. jisung points at them and smiled at the lady “could I have these roses please” the lady smiled and prepared the roses for him.

she put a red bow on it and cute white wrapping paper around them. after jisung pays for them he quickly drove to your school/work he saw you standing outside talking with your best friend. he took the flowers and the still warm coffee and walked up to you “for my baby” he said as he stood behind you. you quickly stopped talking and turned around to face a smiling jisung, one hand holding flowers the other held a coffee. you brightly smile at him taking the items from him starring at the roses, smelling them. “ji why did you get this for me not that I don’t like them they are beautiful but…” your voice trailed of thinking if today is something special

jisung chuckled and puts an arm around you pressing a kiss on your pouty lips. pulling back he shakes his head “no baby I just wanted to make you smile”

𖥻 gentle loving

♡┊𝐇𝐘𝐕𝐍𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐄 ; bang chan

as you opened your eyes your boyfriend has already gone to the gym with his friends , so you decided to lay in bed longer and enjoy his calming scent a bit longer. you fell back asleep for another hour until the sunlight woke you up yet again. you yawn before searching for your phone to look at the notifications you got overnight. nothing grabbed your interest till you saw a message from your best friend.

you responded to her knowing she will tease you for always answering late after you finished texting her you got up and went downstairs to the kitchen where you saw a bright pink post it with your boyfriends messy handwriting on the table.

morning love

got you some breakfast at the coffee shop it’s in the fridge.

have a nice day love you <3

and a cute heart drawn at the bottom of the note.

it made you smile at how thoughtful he was even if it was just a simple thing like getting you breakfast early in the morning. after texting him a quick thanks for the breakfast baby, you grabbed the plate and a coffee/tea/juice (whatever u prefer) and sat down at the dining table scrolling on TikTok while eating as you heard the sound of the door opening and closing. you heard something dropping on the floor probably chan’s gym bag. you where still lost in your thoughts as your boyfriend enters the kitchen with a smile on his face and his curly fluffy hair.

his bare face and natural hair had always been your favourite sight to see, so you couldn’t help the smile that formed on your lips. you stood up and quickly put your arms around him just as he puts both of his hand on your hips. chan’s face mirrors your own affectionate smile “hey love”

he said in a gentle voice which only made your heart speed up more so you didn’t hold back and kissed him. it was one of those kisses where you just let your actions speak for you as your lips danced together. neither of you had realised how long the kiss went on but neither of you were complaining as you just hold each other and enjoyed being together. the day continues like that no need to rush anything as you and chan cuddle up on the couch putting on a random show which no one of you paid attention to because you were to focused on each other. you smiled softly as you looked down on your chest seeing chan sleeping on it soft snores escaping his pretty lips as you tangled your hand in his soft curls and closed your eyes <3

𖥻 distraction

♡┊𝐇𝐘𝐕𝐍𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐄 ; lee know

it was a long day at work the rain hitting your window in front of your desk. you let out a sigh, you where exhausted work tired you out more that usually. solution :: your boyfriend minho , he always made you feel much better. that’s why you where on your way to the dorm where he and his members live.when you left your work it started raining even harder you groan and took out your umbrella quickly opening it and walking the way you knew all to well.

holding the umbrella in one hand you searched your phone with the other hand after a few very frustrating seconds you found it in your bag quickly unlocking it and typing in the name of your boyfriend pressing on the call button waiting a few seconds for him to pick up.after a few rings he picks up his sleepy voice greeting you “ hey kitten what’s up “ you smile at the nickname “ love would you mind if I came over right now? “ minho could hear the pout in your voice he smiles at the thought of your cute face “ sure baby are you okay? “ he asked a bit worried.

you let out a small sigh “ just a long day im just exhausted “ minho chuckled “ awww baby how does cuddles and a movie sound? “ you smiled at the thought of cuddles “ would love that im almost there baby “ after you and minho said your goodbyes you put your phone away the sight of your boyfriends home making you speed up your steps, you knock at the door after a few seconds a smiling Minho opens the door to greet you quickly hug him tight. minho wraps his arms around you kissing the top of your head.

after you took of your shoes and hung up your jacket you went to look for minho again who went to make you something to eat.you walked into the kitchen seeing your boyfriend standing at the stove grilling some beef some noodles standing beside it on the stove you smiled approaching him from behind wrapping your arms around him.minho smiles turning the stove off and turning around pulling you closer you look up seeing him smiling at you. minho leans down to give you a sweet kiss on the lips.

after pulling away from the kiss you had a bright smile on your face “feel better baby?” minho asked softly touching your cheek with his hand you put your hand over his, closing your eyes enjoying his touch “wanna eat now baby dinner is ready “ minho said softly making you nod “yes please” you open your eyes looking at his pretty face mesmerized by his beauty you leaned closer giving him a small kiss. minho smiles and serves your dinner as you sat down on the couch waiting for him to bring you dinner. minho put down your food in front of you.

after you ate your food (which tasted amazing ) you got up, minho looks at you confused. after a few seconds you came back with a blanket you stole from his bed making him smile you lay down on the couch opening your arms inviting him to join you. minho smiles and quickly joins you pulling the blanket over you both. you turn around snuggling in his warm embrace smiling you look up at minho “ thank you baby for taking care of me “ you said putting one of your hands in his soft brown hair. minho smiles closing his eyes enjoying your touch “ anything for you kitten “ you blush slightly connecting your lips with his. minho pulled you even closer if that’s possible enjoying your boyfriends soft lips on your own.

When you live at the circus ~ b.c

Written by @chqnverse ♡

inspired by "carousel " by melanie martinez

꒰🎪꒱

you didn't knew anything else than life at the circus with animals, you where the tightrope walker at the circus :: dancing on a smal rope day in and out ending your day falling in the smal bed together with your best friend. he was mostly dancing or singing he loved it you both did. your parents let you grow up together. every once a month people came to cheer on you and your best friend performance together. but recently you grew tired of it, tired of dancing or walking on a rope high up in the air but you couldn't tell that anyone not even chan your best friend because you saw how much fun he had singing for people so you keept your mouth shut.

tomorrow was a big show with more people than usually... you weren't nervous you had done that a million times. chan was worried everytime he saw you walking on that thin rope without any safety to catch you if you fall... 'y/n are you sure you don't want to dance on the floor? it would be much safer and-' you pulled up the dress over your corset shaking your head. 'felix we talked about this' you did you told him many times that it was easy for you like riding a bicycle but he was never satisfied so he hums like always. 'could you close my corset please?' you asked softly making him smile at you and do as asked. you already heard the loud voices talking. 'you gonna sing or dance today' you mumbled watching him pull the ropes of the corset 'dance with felix and minho..' he said making a bow at the end. you turn around looking at his hazel eyes 'good luck channie'.

chan looks at you you looked damm gorgeous, your curled up hair bouncing up and down as you walked away for him, glittet make up on your face over your eyelids some glitter stones making them shine in the light.

you looked like a princess to him. he was wearing a white outfit that looked burned one some parts a chain decorating his belly (sorry couldn't resist choosing that outfit ) he looked at the mirror before leaving the little room he heard people scream your name he looked at the rope there you stood in the middle of it legs spread sitting on the rope. he watched you making stunts he knew them all. as you stood on the rope and bowed towards the people you suddenly lost balance feeling nauseous seeing dots in front of your eyes. chan's mouth fell open in a gasp the people mirror his expression. the director ran towards your body on the floor.

┊✧*🩰｡°࿐ 5 Months later....

you where sitting on the bed your right feet wrapped up in a bandage. since you feel down chan didn't even let you anywhere near the rope saying that you are ' still not healed y/n' you slowly where getting angry one day it all becomes to much when you went on the rope without anyone's knowing. chan saw you slowly walking in the middle as you came down his expression told you that he wasn't pleased at all. 'y/n' his tone was warning 'didn't I told you not to go up there until you are healed?' you look at the sand covered floor. 'I'm sorr-' chan just shakes his head 'no you are not y/n you shouldn't risk you life just to hear people call your again' he said eyes never leaving you 'you will stay away from that rope until the doctor confirmed that your healed' your eyes widened 'you are not my father chan you can't keep me away from doing what I love ...' chan took your hand 'this is not how it works y/n' he wanted to pull you towards your dressing room.

'then how does it work chan huh tell me? do you like the thought of never seeing the world only dancing for peoples amusement? never getting to feel someone's love because the rules are set like this?' your voice full of anger and pain. it was true chan deeply wishes he could love one person but he couldn't it was against the rules...don't fall in love with someone you work with... his mind hates the rule. he deeply wishes he could tell you how much he loves you since you where kids. 'y/n do you think I don't know this? they will punish us for not following the rules and you are risking that..do you want them to punch and slap you? I don't so you are not going near this fuc*ing rope again' you wince at the raising tone of his voice. 'chan I - I don't think' chan chuckled 'you never do y/n do even know how much I love you-' your mind races he said he loved you. chan loved you, your body moved before you could think straight you hugged him tight stopping his rant. 'I love you too...' you whispered again his chest.

for a moment chan stops and wrapped his arms protectively around you he tryed to breath in every second he had like this, the way your scent enveloped him like flowers, the way your eyes are closed hiding the beautiful y/e/c eyes he loved so much. your hair tied up in a messy bun be loved so much. 'y/n...you know we can't-' chan tryed to say but you quickly interrupted him 'let's run away...far away...and start new just you and me' chan pulls away with wide eyes 'are you insane our money will never be enough for that' you shrugged. he pulls away and you immediately miss his warmth and closeness. 'I am going' you said confidently starting to walk away from him your leg hurting a bit. chan's eves began to water 'your gonna leave me?'. he asked voice shaking. 'you can always follow me channie' you smiled over his shoulder. 'come with me?' you said voice full of hope. chan studies you and slowly shakes his head.

'I can't y/n...I can't just leave and pretend this never happened the money wouldn't be enough and we couldn't even life somewhere' your eyes showed everything you didn't speak out loud sadness mostly present.

'well I guess this is a goodbye then chan... see you some time again' you waved him making him want to run towards you and hold you for ever but he held himself back. he couldn't just leave. his heart was screaming at him to stop you but his brain told him to let you go and move on.

...will he ever see you again?...

you broke me first | h.j

synopsis: You feel sad and empty but every help comes to late 

pairing:  jisung  x female reader

genre: Pure Angst with a bit of fluff at the end

word count: 0.7k

warnings: Death, Sadness , sad feelings , drowning , just sadness

autors note: I just wrote down whats on my mind as i listened to the song. Italics are Lyrics

Maybe you don't like talkin' too much about yourself

But you should've told me

That you were thinking 'bout someone else

You're drunk at a party

Or maybe it's just that your car broke down

Your phone's been off for a couple of months

So you're callin' me now

The water was getting colder the longer you stood in it. Your feet touching the soft sand as the Moon shines above you, your hair was just falling down your shoulder. The waves splashed against your legs. Your soft blue dress moving slowly with the water. It was supposed to be a vacation. Now you stood there alone. No one to hold on, No one who could catch you when you fall. Your heart feels empty  just like your brain. No thoughts only the Moon, the water and you in the middle of it. This is how it feels to be left alone in the dark… this is how it feels when-

I know you, you're like this

When shit don't go your way

You needed me to fix it

And like me, I did

But I ran out of every reason

You suddenly remember how loved you feelt. How much love you feelt from him. When he hugged you and told you that you are doing just fine. The way his skin feels against yours, the way his hand fits perfectly in yours. The way his eyes sparkle when he tells you about things he loves, the way his cheeks puff up when he stores food in them making him look like a squirrel. The way he always knew what to tell you when you thought that  no one is going to make you smile. You missed it all. You missed the way he kissed you, the way his lips feel against yours. The way he kissed every millimetre of your Body, Praising you, telling you that you are perfect the way you are. Telling you that you are Beautiful. He always knew what to say to make a smile appear on your face again. The way his arms held you in the night, how they tightened their hold on you as if you were the last thing that held him on earth. He was your Home… your everything… your life line when everything feels like its braking.  

Now suddenly, you're askin' for it back

Could you tell me, where'd you get the nerve?

Yeah, you could say you miss all that we had

But I don't really care how bad it hurts

When you broke me first

Now everything feels lonely and sad. You didn't notice the tears, you didn't notice them running down your cheeks like a river, you didn't notice that the water was now even colder, you didn't notice how time was running and you wished to turn it back o the time when he was there to hold you and kiss you, you didn't notice that you were slowly walking deeper in the water, you didn't notice you phone ringing, maybe you did notice it but you choose to ignore it, you didn't see someone walking towards you, you didnt heard someone softly whispering your name, No you don't notice all of this to deep in your thought and amazed how pretty the moon was shining above you. Suddenly nothing made sense to you anymore. 

Took a while, I was in denial when I first heard

That you moved on quicker than I could've ever

You know that hurt

Swear, for a while, I would stare at my phone

Just to see your name

But now that it's there, I don't really know what to say

Now everything you felt was pain and sadness. Just wishing for someone to hold on, someone to tell you how you feel, someone that made it worth to breath, someone who loves you with all your flaws. Suddenly you feel someone turning you and your face was against someone's chest. It felt familiar… The cologne… the smell, the soft whispers of your name rolling off his tongue like honey. It was Him. He was holding you again and whispering sweet nothings in your ear, like he used to do. “Sungie i'm so tired” suddenly everything went black. Like your sistem shut down, like you were falling.

I know you, you're like this

When shit don't go your way

You needed me to fix it

And like me, I did

But I ran out of every reason

Now suddenly, you're askin' for it back

Could you tell me, where'd you get the nerve?

Yeah, you could say you miss all that we had

But I don't really care how bad it hurts

When you broke me first

You broke me first… 

I Promise~ b.c

Written by @yonglixx✏️

Warning: Charakter death & Sad Channie😭

*:·ﾟ✧*:·ﾟ✧ *:·ﾟ✧*:·ﾟ✧ Bangchan Pov:

I am sitting in frontof the OP room. My wife Bang y/n was getting a C-Station because our daughter wouldn't turn around in the birth position and y/n was getting exhausted so the doctor said they needet to get the baby because the baby's heartbeat was getting slower and they didn't wanted to risk anything. They asked me to stay outside. Suddenly the door opens and I saw a nurse rushing out the room with a lil baby in her arms, my eyes widened and I began to panic i saw y/n laying in the hospital bed for a smal second. I looked at my love…she was so pale and looked fragile,as if she could break at the slightest touch. The door closed again. Don't panic Chan everything will be fine right?

I remembered the moment I meet y/n...

FLASHBACK:

Chan's Pov:

I was walking to the Cafe down the street to get myself and my Members some coffee. It was our 30 Minutes break and we where all exhausted from practicing our new Dance.

I opened the door of the Cafe and bumped into a girl, she stumbled backwards and fell down I quickly apologized and helped her to stand up again "I am sorry miss I didn't see you" I pulled her up. I saw her cheeks got slightly red as she looked in my Eyes. "It's okay Sir thank you for helping me up again" she said in a cute Voice. I chuckled and smiled "Do you want a Coffee or a Tea?" She let out a smal giggle "But Sir you don't know me why would you buy me a Coffee" I smiled at her "Please call me Chan and as an Apology for running into you of course " she nodded and gave me a smal smile and I swear my heart melted then and there, I loved her smile and wanted to see her smile again.

We talked a lot that day, I forgot about the time because I was to focused on her. I learned that her name is y/n and she was working in a flower shop. She was just a year younger than me. That beautiful smile of hers never left her face as she talked proudly about her own Flower Shop and her dog. I listened to her the whole time. "Are you sure I am not bothering you Channie?" She said and i smiled "Oh Channie? Is that my nickname now huh?" I smiled when I saw her cheeks getting red again "I am sorry it just came out I will stop calling you that If you don't like it" she said looking down at her Hands. I quickly shock my head "No I like it don't worry about it, I was just suprised thats all".

My phone buzzed and I looked at the Caller ID "Hey Minho what's up?" I asked "Hyung where are you our Break is almost over!" My eyes widened and I apologized to Minho "I will be back in 10 minutes" I hang up and looked at Y/n.

"I am sorry I need to go but It was nice meeting you how about we do that again sometime? Only if you want of course" She nodded "I would love to see you again" she grabs a napkin and wrote something down on it and gave it to me "I hope we meet again Channie" She stood up and bowed then walked to the door and left the Cafe. My eyes followed her until I couldn't see her anymore.

I looked down at the Napkin :

"Feel free to call me +01**** ****:)"

I smiled and payed for the drinks and left the Cafe.

Flashback end

I smiled at the memory. Suddenly the nurse comes to me " Would you like to meet your Daughter Sir?" I quickly stood up and nodded as a Yes, I followed the nurse to the NICU [a NICU is a room for baby's when they have problems after birth for example when they where born to early or need help with breathing]

She opens the door and I saw a smal Baby laying in a isolette [ An isolette is a clear plastic enclosed crib that maintains a warm environment for a new baby and isolates him or her from germs]

The Nurse takes out the tiny baby and lays my Child in my Arms. I smiled when I saw that she looked like a copy from Y/n. I softly stroked my Daughters Cheek. The nurse excused herself and left the room. I continue to look at my Daughter "I will protect you for ever my love, you have 7 nice uncles they are excited to meet you" She looked at me with her [y/e/c] eyes and I kissed her cheek she began whine in my arms and it soon turned into loud wailes[crys].

The nurse came back into the room with a bottle in her hand "Lets feed your Daughter" she said and I followed her in an other room. The nurse pointed at the Chair in the corner of the room and gave me a bottle "Hold her like this and make sure she drinks it all so she can get big and strong" I nodded and put the bottle to my Daughters lil mouth, she immediately began to suck. I couldn't take my eyes of my Daughter when I suddenly remembered Y/n.

My daughter finished her bottle soon and I patted her back when she let out a tiny burp. I sat down again and stroked her back lovingly. I saw her eyes began to drop again, the nurse came inside the room again "So Mr. Bang do you have a name for your lil baby?" I thought about it a moment "Bang Areum". The nurse smiled at me "Thats a beautiful name for a beautiful Baby" I nodded and smiled "Thank you...What about my Wife?" I asked with a shaky voice. The Nurse face fell "I am sorry to inform you Mr Bang but y/n couldn't make it...she lost to much Blood during the OP" Tears began to fall down my cheek "Sir did you know that your wife has lung cancer?" She looks at me and I stare at her in disbelief "W-what?" The door opens again and the doctor comes in "I see you already meet you Daughter Sir" he gave me a smal smile "Yes... is it true that y/n has lung cancer?"

The doctor smiled sadly "yes sir...I found it out a few months ago the same day she came her because she thought she is pregnant" I feelt more tears run down my face "Is there something she could have done?" I asked the Doctor "She refused to do anything because miss y/n was scared it could harm the baby in any way" he answers my Question and I just nodded sadly.

The doctor and the Nurse excused themselves and left the room.

5 YEARS LATER:

Chan's Pov:

I was sitting on the Couch in the Practice Room almost asleep when suddenly a tiny hand was on my Cheek "Appa no Sleep" a sweet voice said and I opened my Eyes to see my Daughter looking at me with a smile that matches Y/n's. Areum hat my Curly hair and y/n's face And eyes but my lips. Her personality was like y/n's...she was always nice to everyone but also really Shy. I pulled her on my lap and kissed her Cheeks. " I am sorry my Flower, I am just a bit tired" she giggles and kissed my Lips [father/daughter kiss]. The door opens and the other Members came inside the practice Room.

Bags of food in their hands. Areum squeals and ran to Felix "Uncle Lixie" she fell in his open arms and he stood up again with her on his hip. "Hey my precious Angel "Felix kissed her nose and she giggles the members gather around felix and began to shower my Daughter with kisses and compliments. She got shy and hides her face in Felix neck. I smiled at them.

We where all sitting on the floor of the Dance Practice room and ate the food. Minho was feeding Areum, she was sitting in his lap smiling "Appa?" She asked with her mouth full. I looked at her with a smile "Yes Princess?" She began to play with her Fingers "I miss mommy...Do you think she misses us too?" She said with a smal voice. I looked at her "Of course she Misses you but she is watching over you" I said trying not to cry again.

She looks at Changbin "Uncle Binnie?" Changbin opens his arms and she waddles over to him only to sat down in his lap "From where is Mommy watching" Changbin pointed outside at the Sky "From above...she is protecting us all from Above" Areum walks over to the window and Waved up to the sky "Hey Momma I miss you and Appa misses you too he sometimes crys when he thinks I don't see it, he misses you too and Uncles also miss you I hope you are fine mommy...I will do my best to make you Proud" she walks back to me and sat down on my lap.

I hugged her tight "Oh Flower I am sure mommy is proud of you" I kissed her face. And she began to cry softly in my neck. The members hugged me and Areum.

I looked at the Sky outside and Smiled

"I promise to take care of Areum my Love"

The End~

*:·ﾟ✧*:·ﾟ✧ *:·ﾟ✧*:·ﾟ✧ *:·ﾟ✧*:·ﾟ✧*:·ﾟ✧ *:·ﾟ✧*:·ﾟ I Hope you liked it :)

[02:30am]  |Royal AU | F |

Genre: Seungmin x Reader

🌻 - Fluff

✔️ - Completed

Y/N Pov:

I just got Married to the love of my Life Price Seungmin or should I say King Seungmin

I know Seungmin since we where Children and later we fall in Love with each other My Parents where so Happy to hear that His Parents and ofc Seungmin came over to Eat with us at our Castle and the agreed to our Marriage.

Now its was the Night after our Marriage and Seungmin was in the large Bed ,already in his sleep clothes, waiting for me to go to sleep. I was standing in front the big Mirror opening my Hair that was braided.the I brushed my hair.

After I finished brushing my hair I turned around to look at Seungmin,he was reading a Book.”Darling could you help me please?I cant open the Dress alone”He put down the Book on the Nightstand and stood up and walked behind me “Of course Love”  I hold up my Hair and he began to open my Weeding dress.

Seungmin gave me a kiss on my Shoulder.After a few seconds the dress fell of my Body and landed on the floor I stepped out of it and Seungmin began to open my corset.I felt his fingers sometimes brush softly against my back.I looked in through the mirror “I am happy” he looks up “Why?” My smile got brighter “Because I could Marry the love of my life”

 I turned my head around to look at him and he kissed my lips softly “I am happy I have such a beautiful Wife and Queen” I kissed his cheeks. After a few seconds the corset was open and I walked over to the Closet and pull out my sleeping dress.

Seungmin was already back on the bed.I walked over to him and lay down besides him and he opens his arms for me.I scooted closer to him and he wrapped his arms me holding me close with no space between us.Seungmin kissed my head”I still can remember when we played Hide and Seek in the garden” I looked up in his eyes “And I will never forget how you gave me the White Rose on the bench and asked me to be your Queen as a Joke and now we are here...An you are the King and a handsome King.”

Seungmin Kissed my Lips “And you are a beautiful Queen Love” I let out a tiny Giggle “Lets sleep now Darling its late and we have busy day tomorrow”He nods his head and he puts his head on my shoulder and gave me a few Kisses their,this made me love him even more if that is possible.

“Good Night my Handsome King”

“Good Night my Beautiful Queen”

I really like writing time stamps~

I hope you are satisfied and like this little imagine~

I love you Angels

With love Ha-Neul~

Here are 2 Pictures of Seungmin I  really love(Even if i love every Picture of him cuz he is just too cute)

(He looks so cute in this fuffy Jacked)

(This is my Wallpaper Hehe)

I Love you all and thank you for all your love and support i like getting request and hope you enjoy reading my Imagines/Fanfictions